Mad Metal Man

Revenge of the Lists: All 11 Star Wars films discussed in detail!

Did Harrison really cause Erik and Rob to walk off the show?  Did Rob drop two “F-bombs”?  Did Harrison actually smile in the featured image?  Was this one of our best shows ever?

“It’s true.  All of it.”

Our esteemed panel of Jedi masters tonight were:

  • Erik Woods – movie and soundtrack expert
  • Robert Daniels – movie and soundtrack expert
  • Harrison Kopp – young fella who grew up on prequels and Clone Wars
  • LeBrain – old fart

Opinions veered wildly on the 11 Star Wars films we examined in great detail tonight.  While you may never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy, I also will contend you will not find a more passionate Star Wars discussion than the one we had this week.

Truly one of our best shows, and we barely scratched the surface of these films.  Perhaps a deeper dive is in order for the future.

 

Tonight! May the Rankings Be With Us: All 11 Star Wars films rated by our panel of experts!

The LeBrain Train: 2000 Words or More with Mike Ladano and Friends

Episode 108 – All the Star Wars films, ranked!

 

This is a show that has been in the works a long time.  A long time.  I understand you’re Star Wars fans yourselves!  Then you will love this show we have lined up for you tonight.

The Nigel Tugnel Top Ten list format — a top 11 — is perfect for cases like this.  Tonight our panel of experts (top men!) will rank all 11 films (9 Saga movies plus 2 spinoffs).  This is sure to get hairy (Wookiee style) due to the diversity of the panel:

  • Erik Woods – movie and soundtrack expert
  • Robert Daniels – movie and soundtrack expert
  • Harrison Kopp – young fella who grew up on prequels and Clone Wars
  • LeBrain – old fart

Note:  We are only counting the 11 live action theatrical films, not any made-for-video films, or the animated Clone Wars (which did have a brief theatrical run).  Oh sure, Harrison might try to throw a curve ball but the rules are clear.

At the end of the night, will we have consensus?  I sure hope not!  What I do expect is plenty of lively conversation with maybe a little trash-talk.

Friday May 13, 7:00 PM E.S.T.  on YouTubeFacebook and also Facebook!

Raise Your Fist and Yell for these Alice Cooper Deep Cuts

Thank you to Marco from the Contrarians for your awesome contributions to this week’s discussion: Alice Cooper Deep Cuts!  And thanks as always to co-host Harrison the Mad Metal Man!  Harrison really came out of the box with some obscure but still notable songs that you need to check out.  The thing about Alice Cooper is…he’s so prolific, and even on the albums you might not like as much, there are always a standout song or two.  I was surprised to find so much love for certain songs (“Roses On White Lace”, “Aspirin Damage”, “Make That Money (Scrooge’s Song)”, “Fresh Blood” and more).  Alice’s albums were well represented on these lists, with only a handful going unmentioned.  Even so, our runners-up lists covered the shadowy corners of the discography.

More thanks:  Holen & Buried On Mars with two more lists of great songs that need to be heard and appreciated more often.

If you watched this episode live, I appreciate you too!  Another great Friday night for the books!

Alice Cooper Deep Cuts – With Marco from the Contrarians, Harrison and LeBrain!

The LeBrain Train: 2000 Words or More with Mike Ladano and Friends

Episode 107 – Alice Cooper Deep Cuts – Nigel Tufnel Top Ten lists

Tonight, please tune in to a list show over a year in the making!  Harrison the Mad Metal Man has been asking to do this theme for ages now, and we finally got the right trio to do it.  Marco from the Contrarians will be completing the panel tonight as we list off our Alice Cooper Deep Cuts.  No singles, no live concert staples.   Each of us will be listing 11 tracks for the full Nigel Tufnel Top Ten experience.

Think about it a minute.  There are all the classic Alice Cooper Band records, including the obscure opening duo of Pretties For You and Easy Action.  Not long after the classic run, the “blackout” albums that Alice doesn’t remember making.  The late 80s had their fair share of great deep cuts on Coop’s horror-themed Constrictor and Raise Your Fist and Yell.  Then we have Cooper’s entire output for the last 30 years with plenty of hidden gems.  Add in some pretty cool soundtracks and B-sides.  Yes, there will be a wealth of Alice riches tonight.

Your live participation means all the world to us, so I hope you can make it.  Go Leafs?

Friday May 6, 7:00 PM E.S.T.  on YouTubeFacebook and also Facebook!

 

The Adventures of Tee Bone Man – Chapter Three: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place To Be

Previously…

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be” came Tee Bone’s reply. “Let’s do this”

The Australian pressed the accelerator, and with the roar of the eight-cylinder engine, the car lurched forward and began its journey towards Hell. The needle climbed with every passing second, but even with the power of Tee Bone’s Scotch coursing through it, the old Ford was not what it used to be.

