Adventures of the Northern Lights: Georgia On My Mind

THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS – Phase 3 – The Unicron Saga

Chapter Eight: Georgia On My Mind

“There is no way I’m driving to Georgia,” said Mike as he sat at his desk at Northern Lights HQ.  He leaned back in his chair and waited for someone else on the call to speak.  As it turns out, it was Jex Rambo who spoke first.

“Mon ami, you are the one amongst us that knows him the most.  It has to be you!”  Jex had a point there, but he was also missing the point.  Mike was getting testy and frustrated.

“Hello!!  McFly!”  Mike made a mock-knocking motion towards his camera.  “I’m not disputing that!  It’s the driving I’m objecting to!  I’ll go to Georgia, begrudgingly, but I’m not going by road.  You set me up with a jet, a spaceship, I don’t care what it is as long as it gets me there quickly without having to stop for gas.”  Mike stood firm.  “Or charging!” he added, thinking of all the alternatives.

Tim Durling, head of the Durling Foundation, shook his head.  “The world is in a state of chaos right now.  I’m not eager to violate US air space today, even with the stealth jet.”

From his screen in Owen Sound Ontario, where he was currently stationed, Jex raised a hand.  “I have an idea!  Georgia is on the coast – Can we have Mike go by sea?  The King of Sharks has been standing by for weeks, waiting to be sent on a summer mission.”

Durling snapped his fingers.  “That’s a brilliant idea, musclehead!  Alert Rob Daniels.  Tell him to suit up and prepare for a mission.  And Mike, you’ll need backup.  The Snowman’s resources are bottomless, even with his recent and very expensive move to his new location in Georgia.  And…he strikes me as slightly unstable.”

“He’s crazy, sir,” said Mike.  “Let’s not mince words.  The man is nutty as a fruitcake.”

Durling nodded.  “Pick your team.  You have the King of Sharks, and who else?  Pick your third.”

Mike considered for a moment.  As much as he enjoyed working with his sister Dr. K and her army of Schnauzers, the idea of being at sea with a pack of terriers made him queasy.  Harrison, unfortunately, was unavailable on a side quest with Ripper the Squirrel.  Aaron was busy…Jex and the Night Ranger were with Aaron…the list was shortening.

“I’ll take…I’ll take Bernard,” sighed Mike.

“You want to take a guy who wears steel armor over the water?  I don’t think that’s wise,” said Tim.  “Besides he doesn’t carry electronic devices and we can’t reach him very quickly.”

“Fine!” shouted Mike in exasperation.  “We both know there’s only one guy who’s available and on call right now.  I’ll take…I’ll take Max the Axe.”

Durling smiled.  “He’s kind of a big deal.  Jex, make the arrangements.  Get Mike and Max to the coast immediately where they will rendezvous with the King of Sharks.”

“Copy that,” said Jex.  “Over and out.”  Jex disconnected.

Durling turned to Mike.  “Mike, this might be your most dangerous mission yet.  It’s up to you.  Only you can find out if the Snowman has betrayed us.  Godspeed, sir.”  Tim disconnected.

Mike sat alone on the front deck staring at his blank screen.  Snowman could be a traitor, and his backup was Max the Axe.  What a mission.

“Great…” he sighed.

Max the Axe stood ready at Kincardine Harbour.  He waved as the yellow Volkswagen Beetle with the bright red Autobot logo approached.  Max was packing his axe guitar, and a large duffle bag.  The Beetle kicked up dust and came to a stop right by Max’s bag.  The passenger door opened and out stepped mission-ready Mike.

“Thanks for the ride, Dr. K!” he said as he slammed the door shut.  Dr. K drove off, leaving Mike to get re-acquainted with Max the Axe.

“How’s it going man!” said Max, leaning in for a hug.”  “I got two new hips you know!  Titanium!  Like on the Titanic!”

“The Titanic wasn’t make of titanium, Max,” said Mike as he returned the hug.  “Good to see you though.  I can smell that you got the skunk out of your clothes.”

“Yeah!  And I brought you some presents too!” said Max.

“Save the gifts for later, we don’t want to unpack until we’re on board,” instructed Mike.  He looked around.  The harbour was busy today, with tourist boats and fishing vessels, but no sign of Rob Daniels, King of the Sharks.  “Do you have any idea what we’re waiting for?” he asked.

“Nope,” said Max.  “Durling just said to wait here, and Daniels would pick us up.”

