The multiverse just got bigger.
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN
PHASE TWO: THE MULTIVERSE SAGA
Chapter Twenty-Two: Enter The Durling Foundation
Dressed in sharp black suits, Tee Bone Man and Superdekes entered the restaurant with faces covered in dark sunglasses. Deke gestured to the server – table for 10. A few servers scrambled, putting tables together into one large one, and placing napkins and cutlery. One gestured to come in and sit. Tee Bone and Deke removed their jackets and hung them nearby.
Now seated, Deke removed his sunglasses. His eyes were red, but not from Scotch.
“That’s two funerals in two months,” he said to Tee Bone Man. “I hope we don’t have to get used to that.”
Tee Bone kept his glasses on his face, not ready to face the light yet.
“First Edie, now the Brainiac,” he murmured. “I can’t help but wonder who could be next.”
[FURTHER READING: Chapter 20 – The Death of Edie Van Heelin’, Chapter 21 – Fate of the Brainiac]
“Chin up pal,” said Deke with a punch in the arm. “Our friends will be here soon. We need a chance to regroup, celebrate our fallen comrades, and meet some new ones.”
Tee Bone finally removed his shades. “Scotch, please, neat,” he requested of the nearest server. Deke ordered a water and contemplated a menu. His mind wasn’t really on food. He was not hungry.
There was a commotion at the door.
“Sir!” said a server at the entrance. “Our policy is that shirts must be worn in this establishment!”
A bulky shirtless man with a jet-black beard and matching hair chuckled. “It’s OK! I’m Jex Rambo!” he assured them. “I work for Tim Durling!” He then moved past the servers and took a seat with Deke and Tee Bone at their large table.
“Gentlemen! Nice to finally meet you in person mes amis! I’m Jex, Jex Rambo, otherwise known as Jexcalibur. Full name? Jexcalibur Dot WordPress Dot Com! I’m just kidding. My mailman calls me Jean, but you can just call me whatever you want, as long as you call me!” The three shook hands and thought nothing of the fact that the man had no shirt. If you had guns like Jex Rambo, you’d show them too.
“Great to meet you Jex,” said Deke. “You represent the mysterious Durling Foundation, right?”
Jex nodded excitedly. “That’s correct amigo! I work for the man himself, actually. He’s right behind me, in fact, he was just parking the car! We flew on TVC-Force-1 here from Moncton, and rented a car at the airport. He’ll be in shortly.”
As if on cue, a tall man, with gray hair and a Def Leppard T-shirt walked through the doors. The servers pointed him to the large table and he began to make his way through the restaurant.
“Mon ami Tim!” shouted Jex. “Come and meet these guys, Superdekes and Tee Bone Man.”
The large man sat, and shook their hands. “So glad to finally see you face to face. You received my last parcel OK?”
Deke nodded affirmative. “We did! But why did you send us a vintage box of floppy discs from 1984 anyway?”
Tim hung his jacket, as the four were interrupted by a waiter.
“Can I get you gentlemen something to start? An appetizer perhaps?”
“No thanks,” answered Tee Bone. “We’re waiting on a few more people.”
Mr. Durling spoke to those attending. “Gentleman, we came here all the way from the east coast to assure you that you have our support. Jex Rambo, my personal head of security, is at your disposal.” He paused a moment to get serious. “I knew your friend the Brainiac quite well, though we never met in person. I supplied some of the components to a machine he was building that he called the Large Ordnance Outlayer Featuring Assisting Human. I provided the vintage reel-to-reel tape memory system and vacuum tubes.”
Deke scratched his head. How odd. Meanwhile, the waiter brought appetizers that they did not order.
Durling continued. “Aaanyway. In our last conversations, the Brainiac said the threat facing us was not just universal in nature, but possibly even multiversal. With those kind of stakes, I can’t just stand aside.”
The table nodded. “Well we all appreciate your…” began Deke before being drowned out by a ruckus at the door.
“I’m kind of a big deal,” came a gravelly voice from a short, burly, long haired man at the entrance. “I’m Max the Axe!”
