Uncle Meat

Sunday Chuckle: When Uncle Meat Leaves a Voicemail

Are you familiar with the song “Sweet Pain” by Kiss, off 1976’s legendary Destroyer album?  Uncle Meat is.  If you can’t remember how it goes, here’s a refresher:

 

Now, listen to Uncle Meat’s version, which I found on my voicemail last week:

 

My mother in law was in the room when I played this voicemail.

Hey, you gotta admit the guy can sing!


 

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#626.5: The Big Lists of 2017 Part Five: The Mighty Meat

Uncle Meat’s Top Ten Movies of 2017

  1. I, Tonya
  2. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
  3. Jim and Andy : The Great Beyond – Featuring a very special, contractually obligated mention of Tony Clifton
  4. Baby Driver
  5. It
  6. Justice League
  7. Gilbert
  8. Logan
  9. Get Me Roger Stone
  10. ESPN 30 for 30 – Ric Flair: The Nature Boy

 

 

Uncle Meat’s Top Ten Albums of 2017

 

I must admit that it was hard doing this list, for the simple reason that Uncle Meat rarely likes anything new.  Call me a Fuddy-Duddy…call me stuck in the glorious past…But you cants call me Johnson.  Considering I am using a very old reference to the David Steinberg show, maybe I should just get on to 2017 instead.

 

10)  Queens of the Stone Age – Villains  – The first track on this album called “Feet Don’t Fail Me Now” came out and literally kicked me in the face…pun intended.  But the rest of the album drags and is kinda forgettable.  However the aforementioned track might be my song of the year so it makes up the bottom end of this list.

 

9)   Pallbearer – Heartless   – Not as blatant as my number 10 entry, but again this is based mostly off one track. The song pointed out by Dr. Dave,  “I Saw the The End”, seems to have so many intentional or unintentional “nods” within it they are hard to count.  I have heard it reminds people of Queensryche, Iron Maiden, King’s X…etc.  But the rest of the album doesn’t seem to live up to that glorious track.

 

8)  Deep Purple – InFinite  – Yet another solid output from Morse-era Deep Purple.  Steve Morse has been in the band so long now it seems weird to keep referring to the “Morse era” anymore.  Ian Gillan is writing vocal lines that seem to better suit his limited vocal range right now.  I really like the keyboards on this album.  Even Frank put one of the tracks as his song of the year.  Listen to Frank.

 

7)  Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit – The Nashville Sound  –  Someone has to mention something other than “Heavy Metal Bullshit” on this site.  2017 may have been a bit of a Metal resurgence year for me, but Jason Isbell’s 2017 offering needs to be on this list.  His lyrics are reminiscent of the great John Prine on this album.  He also rocks out a little bit more here, which is good because I found some previous album to be way too mamby-pamby and not enough guts.  Plenty of guts and beauty on this record.

 

6)  Mogwai – Every Country’s Sun  – This band was introduced to me by Doctor Doom a few years ago.  Always appreciated what they do but found it hard to get into.  A few listens of Every Country’s Sun, and it’s diverse song styles have made me more than appreciate them. It is really quite simple.  I need to hear more Mogwai.

 

5)  Steve Earle and the Dukes –  So You Wanna Be an Outlaw  – I have only had a couple listens of this in full, which just is not enough to really dig into a Steve Earle album.  But what I have heard I have loved, as per usual.  You just cant go wrong with Mr. Earle.

 

4)  Power Trip – Nightmare Logic – Was introduced to this album by a review on Banger TV (highly recommended You Tube channel run by Sam Dunn).  It was compared to Slayer’s Reign in Blood both in overall style and the album’s short running time.  Once again the past draws me in as it definitely is “old school Thrash Metal”.  Not an album I could listen to a lot, but hard not to elicit a reaction anytime it comes on.

 

3)  The Necromancers Servants of the Salem GirlIron Tom Sharpe or whatever he calls himself here on this blog introduced me to this French band that totally rocks.  Sounds like an oxymoron I know, but it indeed rocks.  I really find they remind me of Orange Goblin at times, which is a high compliment in my world.  I have found myself in the rock guitar pose frequently with this album playing.  Frank would like it.