The pair waited a while.  It was a beautiful day and Mike regretted that he had to leave.  But duty called.  The lake was a stunning vibrant blue.  Gulls circled overhead.  A kid was flying a red kite, which dove and sailed in the sky above.  Max was sweating under his heavy head of hair.

“I’m gonna go for a quick swim,” announced Max.  He took off his black T-shirt and shoes as he made his way towards the sparkling water.  Testing his new hips, he slowly and cautiously stepped.

“Great,” sighed Mike again.  “My backup, who is recovering from hip surgery, has decided to go for a swim.  This is gonna go great.”  Max was now in the water, splashing and waving.  “At least he’s having a good time,” said Mike.

“Hey ladies,” shouted Max to a nearby gaggle of splashing girls.  “I’m kind of a big deal!” he finished, but had none of their attention.  Suddenly though, a large wave began to form several meters out at sea.

“SHARK!  SHARK!” yelled Max as he and his titanium hips quickly made their way out of the water.  This time the girls listened, as the wave grew larger and closer.

“Ah, this must be our ride,” said Mike as he picked up his belongings.  “C’Mon Max!  Shirt up – our ride is here!”

Indeed, the Brainiac was right, for heading towards the beach was a sleek, shiny black mechanical shark!  It was the size of a decent submarine.  It could only belong to the King of Sharks himself, Robert Daniels.  As the mechanical shark beached, its mouth opened to form an egress.  In the gaping maw stood Rob, in his full battle gear with trident at hand.

“All aboard!” shouted Rob.  Max was toweling off, but Mike wasn’t waiting for him.  Running up the bottom jaw, which was now a ramp, Mike hugged his old friend.

“Good to see you again Rob,” said Mike with a pat on the back.  “This is going to be a fun trip.”

Rob shook Max’s hand as he boarded.  “Hi Max, welcome aboard the HMS Visions In Sound, my ship.”  He turned his attention back to Mike.  “Is it going to be a fun trip?  My orders were to take you to the Snowman’s new headquarters in Georgia, and investigate him as the possible leak in the Northern Lights.”

Suddenly Max’s eyes opened wide in attention.  “Leak?  This shark has a leak?”

Mike shook his head.  “No, Max.  We think Snowman is the guy who has been leaking our intel.  We’re going to find out.”

Max nodded in understanding, Rob had questions.

“How come we don’t just feed Snowman some bogus intelligence?  Then we’ll know if he’s the leak for sure.”

“Not necessarily, Rob.  We think the enemy got the info they were after when they attacked me at summer HQ, and have ceased operations.  Also, of all of us, I have known Snowman the longest and I felt that I should deal with this personally, this time.”  Mike was serious.  He had known the man called John Snow for 15 years.  He didn’t relish this meeting, but it had to happen.

“Well, if we’re all aboard now, I’ll show you to your guest quarters and we can get underway,” said Rob.

“Aye-aye, Captain!” said Max with a salute.  He quickly sauntered off to look at Rob’s impressive soundtrack library, adorning the walls inside the shark.

“Don’t touch the soundtracks with wet hands!” asked Rob.  “And don’t play the pipe organ either!”  Indeed, towards the front cabin was a mighty, massive pipe organ.

“Impressive!” said Mike, nodding in approval.  “Most impressive!  Batten down the hatches and make for the ocean!”

Cruising at an impressive speed, Rob’s shark, the HMS Visions In Sound, made its way through the Great Lakes locks, into the St. Lawrence River and out to sea.  When there were storms, it simply sailed beneath the tempests.  Thus far it had been an uneventful, though scenic, trip.  Captain Rob chose a route that allowed them to observe several remarkable shipwrecks.  He played a number of soundtracks from his personal collection.  Meanwhile, Max had somehow managed to get permission to play the pipe organ, which he did – quite well, in fact.  It was, all things considered, quite a pleasant mission so far!

The calm was broken by a flashing light.

“What’s that?” asked Mike, pointing.

“Proximity light,” answered the Captain.  “That means we’re approaching American waters.”

“Already?  Wow…” said Mike, amazed at how quickly they made it to Georgia.  “After we land in Savannah, we’ll need to make our way to the Stone Mountains, three hours from Atlanta.  They’re actually made of granite! Mr. Durling should have some local transportation pre-arranged for us.”

Rob sat a moment and pondered a question.  “Are you saying we’re going to be on American soil, illegally?”

