#833: Introduction to the 1986 Saga

GETTING MORE TALE #833: Introduction to the 1986 Saga

Upon reflection, I don’t think any year was more pivotal in my life, personally and musically, than 1986.  When I finally posted the “lost chapter” about 1986 a couple years ago (over 5000 words!), I thought I had said everything I had to say about that year.  I was wrong.

A few weeks ago I started writing more chapters from that period, reliving the music, sometimes trauma.  There was a lot still to unpack.  The Catholic school years were not pleasant.  After writing a particularly raw chapter (to be called “Flag Boy”), I received some really good advice.  “Have you ever tried writing a letter to your younger self?”

The idea is to show kindness to your inner child.  While I was familiar with the concept, doing it myself had never occurred me to.  That’s not the kind of writing that I do.  But what if I could frame it in such a way so that it is the kind of writing that I do?

In a caffeine-fuelled two-hour spurt I wrote a story, including the letter, which flowed out of me like a stream.  I played the very same albums while writing that I played back then.  Emotions were happening so I had to stop a couple times.  By the end of it I was completely spent.  It was not only a therapeutic experience, but I also pushed my abilities past their normal boundaries.  The end result is a story I am so proud of that I’ve chosen to publish it, even though that wasn’t the original intent.  I chose “me, 1986” as the younger self to write to and so it only makes sense to include this work as part of the series.

The 1986 Saga currently stands at five chapters, with the letter as the centerpiece.  Music exists as an important component to every part of this journey.  Rock music.  Hard rock music.

I hope it’s not too much of a downer.  Some chapters are funny, and I made sure the Saga has an upbeat and optimistic ending.  And so it should.  I’m still breathing, right?  I’m still rocking and rolling, keeping on keeping on, and doing my part to spread the rock to every corner of the globe.

Including the previously published lost chapter “1986”, this series will make it a total over 11,000 words on the subject.  If this were a proper book like an autobiography I would have weaved them together into a single chapter, but the nature of online publishing means you get the instant gratification of posting piece by piece any time you want.  The end result feels more like a “work in progress”, but I get to put everything out now and feel that satisfaction from it.

Because everything has to connect back to music, we’ll be revisiting early love of W.A.S.P., Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Spinal Tap, and of course, Kiss.  Music helped me survive that year, and hopefully by the end of the 1986 Saga you will understand how.

THE 1986 SAGA

290 comments

  1. “…which flowed out of me like a stream…”
    Holen tries hard to bite his tongue…

    “but I also pushed my abilities past their normal boundaries.”
    Four hour Viagra boner? Damn it! Sorry. Two in one is too much for me.

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      1. I don’t mind the innuendo, but the colours. Oh, they’re awful. The 30th anniversary cover art is 1000000000000000 times better

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        1. I don’t mind the original colors, but it’s the one I’m more used to so that probably paints my ass as a biased source.

          Oh shit, there’s the another sign that I’m American. No extraneous “u” in color.

          Let’s Remove the U from Color!
          Grammar’s like a muscle and you make me want to crap!

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        2. Well it’s fine because WordPress uses the American spellcheck, so I just write all my stuff to suit the Americans. They are my biggest readers

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        3. Not literally. I looked it up and Ecuador have the biggest dicks on average. 17.61 cm erect supposedly.

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        4. That’ll get you far with the ladies. They want someone big to lie down on top of them. The mustache is definitely your greatest asset though. Almost as great as Bill Berry’s eyebrow.

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        5. I’m not sure the pornstache is an asset, but with a bit of beard it might come across better.

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        6. Go for an art film chick and tell her you’re a big Paul Thomas Anderson fan, and that you’re going for a Boogie Nights tribute stache.

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        7. Except I’m more of a fan of films that include giant transforming robots, xenomorphs and batmen. In my, and mostly others’, experience, lying to girls is only going to end badly

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        8. “You want to impress people with lies?”

          “How else do you impress them?” – Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

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        9. Well not with things that could come back and bite you in the butt, that’s for sure. Ironically it’s actually my hair that gets the attention from the ladies, what little attention I get

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        10. You don’t want a girl to bite you on the butt? Sounds kinky to me. So long as she doesn’t take a chunk with her.