The Australian began to worry. They were not going fast enough, and they would run into a turn or, worse, another car soon. He threw his head back towards the direction of Tee Bone

“I don’t think we’re gonna make it!”

“Hold on!” Tee Bone yelled back. Then he began to wind his arm around a couple times, gathering air. The supercharger roared with delight. Then he hit the loudest power chord he had ever played, and the car surged forward as the world seemed to disappear in a flash of white.

For several seconds the only sound either of the men heard was the engine in front of them. Then colour returned to their vision. The colour red.

They had made it to Hell. Now they just needed to find the source of these disturbances, stop them and get back to the real world without dying. Somehow.

CHAPTER THREE: HELL AIN’T A BAD PLACE TO BE

“How did I get into this mess?” asked the Australian to himself, hiding behind a rock. “48 hours ago, I was grooming my moustache in my room, listening to the superior Blaze Bayley…and now here I am trapped in Hell with a madman!”

The flying madman in question, dressed in tights and cape, and wielding an electric guitar, was like a whirling dervish in the middle of a hellish landscape too twisted and horrific to describe.

Yet the sound of it all was music to the mustachioed Australian’s ears.


Earlier…

The spell had worked, and the pair entered Hell. With world-rending earthquakes set to ravage the Earth, Tee Bone Man and his young accomplice sought to find the source of the seismic waves, at the very core of the underworld. Surely they did not expect the entrance to the everlasting fire be unguarded, but what they faced before them was beyond their sickest nightmares.

Staring the pair down were thousands upon thousands of monsters. Assorted ghouls from the tradition of fire and brimstone: demons, goblins, evil spirits, orcs, darkfriends, dragons, and worse. If Tolkien had crossed paths with George R.R. Martin to write the ultimate battle scene, you’d still be looking at a day at a picnic compared to what our heroic duo now stared down!

Tee Bone Man was unshaken.

“Hold this?” he asked casually of his smaller friend, handing over his trademark black Van Halen mask for safekeeping.

“This means business.” Tee Bone Man reached behind his electric guitar, and unscrewed a compartment.

“Secret stash,” he winked as he grabbed a tiny capsule. “Scotch on the rocks.”

Tee Bone Man opened the capsule and downed the noxious substance inside. Suddenly he glowed in radioactive green light as he seemed to grow two times in size.

“Listen, friend,” Tee Bone said to the Australian. “I’m sorry you got dragged into this. But we’re not alone. Use this transmitter, call for help. Ask for Superdekes.” He handed the smaller man a pager-like device with a picture of an amp head on it. “We’ve opened the gates of Hell, he should be able to get in without having to do the spell over again, right?”

“Affirmative,” answered the Australian. “But the portal only stays open for one day. If you’re expecting help, help better hurry.”

Tee Bone Man winked again. “No problem for this guy. He’s inventive.”

With that, the hero grabbed his guitar, and began shredding. Lightning and flame ripped from the instrument, striking the demons and orcs charging their way. Tee Bone Man then ascended above them and dive-bombed the demons with the kind of power riffs they had never heard before. Even for hellspawn, the brain-melting power of the music was far too much to handle. Dozens at a time, the monsters were slain by the flying guitar slinger, banking to and fro in the air, dodging spears, axes and arrows.

“Take cover!” he yelled below to his friend.

Hiding behind a rock, the Australian pushed a button on the transmitter given to him by Tee Bone Man.


Somewhere in the tundra of Thunder Bay, Superdekes was fretting.

The quakes were worsening. They were worldwide. And he had not heard from his friend Tee Bone Man. Tracking him was usually routine, but this time he disappeared off the map. Not that Tee Bone Man couldn’t take care of himself, but this was the most critical adventure yet. This wasn’t just saving a bunch of southerners from a Sasquatch, this was saving the world!

A crackle on the radio.

“Come in? Tee Bone?” begged Superdekes into the microphone.

He paused and waited. “Anyone there?”

Suddenly another crackle, louder this time.

“Hello, I’m looking for Superdekes,” came a voice with a unique accent that was uncategorizable. “Come in Superdekes!”

“This is Superdekes, who’s this on Tee Bone’s radio?”

“This is Harrison Holden in Australia…well, Hell actually. Tee Bone Man and I are outnumbered and we need your help! Can you track us from this signal? The portal will only be open for 23 more hours and I don’t know if Tee Bone Man can hold them off that long!” A short pause followed and then the voice returned. “I am completely unarmed and hiding behind a rock. Not the most comfortable position to be in while being divebombed by parademons.”