Mike answered with confidence.  “Oh sure, but we’ve done that for virtually every US mission so far!  We have to stay under their radar.  I’m not at liberty to discuss the details, but it is imperative that US government agents don’t know we are here.”

“And if something goes wrong and we’re arrested?” asked Rob with concern.

“It won’t come to that,” assured Mike.

“Unless John Snow is the traitor?” pressed Rob.

“…Yeah, unless John Snow is the traitor and turns us in.  But he won’t.  I have…a feeling…about it.  I’ve been getting premonitions recently.  We will be OK.  And if Snowman does call the fuzz on us, Durling assures me he has an extraction plan.”

“Well I don’t share your optimism,” revealed Rob.

“Trust the Force!” said Mike.  “Also, doesn’t the King of the Sharks have any kind of diplomatic immunity?”

“The ‘King’ title is more of an honorific, bestowed upon me by the sharks themselves.  I have their loyalty, and they have mine.  But on land?  I’m as vulnerable as you are, and subject to law.”

“It’ll be OK,” shushed Mike.

An alarm sounded.

“What’s that now?” asked Mike.

Rob checked his coordinates and confirmed.  “We are now in American coastal waters.  Full stealth mode is active.”

“A stealth shark.  Who would have imagined?” said Mike.  “Hey Maxie!  Lay off the organ.  It’s mission time.”

Max the Axe hit a few final notes.  A new masterpiece.  He tied his hair up in a ponytail.  Not exactly navy regulation, but nobody was going by the book on this mission.

Rob began giving orders.  “Max, I want you on sonar.”  He pointed towards a console.  “Mike, I need you at battle stations.”

“Cool!” said Mike.  “What is this thing armed with?  Torpedoes?”

“That and more,” answered Captain Rob.  “My greatest advantage is an ocean full of sharks.  They’re violent creatures, but effective.”

Max and Mike familiarized themselves with their stations and Rob took the shark up a few hundred feet.  A school of curious jellyfish trailed them harmlessly.  It was beautiful under the sea.

“Hey look!  It’s James Cameron!” said Mike, pointing out a porthole.  “Just kidding.”

“Hah-hah,” deadpanned Rob, while Max tried to find James Cameron on his sonar.

“Found him!!” cried Max in victory, looking in deep concentration at his sonar.

“Wait…found who, Max?” queried the Captain.

“Mike said James Cameron.  That must be him on my radar,” answered Max, pointing.

Rob ran over to the sonar station and looked.  “That’s not James Cameron!  That’s a Colossal Squid!”

“Dangerous?” asked Mike with concern.

“Unknown,” answered Rob truthfully.  “These creatures are so rare that they’re almost never seen, and only fleetingly.  We’re about to get a close-up.”  Rob paused a moment.  “Yet we’re not deep enough to be in its natural habitat.”

“It’s following us!” theorized Max.

“I can’t rule that out…” said Rob with great concern.

“It’s gaining on us!” said Max as he checked his sonar again.

“Rob, if you summon a school of sharks, they can take that thing down,” suggested Mike.

“I’d prefer a non-lethal solution!  This is a rare, endangered species.  We have to avoid harming it.”  Rob considered his options while Mike stood ready at the weapons bay should they be needed.

“Mike, fire a blast of compressed air straight aft!” commanded the Captain.

“Aye aye, Cap” said Mike as he locked and loaded.  “Fire!”

From the rear of their craft, a large bubble of compressed air shot straight and true.  The squid swam straight into it, but quickly recovered and resumed pursuit.

“Squid still behind us Cap!” said Max on sonar.  “Further behind, but speeding up again!”

“He thinks we’re food!” shouted Mike.

Rob snapped his fingers.  “Who said it’s a he?  It could be a female, protecting its young!”

“Can we use that to our advantage?” asked Mike.

“Let’s try it.  Launch the probe!  Send it directly behind us, retracing our course!  If we disturbed this squid’s territory, we might be able to scare it into returning to protect its eggs.  Turn on all its tracking lights and let it loose!”

Mike found the controls and settings.  With the press of a button, he launched the probe directly aft.  With speed, it sailed directly behind the squid, and into the cold black depths.  The squid turned a moment and stopped.  And then, just as hoped, it turned to pursue the probe!  Max confirmed all this via his sonar console.

“High five!” cried Max.  “Your plan worked, Cap’n!”

