GETTING MORE TALE #576: “Why’d You Lick My Pee-noose?”
The Sausagefest 2017 Countdown
By the time it was all over I fairly surmised that, personally speaking, Sausagefest 2017 (the 16th annual) was the best one yet.
There are many reasons for this. One happened by pure change.
The weather reports for the weekend were changing daily. I contacted Uncle Meat on Wednesday to tell him they were calling for rain all weekend. He responded, “No they’re not, are you new?” But they were! And the next day, the forecasts had changed again.
By our Friday departure the skies were partly cloudy, but we’ve seen worse. After we arrived and set up our tents it started pouring for a short while. The old fire pit was flooded. When the rain stopped the decision was made to move the location for the Countdown, uphill on dry land. This was the first time the actual location had ever been changed after 15 years down by the river. It turned out that this was the best possible decision. The new location was wide open, more conductive to mingling and conversation, and as you have seen, provided some beautiful photographs. The new location will be permanent from now on.
I felt one of the reasons things went so well for me was good preparation, but that may not be the case. Uncle Meat also had a great time, and was so ill-prepared that he only arranged a tent to sleep in when we were halfway there! Way to be ready, Uncle Meat!
The vibe was right from the get-go and the Countdown began on time.
Highlights from the first night included some lesser-heard tracks:
- Queen – “We Will Rock You” – the “fast” version
- Deep Purple – “Vavoom: Ted the Mechanic”
- Kiss – “Shock Me” – live version from Alive II with solo
- The Beatles – “Helter Skelter” – mono version
- Queen – “My Fairie King”
- Mercyful Fate – “Into the Coven”
There were lots of cool tunes this year: 87 in total including tributes (more on those later). “Indians” by Anthrax was a perfectly appropriate song this year too, since I pulled a large chunk of my own recorded bits from the Brocket 99 CD, a spoof of reservation radio stations. (I voted for “Indians” as #22 on my list.)
And plenty more! You can check out the Countdown list yourself. It was also a treat hearing Ray Charles’ “Mess Around”, which you probably know from John Candy in Planes Trains and Automobiles. Rainbow’s “Light in the Black” was a personal favourite for my air guitar workout.
The comedy sketches were on-point, and I had tears streaming down my face laughing so hard. The Lord of Lamb, Zach Britton, wrote a sketch regarding my insistence that a Bacon Big Mac is not the same thing as a Big Mac. Bacon is not in the Big Mac song, therefore a Bacon Big Mac is not the same thing. Britton rebutted me successfully, and hilariously. “Loosey Goosey” is now a catch-phrase. As a peace offering, he gifted me a bottle of Big Mac sauce.
The first night it rained, but it mattered not as we huddled in our waterproof tents. We were up by the crack of 10:00 to grab breakfast at the Spatula – not the “Flying” Spatula anymore, please note. They have officially changed the name of the place, but still offer the “Flesherton Fill-up” for breakfast. Not as large, nor as good as it was in the past. On the way up, Uncle Meat yelled “Loosey Goosey!” at anyone we passed on the road.
You have to give credit to our Spatula server Heather. I sat with Max “I’m kind of a big deal” the Axe, and I got to witness him working his magic on Heather the server. He promised her the last CD copy in existence of one of his albums. What a deal! Max told me I had a good singing voice. Was he hitting on me, too? Wayne also had a golden line at the store Top of the Rock, with the girl who was distributing bags of ice. “Are you the ice lady? Ice to meet you!”
There was a new exciting twist this year at the 16th Sausagefest. Submitting lists (aka “paying your rock and roll taxes”) has long been a problem. Some people are always prompt. Those people were rewarded with an extra song, a “tribute” this year. Mine was The Police – “Next to You”. That was a blast for air guitar. You can see by the list at bottom, only eight people got tributes. That means only eight people got their lists in on time without nagging! Due to the amount of time it takes to compile the votes and actually record the Countdown, it was decided that this time, you must vote for 2018’s songs by the end of the weekend. And so Saturday afternoon was spent socially compiling lists. It was weird seeing a bunch of guys at Sausagefest with clipboards and pens, furiously writing, colluding and discussing. It was also successful. All lists are in. There will be a whole year to compile and record for 2018!
The second evening had more great rock. Ghost, Dunsmuir, The Sword, Iron Maiden, CCR, Floyd, Purple, Tenacious D, Sabbath and Zeppelin…all building up to the top ten. Not only building up to the top ten, but also setting up the very first Sausagefest live theater….
There were plenty of fake-out tracks in the top ten, as they pretended they couldn’t read the songs written on Uncle Meat’s upper thigh. Sabbath, Rush and Metallica were played eventually. After the #2 track “The Immigrant Song” (Zeppelin), there was an announcement made.
Tom, father of four, the co-founder, the Captain himself, wanted to take a step back. Recording the Countdown was no longer possible for him, due to family demands at home. This made sense, since the guy does have four rugrats and was absent from some of the top ten due to a supposed argument with his wife about it. They saved the announcement for the #1 spot. Only one person was told in advance, and that was the immortal Lord of Lamb himself, Zach Britton. As the song lyrics state, “He is the reason we still do this shit.” He was given a 20 minute heads-up to collect his emotions.