“Oh boy,” said Superdekes to himself. “What did Tee Bone get himself into this time?” He pushed the button on his device again. Into the radio he spoke. “No problem kid. I can be there in a jiffy. I’ve been working on something. As for being unarmed, I got your back. Sit tight. What did you say your name was again?”

“I’m Harrison, from Australia,” the young man answered. “They call me the Man with the Moustache.”

“See you soon, Moustache Man,” answered Superdekes. He opened the door to the garage of their headquarters, Deke’s Palace.

Deke’s old black motorcycle helmet and suit hung on the wall, but the bike in the center of the room was brand new. It glimmered with a fiery red sheen, seemingly independent of the ambient light in the room. It evoked power, speed, and stealth all at once. It was a beauty.

“I was hoping to give this baby a trial run first, but duty calls. And you always gotta do your rock and roll duty.”

Superdekes opened a weapons locker, packed a couple bags, and sat atop the bike. With the push of a button, the whisper-quiet engine was engaged. Superdekes lowered the visor of his helmet and revved. The garage door opened and he rode out into the Thunder Bay arctic sun. It was frosty for August, as his breath formed clouds in front of his face.

With a sudden charge, the fire-red bike tore off, down the secret driveway onto the road.

“Here we go,” said Superdekes with a tinge of concern. He opened a control panel on the dash of his bike and flipped a toggle. As he accelerated down the road, flaps emerged from the sides of the bike, forming horizontal wings. At 160 kilometers per hour, Superdekes began to climb!

The flying motorcycle set course for the south Pacific, and Superdekes engaged the afterburners. Like the USS Enterprise going to warp speed, the bike disappeared in the air as it raced to save the world.


Wave after wave had fallen but our hero fought on!

With a stab, he impaled a hideous troll through the back with his guitar. A swing of the weapon removed the head from another. A kick to the face, and another one bit the dust. Focusing all his power, Tee Bone Man created the ultimate power chord and aimed it directly at a dragon overhead. With a thunderous cry, the mighty beast fell, unable to withstand distortion of that magnitude.

But they were getting nowhere! With young Harrison pinned down behind a rock, and Tee Bone fully engaged battling enemies, there was no way to find the source of, and stop the earthquakes.

“This is ridiculous,” said the young Australian. “I’m not hiding here behind a rock all day! I’ve got to find the source of the quakes.”

Venturing out, the man evaded the eyes of evil. He slunk along a line of rocks, using his keen Australian sense of seismic forces to triangulate the quakes. As Tee Bone Man blasted beasts overhead, the young man leaped from cover to cover, sensing he was getting closer.

A flying insectoid beasty landed right before him! It bared its fangs and approached.

“Meesa in big doo doo this time,” sighed the Australian as he prepared to defend himself hand to hand against the giant bug.

As the beasty dove at him to attack, it was distracted by a sound overhead. It looked up.

“Hey, Harrison! El Moustachio! Catch!”

The young Australian looked up and gasped at a sight he’d never seen before: a sleek flying motorcycle, slicing through the air like an arrow! Atop the flying bike, a rider in black. He tossed the young man a weapon.

A moustache-shaped weapon! A sonic boomerang!

“Thanks Superdekes!” shouted the young man with a smile on his face. He raised the moustache-shaped weapon and aimed. He’d been throwing boomerangs all his life, since Grade 1 Boomerang class at the local school. With deadly aim, he fired the weapon, which hummed with sonic cutting power. It swiftly removed an arm and two legs from the beast, leaving it Anakin-crippled in the hot sand.

“I hate sand,” mumbled Harrison Holden to himself, as the moustacherang returned to his deft hand.

Flying overhead and shredding chords, Tee Bone man saw that he had been joined by Superdekes. The tide was turning!

“Nice bike,” said Tee Bone. “When were you planning on telling me about your flying motorcycle?”

With a smirk Superdekes answered, “Since you can fly and I can’t, I was going to surprise you one day when you were on your morning scotch run. Surprise!” With that, Dekes nailed a couple flying demons with the sonic blasters attached to the wings of his bike.

Like old pros, the two formed up a position, and deftly took down a dozen or more airborne threats in one efficient strike. Below them, young Harrison Holden was tearing through a row of demons with his new favourite weapon.

“I do like this thing,” he said to no-one in particular.

Another one down, and the Australian noticed something in the rock wall dead ahead.

“Guys! This is El Moustachio,” he shouted into the transmitter. “I think I found the source. There’s a big door up ahead in the mountain face!”

Tee Bone Man looked down and saw the same thing. “I’ll clear you a path. Get to that door!” He blasted a clearing through the monsters with a supercharged solo from the Satriani book of rock.

