Guest WTF Search Terms: Fenway Park Dicks edition with Derek Kortepeter

WTF SEARCH TERMS XXX:  Fenway Park Dicks edition with Derek Kortepeter

Holy cow!  It’s the 30th edition of WTF Search Terms!  Please welcome back the talented multi-instrumentalist, the scourge of gamers, the nemesis of Donald Trump’s Youtube supporters…Derek Kortepeter!   Derek always enjoys the WTF Search Terms — those whacky things that people type into search engines and somehow wind up here.  No Joey Tempest search terms made the list this time.  Sorry folks, but that’s not Derek’s fault!  Without further adieu, here are Derek’s 10 favourite recent search terms from the mikeladano.com hit parade, with his commentary!

XXX


 

1. ladano love girl

Clearly the name of Mike’s unreleased debut album that was leaked in 2003.

2. buddies compare dicks urinal

Tell me wherever these urinals are and I will make sure to avoid them. No it has nothing to do with insecurities about my penis size…

3. cocksuckers chicken jacked me

Sounds like the crime spree of stealing chickens is now an epidemic. I can see it now turning into a video game: “CTA: Chicken Theft Auto.” Will it offend politicians, Jack Thompson, and Anita Sarkeesian as much as Grand Theft Auto? Time will tell.

4. fenway park trough urinal where all the dicks hang out

OK now I have one more reason to not be a fucking Red Sox fan. Jesus Christ.

5. deer foot gun rack

A gun rack made entirely of deer feet seems a little useless. I mean, will it actually hold your rifle?

[LeBrain interjects:  Yes Derek, it does hold a rifle.  See?  Here’s mine.]

GUN RACK

6. summersausage.com

My summer sausage is always free. No need to shop online.

7. video porno de ladano

Something you want to tell us Mike?

8. girl gets interestet with wanker on train porno

Just a PSA, huffing paint thinner and using Google is not recommended.

9. sarah e. dunsworth tits

“Tits” sure is an awkward last name, but this is what appears on her birth certificate.

10. gene simmons is a wanker

Gene can’t possibly be a wanker. I doubt his dick has worked in years. That’s the tradeoff for having that tongue. You have to make a trade with the dick fairy to get a tongue that big. What? I thought this was common knowledge?

GENE

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63 comments

  1. I always wondered why the vet in Kincardine specialized in prosthetic deer feet.
    What does that ugly woman picture about after the Gene Simmons term.
    I have an upcoming post that involves a song about Fenway.
    P.S. I hate the Red Sox almost as much as the Wankees.
    Our local arena used to have a trough.
    (I’ll use the stall thanks.)
    The chicken jacked me one has multiple meanings. Did he jack your chicken? Did his chicken jack you? Or did his chicken “jack” you, if you know what I mean.
    ;)

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes. The Aud did, in all the mens washrooms. I saw them lots during Ranger games.
        There was usually that guy that would yell out “This is where all the dicks hang out.”
        And the “This water is really cold, and deep.”

        The Skydome had them as well.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. I guess I have always had so much toilet anxiety that I have never used the washrooms at either venue! And I went to both plenty of times during the time periods.

          Like

        2. I remember the troughs at venues like that. It is, I suppose, an efficient way to move a lot more guys through during high demand times (like between innings). But it is also a pretty horrible, privacy-killing way to do things, too. And you’d have to wait a long time for a stall (even in time of need) because a lot of guys were like “here, take all of my nopes” when it came to the trough.

          Liked by 1 person

        3. Wow. I have used the stall for years at venues like this.
          I just hate when some random dude starts chatting at the urinal. The stall ends that awkwardness. Also, I can’t see as much firsthand who leaves without washing their hands. Then in the back of my mind knowing they might touch the handrail, the door handle, or something else I might have to touch. Gross.
          I can’t imagine holding it in that long. I would not enjoy the action, if all I was thinking about is I really gotta go.
          I often use the can while play is on and it is usually empty.