As the announcement was made, they said there would be no #1 song this year. They’d play it first in 2018. Instead, they played the traditional “Happy Trails” by Van Halen as Tom clinked glasses and shook hands with attendees. And then Zach got up to make a speech. He was obviously still shocked and upset by this sad turn of events.
His speech began as expected: melodramatic, sad, and stirring…until it was interrupted.
There was a 4 minute 30 second gap built into the Countdown…specifically timed for Zach to start his speech but not finish. All part of the pre-planned “live theater”. Then….
“ZACH BRITTON!” boomed the speakers.
Suddenly the Countdown recording continued, as a pre-recorded Bucky urged Zach to shut the fuck up and sit back down because he had just been pranked! Tom wasn’t retiring. Zach didn’t have a clue, nor did any of the rest of us! We all bought it, hook line and sinker, even though Tom has 12 months to record for 2018. It seemed so believable especially with that supposed “argument” with his wife built into the recordings. So I raised my goblet of Romulan Ale to Zach “the Lord of Lamb” Britton for being a great sport and a diamond geezer! The “live theater”, the first ever attempted at Sausagefest, was a tremendous success. As Uncle Meat said afterwards, “They will never ever trust us again.” It easily could have gone sideways, if Zach didn’t stand up to make his speech. They were counting on him and he fell right into it. Brilliant live theater!
The actual #1 song, played after the live theater, was “Cygnus X-1” by Rush, a fantastic song on which to close.
The following morning, we packed up to go home. As per usual, Uncle Meat kept singing and repeating one sentence. This year, it was a ditty called “Why’d You Lick My Penis (Rectum)”.*
“Why’d you lick my pee-noose…why’d you lick my pee-noose, rectum…” Over and over again. You can hear this on the Sausagefest video.
We made our way home, but for many of the guys, it was time to rock again. Five Alarm Funk played a free show in London on Sunday night, and a few tired ‘Festers trekked out to party some more. Totally fitting, since Five Alarm Funk had three songs on this year’s Countdown.
What a Sausagefest! Best one ever? Until next year, maybe….
THE COUNTDOWN
1 | Cygnus X-1 | Rush |
2 | The Immigrant Song | Led Zeppelin |
3 | Blackened | Metallica |
4 | Heaven and Hell | Black Sabbath |
5 | La Villa Strangiato | Rush |
6 | Sweat | Five Alarm Funk |
7 | Burn | Deep Purple |
8 | When the Levee Breaks | Led Zeppelin |
9 | Atlas Rise | Metallica |
10 | Rocky Raccoon | The Beatles |
11 | Green Machine | Kyuss |
12 | The Chain | Fleetwood Mac |
13 | Quick Death in Texas | Clutch |
14 | Muffin Man | Frank Zappa |
15 | Cloak of Feathers | The Sword |
16 | Sabotage | Beastie Boys |
17 | Consolers of the Lonely | The Raconteurs |
18 | Space Truckin’ | Deep Purple |
19 | Zenith Escalator | Five Alarm Funk |
20 | Pigs (Three Different Ones) | Pink Floyd |
21 | Cocaine | Eric Clapton |
22 | Tribute | Tenacious D |
23 | Wasted Years | Iron Maiden |
24 | Fortunate Son | CCR |
25 | The Mob Goes Wild | Clutch |
26 | Smokey | Funkadelic |
27 | Time Travelling Blues | Orange Goblin |
28 | Supernaut | Black Sabbath |
29 | 46 and 2 | Tool |
30 | Freya | The Sword |
31 | Money For Nothing | Dire Straits |
32 | The Lemon Song | Led Zeppelin |
33 | Square Hammer | Ghost |
34 | Hung on the Rocks | Dunsmuir |
35 | Cosmo Bozo | Orange Goblin |
36 | Layla | Derek and the Dominoes |
37 | Electric Worry | Clutch |
38 | Odyssey | Kyuss |
39 | Catholic Girls | Frank Zappa |
40 | Vidage | 10,000 Mods |
41 | Nautical Disaster | Tragically Hip |
42 | Skullduggin | Black Joe Lewis |
43 | Squash That Fly | Fu Manchu |
44 | Holy Wars | Megadeth |
45 | I Should Have Known It | Tom Petty |
46 | Great Gig in the Sky | Pink Floyd |
47 | Heart of the Sunrise | Yes |
48 | Inside Looking Out | Grand Funk Railroad |
49 | Boston Rag | Steely Dan |
50 | Lady Writer | Dire Straits |
51 | Helter Skelter | The Beatles |
52 | My Fairie King | Queen |
53 | Into the Coven | Mercyful Fate |
54 | After the Gold Rush | Neil Young |
55 | Watcher of the Skies | Genesis |
56 | Shock Me | Kiss |
57 | Pusherman | Curtis Mayfield |
58 | Domino | Masters of Reality |
59 | The Soft Parade | The Doors |
60 | Smoke 2 Joints | Sublime |
61 | Cosmic Fiend | The Black Crowes |
62 | London Calling | The Clash |
63 | DeanTown | Vulfpeck |
64 | Light in the Black | Rainbow |
65 | Wha Cha Want | Beastie Boys |
66 | Mess Around | Ray Charles |
67 | 500 Miles | John Garcia |
68 | Ted the Mechanic | Deep Purple |
69 | Ripoff | T Rex |
70 | We Will Rock You – Fast | Queen |
71 | Everyday People | Sly and the Family Stone |
72 | (NOT SURE?) | (Uncle Meat??) |
73 | Our Only Master | Dunsmuir |
74 | We All Scream | Five Alarm Funk |
75 | Dinosaur | King Crimson |
76 | She Caught the Katy | The Blues Brothers |
77 | Take Off | Bob and Doug McKenzie |
78 | Indians | Anthrax |
79 | Low Hanging Fruit | Tenacious D |
TRIBUTES | ||
ALFRED | Old Time Rock and Roll | Bob Seger |
LADANO | Next to You | The Police |
MICHAEL | Don’t Fear the Reaper | Blue Oyster Cult |
PHIL | Sinner | Judas Priest |
FRANK | Ride Captain Ride | Blues Image Ltd. |
TYLER W | Belly of the Beast | Anthrax |
RYAN | Paranoid Android | Radiohead |
ROB A | Tricky | Run DMC |
*Search terms on that one oughtta be funny.