“He’s with us!” shouted Tee Bone, pointing to their table.
[FURTHER READING: Chapter 15 – Status Acoustic: The Really Big Deal]
Max made his way to the table, sitting next to Jex Rambo.
“Can we switch seats? I’m kind of a big deal,” asked Max.
“Sure…I guess?” answered a quizzical Jex.
Once all was settled, and Tee Bone was about to speak, Max interrupted. He snapped his finger in the air.
“Garçon! Garçon! Hi.” He caught the attention of a waiter. “Yeah hi. Can I get scrambled eggs, three yolks, two whites? You use the extra white to make Hollandaise sauce.”
“This is starting to descend into chaos,” thought Tee Bone to himself. “Should I have invited all these guys?”
There was another ruckus at the door. A man wearing a large shark-shaped helmet over his whole head, and carrying a trident, entered the establishment. He was followed by a balding man with glasses, dressed in red. Then, a fully bald man, tall, towering. A Richard Dreyfuss lookalike, and a blonde guy carrying a doubleneck bass in teal. The Dreyfuss lookalike screamed at the bassist.
“Get out of here, Common Knowledge!” He kicked the bassist in the ass on his way out. “It’s not my fault you were copied on the email chain!” The bassist sulked off into the parking lot. The other four entered the waiting area and removed their coats.
“There’s the rest of our group,” announced Tee Bone. “Robert, King of the Sharks! Kevin the Mars Man. Our good friend Aaron, Mr. Books! And of course, the Snowman himself. Welcome, boys!”
[FURTHER READING: Chapter 12 – Lost In Space, Chapter 5 – The Super Duper Vault, Chapter 7 – The Revenge of Common Knowledge]
“Wahoo!” shouted Aaron.
Deke whispered over to Tee Bone. “Where’s Bernard, the Knight? Isn’t he coming?”
“He doesn’t have email,” answered Tee Bone.
Deke nodded in understanding. He whispered to Tee Bone. “I also contacted our friend in the UK, the Metal Man, to keep him apprised of what’s going on. He’s monitoring movements from beyond this mortal coil, but he sends his sincere condolences.” Tee Bone nodded in momentary sadness. He turned his attention to the table. Hands shook and introductions were made. Eventually, all the men were seated. All but Tee Bone Man, who clinked his glass and addressed the table.
“Gentlemen, thank you for coming, in memory of our friends, and as the first official meeting of the Northern Lights.” There was some light clapping. “The Northern Lights were formed by Deke and I, with the Brainiac and Edie Van Heelin’,” he began. He choked up a moment. “To defend Earth from threats that are now beginning to make themselves known to us. So far, we haven’t done so well. But here we are — the dream of Edie and the Brainiac is now a reality. We are a team, we are the Northern Lights, and we all know what the job is.”
[FURTHER READING: Chapter 18 – Shinzon Origins]
“What’s the job boss?” asked Max.
Tee Bone gritted his teeth a moment. It was hard to accept everything they had to face.
“We have three primary missions. One: to be vigilant and protect the planet from Shinzon, Tyranus, Tommy Lee and anyone else who dares to try us. Two: to find our missing friend Moustachio, and bring him home. And three…” his eyes narrowed. “Three, to find the ones responsible for killing our dearest blood. And bring them to justice.”
Everyone at the table clapped.
“I’m not quite up to speed here,” said Mars. “What exactly are we facing, Tee Bone Man?”
“I wouldn’t worry about Donald Trump,” shushed the Snowman.
“What?” asked Deke.
“Nothing!” answered Snow, as he quickly buried his nose in a menu.
“Allow me?” asked Jex Rambo. “No offence guys, but I studied the notes. I think I can explain.” Tee Bone and Deke nodded in the affirmative.