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        11. If a woman liked “Painkiller”, there’s a 9/10 chance she’s a groupie or a former groupie. Ladies just generally don’t like the metal, mostly because the grandeur doesn’t appeal to their generally more modest dispositions.

          Hard to balance books on your head in a pencil skirt in time to music set at 200 BPM. Trust me, I know from experience.

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        12. Alas, I suppose that is the case. Why where you trying to balance books with all those other parameters. Is that beats-per-minute as in the music or the beats of your heart?

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        13. Music, but my heart was beating as well. Someone said I should walk a mile in a lady’s shoes to see how hard they have it. So I got some high heels and walked around a track four times with books on my head to Reign in Blood.

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        14. The varsity football team waiting to ask me out before realizing I had a willy. And I’m not referring to Willem Dafoe, a fellow guy whose dressed as woman, though in movies. I don’t know about in real life. Dafoe is way cooler than I though.

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        15. Oh come on! You were just praising Spider-Man!

          He was great recently in Lighthouse, and of course as Jesus in Last Temptation of Christ. As the German in Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou he was hilarious, he was the only good part of Dog Eat Dog, the best part of Platoon, the biker in the rock ‘n’ roll love letter The Loveless. The dude rulez!

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        16. Yeah but I wasn’t praising it primarily because of Dafoe. He’s good but he’s not my favourite. I liked him in Ice Age though, when I was a kid

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        17. Yeah, that dude’s quite a good actor now. I wrote him off as a teeny bop flavor of the week because of Twilight, but he’s proven himself in recent years. Especially with Lighthouse. It was pretty good.

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        18. You should watch Lighthouse. It was intense, and the two men gave great performances. Oscar-worthy performances. Not that the Academy deserves any respect whatsoever. The black and white mixed with the narrow aspect ratio was just brilliantly claustrophobic.

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        19. I generally don’t like intense films, because i just want to be entertained, but sometimes i make an exception like The Wall. We’ll see

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        20. Well it is impossible to look away. I wasn’t too disturbed, mostly intrigued by the depiction of two men getting worse and worse cabin fever, and the mysterious secret of the lighthouse itself.

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      2. I just realized that the Turbo tape picture Mike has up there has the title and band name listed separately above the album cover, even though the album cover lists both the band an album name. What a waste of space! Aspect ratio filler I guess.

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        1. Hey, Harrison. I think you’ll find that sucking is something that can sometimes be preferable to going all in.

          I should say getting sucked.

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    1. So you say America is your primary audience. How many viewers are you getting from here, and what’s your number two country as of now?

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      1. US have 89 so far. Canada close second with 72. Australia 3rd with 19, though some may be me. Then there’s a whole load of european countries with 1 each

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        1. Hmm, I wonder how many of those from the U.S. are me, and how many from Canada are Mike and his cohorts?

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        2. I’d guess all the Canada is Lebrain. You’re probably two thirds to three quarters of the US. I can’t tell which US is you and which are others

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        1. Yeah, you’re totally building off your own steam. A man of the people!

          The Great Australian Success Story (Back to School).

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        2. Yes, my own steam is how I want it to be. As I’ve said, I don’t mind if not many people read it because the majority of the enjoyment comes from the writing. It’s quite cathartic, though not that extreme

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      1. At least the colours in Dance of Death work, and there’s a cool grim reaper. Turbo cover art only beats Dance of Death when it was corrected on Turbo 30. That’s the cover I used on my review for a reason

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        1. Sometimes you can’t be picky when you need a hand to squirt your excess desire onto. I’m sure original Turbo hand wouldn’t look so bad if you were ever really in need.

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    1. I can’t backpedal when I didn’t even forward pedal. This is fake news. Tell your editor to check his sources or I’m gonna put some dirt in your eye.

      (Some Raimi Spiderman references, if you didn’t pick up on them)

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      1. You’ve spun your last web Spider-Man! Damn those were so much better than the Hipster-Man reboots with Garfield, and the homogenized MCU movie like substance product.

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        1. Indeed. All three of them are really good. They turned me into a big Alfred Molina and JK Simmons fan. I love Simmons in Whiplash too, even if he can be a little too much at times for my sensitive ears.

