Part Four in the Legendarium of George Trilogy

1. #1182:  The Legendarium of George
2. #1184: The Legendarium of George: Gene Simmonsarillion
3. #1186: Reunion of the Legendariumites

 

RECORD STORE TALES #1234: The Legendarium of George: The Official CB Dictionary

“George is a stealer!” said Michelle Szabo from across the street.  It was a well-known fact by the mid-80s.  George was first caught stealing when he was just in grade school.  He stole Play-Dough from Crestview school.  He was caught and shamed via the gossip that spread down the street.  I already knew he was a thief.  He stole some of my Lego pieces from before I was even old enough to go to school.  Eventually, George’s shoplifting became an open secret.  He would boast of things he took.  You’d always wonder if that new “whatever” that he was showing off, was in fact stolen.  He had the balls to steal John Schipper’s bicycle and then store it in his open garage.  I believe he received a righteous pummeling from John over that.

One day he showed up on the front yard while the rest of us were playing, with his latest acquisition:  the Official CB Dictionary.  It was a red hard-cover handbook with gold writing on the front.  It translated CB radio slang into English, and from English back into CB.  Why he stole it, and from where it was stolen, I know not.  But stolen it was.  I suppose he thought it would be entertaining.  None of us owned a CB radio, but every once in a while you could get a trucker on your walkie-talkie if you were lucky.  George had no need for a CB dictionary, but steal it he did, followed by showing off later.

At some point in the book’s history, it was acquired by me.  I don’t know how anymore, but it was probably one of several items that George traded me in exchange for something he wanted.  Indeed, my first Kiss albums were acquired from him in a complex series of trades that, in the end, netted me Kiss Alive! on vinyl, an Iron Maiden single, a Black Sabbath Paranoid cassette, and a Walkman among other scores.  The CB Dictionary probably came into my possession in such a trade.

I thought I could use the book in my fiction writing, but not once did it come in handy for that.  In my younger years, I took it upon myself to write adventure fiction based on similar concepts to GI Joe and the Transformers, but with a heavy metal image.  Alas, my characters never spoke CB.

All these decades, there was only one slang phrase that I remember.  It’s a good one at least.

I remember being confused and befuddled when I opened the book to “A”.

Abuse it:  masturbate

That haunted me for the rest of my days.

Thanks George.