“To my understanding, up until recently, Tee Bone Man and Superdekes here were fighting fairly localized threats. Threats at least bound to this planet, or solar system. However, their friend Moustachio, who some of you may know but I never got to meet, disappeared mid-battle. Deke has determined that Moustachio is lost in a parallel universe, of which finding him is part of our mission . Then, as you are all sadly aware, they lost their Northern Lights partners Edie and the Brainiac in recent battles. A strange clean-shaven clone of Moustachio named Shinzon, representing someone named Tyranus, is involved. But Deke suspects even Tyranus answers to a much larger threat. Something multiversal in nature. The biggest threat we ever faced. That’s why we were summoned.”
[FURTHER READING: Chapter 16 – A Crazy Crazy Night]
“That’s about it,” responded Deke. “No pressure,” he joked. “You up for this?” he challenged.
“You have my axe!” shouted Max.
“And you have my muscle!” responded Jex Rambo.
“And my tech!” said the head of the Durling Foundation.
“And my petty cash!” screamed the Snowman.
The entire restaurant turned and stared as these bizarre characters each stood and spoke.
“You have my jaws!” proclaimed the King of the Sharks, raising his trident.
“And my vinyl collection!” said the Mars Man, not knowing what else to answer.
“And my books!” announced Aaron. “Wahoo!!”
Tee Bone looked around him. It was coming together. The Northern Lights were coming together. Maybe their losses were not in vain. Their united grief had brought this remarkable group of people together on this day.
“And you have my blade!” came a voice with an English accent from the door.
“Bernard!!” shouted Deke and Tee Bone! “You made it!”
“Of course I did chaps!” answered the knight clad in armor.
A server blocked Bernard’s path.
“OK, OK enough is enough! We let the shirtless guy in, and the guy with the trident, but not this character from Game of Thrones! The dress code here is not a joke!”
“I’m not staying,” assured the knight. He addressed the Northern Lights. “My fellows, you must come quickly! I was followed, and they are almost here now!”
As if like one, the entire table stood. Tee Bone and Superdekes ripped off their funeral clothes, revealing the uniforms underneath.
“Always come prepared,” winked Tee Bone to the table. “Deke, get our stuff out of the car! I’m afraid you’re grounded this time; we didn’t bring the flying bike to Kitchener. But alert Ripper back at the Palace: we are engaging the enemy!”
Deke nodded and ran out to get their gear from the car they rented. Using an earpiece, he contacted Ripper the Squirrel back at Deke’s Palace. Ripper responded and connected Deke to the Palace’s computers and A.I. for the coming battle.
The other heroes filed outside, following Bernard, who pointed at the sky.
“There! Do you see it?” cried Bernard.
All the heroes gazed skyward, but Tee Bone saw it first.
“Dear God!” he gasped. “It’s like Hell Freezes Over Part II!” Indeed, the beasts before him were not unfamiliar. The denizens of hell were skybound now, and incoming fast. Parademons and dragons, in the service of Satan, with eyes blazing fire, and claws of bone.
“What the hell?” asked Deke. “No pun intended, but Satan has been pretty chill lately. What’s his beef with us now?”
Tee Bone was now suited up with cape, mask and black stealth guitar. “If I had to guess, he’s in league with Tyranus, and figured they’d try to knock us all off the board at once when we’re at our weakest.”
“Probably a good guess,” nodded Deke.
Tee Bone smiled. “Too bad for them, it’s not gonna go that way.” He then shouted a command to Max the Axe. “MAX! Get your guitar! I need its power and volume to boost my own! I’m prone to overload! You know what to do!”
“Copy that!” answered Max. It so happened, his car was already loaded to the brim with amps and instruments for sale.
Deke handed out earpieces to the whole team. He had his gadget-filled backpack on him now. “I’m connected to the Palace computers! I’ll handle communications, and I’ll coordinate the team!” he announced. “Mars Man! You’re with me! I need your hard-core gaming experience to help keep my eyes on all targets!” Kevin the Mars Man ran to Deke’s side.
“Tally-ho!” shouted Bernard as he charged into battle! “Parademons be gone forthwith!” He managed to stab the first incoming beastie with his longsword, but now the parademon was stuck to it and he couldn’t remove his blade. “O, fiddle-dee-dee!”