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        2. Whiplash! I remember our band teacher was a dictatorial sort of taskmaster. He taught Music Appreciation my freshman year in high school, then the quit teaching it because the only people taking the course were seniors who needed a fine arts credited and didn’t care about the class. Two of my friends and I were exceptions.

          He was so focused on band though that it didn’t really matter. I think he was making up the curriculum for our class as he went along, and when he assigned us homework one day he’d never collect it and we’d learn something totally different the next day.

          One solid bit of curriculum that we did cover was we had to analyze a song that we thought had a value, write an essay about it. He thought mine was so good he printed it on the test as an example of how to get an A on it. That made me feel good, because the guy would not give false compliments or any praise unless you really earned it. Weird, he was a skinny acne-ridden nerd, but intimidated a lot of people. He was like the nerd with a plan. He founded some regulations in the school to limit practice time for after school activities, but he only did it so that he could have band excluded.

          They had to show up at 6:00 AM every day before school to practice marching in the fall semester, and then it was their first class and our classes were 90 minutes. So it was insane. In the summer they practice 7 hour days five days a week in the blistering heat, some kids even collapsed I think. It was intense.

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        3. Oh, regarding Whiplash. When it came out, people I knew who were in band from back then were joking that J.K. Simmons character was giving them flashbacks to our band director from those days. He left right after we did and went to Texas. Odd.

          Rick Beato is not amused!

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        4. He definitely sounds like a nerd with a plan. creating restrictions so that you can make yourself exempt is genius. Rick Beato can get stuffed if he’s not amused. Whiplash is great.

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        5. Yep, he played the nice guy as it was advantageous for him, and when he got what he wanted, he did as he pleased.

          The dude obviously knew politics to set up that restriction plan. I didn’t know about it at first, it wasn’t common knowledge. My chemistry teacher and I got along well, and he told me about it because he was not a fan of that band director at all. He said band at our school was like a cult, and students in band were incentivized to prioritize it over any other (more important) school work or home problems. Miss a gig for personal reasons? God forbid, it was your ass. Our band even played the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade my junior year, went on the Today Show too. Too bad that it was announced to years before it happened, so anyone who was a junior or senior when it was announced didn’t get to go to New York.

          Beato’s a pretty cool dude. A former band instructor. He only watched the trailer and said it was ridiculous.

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        6. Dude knows music inside and out, and the recording process inside and out. Also he really likes Shreds, so he’s okay in my book.

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        7. It was interesting about people have duplicates in a parallel universe created in a science experiment. The lived the same lives for years, until everything changed when the duplicate world gets a plague. So J.K. Simmons has to play himself shaped by experiences in both worlds. One’s passive, the other is hard edged dick.

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        8. Yeah, hard as a dildo, but better smelling. And his muscles are real. Dude’s freakin’ ripped.

          I guess it depends on where you shove it. Could smell like feces, or fish, depending on the girl, maybe both!

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        1. I choose not to. But the message was that I can’t go back on something I said if I never said it in the first place

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  2. Nigel’s got his tongue out like he wants some cunnilingus, but remember, that’s a fast way to HPV if you flippantly engage in risky behaviors such as those with numerous people. Keep it in your mouth!

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    1. Um…interesting. i get the feeling some of that laughter is being stretched out a bit more longer than it would naturally be

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      1. I don’t know man, they had me rolling. That’s vulgarity at its best for sure. Gilbert is hilarious, Norm is a legend, Adam Egret is there.

        How can you not laugh at lines like “I’d eat out her asshole for muscular dystrophy?” FOR THE CHANCE!!!

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        1. I do appreciate the frankness. My type of humour is more in wordplay. Particularly when someone says something and you take their words, twist them around to mean something else that’s humorous, and then send it back.

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        2. An Arab is crawling through the desert, panting, “Water… water…” He comes across a Jewish salesman. He asks for “Water… water…”, but the Jewish salesman says, “No, sir. I sell ties. But if you need water there’s a club two days that way and they’ll give you some water.” So the Arab crawls of panting “Water… water…”. Four days later the Jewish salesman sees the Arab crawling back panting “”Water… water…”. The Jewish salesman asks, “What happened?”