“Well, let’s not congratulate anyone yet,” cautioned Rob.  “The sea gives as easily as it takes away.  Without bias, at its whim.”

“Woah…” said Max in contemplation.

“Alright, stations on alert.  Keep your eyes open people!  On course for Savannah, Georgia!” commanded Rob.

They travelled silently beneath the waters for several minutes without incident, when suddenly Max spotted something on sonar.

“Uhhh, guys, our friend is back,” he warned.  “And I think she’s mad.”

Indeed, the same blip had returned, and it was moving faster than ever.  Mike ran to a rear porthole to see if he could catch a view.

“Oh shit…” said Mike.  He could see blazing lights following behind.  The lights of their probe.  “That thing got our probe and she’s right behind us again.”

The squid discarded the broken probe, pushed out a cloud of ink, and accelerated.

“Captain with respect, I think we need that lethal option,” said Mike to Rob.

“Not yet!” cautioned Rob.  “We’re not out of tricks.  Stand by.  Max, how many meters?

Max studied his console.  “It says she’s only 35 meters behind us!  No…33…no…32.”

“Mike, stand by to electrify!” ordered the Captain.

“I know where you’re going with this, I’ve seen 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea too!” answered Mike.  “Standing by!”  He held his hand over the switch.

Moments later, the sub shuddered as the squid grasped it!  They came to a lurking halt!  The hull groaned.

“ACTIVATE!” shouted Rob.  Mike hit the switch and the interior lights went out!  Red emergency lights came on as the hull electrified!  The squid, caught by surprise, ejected a cloud of ink and released the sub.

A light flashed on a panel.  Rob leaped from his seat and looked with alarm.  “We leaking in the aft quarter!  I’m sealing those sections off and attempting to pump out the water!”  Rob furiously worked the control panel.  “Mike, take the helm!”

Mike jumped from the weapons console and took the center seat.  Electricity returned to the bridge, and every control panel began screaming.

“Uhh, Rob,” said Mike with urgency.  “Looks like we’re descending fast!  I’m trying to pull up, but the control surfaces aren’t responding!  I think that squid did more damage than we realized.”

“Max, what’s our location?” asked the Captain.

“Uhhh…about two clicks from shore…” answered the Axe.

Rob considered his options.  “Control surfaces are barely working…OK, Mike, keep her nose up.  I’m changing into my diving suit.  Once I am changed, then I’ll take over the controls, and you change.  Max, get into your diving suit.  We’re disembarking.”

“Copy that!” said Max.

Five minutes later, the trio had suited up.  Rob led the way to the airlock, and opened the outer hatch.  One by one, the three swam out of the shark sub.  From there, they could see the damage.  The rear was crushed.  Air bubbled out from numerous panels.  The HMS Visions In Sound was going down.  Rob saluted the good ship as it cruised, empty, towards the bottom.

“My axe guitar…” lamented Max.  “What now?” he asked.  “We swim?”

Rob snickered in his diving mask.  “Swim?  No.  We ride!”

The three divers noticed another trio swiftly approaching.  Three hammerhead sharks!  With some trepidation, Mike and Max each mounted a shark.  Rob was in total control of the majestic beasts.  To them, the hammerheads gently nuzzled them in a friendly manner.  It was remarkable.

“If only Jacques Cousteau could see this!” exclaimed Max.

“You’re right, Max!” said Rob.  “Now just hold on and let the sharks do the swimming!”

“Wooooo hoo!” shouted Mike as the trio shot off in the water.

It was a scene as if from an Avatar movie.  The three riders held steady on their undersea mounts.  In what seemed like mere minutes, they were in sight of the shore.

“Stay under the water,” instructed Mike.  “We can’t be spotted.  Find a secluded location for us to land.”

“I see a small cove ahead,” said Rob, who today truly was the King of Sharks.  “Wait a sec…what’s that?”

“I see it too.  What is that?” answered Mike.

The three slowed their approach as they spotted something very strange on the seafloor ahead.

“Is that…that’s an undersea internet cable, isn’t it?” asked Mike.

Rob, using the HUD (Heads Up Display) in his helmet, examined the anomaly before them.  “It looks like an undersea data cable,” said Rob.  “But it’s unregistered on any records.  It’s not supposed to be there.”

“Don’t worry about it then,” said Max.  “Let’s keep going.”

“Wait a minute…not yet.  This cable starts here in Savannah.”  Mike was thinking.  “Rob, can you send some sharks to follow this cable and see where it ends?”  Mike could see it bent and went south.