 

2) Elder – Reflections of a Floating World  – Elder came out of absolutely nowhere for me about a month ago. Kicked my fucking ass…and soul.  Reflections of a Floating World is absolutely the greatest collection of music I heard in 2017.  I couldn’t put it number one which will be explained shortly, however it is so fucking good I would say this might be my favourite “Metal” album in many many years.  Years ago I wanted so bad to find a truly Progressive Metal band, and the closest thing I could find was Dream Theater.  But they continually had this gloss and sparkly side to them which turned me off a lot of the time.  If Pink Floyd and Kyuss had a baby, and it grew up listening to nothing but Gabriel Genesis albums, you would get Reflections of a Floating World.  The singer kinda reminds me of Perry Farrell, which seems like an odd fit but works perfectly.  No barking on this record.  The second track, “The Falling Veil”, is a song I have went to many times within the last month.  If you like good music, and have the patience to appreciate it, soak yourself in this record.  Do it, Frank.

 

1) Five Alarm Funk – Sweat  – Do I think this is the best album of 2017?  As mentioned earlier, that goes to my number 2.  However this was by far my favourite album of this year as well as my favourite band of this year.  Five Alarm Funk is Canada’s best keep secret, but subsequent albums never really captured what it was like to see this band live.  They did release a great live album in 2016, but what FAF have created with Sweat seems to be taking the energy of their live shows and writing appropriate music to suit their show.  The song “Iceberg” is as many parts Zappa and “Heavy Metal Bullshit” as it is a funk song.  Many other tracks have this groovy girth to them.  If you hear about Five Alarm Funk playing a show near you…you owe it to yourself to see Canada’s hardest working band.  The band will kick your ass and back again while you are dancing to it.  But this album will do in a pinch. Love these fucking guys.


And we love you, fuckin’ Meat!

 

Happy Birthday Uncle Meat!

Let’s all wish a happy birthday to Uncle Meat!  Good pal, Jedi Master, and rock and roll contributor Uncle Meat is one year older with more metal in his body than ever before.  (A plate in his leg!)

Happy birthday Meatmaster General!  A man actually made of metal!

20171122_081312

 

 

#576: “Why’d You Lick My Pee-noose?” – The Sausagefest 2017 Countdown

GETTING MORE TALE #576: “Why’d You Lick My Pee-noose?”
The Sausagefest 2017 Countdown

By the time it was all over I fairly surmised that, personally speaking, Sausagefest 2017 (the 16th annual) was the best one yet.

There are many reasons for this. One happened by pure change.

The weather reports for the weekend were changing daily. I contacted Uncle Meat on Wednesday to tell him they were calling for rain all weekend. He responded, “No they’re not, are you new?” But they were! And the next day, the forecasts had changed again.

By our Friday departure the skies were partly cloudy, but we’ve seen worse. After we arrived and set up our tents it started pouring for a short while. The old fire pit was flooded. When the rain stopped the decision was made to move the location for the Countdown, uphill on dry land. This was the first time the actual location had ever been changed after 15 years down by the river. It turned out that this was the best possible decision. The new location was wide open, more conductive to mingling and conversation, and as you have seen, provided some beautiful photographs. The new location will be permanent from now on.

I felt one of the reasons things went so well for me was good preparation, but that may not be the case. Uncle Meat also had a great time, and was so ill-prepared that he only arranged a tent to sleep in when we were halfway there! Way to be ready, Uncle Meat!

The vibe was right from the get-go and the Countdown began on time.

Highlights from the first night included some lesser-heard tracks:

  • Queen – “We Will Rock You” – the “fast” version
  • Deep Purple – “Vavoom: Ted the Mechanic”
  • Kiss – “Shock Me” – live version from Alive II with solo
  • The Beatles – “Helter Skelter” – mono version
  • Queen – “My Fairie King”
  • Mercyful Fate – “Into the Coven”

There were lots of cool tunes this year: 87 in total including tributes (more on those later). “Indians” by Anthrax was a perfectly appropriate song this year too, since I pulled a large chunk of my own recorded bits from the Brocket 99 CD, a spoof of Indian reservation radio stations. (I voted for “Indians” as #22 on my list.)

And plenty more! You can check out the Countdown list yourself. It was also a treat hearing Ray Charles’ “Mess Around”, which you probably know from John Candy in Planes Trains and Automobiles. Rainbow’s “Light in the Black” was a personal favourite for my air guitar workout.