Tee Bone was airborne! Amplified by Max’s riff, “Overload” from the Overload EP, he was nuclear charged, live-wired like a dynamo. With one strum of his axe, Tee Bone took three parademons out of the sky in a blink. He swooped up, to meet a large dragon face to face.
“Hey beautiful! Say cheese!” taunted Tee Bone Man. The dragon responded with a roar, but Tee Bone blasted it in the eye with ease. The beast blinked painful hot shards of music out of his eye, and retreated to higher altitude. Another squad of three parademons replaced him in Tee Bone’s sights. He launched another volley of chords at one, smashed another in the head with a mighty righty, and burned the other one’s ears out with harmonics. Feeding off the music of Max the Axe, Tee Bone Man powered himself further skyward.
On the ground, hell literally had broken loose.
A parademon charged at the King of the Sharks, who responded with a head removal by tooth and fang. He stabbed another flying creature with his trident.
“What the heck do I do?” shrieked Aaron. “I’m Mr. Books! I literally read books as my superpower!”
Deke responded with urgency. “Stay with Durling and Snowman! Keep them out of trouble!”
Snowman ran from behind a rock to join Aaron at his side. “I lost sight of Durling! I don’t know what happened to him! EEEEK!” Snowman was startled as a band of parademons rushed his position. He embraced Aaron for what might be the last time. The beasts raced with fangs bare. The two heroes, facing their last moments alive, could see the saliva drip from the mouths of the monstrosities.
“Fear not mes amis!” came a voice. “Jex Rambo and the Night Ranger are here!”
A mighty fist cracked a parademon’s exoskull. Jex Rambo crushed the throat of another with his other fist.
Then, swooping down from a roof above, came a dark bat-like shape: the Night Ranger!
“I’m like four in the morning, I come without a warning!” proclaimed the Night Ranger, as he took out another hellspawn. “We’re still free to rock in America so long as the Night Ranger is on the case!”
“Yeah but we’re in Canada, eh?” reminded Jex Rambo.
“Don’t ruin my references,” chided the Night Ranger. Then he looked up. “Rumours in the air! More bogies inbound! So ya wanna play rough tonight?”
Jex Rambo flexed. “Eh, I need the exercise.” He smiled at his own bicep. “One love!”
“Guys!! Sorry to interrupt the gunshow,” said Aaron trying to get their attention. “Snowman and I are supposed to find Mr. Durling!”
“Durling is safe!” answered the Night Ranger with a flourish. “We work for the Durling Foundation, and his safety is our responsibility! That’s the secret to my success! Now, you two join Deke, he needs your assistance right now! We’ll cover your escape!” Then he added, “I also like Journey and that was a Journey reference!”
“Welcome to the night machine, assholes!” announced the Night Ranger as he kicked demon tail.
Jex and the Night Ranger took out hellspawn after hellspawn, one by one, fist by fist, and foot by foot, until Aaron and Snowman were safe with Deke and the Mars Man. The two were manning laptops, coordinating the battle like generals gathered in their masses.
“Mr. Books and Snowman reporting for duty!” they announced.
Deke was deeply focused on Tee Bone’s aerial battle. Mars Man answered them. “Guys! Grab a tablet, each of you! Each of these control drones! We need to take out as many parademons as we can! You know how to shoot?”
“I do!” screamed the Snowman. “I’m American!”
“I don’t!” answered Aaron, “unless you mean hockey!”
“It’s all similar in principle!” encouraged Deke with a thumbs-up. He then returned his focus to the screen in front of him. He addressed Tee Bone on the radio.
“Tee Bone, I’ve analyzed their pattern and I detect a weakness. It’s the big dragon. A really big dragon. They’re all following its lead. I think it’s psychically controlling the bad guys, coordinating their battle. We got the ground situation under control.” The moment he said this, a smaller dragon came crashing down on top of the restaurant. Patrons screamed as they ran out of every exit. A few cars were burning the parking lot. “We got the ground situation relatively under control,” corrected Deke.