“Easily!” answered the King of Sharks.  In moments, a squad of great whites arrived for their instructions.  Then, they bore due south, following the undersea cables the men had discovered.

“Why are we wasting time on this?” asked Max impatiently.  “I want to be back on land.”

“Just a hunch,” answered Mike.  “I’ve been having a lot of hunches lately and they’re usually right.  Rob, how long before we hear back from the sharks?”

“Several hours at least,” answered Rob.

“OK.  Let’s press ahead.  Let’s follow this cable to land, if we can.”  Mike pointed the way forward, and the three rode their hammerheads towards shore.

Only a few meters from the shoreline, the undersea cable disappeared under rocks.  Presumably, it continued underground from there.

“Damn,” said a frustrated Mike.  “Any ideas?”

Rob spoke up.  “Yes, I think we resume our primary mission, which is contacting the Snowman.  Call Mr. Durling, and tell him to send a car with some dry clothes.  Let’s get ashore, out of these suits and get to the Stone Mountains.”

“Good plan, Captain,” said Max.

The three stood at a roadside.  A black limousine pulled up to take them to their destination.  Now in clean clothes, and playing the soundtrack to James Cameron’s The Abyss in the background, they enjoyed a brief respite before resuming their mission.  Rested and refreshed, they were all in better moods.

Before long, they had arrived at the Stone Mountains.  Snowman owned the whole nature preserve.  He had really done well here.  The land was beautiful.

“This is it,” knocked Mike on the limo driver’s window.  “This is Snowman’s address.  His lair, so to speak.”

The three disembarked the limo and looked at a driveway that seemingly led into a mountainside.  A callbox was installed on the cliff face.  Mike shrugged and walked over.  Pushing the button on the callbox, he spoke.

“Hello?  This is Mike, Max the Axe, and Rob Daniels.  We’re friends of the Snowman and we wanted to check out his new place.”

Immediately, a giant opening appeared in the mountain face!  Large enough to drive several vehicles through.

“After you,” said Max.  Mike led the trio into the mountain.  The door closed behind them.  The interior was spacious, well lit and made entirely of granite.

Rob looked around.  “I dunno Mike…this is like the supervillain’s lair in a Bond film.”

“Well, he’s eccentric,” shrugged Mike.  There were at least a dozen supercars here.  “This must be his garage…look, he even has the KISS Plymouth Prowler.”  Indeed, Snowman had an immaculate KISS Prowler, with trailer, just sitting there in this mountain.

As if on cue, the Snowman appeared from an elevator.  “GENTLEMEN!  So good to see you!  Come in!  Have some sweet tea and Simmons Soda with me!”  Then, Snowman ran to Mike and gave him a big hug.  “Old friend, always good to see you!”

“A version of me, at least!” said Mike.  Come here man…give me a bigger hug.”  The two embraced.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to you being back,” said Snowman.  “A couple of years ago I watched you die in my arms.  You never quite get over watching one of your friends die.”

“It’s all good Snowman, I’m here just like old times.   As if it never happened!” said Mike, who was a multiversal variant of himself known colloquially as ‘Brainiac II’.  “Trust me, I know.  In my universe, of all of us, I was the only survivor.  Until Harrison arrived and brought me here.  I know loss better than anyone.  But enough of that.  How was your move to Georgia?”

“It was awful!  I had to sell the Super Duper Vault,” said a saddened John.  “Not one transportation company was willing to ship it here into the mountains.  So I sold it.  There was only one buyer dumb enough to pay.  Scott Ian.  From Anthrax.”

“Makes sense,” said Mike.

Snowman showed them to the elevator.  He hit a button, and they were on their way up to the penthouse on the 100th floor.

“This place is amazing,” said Max in wonder.

“It sure is John.  How much did you pay for this place?” asked Rob.

“A lot more than Scott Ian paid for the Super Duper Vault,” answered John.  “Let’s just say that I’ll still be paying for it long after I’m dead!”

The penthouse was beautiful.  It was a room atop a mountain, with open spaces and a stream running through.  It was a stunning sight.  In the center of an open space was a table with four servings of sweet tea.

“This is familiar,” said Mike.

The four sat and enjoyed the breeze.

“So what really brings you here?” asked Snowman.  “This is a long way to come for a casual housewarming visit.”

Rob began to speak, but Mike interrupted with a question of his own.