The comedy sketches were on-point, and I had tears streaming down my face laughing so hard. The Lord of Lamb, Zach Britton, wrote a sketch regarding my insistence that a Bacon Big Mac is not the same thing as a Big Mac. Bacon is not in the Big Mac song, therefore a Bacon Big Mac is not the same thing. Britton rebutted me successfully, and hilariously. “Loosey Goosey” is now a catch-phrase. As a peace offering, he gifted me a bottle of Big Mac sauce.

The first night it rained, but it mattered not as we huddled in our waterproof tents. We were up by the crack of 10:00 to grab breakfast at the Spatula – not the “Flying” Spatula anymore, please note. They have officially changed the name of the place, but still offer the “Flesherton Fill-up” for breakfast. Not as large, nor as good as it was in the past. On the way up, Uncle Meat yelled “Loosey Goosey!” at anyone we passed on the road.

You have to give credit to our Spatula server Heather. I sat with Max “I’m kind of a big deal” the Axe, and I got to witness him working his magic on Heather the server. He promised her the last CD copy in existence of one of his albums. What a deal! Max told me I had a good singing voice. Was he hitting on me, too? Wayne also had a golden line at the store Top of the Rock, with the girl who was distributing bags of ice. “Are you the ice lady? Ice to meet you!”

There was a new exciting twist this year at the 16th Sausagefest. Submitting lists (aka “paying your rock and roll taxes”) has long been a problem. Some people are always prompt. Those people were rewarded with an extra song, a “tribute” this year. Mine was The Police – “Next to You”. That was a blast for air guitar. You can see by the list at bottom, only eight people got tributes. That means only eight people got their lists in on time without nagging! Due to the amount of time it takes to compile the votes and actually record the Countdown, it was decided that this time, you must vote for 2018’s songs by the end of the weekend. And so Saturday afternoon was spent socially compiling lists. It was weird seeing a bunch of guys at Sausagefest with clipboards and pens, furiously writing, colluding and discussing. It was also successful. All lists are in. There will be a whole year to compile and record for 2018!

The second evening had more great rock. Ghost, Dunsmuir, The Sword, Iron Maiden, CCR, Floyd, Purple, Tenacious D, Sabbath and Zeppelin…all building up to the top ten. Not only building up to the top ten, but also setting up the very first Sausagefest live theater….

There were plenty of fake-out tracks in the top ten, as they pretended they couldn’t read the songs written on Uncle Meat’s upper thigh. Sabbath, Rush and Metallica were played eventually. After the #2 track “The Immigrant Song” (Zeppelin), there was an announcement made.

Tom, father of four, the co-founder, the Captain himself, wanted to take a step back. Recording the Countdown was no longer possible for him, due to family demands at home. This made sense, since the guy does have four rugrats and was absent from some of the top ten due to a supposed argument with his wife about it. They saved the announcement for the #1 spot. Only one person was told in advance, and that was the immortal Lord of Lamb himself, Zach Britton. As the song lyrics state, “He is the reason we still do this shit.” He was given a 20 minute heads-up to collect his emotions.

As the announcement was made, they said there would be no #1 song this year. They’d play it first in 2018. Instead, they played the traditional “Happy Trails” by Van Halen as Tom clinked glasses and shook hands with attendees. And then Zach got up to make a speech. He was obviously still shocked and upset by this sad turn of events.

His speech began as expected: melodramatic, sad, and stirring…until it was interrupted.

There was a 4 minute 30 second gap built into the Countdown…specifically timed for Zach to start his speech but not finish. All part of the pre-planned “live theater”. Then….

“ZACH BRITTON!” boomed the speakers.

Suddenly the Countdown recording continued, as a pre-recorded Bucky urged Zach to shut the fuck up and sit back down because he had just been pranked! Tom wasn’t retiring. Zach didn’t have a clue, nor did any of the rest of us! We all bought it, hook line and sinker, even though Tom has 12 months to record for 2018. It seemed so believable especially with that supposed “argument” with his wife built into the recordings. So I raised my goblet of Romulan Ale to Zach “the Lord of Lamb” Britton for being a great sport and a diamond geezer! The “live theater”, the first ever attempted at Sausagefest, was a tremendous success. As Uncle Meat said afterwards, “They will never ever trust us again.” It easily could have gone sideways, if Zach didn’t stand up to make his speech. They were counting on him and he fell right into it. Brilliant live theater!