As if on cue, the Australian bolted like Harry LaSalles towards the stone entrance. To his surprise, it opened right before his eyes! Could it be a trap? He was prepared for anything. Almost.

Harrison kept running until he entered…a beautifully decorated and lit 18th century hallway, right out of the most luxurious mansion he’d ever seen depicted. He came to a dead stop and looked around him. Paintings adored the walls; sculptures decorated the corners. There was a brightly lit room straight ahead, unguarded, and so he entered. What he saw, he could not believe. A Ming vase…a priceless Stradivarius violin…a Da Vinci sketch…a signed Gretzky rookie card…this place was beyond “millionaire” and straight into “billionaire”. What was it doing in the middle of Hell?

“Welcome, young Holden,” said a sinister voice from a dark corner, the only dark corner in the room.

“Show yourself!” demanded the young man.

“But of course,” answered the voice. On switched a light, and before him Harrison saw a red figure. Exactly as Derek Riggs had drawn him on Iron Maiden’s album covers, sat the Devil himself, comfortably in a plush chair.

“Please allow me to introduce myself, but I think you already know my name.”

“I do,” said Harrison with a lump in his throat. He certainly didn’t expect to have to face off against the great Satan all by himself. Then he remembered the transmitter in his pocket and covertly opened a channel.

“What do you want, foul one?” he said mustering all the courage he could find. “What do you want with the world? Stop your earthquakes or I’ll finish this myself!” He could not believe he was hearing himself say these things, but here he was! He felt stronger and more confident than he ever had before.

The unholiest saw through it. “You cannot hurt me, boy. But you do not have to hurt me. Let’s get to it. What I want, you have already brought with you.”

Now truly scared, Harrison answered defiantly, “Oh yeah? What’s that you evil wretch? Whatever it is, you won’t get it!”

A smile went from pointed ear to pointed ear. “I want Tee Bone Man’s autograph.”

A long pause.

“Say that again?” asked the young man.

“What I want,” said the sinister Devil, “is Tee Bone’s autograph. You see my collection here. Over there to my right, in the frame on the wall?” He pointed a long red fingernail at a record on the wall. “That’s an original. Beatles Yesterday and Today with the ‘butcher’ cover. Beautiful picture, I might add.” Lucifer paused and snickered to himself. “You know, it’s funny. All the shit that John Lennon took about being ‘bigger than Jesus’? You’re probably too young to remember that. They all said he’d be going straight to Hell for saying that. But do you see John Lennon here? No. Some of the people who swore he’d be coming here are now my neighbours, but one thing I don’t have in my collection is John Lennon.” He paused a moment, seemingly in sadness. Could a being this evil ever truly know sadness? “At least I could have Tee Bone Man’s autograph.”

A muscular figure loomed in the doorway. “If that’s what it will take to end this, then let’s talk, Devil.” Tee Bone Man, weary from the battle and covered with demon blood, entered the room. His supercharged presence lit the area even brighter. He winked at Harrison. Turning on that transmitter was a good idea.

“But why the hell — pardon the pun — why the hell didn’t you just ask me?” asked Tee Bone quite logically.

“Ask you how, exactly?” the great Satan answered. “Nobody plays records backwards anymore, there was no way to get your attention. If God can talk to people in the form of natural disasters as they claim, why can’t I?” He seemed pretty defensive, for a guy who’s supposed to be the ultimate evil.

“Listen,” the Devil started over again. “I’m not all that bad. Yes, I’ve done a lot of bad shit, but most of what goes down on Earth? That’s all you. Humans being shitty to each other. Until now, I haven’t intervened in human affairs in many years. Not since George W. Bush. He was the last one I swear. Since then, honestly, you guys have been doing a pretty good job of my work for me.”

Tee Bone Man looked down in contemplation.

“If what you say is true, then I truly have my work cut out for me up on Earth,” he said after a thought. “But dude, we just fought the armies of Mordor to get here. That was completely unnecessary!”

“It sure was awesome though, wasn’t it?” answered the demonic one.

Tee Bone sighed. It was the Devil, after all. Evil’s gonna evil.

“You can have your autograph, Lucifer.”

The Devil jumped up out of his chair and did a little dance. Just as he did, Superdekes entered the room and removed his helmet.

“Oh my God is that…did you bring…Superdekes? I thought he couldn’t fly? Sorry I’m such a big fan. Can I have his autograph too? I didn’t think there would be any way I could get both your autographs! In fact I never thought I’d ever see either of you here in Hell.” The Devil danced across the room as if on ice. He slid over to a massive bookshelf and removed his treasured autograph book.

“See? I already have a page set aside for you with your picture on it!” said the Devil to Tee Bone Man. “Sorry your picture is not in here, but I truly never expected to see Superdekes!”