Tee Bone radioed back. “That thing is tough! Its scales must be 18 inches thick! If I’m gonna take it down myself, I need Max to play a bigger riff! I need the Scales of Justice on my side!”
“Roger that!” confirmed Deke. He then radioed Max. “Max the Axe! It’s time for the Scales of Justice!”
“Copy that!” smiled Max, as he changed songs.
In the sky, Tee Bone created a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
Occupying a wide area of parking lot, Jex Rambo and Night Ranger were adding up body counts like Gimli and Legolas.
“Fifteen!” challenged Jex. “That was fifteen!” A parademon with both wings removed by hand smashed into a nearby car. “À la prochaine chicane!” exclaimed Jex Rambo.
Night Ranger scoffed. “You had a head start!” A crawling beastie received the stomp of his boot.
“No excuses mon ami!” laughed Jex as he nailed another demon. “Sixteen!”
Rob, King of the Sharks, was maintaining a safe perimeter around a guitar-soloing Max the Axe. Anything that got too close was fated to feel his jaws, or his trident…or both. Meanwhile, Kevin, the Snowman and Mr. Books had General Deke covered, with drones a-blasting everything around. Bernard was still trying to take his blade out of his first victim’s body.
“Oh, farsel-tart!” he proclaimed as he struggled. “Could I have a hand here please?” he beckoned, to nobody’s response.
Another wave of beasts was nearing Deke’s position, as he communicated instructions to the combatants. He was aware of the imminent danger.
“Tee Bone! I spoke too soon. We do not have this situation under control. I gotta jump into battle buddy! You got this?”
“I got this,” responded Tee Bone over the radio. Deke dropped the laptop.
He then removed two sonic blasters from his belt.
“Party time,” he announced. One by one, he took down beast after beast, shot by shot, not missing a single blast. Kevin and Aaron continued to use their drones to protect his position.
“Thanks boys! Now let’s keep this from going to hell!” he ordered. “All guns hot! Fire everything we got!”
“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” asked Kevin to Aaron, while Snowman gleefully blasted targets on his screen.
“You’re asking me?” laughed Aaron. “All I know is that this is nothing like hockey!”
In the sky, Tee Bone had once again caught up with the biggest dragon he’d ever seen in his many adventures. The beast roared and spat a fireball the size of a bus. Tee Bone dodged it easily.
“Is that the best you can do?” he taunted, probing for weaknesses. He surmised, when that thing opened its jaws, he could send a blast right down its throat, into its belly. As long as he didn’t get fried trying.
The dragon answered with a roar and a swift retreat and a boom. He darted off in the direction of the low hills of Kitchener. Tee Bone pursued, guitar in hand. Suddenly, the scaled leviathan changed direction! A quick 180 degrees and it was now behind Tee Bone Man. The thing was quick. But not as quick as a nuclear Scotch-infused super hero. Right on its ample tail, Tee Bone swiftly dodged another raging fireball.
“Superdekes, come in!” shouted Tee Bone Man into his radio. “Come in Superdekes!”
A frantic Superdekes, clearly in the depth of battle, answered breathless.
“I’m a little busy here big guy!” he gasped. “What’s going on?”
“That thing is headed due west! Where’s he going?” queried Tee Bone Man.
Rather than answer, Superdekes had his own question. “And how do you know he’s headed due west?”
“You know why!” answered Tee Bone.
“Could it be that compass that I persuaded you to install in your guitar’s headstock?” chided Deke.
“I ruined the finish doing that…” answered Tee Bone.
Deke laughed. “There’s a small lake dead ahead, Puslinch Lake. He’s heading to water!”
“Copy that!” Tee Bone paused a moment. “Compass did come in handy, you were right again…”
“I’m always right! Over and out! You got this!” With that, Deke closed the channel and got back to blasting beasties.
Moments later, the dragon dove beneath the otherwise calm surface of the lake. Boaters scurried back to dock, as Tee Bone Man roared overhead. With a dive, he was now submerged. He held his breath in his mighty lungs, unafraid of drowning.