And a good time was had by all!
I didn’t know you could get Big Mac sauce without the Big Mac.
You’re also bringing search terms to a new level….
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Maybe it’s only in Canada but you can now buy McDonald’s special sauce in bottles! This is actually my third one! Do you not have them?
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I haven’t checked and am not in McD’s very often, but I like that sauce. Thanks for the info.
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Check Walmart! That’s where we get it.
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These Sausagefest happenings always look like a great time and remind me of the adventures my buddies and I get up to when we manage to cobble together a camping trip.
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It really is a special thing. It’s a brotherhood. I wish everybody could experience it. Well, they can, you just have to be willing to make a drive on the second weekend of July to hang out with a bunch of dudes.
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Maybe one year if I’m in the neighbourhood…
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The more the merrier! I’ve been trying to get people to come for years, but it does require a special kind of person. You have to be seriously into music to sit around a fire for 11 hours over two nights, listening to tunes. And you have to have a great sense of humour because as you can probably tell, no punches are pulled!
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Sounds like fun. The song list is pretty darn impressive. Glad to see Take Off on the list after recently doing a post on that one.
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Yeah nice coincidence! That one surprised me. Novelty tracks are hard to get enough support to get on the countdown. I’ve been trying to get Cheech & Chong “Earache My Eye” for a long time.
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Brilliant stuff, Mike. I’ll be looking forward to the next instalment of WTF search terms, that’s for sure!
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I think Uncle Meat is directly responsible for a good 50% of my search terms.
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Lady Writer by Dire Straits was a wayy cool inclusion. I’m real impressed by that.
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I had never heard it before and had to ask what album it was on. I liked it!
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Communique is a very good album, not that I’ve ever gotten around to owning it yet.
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I know the cover though. Thanks for the tip! Every Sausagefest I buy at least one album afterwards of something new to me. This year I heard some Kyuss tracks I need to get.
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Two things… I had about 5 minutes warning before I had to present Tom’s pseudo-eulogy. And the big Mac sauce was no peace offering. Pfah! Merely a gift. I am still somewhat bitter over the cruel trick they played. So… Three things really.
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Oh wow, Meat said he gave you 20 minutes! And it wasn’t a peace offering? Are we still at war? I’ll surrender — you won.
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Meat was chemically compromised at the time sir. And no, not a peace offering. Simply a gift, doesn’t mean there has to be war though either.
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If I continue to reply or post on these things how do I make my icon not be some purple geometric hash?
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I think you have to sign up for a Gravitar like this one:
http://en.gravatar.com/mikeladano
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Well it’s an appreciated gift. It’s summer time and that’s BBQ season, and I do love your special sauce all over my meat.
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You guys know how to do it right.
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Thank you. I like to think we rock, from time to time.
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Fantastic to see Rocky Raccoon in the top 10!
Somebody ranked the 213 Beatles tracks recently and it was inexcusably in the 160s(!) – so a much more appropriate placement of my favourite Beatle track in this list.
Glad to read it was the best fest yet – so far!
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Rocky Raccoon is different to say the least, and while I like it a lot higher on my lists than a woeful 160, I get that. It’s really different and McCartney’s faux accent is kind of weird.
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Any chance of Sausage Fest going international? There are some great places here in Gloucestershire UK that would be good.
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Actually…
There are now two Sausagefests. I haven’t attended the spinoff one yet but I will next year. Some of the younger guys have a similarly beautiful piece of property and have done a Countdown of their own for the last two years. Uncle Meat and Tom went this year and said it kicked ass. They “dominated” the countdown (their words) with a total of 82 SONGS!
So yeah — a spinoff Sausagefest already exists so that is a reality. But one has to attend it to really understand it. I had all kinds of impressions, all were blown away when I went to my first one in 2006.
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