“Mildy creepy, but OK. Got a pen?”

With that, pens appeared in Superdekes and Tee Bone Man’s hands.

As they signed the book, the Devil noticed young Harrison standing behind, slightly aloof.

“Come here, you,” motioned the Devil. “I want your autograph too! As far as I’m concerned, you’re part of the team now.”

With a smile, young Harrison Holden saw a pen in his hand.

“See, Tee Bone Man? What happened on that battlefield today made this young man with the moustache into a bonafide hero. The evil that I do often has a purpose.” Satan smiled from one pointed ear to the other again, his sharp teeth gleaming white.

Harrison the Hero leaned over and signed the book right under Tee Bone and Superdekes. Then he paused.

“Wait a minute,” he asked. “How do I know I didn’t just sign my soul over to you?”

Satan laughed. “Look, I may be the Devil, but the rules of contracts are very specific. For me to take your soul via a signed contract, the contract must be clear and understood by all parties. You signed my autograph book, that’s all. Look, check out page three.” The Devil magically flipped to the correct page. “That’s Elvis. And that one? Bruce Lee. You know how hard it was to get those autographs? Those guys aren’t here either. But Hitler is! I could give you a thousand numbered Hitler autographs to sell on eBay, if you want?”

“Uhhh, no thanks!” the three answered in unison.

“Then I thank you for your additions to my collection. I can’t wait to invite Adolf and Joseph to check them out! Farewell, you heroes!”

The Devil snapped his fingers and the three began to fade.

“Bye guys…” waved Harrison to the other two. They both waved back as all three disappeared, leaving the Devil alone with his new treasures.


Deke’s Palace, Thunder Bay.

The two materialized back in their old headquarters. Without a word, each took an armchair and sat, exhausted.

Long silence. An hour. Two hours.

Then Tee Bone stirred.

“Hey Superdekes. Pass the scotch? I could use a drink.”

“You got it, pal,” answered Superdekes. Their glasses clinked, a record spun, and the two friends drank. “You never got that replacement AC/DC vinyl on the Albert Productions label,” he reminded Tee Bone as an afterthought.

“Oh yeah,” said Tee Bone with a yawn. “No worries. We’ll go back and thank that Harrison Holden kid for everything one day. Then we can get you all the new vinyl you want.”

“Right on pal,” said Superdekes as the two friend clinked glasses again.

Until the next adventure!

Rapid Fire Friday with Rob, Harrison & Meat

A wonderful social gathering tonight with some rapid-fire action!  Robert Daniels stepped up to the plate at short notice to talk music, movies and TV.  We were joined by Harrison the Mad Metal Man, and Uncle Meat for some quiz fun.  It was an impromptu night of loose and entertaining chatter among friends.

Topics discussed:

  • Star Trek: Picard, The Original Series, and Animated
  • The new Ghost album Impera
  • Soundtracks
  • Van Halen, Roth & Easter
  • The Batman
  • And a random quiz of 11 questions that included audience participation answers!
  • Tons of fun!

We also played a bunch of music including the debut of a track called “Bones ‘N’ Clothes” by Plasticine, featuring Rob Szabo and Steve Strongman.  This song was very well received by our viewing audience and will definitely be heard again.

Thanks for watching!


Next week:  POLYCHUCK

 

A Vision In Sound: Celebrating 2 years of Rob Daniels and the LeBrain Train

It was my pleasure to honour the man who got the ball rolling for us back in the very beginning: Robert Daniels from Visions In Sound.  Because he inspired the LeBrain Train in the first place, I decided to share this anniversary special with him!

Not only did we surprise Rob with a brand new Tee Bone Erickson song called “A Vision In Sound”, but we also brought in his long time friend Erik Woods to enjoy the tribute.

Joining Rob, Erik and myself this evening were:

Pre-show viewers got to see a really cool gift unboxed from Aaron, Mr. KeepsMeAlive himself!

Show highlights included clips, although you may be well advised to skip the middle one, “The Author Reads:  Record Store Tales Part 7, A Shitty Story”.  Lots of gratitude to Uncle Meat who was the center of several clips we played.  Added bonus:  a vintage video and story from the Meat Man!

You will be able to buy the track “A Vision In Sound” from Tee Bone’s Bandcamp site soon.

Thanks for watching!  If you didn’t, don’t hesitate to see it below.  Another big thanks to Marco the Contrarian for sharing the show with the Contrarians Patreons.


NEXT WEEK:

April 1 – 7:00 PM – The Prank Show with Chris Thuss

COMING UP:

April 23 – 12:00 noon – Polychuck’s back!