The dragon was pretty easy to spot, just from the currents he created. They had no effect on Tee Bone Man as he zipped through the water like a flesh torpedo.
“I see you!” he gasped, as he got a grip on the thing’s tail. The beast panicked, and made for the surface! Tee Bone followed. When he emerged from the water he was greeted by a red-hot ball of flame.
“Woah!!” said Tee, dodging it just in time. It was followed by a second fireball, which Tee Bone deflected with a shred on his guitar, directly back at his enemy! The fireball had slowed, and was easy for the dragon to avoid…but as the fireball slowed and dropped lower, it lit up a huge ornate lakeside mansion! The mansion erupted into gulfs of flame immediately.
“That was Justin Bieber’s house!” yelled two boaters, as they high-fived each other.
“Damn! I have to save Justin Bieber now?! Deke…you won’t believe this, but…”
The dragon’s plan had worked. He may have bested Tee Bone Man this time, but as the commander of the forces of evil, he was needed back at the main battlefield. His gargantuan wings shook the trees below as he made back for that Kitchener parking lot.
The restaurant was surrounded by fury, but the band of mighty heroes fought hard around a small perimeter. The large dragon spewed a fireball groundward. It was extinguished by a fire-fighting drone manned by Kevin the Mars Man, but only barely!
“Tee Bone Man!” shouted Deke into his radio. “We need you back here! That dragon showed up, and he’s a little hot under the collar if you know what I mean!”
“On my way,” answered the superhero. “I had to save Justin Bieber.”
“What?!” asked multiple voices on the channel.
But before they could register their surprise, Tee Bone was visible, a streak of yellow and red! Like a bullet, he rammed the dragon directly in its ribs. The beast roared at him in anger.
“TEE BONE MAN. YOU ARE BUT A TRIFLE NO LONGER TO BE TOLERATED. SO I SWEARETH TO MY MASTER SATAN, WHO SWEARETH TO HIS MASTER TYRANUS. YOU BURN!”
Tee Bone was taken aback. That name! Tyranus! All their theories confirmed! But he had to dodge another fireball before he could stop and think! Then he had an idea. How smart were dragons, he wondered? “I wonder if I can prod this one for more information…” He flew to the snout of the creature, but remained ready to dodge the next inevitable fireball.
“You can speak?” asked Tee Bone. “An intelligent creature like you, why do you take orders from a pathetic bean like Satan?” He paused a moment for emphasis. “Or that joke that calls itself Tyranus, for that matter?”
“YOU INSULT ME!” boomed the dragon. Another ball of fire zoomed close to Tee Bone, singing the tip of his cape. Ah well. It was time for a new one anyway.
“I do insult you, actually! And what do you say of Tyranus? Is he too much of a coward to show himself, so he sends his lackeys like you instead?” taunted Tee Bone.
“YOU TEMPT FATE, HUMAN!” Another fireball.
“Heard that one before,” answered Tee Bone. “But I’m not the one serving two masters! One of which has an unhealthy Madonna obsession! You must be afraid of them.”
“I FEAR ONLY ONE!” roared the beast as it leveled fire right at Tee Bone. The soles of his boots were melting as he zipped out of range!
“You’re afraid, dragon! Afraid of Satan and his boss!”
The creature flapped its mighty wings and roared. “I DO NOT FEAR THEM!! I FEAR ONLY THE EATER OF WORLDS! AND SO WILL YOU!”
Eater of worlds? The plot thickens! Information acquired! Deke will find this part interesting, but this dragon had to dispatched first!
The ground battle had consumed the entire plaza and surrounding neighbourhood. Our heroes were surrounded on all sides. They held strong until one fateful moment. A rocket from one of Snowman’s drone blasts had blown the doors right off a vintage Volkswagen Beetle. Max the Axe turned and stared at the burning wreck. His mouth dropped agape, for in the dashboard was an actual 8-track tape deck.
