#448: Phat Curtis

KILLERANG 2

GETTING MORE TALE #448: Phat Curtis

I started highschool in 1986, and the best days of the week were Thursdays.  They called it “Game Day”.  Thursdays were shortened, and we all got to go home at 2:45 instead of 4:45.  Not only did that mean I would be able to catch the start of the Pepsi Power Hour, but it also meant extra time to goof around!

My best friend Bob and I were walking home from school one Thursday afternoon.  A few days earlier he found something that we dubbed “the Killerang”.  It was actually just a piece of red plastic from a grocery store’s pop bottle plastic crate.  It was kind of shaped like an elongated “E”.  An inner slat from one of those cases had come out and found its way onto the road by which we were walking.  Bob threw it away assuming it was junk, but when he did, that sucker took off and flew, better than a boomerang!  We saw it land far away in a vacant lot.  We both stared at each other at the unexpected aerodynamics of this plastic fork.  We ran after it knowing we’d found a cool toy to play with!  The Killerang.

KILLERANG

Then on Thursday, Bob brought the Killerang to school so we could mess with it on the way home.  Killerang in hand, Bob and I stopped at a park by a local public school that was still in class.  We were going to use their schoolyard to see how far we could get this thing to fly.  Off in the distance was a class of kids watching a football game.  Way, way off in the distance.  It is on that field that two fates collided.

Bob wound up and threw the boomerang.  He didn’t throw it hard but again it caught air and took off.  We ran to collect it, and it was my turn.

“Don’t throw it too hard,” Bob advised.  “It really flies.”

“OK,” I said as I wound up.

I threw the boomerang a little too hard.  I watched as it flew…and flew…and flew…on its way to the distant football game.

“Oh no,” I muttered as the boomerang continued its flight.  By its trajectory, it was going to hit one of the kids in the crowd.

There was one kid on that field that could not be missed even from that distance.  He was huge.  He was a giant.  I watched as my boomerang felled that giant, striking him directly in the back of the neck.  His arms went wide and he collapsed to the ground.

“Holy shit,” said Bob as I cried “Oh no!”

“You have to go apologize,” said Bob, stating the obvious.  I’d never apologized to a giant before.

Sheepishly, and possibly with a huge and sudden dump in my pants, I went over to the football field to apologize to the giant.

Fortunately the giant, whom I learned one addresses as “Phat Curtis”, was the forgiving type.  He did not kill me (this much is obvious).  He did not stomp me, nor did he piledrive me into the ground.  You don’t get a name like “Phat Curtis” for being small, but thankfully he wasn’t a vengeful giant.

A year later, Phat Curtis started highschool, and it was there that I learned he was a drummer.   In fact he had a reputation as the most talented drummer in school.  Later on he added five and six string bass to his musical repertoire.   He went on to play with my sister in various ensembles, and became a customer at the Record Store too.  He was always looking for live albums with good bass.  Didn’t buy much stuff, but he sure kept me busy every time he came in.

Maybe that was his revenge?  To haunt the Record Store of the guy who boomeranged him in the back of the neck?  To make that Record Store guy run around the store looking for live albums with good bass, but not make a sale?  Could that be it?  If so, I cannot say that Phat Curtis put me in as much pain as I put him in.  However at least I can boast that single-handedly took down a giant!

25 comments

  3. Great story. I used to love that Pop Shoppe pop. I think they brought it back, dien’t they.
    They had awesome flavours.

    Your story could easily have been a Beavis and Butthead episode.

    It would be interesting to know what happened to Phat Curtis.

    By the way Mike, can you find me some live albums with good bass?

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    1. Yes I still buy Pop Shoppe and they are awesome!

      Phat Curtis is still around but the less said the better! He turned into one of those holier than thou Christians who believes marriage is a sacred union between man and woman, but has kids out of wedlock. He’s a tool.

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        1. Sure sure blame me! ;)

          Nobody ever blamed Bob for anything! But all these adventures were always his ideas.

          We really were like Beavis and Butthead. We had so many fun adventures. Like the time we went into the school after hours to wander around. They started locking the doors at night because of us.

          Or the time we threw his bike off the school roof! Yeah we had fun.

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        2. It was a journal by Dr. Feelgood, so he is blaming you.

          I was usually the one that got in shit. My buddies all had moms that thought their children were angels and I was a bad influence.

          I did play “nicky nine door” one time and the guy chased after us in his car. We got away but he told the cops it was some other kids. They got hauled to the cop station, and almost beat me up when they found out it was really me.

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        4. I would love to work at a police or 911 call centre when some asshole called the cops because kids were ringing hisndoorbell and running away.

          We were riding our bikes away and we thought we would escape him by cutting through the school soccer field. He continued to chase after us in his car over the soccer field and almost ran over my buddy.
          He was a psycho, and he should have been the one going in jail.
          Talk about an over reaction.

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    1. Thank you so much Jay! I have hours and hours of Power Hour — JD Roberts, Erica Ehm, Laurie Brown, Teresa Roncon, Terry David Mulligan — all the classic personalities. A lot of Michael Williams. Do they ever bring back memories, I’ll tell you. I’ll love to get them ripped to PC.

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        1. I taped everything…we had Much way back when it first started in…84? When you’d turn on the TV and Jimi Hendrix “Voodoo Chile” was in regular daytime rotation, with Madonna, Talking Heads and all that great stuff. It was an amazing time!

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    1. LIVE albums with good bass, J. LIVE albums. Actually I could probably put together a pretty good list like that! (On that list – Joe Satriani, Time Machine. Featuring the bass talents of Stu Hamm.)

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