The Adventures of Tee Bone Man – Chapter Two: Hell Freezes Over (by Harrison Kopp)

CHAPTER TWO:  HELL FREEZES OVER

by Harrison Kopp

In the snowy climes of Thunder Bay, two friends sat in the basement of Deke’s Palace listening to records. The name of the establishment was a tongue-in-cheek reference to the fact that this place was most certainly not anything resembling a palace. Those that had the dubious honour of visiting the place would often claim that the only thing holding up the walls were the cockroaches. Legend even has it that Sloan actually refused to play there.

Of course, this was all in service of a very deliberate attempt to keep prying eyes away, because underneath this dilapidated structure was the well-equipped basement these two friends operated from.

As the Scotch flowed and the needle hit wax, their discussion continued.  They had just defeated a mighty sasquatch, saving some new friends from utter doom in the process. Not usually normal conversation topics for a pair of Canadian buddies, but these were not ordinary individuals.

“You know, from a distance that sasquatch kinda looked like my brother Rugg,” said the first man, the spandex-clad superhero Tee Bone Man. A devil on the guitar, he was a champion of arena rock, fine alcohol and Canadian hospitality.

“That’s true, the resemblance was uncanny,” said the second man, the reliable gentleman and (currently) regular hero known as Superdekes who assisted Tee Bone in his heroic endeavours.  “But back to the tunes.  I don’t care what that Brainiac from Southern Ontario thinks.  5150 is killer.  Sammy Hagar was no Roth, but comparisons are silly.”

Tee Bone took a moment to think.

“True, his friend, that meaty guy, seems to agree with you though.”  He paused to sip his drink.  “Drop the needle, let’s play it again.”

Superdekes leaned over the turntable.  “Just like old times man,” he proclaimed as the needle fell.

“Hellllllllllo baby!” screamed Sammy Hagar as the record started playing.

Then came a strange noise that was definitely not the opening guitar squeal to “Good Enough”. While it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that the noise the two men were hearing was indeed Eddie Van Halen, it would have taken some interesting hand positions to pull it off.

Then a skip. And the record seemed to start again. “Hellllllo…Hell…Hell…Hell…”

“Uh oh” proclaimed Superdekes.  “That’s not a good sign.  That’s the danger vibes again!  Someone needs our help.”

Tee Bone turned to the nearest computer.  “You’re right.  Something’s wrong.  And it’s global this time.  It seems… earthquakes everywhere!”

Suddenly Superdekes had a hunch.

“My metal senses are tingling,” he said.  He placed AC/DC on the turntable.  Dropping the needle on “Highway to Hell”, the skipping was far more pronounced. The danger signs were clear.

“Australia is the epicenter,” said Superdekes.  “Looks like you’re on your own this time.  I’ll monitor from here and do what I can.  Why is it again that you’re the only one who can fly?”

Tee Bone grabbed the nearest guitar and donned his cape.  “You know the origin story as well as anyone, let’s not rehash it. You’re my roadie, remember?” he said with a wry smile, motioning towards the motorbike leaning against the wall. “Quite literally”.

“Har har,” came Superdekes’s reply. “You know that’s not how it goes”.

“I know, and I’m still looking for another one for you, but they don’t sell spares Dekes over at Canadian Tire. So where in Australia am I heading?  It’s not a small country you know.”

Superdekes listened carefully to the skipping record.  “I can’t pinpoint it,” he said in frustration.  “But you’re gonna need to find the Highway to Hell.”

Then he had an idea.

“Give me that guitar a minute. I think I can help narrow it down”

Tee Bone handed his guitar across, and Superdekes began tuning it. After a short time, he handed it back.

“I’ve put it in the same tuning as the danger vibes. It should react the closer you get,” Superdekes explained.

“Thanks, Super Roadie” Tee Bone replied with a smile, flying off into the sky with the guitar.


Tee Bone Flight 666 direct to Australia was pretty uneventful, other than the guitar occasionally humming as he approached the country, and soon enough he was hovering above the western city of Perth.

And he was sweating like never before. This place gave a new meaning to the word hot, and if Tee Bone didn’t know better, he’d have said that it was hotter than hell in this place. Heck, it was even hot in the shade! He was at least somewhat pleased, however, that the inhabitants hadn’t been literal when they said that everything here was trying to kill you.

Then the world began to shake underneath him. He knew it must have been another earthquake because he hadn’t had enough Scotch to affect his vision yet.

The tremor passed quickly, and he flew down to see if anyone needed his assistance. He was relieved to find that no one appeared to be hurt. But then something caught his attention. It was the sound of music. He didn’t recognise the baritone singer, but he knew good riffs whenever he heard them.

He followed it to its source: a house occupied by a moustache-clad young Australian. To go with his shoulder-length hair and moustache was a small tuft on his lower lip that completed the look.