“I can sell that!” shouted Max as he lowered his guard.
“Max!” shouted Rob the King of the Sharks. “Watch out! There are too many of them! You’ll have to take some down too!”
“After I grab that 8-track deck!” Max shouted back in return.
He lowered his guitar. A particularly nasty beastie saw, and scurried directly at him.
“Max!!” screamed the King of the Sharks. Max tumbled backwards as Rob impaled the beast with his trident. A shout of pain escaped from Max’s mouth.
“My leg! I…I think I broke it!” he cried.
“For a tape deck…are you happy now Max?” asked Rob as he fought off the hellspawn surrounding them.
“No, I still don’t have the deck!!” answered Max, lying prone on the ground.
“Keep playing!” radioed Deke. “Tee Bone needs all your power!” Rob grabbed the guitar and handed it to Max, who played on from the pavement.
The dragon opened its mouth for another breath of flame.
“‘Eater of Worlds’, eh. File that one away for future reference,” said Tee Bone overhead as he battled the mighty beast. “It’s now or never. He served up the perfect line for me, anyway. Hey, dragon! EAT THIS!”
Guitar blasting, amplified by Max the Axe, Tee Bone Man sent his mightiest power chord straight down the throat, right to the belly of the beast. Its eyes went wide. Its nostrils smoked. It choked. It gasped. Its look was pure surprise. Perhaps Tyranus made a mistake, for today, the dragon burned from the inside, while Tee Bone Man smiled on in victory.
Then, his smile turned to horror as the beast fell. It was going to crash directly over his friends! If it hit the ground, the volatile chemicals that made up its dragon flame would combine and explode, leaving a crater the size of a neighbourhood block!
On the ground, the parademons began to retreat as their psychic connection to the mighty dragon faltered. They screamed in terror as they flew off from whence they came, in ebony black clouds of evil. The dragon continued to fall. Deke looked up. Aaron, Snowman and the Mars Man saw as well. Max was prone on the ground, screaming in pain at his broken leg. The friends gathered around him. Directly over their head, the dead dragon was incoming!
“Where’s Durling?” asked Deke.
“We got him to a safe location!” responded Night Ranger. The shadow from above grew.
“Get out of here guys!” shooed Max. “It’s my fault! I just wanted to sell that tape deck.”
“Huh?! No…no, we’re not leaving you,” shouted Deke. Nodding in agreement was Aaron, Mars, Snowman, Night Ranger, Jex Rambo and the King of the Sharks. “All for one and one for all.” He shouted into his radio. “Tee Bone!” alerted Superdekes. “We need a miracle!”
“I got this!” came a new voice. It was a mechanized voice on a rarely used channel.
Deke looked down at his control panel. He paused in shock. “Can’t be. Impossible. Impossible.”
“Who is it?” screamed the Snowman, “Who can save us?”
“This is Brainiac’s channel…” answered Deke. “But it can’t be…”
“It’s not!” answered the new voice. “Just look!”
Deke looked and saw a welcome sight. From around an alley, the Large Ordnance Outlayer Featuring Assisting Human – Brainiac’s old ride, the LOOFAH, was inbound! In mere moments, it was standing behind the group of heroes. The huge mechanical monstrosity steadied itself and prepared to shield the friends from the beast. “All of you!” it announced. “Get under! Now!”
“Come on, Max mon ami!” shouted Jex Rambo as he aided the Axe to stand and get covered. The heroes all huddled to be sheltered the LOOFAH. When the dragon finally hit seconds later, the heavy steel just barely managed to hold itself together. Everyone, even Bernard the Knight, was safe!
“Reliable vintage tech!” proclaimed the Night Ranger, patting the mech on the leg.
“Who’s piloting that thing?” asked Tee Bone as he came to a landing.
“That’s what I’d like to know!” answered Deke.
Shoving the dragon carcass off its back, the LOOFAH disengaged its pilot.
“Who did you expect, Tim Horton himself?” said the blonde girl as she poked her head out.