The actual #1 song, played after the live theater, was “Cygnus X-1” by Rush, a fantastic song on which to close.

The following morning, we packed up to go home. As per usual, Uncle Meat kept singing and repeating one sentence. This year, it was a ditty called “Why’d You Lick My Penis (Rectum)”.*

“Why’d you lick my pee-noose…why’d you lick my pee-noose, rectum…” Over and over again. You can hear this on the Sausagefest video.

We made our way home, but for many of the guys, it was time to rock again. Five Alarm Funk played a free show in London on Sunday night, and a few tired ‘Festers trekked out to party some more. Totally fitting, since Five Alarm Funk had three songs on this year’s Countdown.

What a Sausagefest! Best one ever? Until next year, maybe….

 

THE COUNTDOWN

 

1 Cygnus X-1 Rush
2 The Immigrant Song Led Zeppelin
3 Blackened Metallica
4 Heaven and Hell Black Sabbath
5 La Villa Strangiato Rush
6 Sweat Five Alarm Funk
7 Burn Deep Purple
8 When the Levee Breaks Led Zeppelin
9 Atlas Rise Metallica
10 Rocky Raccoon The Beatles
11 Green Machine Kyuss
12 The Chain Fleetwood Mac
13 Quick Death in Texas Clutch
14 Muffin Man Frank Zappa
15 Cloak of Feathers The Sword
16 Sabotage Beastie Boys
17 Consolers of the Lonely The Raconteurs
18 Space Truckin’ Deep Purple
19 Zenith Escalator Five Alarm Funk
20 Pigs (Three Different Ones) Pink Floyd
21 Cocaine Eric Clapton
22 Tribute Tenacious D
23 Wasted Years Iron Maiden
24 Fortunate Son CCR
25 The Mob Goes Wild Clutch
26 Smokey Funkadelic
27 Time Travelling Blues Orange Goblin
28 Supernaut Black Sabbath
29 46 and 2 Tool
30 Freya The Sword
31 Money For Nothing Dire Straits
32 The Lemon Song Led Zeppelin
33 Square Hammer Ghost
34 Hung on the Rocks Dunsmuir
35 Cosmo Bozo Orange Goblin
36 Layla Derek and the Dominoes
37 Electric Worry Clutch
38 Odyssey Kyuss
39 Catholic Girls Frank Zappa
40 Vidage 10,000 Mods
41 Nautical Disaster Tragically Hip
42 Skullduggin Black Joe Lewis
43 Squash That Fly Fu Manchu
44 Holy Wars Megadeth
45 I Should Have Known It Tom Petty
46 Great Gig in the Sky Pink Floyd
47 Heart of the Sunrise Yes
48 Inside Looking Out Grand Funk Railroad
49 Boston Rag Steely Dan
50 Lady Writer Dire Straits
51 Helter Skelter The Beatles
52 My Fairie King Queen
53 Into the Coven Mercyful Fate
54 After the Gold Rush Neil Young
55 Watcher of the Skies Genesis
56 Shock Me Kiss
57 Pusherman Curtis Mayfield
58 Domino Masters of Reality
59 The Soft Parade The Doors
60 Smoke 2 Joints Sublime
61 Cosmic Fiend The Black Crowes
62 London Calling The Clash
63 DeanTown Vulfpeck
64 Light in the Black Rainbow
65 Wha Cha Want Beastie Boys
66 Mess Around Ray Charles
67 500 Miles John Garcia
68 Ted the Mechanic Deep Purple
69 Ripoff T Rex
70 We Will Rock You – Fast Queen
71 Everyday People Sly and the Family Stone
72 (NOT SURE?) (Uncle Meat??)
73 Our Only Master Dunsmuir
74 We All Scream Five Alarm Funk
75 Dinosaur King Crimson
76 She Caught the Katy The Blues Brothers
77 Take Off Bob and Doug McKenzie
78 Indians Anthrax
79 Low Hanging Fruit Tenacious D
     
     
  TRIBUTES  
     
ALFRED Old Time Rock and Roll Bob Seger
LADANO Next to You The Police
MICHAEL Don’t Fear the Reaper Blue Oyster Cult
PHIL Sinner Judas Priest
FRANK Ride Captain Ride Blues Image Ltd.
TYLER W Belly of the Beast Anthrax
RYAN Paranoid Android Radiohead
ROB A Tricky Run DMC

 

*Search terms on that one oughtta be funny.