Tee Bone silently remarked that the man’s facial hair was arranged in the shape of an arrow. He wasn’t really sure who needed directions to this man’s nostrils, but whoever they were, they had them.

Needless to say, the moustachioed man was taken rather aback by this sudden development. He was not in the habit of inviting spandex-clad superheroes into his backyard, not that he’d really had the chance too before.

But there was a sense of familiarity about the man hovering before him. Perhaps it was the Van Halen logo on his mask and enjoyment of the music, but the Australian felt like he was in the presence of a friend.

“Hey, uh, Mr. Van Halen. Can I…help you with anything by any chance?” He cautiously asked.

“Call me Tee Bone Man, and, actually, I think you can,” Tee Bone replied “I need to stop these earthquakes, and to do that I need a return ticket to hell. I’ve been told the only way to get that is through the Highway to Hell, which I’m going to need some directions to.”

The moustachioed man thought for a second.

“I know the place. There are a few slight wrinkles though,” he said. “One does not simply drive into hell. There’s a specific ritual that needs to be done”.

“Well, what is it?” came Tee Bone’s reply.

“That’s the other wrinkle,” the Australian sheepishly replied. “The ritual is said to be written on the vinyl sleeve for the AC/DC album Highway to Hell, and I…err…don’t own that album.”

Tee Bone smiled.

“Well lucky for you, I know someone who does,” and he pulled out his phone “Hey Deke, I need you to do something you’re not going to like.”

Superdekes most certainly did not like that suggestion.

“You want me to do what!? Submerge the sleeve for Highway to Hell in the vintage ’66 Scotch? Are you out of your mind?”

“It’s the only way to read the ritual process,” Tee Bone countered “We need it. I’m in Australia, I’ll buy a new copy”

This perked Deke up a little.

“Well now that you mention it, you are indeed in Australia. How’s about you pick up an original Aussie pressing for me.”

“That’s pretty rare you know, they don’t exactly grow on trees. Not that I see many trees around here anyway.”

Deke stood his ground like a bass player on stage.

“Alright, you win. We’ll get that LP for you.”

“Excellent” he said, with a slight grin “You’ll want the Albert Productions vinyl. Shouldn’t be too hard for a man of your abilities.”

“Not at all. We’ll get on it as soon as we finish up here.”

Mollified, Superdekes went to work grudgingly defacing the vinyl sleeve. Sure enough, bright red text appeared on it and, soon enough, he had the answer the two men needed.

“Alright, here it is: You need to drive down the Highway to Hell at 142 kilometres per hour*, in the chariot of death, to the tune of pure rock.”

“Great, that’s going to be a hassle”, Tee Bone grumbled.  “Thanks Deke, we’ll figure it out somehow.”

He hung up and turned back to his new Australian acquaintance.

“I’m guessing it’s been a while since there’s been any chariots around here, so I reckon we’ll need to find a regular old car that suits the criteria.”

It was the moustachioed man’s turn to smile.

“Well lucky for you, I know somewhere that will have what we’re after.”


The Clairemont car show was quite the spectacle. There were certainly vehicles that caught the notice of the two men. Shiny, chromed muscle cars abounded, but none of them had the presence the men required. Until one did, towards the very end of the building, tucked away in the back. The way it caught the attention of both men was ironic, given its black-on-black paint job, but they knew this was the machine they were after. It was difficult persuading the owner to lend it to them, but an unending bottle of Scotch courtesy of Tee Bone and a mobius strip of a guitar solo did the trick.

And so the two men drove their new ride to the site of the ritual: Canning Highway. When they arrived, Tee Bone noticed an immediate problem.

“It’s too crowded now. It would be too dangerous to try and reach those speeds with all these other cars around. We’ll have to wait until night-time.”

The moustachioed man agreed, and decided to kill the time with the Canadian man inside one of the legendary Bon Scott’s favourite haunts along the road, the Raffles Hotel.

Over the next couple of hours Tee Bone found himself treated to some of Australia’s finest Scotch, a revelation about the actual number of people called Bruce in the land, and a particularly amusing crowd interaction with one of the songs on the jukebox.

“No way. Get fucked. Fuck off!” came the crowd’s reply every time the singer asked a seemingly sincere question about seeing someone’s face again.

Tee Bone raised an eyebrow in the direction of the Australian beside him.

“Australian tradition since 1977. We can be an odd bunch sometimes.”

Tee Bone silently wondered if the heat might have had some sort of effect on the people living here, and then went back to his drink.

Eventually nightfall finally came, and the two men left the respectable drinking establishment, more than a little hydrated. As they returned to their new vehicle, Tee Bone put his hand on the moustachioed man’s shoulder.