“Jen?” answered a chorus of voices. Of course! It had to be Mrs. Brainiac!
“Someone had to save your butts!” responded the girl. “Is there room on your team for one more?”
Tee Bone Man smiled and helped her out of the machine. “Of course. Always room for one more. Welcome, Mrs. Brainiac, to the Northern Lights.” Jen embraced the team as they celebrated their first victory in months.
Then, Tee Bone turned to Deke.
“I have news. A name. Or title. The one that Tyranus answers to. The Eater of Worlds…”
Not the end…
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 
- Chapter Zero: Tee Bone Man – Origins (by LeBrain)
- Chapter One: A Friend in Need (by LeBrain)
- Chapter Two: Hell Freezes Over (by Harrison Kopp)
- Chapter Three: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place to Be (by LeBrain)
- Chapter Four: Tee Bone Man and the Rink of…Doom? (by Aaron KMA)
- Chapter Five: The Super Duper Vault (by John T. Snow)
- Chapter Six: Tee Bone Man Goes to Camp (by LeBrain)
- Chapter Seven: The Revenge of Common Knowledge (by LeBrain)
- Chapter Eight: Tee Bone & Deke’s Time Travelling Adventure (by 80sMetalMan)
- Chapter Nine: Castle Communications (by Harrison Kopp)
- Chapter Ten: The Case of the Lost Iron Maiden Socks (by LeBrain)
- Chapter Eleven: A Tee Bone Man Christmas (by all five of us)
- Chapter Twelve: Lost In Space (by John T. Snow)
- Chapter Thirteen: Clip Show (by LeBrain)
- Chapter Fourteen: Tee Bone Man and Superdekes Discover the Tao (An Intermission) (By Aaron KMA)
- Chapter Fifteen: Status Acoustic – The Really Big Deal (by Harrison Kopp)
- Chapter Sixteen: A Crazy Crazy Night (part 1) (by Harrison Kopp)
- Chapter Sixteen: A Crazy Crazy Night (part 2) (by Harrison Kopp)
- Chapter Sixteen: A Crazy Crazy Night (part 3) (by Harrison Kopp)
- Chapter Seventeen: Tee Bone Man vs. Edie Van Heelin’ (by LeBrain)
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA
- Chapter Eighteen: Shinzon – Origins (By LeBrain)
- Chapter Nineteen: Tee Bone Man and Superdekes vs. the Lego (By LeBrain)
- Chapter Twenty: The Death of Edie Van Heelin’ (By LeBrain)
- Chapter Twenty-One: Fate of the Brainiac (By LeBrain)
- Chapter Twenty-Two: Enter: The Durling Foundation (By LeBrain)
- Chapter Twenty-Three: Tee Bone Man’s NYE Extravaganza! (By all of us!) December
- Noirison: Chapter One (by Holen)
- Noirison: Chapter Two (By Holen) TBA
- Who’s the Mole in Rock and Roll Heaven? (by 80sMetalMan)
- Shinzon – Dread and the Fugitive Mind (By Harrison Kopp)
- Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures: Chapter 1 – Farao Way From Home (By Harrison Kopp)
- Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures: Chapter 2 (By Harrison Kopp) TBA
- Snippison and Brainikin’s Excellent Adventure: Chapter One
THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’
- The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 1: Edie vs. Tommy Lee in the Bouncy Castle of Doom! (By LeBrain)
- The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 2: Edie and the Quest for the Lost Lego (By LeBrain with Harrison Kopp)
- The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 3: Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation (By LeBrain)
- The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 4: Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation Part 2 (By LeBrain & MarriedandHeels)
- The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 5: Edie Meets the Wolf (by LeBrain)
- The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 6: Edie’s Winter Vacation (By LeBrain & MarriedandHeels)
THE WRITER’S ROOM
- The Writer’s Room: Chapter One
- The Writer’s Room: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Tee Bone Man Christmas
- The Writer’s Room: Welcome to the Writer’s Room!
- The Writer’s Room: Empty Room
- The Writer’s Room: Summer Holidays!
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