Sausagefest 2017: The Video

QUIZ WINNER! The Merciless Book of Metal Lists!

WE HAVE A WINNER!

 

The fastest win in contest history goes to…

WARDY!

 

The correct answer to the question was JINGLE CATS!

The answer was found on Record Store Tales Part 167:  Top Five Discs that Got Us in Shit at the Record Store

Well done Wardy!  Your Merciless Book of Metal Lists is in the mail!

#551: “You’re Wrong on Unmasked” (Intro to the KISS RE-Review series!)

GETTING MORE TALE #551: “You’re Wrong on Unmasked
(Introduction to the kiss-logo Re-Review series)

When mikeladano.com launched five years ago on March 9 of 2012, one of the earliest projects on hand was posting a complete series of Kiss reviews.  This included every compilation I’d ever listened to, every studio album, every official live album, every B-side.  As comprehensive as it was intended to be, it was not 100% original.  Most of it was recycled from old reviews I wrote long ago and posted elsewhere.  Posting the old Kiss reviews was a good way to kick-start the site with loads of content right off the bat.

There was, however, a certain sense of dissatisfaction, as there often is with any old writing that is repurposed for something else.

Several months after the series was completed, I received a text from a girl I knew named Lee.  Out of the blue, she sent me this Kiss-related note:

“You’re wrong on Unmasked”.

“Pardon?” I texted back.  We’d never talked about Kiss even once.  She’d didn’t read my stuff.  I didn’t get it.

“You’re wrong on Unmasked.”  Then a followup: “Eric told me to text that to you,” she added.  “I’m not sure what it means.”

Ah, that made sense.  Lee played darts with Uncle “Eric” Meat, legendary Kiss fan and one of the Jedi masters who instructed me in the ways of the Rock.   Apparently, Uncle Meat felt I was too harsh on the second of Kiss’ two disco albums.  He urged me to one day revisit it.  Having moved on to other series since (including Iron Maiden, Van Halen, Aerosmith, and King’s X) I wasn’t too interested at the time of going back and doing any Kiss over again.

Still…I’ve improved as a writer since Kiss.  Some of those reviews are over a decade old.  Plus, the other series (particularly Van Halen) were so much, much better than Kiss.  That text message planted the idea in my head of one day re-doing all of my Kiss reviews fresh, from scratch, the way they should have been done.

So that’s what we’ll be doing:  Bigger, better, fresher.  The old reviews are fine, but feelings change, even in as short a period as five years.  Sometimes you might feel different about an album from day to day, even for an album you’ve owned for 30 years!  It will be interesting to compare.  The new reviews will be bigger and beefier, with more info and more photos.  Plus, Uncle Meat will even be joining me on some albums to add his own ratings and comments!    Just as a remastered CD forces you to buy the album again, my “remastered” reviews will hopefully force you to read about Kiss one more time.  There will even be a review of a rare officially released Kiss song that I was unaware of when I did the first series!  (It was on a tribute album, recently acquired and also featuring other luminaries such as Alice Cooper and Def Leppard.)

For these reasons, and in the effort of creating a truly high-quality series of reviews deserving of the Hottest Band in the Land, we will be taking one last in-depth look at the official Kiss catalogue.  One more time!  (It won’t be necessary to re-do budget compilations like 20th Century Masters, but everything significant from Wicked Lester to Sonic Boom will be given a second look.  Reviews from Monster onwards were fresh from the start, so we won’t need to look at those a second time either.  Besides, we have already posted reviews for three separate editions of Monster!)  There may even be room for some additional reviews outside the traditional discography.

2017 promises to be the year of  kiss-logo at mikeladano.com.  Get ready to shout it out loud!