“Hey, I’ve got something to help this baby hit the speeds we need.”

Resting a bottle of Scotch on the bonnet, Tee Bone played a fiery guitar solo, imbuing the alcohol with an orangey glow.

“Put this in the fuel tank to give it an extra kick” he said, handing the, now very warm, bottle of Scotch to the moustachioed man, who obliged.

Tee Bone breathed in the cool night air and casually observed the road to make sure there weren’t any cars nearby. Satisfied, he turned back to his partner.

Now having finished adding the Scotch mixture to the fuel, the moustachioed man instinctively reached for the driver’s side door, but paused, looking at the Canadian superhero next to him.

“You’d better take the wheel,” Tee Bone assured him. “You’re familiar with the road rules here, and which side of the road to drive on.”

“Right. Good point” came the Australian’s reply.

“And you haven’t just drank a tonne of Scotch,” Tee Bone continued, mounting the car, guitar in hand.

With no rear window, Tee Bone was able to situate himself atop the car, looking forward. Not only did this cut a much cooler image for anyone lucky enough to witness the coming proceedings, but it also allowed him to see any hazards as they came and react to them in time.

The Australian, meanwhile, had taken his seat on the right side of the car and took a brief moment to gather himself for the coming task. It was not going to be easy, but that wasn’t going to stop him from giving it his all. There was no turning back now. He quickly adjusted his moustache, tuned the radio to rock and keyed the ignition. The familiar hum of an internal combustion engine filled him with some warmth.

His nerves somewhat settled, he turned his head back towards the man he might end up spending the rest of his life with, if things went south here.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be” came Tee Bone’s reply. “Let’s do this”

The Australian pressed the accelerator, and with the roar of the eight-cylinder engine, the car lurched forward and began its journey towards hell. The needle climbed with every passing second, but even with the power of Tee Bone’s Scotch coursing through it, the old Ford was not what it used to be.

The Australian began to worry. They were not going fast enough, and they would run into a turn or, worse, another car soon. He threw his head back towards the direction of Tee Bone

“I don’t think we’re gonna make it!”

“Hold on!” Tee Bone yelled back. Then he began to wind his arm around a couple times, gathering air. The supercharger roared with delight. Then he hit the loudest power chord he had ever played, and the car surged forward as the world seemed to disappear in a flash of white.

For several seconds the only sound either of the men heard was the engine in front of them. Then colour returned to their vision. The colour red.

They had made it to hell. Now they just needed to find the source of these disturbances, stop them and get back to the real world without dying. Somehow.

 

 

To be continued in Chapter 3: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place To Be

 

 

* 88 miles per hour

“I Love My Dolls” – The Snow & Tell Collectables show

A terrific show tonight, as we (literally in some cases) dusted off some rare rock and roll collectables.  All apologies for showing off my ample stomach; fortunately you got to see some equally ample collections as well!  Kiss, Leppard, Maiden, Sabbath…we brought you some of the coolest vintage items and stories to go with them.  Ticket stubs?  Lots!  Tour programs?  Got ’em.  Things you didn’t know existed?  Check that box off as well.  Random stuff sent to us by Aaron?  Aye carumba!

Guests tonight included John Snow who has a nice collection of autographs, and Harrison Kopp with some rare old CDs.

Next week is the 2 year anniversary LeBrain Train with Rob Daniels and Tee Bone (and hopefully more)!  Thanks for watching, as we roll into a 3rd year of the Train!

 

“Snow” and Tell: Rock and Roll Collectables on tonight’s LeBrain Train with John and Harrison

This is a show that people have been wanting for a long time! So what do we do? We give the people what they want!

The LeBrain Train: 2000 Words or More with Mike & Friends

Episode 102 – “Snow” and Tell: Rock and Roll Collectables

Tonight on the LeBrain Train, Mike will be joined by John Snow of 2Loud2OldMusic fame once more, to compare collectables!  “Show and Tell” shows are always casual and fun, and this one will be special!  While our collections are modest compared to some, they aren’t too shabby and should be more than enough to keep you entertained on a Friday night.  We will be joined by Harrison the Mad Metal Man who has a couple cool things to show off as well.  What will we see?  Action figures, Funko Pops, tour programs, ticket stubs and lots more!  (Personally, I hope to see the world’s only Blaze Bayley bobblehead.)

As for me, I intend to tear apart my music room live tonight, to show you everything I can!  Some items, like my Spinal Tap and Beatles figures, are in storage.  There’s still plenty here to enjoy!  I have old newspaper clippings and all sorts of cool stuff to rediscover here.  Grab a beverage and settle for a fun Friday with us tonight!

 

Friday March 18, 7:00 PM E.S.T. on YouTubeFacebook and also Facebook!