          The Arab replies, “They wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”

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        3. I would if there was no Coke available. I don’t really care either way. They’re too similar for me to bother distinguishing between them

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        4. I’m a water kind of guy, quit soda when I was a teen except when I have a tummy ache and rare occasions.

          Someone give me a medal for being so courageous.

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        5. Not sure what that means, but I don’t like the sparkling/carbonated/fizzy water, whatever its official name is

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        6. Hard water has minerals ‘n’ shit. Tap water. Soft water has all that filtered out so you don’t get the sources. Also you don’t get the flavor provided by them either.

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        7. I think soft water can have ramifications, but its good to clean dishes with sense it prevents calcium buildup by not having calcium.

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  3. If I could write a letter to grade nine me, it would be brief and direct.

    “Get your head out of your ass and stop moping you pretentious jerk! Be more inclusive, don’t care what assholes think, and have some fun with your friends while your still young stupid kids! IT’S YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!”

    I don’t have much sympathy for who I was as a teen. I have more sympathy for other assholes, I guess I’m harder on myself. I suppose I feel I have to be to grow as a human being. Maybe I’m still fucking wrong! What about you, Harrison? What would you say to grade nine you?

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    1. I’m not too sure. Grade 9 me was a bit gullible, but had good friends and got decent results. Without delving too hard into my archives of that time, I would tell him to listen to “Electric Eye” in the hope that hearing that before “Painkiller” would result in a more positive relationship with Priest earlier

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        1. I’m not sure. That’s an interesting one. I’m happy with the way I naturally found it, and being able to say I was there before Holen isn’t that important to me.

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        2. “I’m happy with the way I naturally found it” sums up how I feel about certain parts of my body.

          I’m of course referring to my nose.

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        1. From what i hear, Satriani is definitely more my style, but I can give it a try when I’m done with Priest

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        2. Vai is a student of Satriani, but I like ’em both.

          You like blues guys like SRV? His strings were so fucking thick!

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    1. By the way, the latest livestream is up on Lebrain’s Youtube if you want to see LeBrain declare me certifiably insane and then thank me in the same stream. My involvement happens just before Meat gets off and just after the Rush section is finished. But you’re a Rush fan so you’d probably be happy with the whole stream

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        1. Yep, first Sultans of Ping, and then Headless Cross. I like to think Lebrain’ world is a better place with me in it. I hope he thinks the same

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        2. He straight up said in one stream that he loved us both, so that’s a pretty strong indicator he’s a fan of ours.

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        3. True, you just corrected him on obscure venue stuff. Although I did also pick up a number of typos, such as two instances of “Love Live Rock and Roll”

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        4. Yes, which became even more apparent to me after Lebrain said he didn’t point out other people’s typos because it would bury Superdekes in an avalanche of them

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      1. How about favorite JLT studio album? I really love the artsy pop of Dick Out of Shape, but Straight Between the Ass Cheeks is probably the best.

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        1. No I went straight to the live one because it was so good. Easily my favourite thing JLT ever lent his vocals to.

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        2. He’s good in one album bursts, the one he did with JLT is his best, because it focuses more on songs than the solos. JLT writes great melodies, and he assumed lyrical duties as well.

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        1. Yes to Live After Death. I don’t actually know. Beast Over Hammersmith might be there. Maybe Sweet Live at the Marquee or Cross Purposes Live or Alice Cooper Wacken 2013 or maybe even Priest…Live.

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        2. Live at Leeds by The Who might be my number one. So much more power than the studio counterparts. The extended 14 song version is my go to.

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        3. Damn, I’d say Quadrophenia is one of the best double albums ever. Behind Sign o’ the Times by Prince. Or maybe on an even playing field.

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        4. Best double albums? Well I’d say The Book of Souls, The Wall and Nostradamus are three of my absolute favourite double albums

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        5. I don’t exactly like Pink Floyd a lot, but I love The Wall. I have seen the movie too. It’s a work of art, it is.

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        6. Alan Parker directed it. Man what a talent. He also made Angel Heart with Mickey Rourke and Robert De Niro when De Niro was still selective about his roles. It’s very underrated, lots of tension in that noir horror film. Great ending too on that one, that’s how you do a fucking twist!