Original KISS reviews are below:

KISS – 20th Century Masters –  The DVD Collection (2004)
KISS – 40 (2014 Japanese with bonus track)
KISS – 40 (“Best of Kiss 40” 2015 Universal Japan)
KISS – Alive! 1975–2000 (2006, 4 discs, Best Buy bonus CD, iTunes bonus track)
KISS – Alive! (1975)
KISS – Alive II (1978)
KISS – Alive III (1993)
KISS – Alive IV: Kiss Symphony (2-disc edition, 2003)
KISS – Alive 35: Live at Credit Union Centre, Saskatoon SK, Nov 10 2009 (Concert Online)
KISS – Animalize Live Uncensored (VHS, 1985)
KISS – Animalize (1984)
KISS – Asylum (1985)
KISS – The Best Of Kiss (Green Series) (2008), Playlist Your Way (2008), Legends of Rock (2009), Superstar Series (2009)
KISS – Best Of Solo Albums (German import, 1979)
KISS – The Box Set (Deluxe mini guitar case edition, 2001)
KISS – Carnival of Souls (The Final Sessions) (1997)
KISS – Crazy Nights (1987)
KISS – Creatures of the Night (1982, 1985, 1997)
KISS – Deadly Demos (1995 bootleg CD)
KISS – Destroyer (1976)
KISS – Destroyer (Resurrected) (2012, originally released 1976)
KISS – Destroyer (Resurrected) (2012 Universal, replacement CD)
KISS – “Don’t Touch My Ascot” (2015)
KISS – Double Platinum (1978)
KISS – Double Platinum (1978, 1997 foil embossed reissue)
KISS – Dressed To Kill (1975)
KISS – Dynasty (1979, 1997 Japanese import)
KISS – Exposed (VHS 1987, DVD 2002)
KISS – “God Gave Rock ‘N’ Roll To You II” (1991 CD single)
KISS – Gold (2005, Universal)
KISS – Greatest Hits (1997, Europe only)
KISS – Greatest Kiss (1997 European, Japanese, North American versions)
KISS – Greatest Live Hits (2015 Concert Live limited edition)
KISS – “Hell or Hallelujah” (2012 single)
KISS – Hot In the Shade (1989)
KISS – Hotter Than Hell (1974)
KISS – Icon and Icon 2 (2010)
KISS – Ikons (2008, Universal)
KISS – Jigoku-Retsuden (2008) (aka Kiss Klassics)
KISS – Killers (1981)
KISS – Kiss (1974)
KISS – Kiss Rocks Vegas (3 CD/1 Blu-ray Japanese import, 2016)
KISS – Kissin’ Time in San Fransisco (1974 or 1975 bootleg)
KISS – Lick It Up (1983)
KISS – Love Gun (1977)
KISS – Love Gun (2014 Deluxe edition)
KISS – Monster (2012 CD, iTunes editions) Reviews by LeBrain and Tommy Morais
KISS – Monster (Japan Tour Edition bonus CD)
KISS – MTV Unplugged (1996)
KISS – Music From The Elder (1981, 1997 remaster)
KISS – The Originals & The Originals II (1976 & 1978)
KISS – Psycho Circus (1998)
KISS – “Psycho Circus” (CD/VHS single, 1998)
KISS – Revenge (1992)
KISS – The Ritz On Fire (2013 Gold Fish, recorded 1988)
KISS – Rock and Roll Over (1976)
KISS vs MOMOIRO CLOVER Z – “Samurai Son” / “Yume no Ukiyo ni Saitemina” (2015 CD singles)
KISS – Smashes, Thrashes & Hits (1988)
KISS – Sonic Boom (2009 Walmart exclusive version)
KISS – Unholy Kisses (1992 bootleg)
KISS – Unmasked (1980)
KISS – The Very Best Of (Universal, 2002)
KISS – Wicked Lester / Eddie Kramer Demos (1972 – 1973, CD bootleg)
KISS – You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best!! (1996, Japanese import, bonus track)
KISS SOLO – Peter Criss (1978)
KISS SOLO – Ace Frehley (1978)
KISS SOLO – Gene Simmons (1978)
KISS SOLO – Paul Stanley (1978)
A KISS Tribute for Cancer Care: A World With Heroes – A 40th Anniversary Celebration (2013)
A KISS Tribute for Cancer Care: A World With Heroes EP (2014)
KISS My Ass: Classic Kiss Regrooved (Official tribute album, 1994)

 

 

 

Sunday Chuckle: Meat says the darndest things

For this week’s Sunday Chuckle, it started with an enthusiastic Facebook post from me that “Gypsy Road” by Cinderella was now playing on the radio.  That generated two responses including this one from Uncle Meat:

 

ear-fuckies

You just learned a new term.  “Ear fuckies” — the sensation of having Tom Keifer screamin’ in your ear!

#510: Kayys?