          Like

        4. Speaking of talking on the phone in public. I know it is 2016, and we should be used to it, but I still consider it rude. I step outside, but that is just me, or go to an area where no one else is.
          I was at a thrift store waiting patiently for an old lady in a huge cowboy hat. She was looking at the cd’s.
          Ok. I’ll wait, as I hate when I am looking and some pushy asshole crowds me. Anyway, she answers her phone, on speaker
          Who does that in public?
          Other than my neighbour across the street who sits on his front porch smoking, and talking on speakerpone. Go inside.

          AHHHHH!! I think I hate people.

          Liked by 1 person

        5. I had one customer who had cell phones that doubled as walkie-talkies. LOUD walkie talkies. He was in the store having a conversation with his wife over the walkie. She’s telling him to hurry up, and he’s telling her to wait.

          Liked by 1 person

        6. I never tell my wife I’m going record shopping.
          I have seen too many people having their partner asking “Are you done yet” or saying “Hurry up.”, and ” we have to go.”
          Record shopping can not be rushed. It is not enjoyable otherwise.

          Liked by 1 person

        7. Yes! That has happened to me more often than not. Two Taranna trips ago, it was a Beasties single. This time it was Marillion’s Script… And both trips in the spring the same thing happened too.

          Liked by 1 person

        8. I’ve seen, and heard those walki phones. My buddy is a truck driver and he had one.
          Before we had cell phones, my wife and I had walkie things. (Squeal) (Static) Where (crackle)are (screech) you?
          I’m (scratch) definately (crackle)not at (screech) the (hiss) record store.
          ;)

          Like

        9. My son got walkie talkies for a gift, reportedly good range. So one night I took one to the grocery store with me, two blocks away, and he talked here at the house. It worked! Well, at the front of the store. When I got to the back it’d wash out. But it was pretty impressive! The store manager saw me and asked what was up, he ended up impressed by them, said he wanted a set for hunting. Meanwhile, my son (he’s 6) thought this talking when I wasn’t home was the greatest thing EVER! Haha.

          Liked by 2 people

        10. Haha he didn’t say anything about it. Besides, my son’s awesome kid voice coming through the walkie, saying things like “Understood, Dad. Over and out!” would tend to back up my story. ;)

          Liked by 1 person

        11. We got those walkie things back when my daughter was just old enough to go to the park, or somewhere by herself, or with friends. Because, in the 21st Century, parents are paranoid about abductions etc. When we were kids, we left home all day and came home at supper. Now kids can’t go around the block without parent paranoia. It is kind of a shame, but reality now.

          Liked by 1 person

        12. John Dunsworth showed up at my old job years ago. I paged Mr. Lahey to my department and he showed up in full character. Acting drunk and we did back and forth TPB banter for about 20 minutes. Then he had to go.
          BEST WORK DAY EVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Like

    1. Supposedly! Maybe I’m in the wrong racket. It was complete coincidence that this was instalment #30 (XXX) but now that its posted can you imagine the search terms that are gonna come my way? Anything with “xxx” and “dicks” in it, I expect….

      Liked by 2 people

        1. You just reminded me of an old family guy episode.

          “I’m Lindsay Lohan! Who wants to do me?”

          “I’ll do you!”

          “I already went but I’ll go again!”

          Like

    2. I will say though — there are musical search terms in the hopper and hopefully the next one will be 90% music. Derek chose the ones he chose for this instalment, and these are the subjects that Derek chose ;) Why? I think that’s between him and his doctor!

      Like

      1. Interesting! Derek chose these ones specifically… Hmmm… Derek? ;)

        The thing about it, though, is that they were there to choose from in the first place. How the hell do people type that stuff in and wind up at your site? The mind boggles.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t feel comfortable clicking the like button – I mean I don’t want to be a dick about it or anything Mike – Just a little too much kielbasa in these search terms for me — can you throw in a few tacos next time — you know —- to balance it out?

    Liked by 1 person

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