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  4. If you could survive in outer space, would you use any of that time to get down on the dance floor with a funky sentient banana with googly eyes and muscular biceps?

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      1. So where do you get your potassium from then? This has nothing to do with any psycho-analysis. It’s simply something I think sounds like a hoot.

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        1. Awesome. I love potatoes, baked potatoes. Damn, I could eat a million. Love blue cheese dressing on them too, lots of cheese, sometimes bacon or sour cream. Butter, man I’m hungry.

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        1. No man, the apple’s benevolent. He wouldn’t eat you. He only wishes for peace, and you’d still eat him?

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  5. Music from ‘The Elder’ is priceless. How can you not love that goofy pompous mess of a record? So indulgent, but so entertaining! You privy to its charms, Harrison?

    Mike must have discovered it in 1986, that’s why it’s mentioned here? I still have fond memories of spinning that vinyl alone in college in November. That was when I liked it best.

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      1. Most of the rock material inspires headbanging, some of the more ornate stuff is pretty cool too, and then there’s stuff like “Odyssey” that just makes you wonder what the hell they were thinking.

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  6. Also, W.A.S.P. had just put out too substandard albums in a row in 1986. Last Command paled in comparison to their debut, way too much filler. Circus even Blackie hates, but pound for pound I think is a stronger effort than Last Command. Nowhere near their classic debut though, and they’d redeem themselves completely with Headless Children. Lot of great late ’80s albums with Headless in the title, eh Harrison?

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    1. Hmm, don’t care for Wasp. Too much swearing in the titles, don’t like Blackie as a person, and haven’t heard anything from them I care for.

      No, I don’t like Queensryche either

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        1. Said a million other people. I’m numb to it by now. I am a sucker for a concept album though, so i might end up giving OMC a listen at some point

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        2. That one was the gateway to my loving them. Their first four albums and EP are unbeatable. Promised Land is okay to me, but I know some people (LeBrain included) love it.

          Really Empire is even a step down in my eyes, though I’ve grown more fond of it in recent years.

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        3. Maybe so, well, definitely so, but that douche is a hell of a singer! Was totally unstoppable from about 82-88. The music his band cooked up was experimental and catchy at the same time, and his lyrics were icing on the cake. Though DeGarmo did contribute a fair share of the words himself.

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        4. If I remember correctly, Mr Tate is quite the shrill singer, and we all know my opinions on shrill singing

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        5. I actually like Q2K quite a bit. Tribe isn’t too bad either. Mike agrees with me on the former, definitely not the latter. He called it a flaming turd. Promised Land isn’t bad by any stretch of the imagination, I just find a lot of it dull, not speaking to me. I do have the Japanese import of it for the bonus tracks though, and there are a few great songs on it.

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        6. Shrill? The dude’s a baritone! He hits some high notes in the ’80s, but by the ’90s he toned it back considerably sticking mostly to the midrange. I always thought his highs came off powerful, and consider him more like Bruce Bruce than Halford, but his own animal really. He has the deepest voice of the three for sure.

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        7. Ok, maybe he’s not completely off-putting. We’ll have to see what the final verdict is later

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        8. One of the best things about Tate was his range. He had such a great low voice on top of his powerful mids and resonant highs.

          You wanna hear shrill?

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        9. No I don’t want to hear shrill, but i’m a glutton for punishment it seems, so I’ll give it a listen

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      1. You might like W.A.S.P. better now that Blackie Lawless is a Christian and he doesn’t swear anymore. He’s even taken the swear words out of old songs.

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        1. Makes more sense to me too. You can have all the supply in the world, but if no one wants it, it’s just deadweight.

          Do you think all nations should adopt a unilateral free trade policy to minimize deadweight loss in the economy caused by hefty outdated protectionist tariffs, or that some underdeveloped countries could benefit from this practice by encouraging domestic purchase in a developing economy? Does it make sense for seemingly stable nations to engage in such measures, or should trade be free of those import taxes?

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        2. Indeed, my thoughts exactly

          I dunno, without getting too far into that can of worms, in certain circumstances light protectionism, that levels the playing field, does make some sense.