GETTING MORE TALE #510: Kayys?

We only get to do it once a year, so you gotta make it count!

Readers here have been treated to many tales from Sausagefest every year, the annual music countdown that occurs every July at a top secret outdoor location.  The parties are epic and the music is never disappointing.  You’ve read all about the countdown and activities many times here and even been treated to a few videos.  Sausagefest is such a blast every year that even the trip up is worth hearing about.

My two passengers this year were Uncle Meat, and Chris the Lamb Lad.  We had to pack a lot of stuff into my little Pontiac G5 including three coolers.  The Lamb Lad had packed his cooler full of freshly made pulled pork for everyone.  Perhaps even more important than the succulent and delicious pulled pork was the music selection.  Uncle Meat commandeers the stereo, but I brought four flash drives loaded to the brim with tunes.  I had spent several hours curating the music on these flash drives, much longer than we would actually spend listening to them.

Instead, we spent most of the time listening to the CDs that Uncle Meat brought.  As many music fans in Ontario now know, recording artist Paul MacLeod passed away a couple months ago.  Paul and Uncle Meat were very close friends, and Paul had set aside a couple CDs of his for me to review.  Meat gave them to me, and we listened to Paul in the car, with Meat remembering the good times.  I now own his albums Close and Play, and Tell the Band to Go Home.  Both are incredible, but we’ll save that for the eventual reviews.

Also given to me were two studio CDs by recording artist and Sausagefester Max the Axe:  self-titled, and Overload.  There was some pretty heavy metal on those two CDs.  Thanks to Uncle Meat, I now own three Max the Axe albums in total.  Needless to say, there was plenty of rocking in the car.


“Livin’ the Country” from Overload (2008)

Meat was on his best behaviour.  No backseat driving at all this year, which was an awesome change of pace.  He also didn’t piss in the middle of the road this time.  Up through Salem and into Arthur, we made our first stop at Tim Horton’s for some ice capps.  Usually I was the most prepared of us, but this year I neglected to eat a good lunch before we departed.  I was starving and ordered a steak wrap.  Unfortunately the place was really busy, as it always is, and I should have known it was going to take 20 minutes.  While I waited inside for my wrap, Meat and the Lamb Lad went outside for a smoke.

Moments later, Meat came back into the store.

“Kayys?” he said to me.

“Kiss?” I responded.  I had a flash drive with every single Kiss album.  Gotcha covered.

“Kayys?” he repeated, hand outstretched.  People looking at him now.  Lots of people waiting in line.

“I don’t know what you’re asking me,” I said uselessly.

“Kayss?” again.

I stood there like a doorknob; lots of people there looking at us trying to see what this weirdo was doing.  “Kayss?” he kept repeating.  It was clear I had no idea what he was asking, so he finally broke character.

“Keys?  Can I get your car keys?  I left my smokes in the car.”

“Why didn’t you just say that, you friggin’ goof?” I said as I dug for my keys.

“I did!” he retorted.  “Kayss?”

OK, I heard it now.  In the meantime, me and everybody else in Tim Horton’s in Arthur assumed he wanted a kiss.

We made our way up the windy country roads, listening to more Paul, more Max, but no Kiss.  Next stop was Flesherton.  There used to be a killer chip wagon there, but it has been gone for the last two years.  Instead, Lamb Lad went into a sandwich place and ordered what looked to be some pretty amazing food.  Outside, an elderly couple in the late 70’s or early 80’s seemed to be having an argument.

We waited for Lamb Lad to order, and then stepped outside again so the guys could smoke.  As we walked out, a cop car pulled up and blocked in the elderly couple!  It seems somebody had taken notice of their discussion and called the cops.  The couple looked like they had figured out whatever it was just as the cops arrived.  It was weird to see this happening in Flesherton Ontario with a couple who looked older than Moses.  We shook our heads and marvelled at how weird the day was getting before we even arrived at Sausagefest.

But the farm wasn’t far, and before we knew it, our destination was at hand.  Familiar faces were greeted, and help was offered in setting up tents.  It’s a magical place.  There are friends here that we only see once a year, but have bonded with like brothers.  It’s a remarkable experience to have.  And the music ain’t bad either.


“Giants” from Close and Play (2006)

 

 

 

#505: The Video – Sausagefest 2016 – 15 Years of Meat

fest 2016