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  7. If you had your choice between ravioli or lasagna, what would you choose?

    The correct answer is lasagna every single time. Take it from someone with Sicilian blood.

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    1. I like both the same, although it is dependant on what’s in the ravioli and how authentic the lasagna is (more is worse for me)

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  8. It’s a good thing that Crazy Nights hadn’t come out in 1986 yet, or your burgeoning Kiss fandom might’ve been stopped dead in its tracks.

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    1. Victoria Day Monday, 2020. I’ve used the time machine again, though I didn’t know if I would be up to the journey or not. This time I’ve visited the strangest day of the strangest year. May 18, 2020. As the time machine works its strange magic, I try to remember that hazy day so long ago. Was it…was it raining? It had to be. Otherwise I would not have been inside.

      Inside. Reading. Yes reading. Reading the madness.

      267 hits from the country of Australia. Yes it was all coming back to me now. Like a torrent, I was suddenly awash in memories.

      The question was…could I stop it? Could I somehow go back and in time and stop myself from reading the lunacy?

      I had arrived at my destination. Victoria Day Monday, 2020.

      Rain. Sweet spring rain. Empty streets, barely a car. Of course! It was the year of the pandemic. Could that have been the cause of the lunacy? An Australian and an American, stuck indoors for weeks on end, with only the words on their keyboards?

      Dear god stop with the movie references! Stop! No! Stoooooooooooo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What’s wrong with the movie references? That was well written too. I’m not sure I’d describe all of our stuff as lunacy, but I definitely know that your isn’t.

        And don’t worry, all these moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks, it tied up everything perfectly. You story with it’s emphasis on rain, someone called Harrison, and your complains about movie references.

          Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey, Deke. You should try to find yourself. We mention you somewhere in there, and the Billy Sheehan incident. Like finding a needle in a haystack, only you have control+f.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. For the record I have never faked a comment, but I found out after the fact that Uncle Meat did. And in hindsight it was so obvious because of the way…Uncle Meat…writes. (Like…Shatner). It was back in the beginning when I got trolled by a Record Store employee. Meat came in with a pseudonym and said he was a customer there and was never gonna shop there again. LOL. Fooled me though.

          Liked by 2 people

        2. Fuck that shit! It’ll be a cold day in hell that some Canadian Maple Marlboro Man controls a god damn American! HOLEN!!! FUCK YEAH!!!

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        3. Hey, Mike! Take that chip in Harrison’s brain and stick it in a prolapsed anus! I’m my own man!

          Kiss my star spangled ass!

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        4. There’s more proof for HMO that I’m not Mike or Harrison. I’m up all hours of the night and Mike’s an early to bed early riser. Same with Harri, only he’s 13 hours ahead of my ass.

          Liked by 1 person

        5. Holen, would you do me a favour?

          Will you tell Harrison that his excellent secret is ready to be revealed to the world? I’m tired of not talking about it. He was worried about artificially inflating the hits, but what he doesn’t understand is that right now he is artificially DEFLATING the hits by not letting us link and share, the same way I would with HMO or Metal Man or 2loud2old. He has launched and it is time to join the community.

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        6. I think he has collected enough data on what his traffic is like in isolation. But he doesn’t have to isolate any longer. His blog doesn’t have Covid.

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    1. Harrison won’t fucking swear! No way he’s me. No way I’m Canadian either, I’m not polite enough. Crass=Holen. Holen≠Harrison. Holen≠LeBrain. Holen=Holen.

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        1. Have you seen it? I’ll have to include it in my ongoing movie screenshots.

          The scene in question is when the John Lennon character makes the faux pas of saying the Ruttles were bigger than Rod.

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        2. No, Harrison would say something like, “Hi, I’m Harrison Kopp. I don’t like Stained Class because I’m a Diaper-Face McShitpantz.”

          Liked by 1 person

        3. “Hi, I’m Harrison Kopp, and I’m a pedantic party pooping penis popper! I down delightfully delicious dicks daily.”

          How’s that for alliteration?

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        4. Billy Sheehan really came off like a twat throttling titty twister in that interview. He also came off like a grammar Nazi, which is funny considering the fact he made several spelling/grammatical errors in his responses.

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