“Just curious John…who installed your internet here?  It must have been quite a challenge to get service in the Stone Mountain like this.  Solid granite!”

John grumbled a bit.  “Oh, that was a pain!  This new company came to install the internet.  They were called Prime Nemesis Internet Service.

Mike was startled.  “What?  Prime Nemesis?”

“Something like that.  Nemesis Prime, maybe.  Anyway, they were jerks!  They sent two robots to install it.  Not even humans!  Two guys named Mr. Rumble and Mr. Frenzy or something stupid.   Total jerks.  I asked to speak to their boss!  They claimed their boss’ name was Mr. Soundwave.  Can you believe that?  And then after they installed the internet, everything started running super slow!”  I do not recommend Prime Nemesis Internet.  I think they went bankrupt, because I can’t contact them anymore.”

“Can you show us what they installed, John?” asked Mike.

“Step into the elevator, friends!” said John.

They then went 101 floors down into the basement.  Stepping out, Mike, Rob and Max spotted something familiar.

“Look!!  The cable!” shouted Max.

“Does that look familiar, Rob?” asked Mike.

“Sure does,” answered the King of Sharks.  “That’s the exact same cable that we followed undersea.  Identical.”

“I had a hunch…” said Mike.  “Snowman, you’ve been hacked!  The Decepticons are stealing your data.  If you had read the Marvel comics I sent you, you would have known who Rumble and Frenzy and Soundwave were!”  Mike growled in frustration.  “However, the good news is this:  Snowman isn’t the leak.  Or, at least he wasn’t knowingly.  You’re cleared, Snowman.”

“Cleared?  I was suspected of something?” screamed the Snowman.

“Don’t worry about it,” assured Mike.  However, you’re going to have to do without internet until you can get a reliable company to install it.  Rob – cut the line.”

Rob Daniels pulled a large knife from his belt, and cut the internet cable.

“Aww,” said the Snowman in sadness.  “I was bidding on a KISS pinball machine on Ebay.”

“There will be other machines.  Sorry John.  This is for all our safety.”

With mission accomplished, the four finished their tea.  Snowman took them on a tour of his new home.  It was enormous.  The entire tour took three days.

Rob, Mike, and Max the Axe gathered at Northern Lights HQ.  Jen was there, monitoring outer space as always, and meanwhile the three friends gathered at a table.

“Well,” began Rob.  “The great white sharks have followed the cable south to its final destination.  And you won’t believe where it led.”

“I bet I can,” said Mike.  “Florida.  Mar-A-Lago Florida.”

“Bingo,” answered Rob.  “So we know they’re in cahoots.  The Decepticons are working with Mar-A-Lago.”

Mike felt like the walls were closing in.  Like his worst fears were being realized in real time.  He gulped.

“OK.  Inform Mr. Durling.  We are at war with the Decepticons, and we need reinforcements.”

The words chilled everyone in the room.  The impending threat could be felt palpably in the air.  There was no turning back.  The war was well underway and there was no stopping it now.

Mike grimaced.  “Things are about to get bumpy,” he warned.  “Let’s get some rest.  We’re going to need it.  We’re going to take the fight to them now.”

Epilogue

The grey and purple shuttle orbited Earth, undetected by primitive human technology.  It did detect the termination of one of its data streams.  The one that ran from the human settlement in what they called “Florida” to their plant within the “Northern Lights” resistance group.

“Alert Soundwave,” said the robot in the pilot seat of the shuttle.  “The humans have interfered with our operation on Earth.  Ensure it doesn’t happen again.  Out.”

The pilot, in the darkness of the cockpit with no inner lighting activated, grumbled in a subsonic tone.

“Unicron would not be pleased.  So he won’t find out.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS:  PHASE THREE – THE UNICRON SAGA

 

 

SPINOFFS AND SIDE QUESTS

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM

 

 

 

 

 

 

REVIEW: Raspberry Cordial – Anne of Green Gables Craft Soda

Sweet and tart! Pick one up where you can find craft soda. I got mine at Treats and Tales at 811 Queen Street in Kincardine, Ontario!

5/5 stars, watch the review for details and nutritional information!

🅻🅸🆅🅴 On Spec: Best “Blind Buys”

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man

🅻🅸🆅🅴 Episode – a sequel to the June 2021 Blind Buys episode!

Episode 161: On Spec: Best “Blind Buys”

Ever looked at a CD or a record and said “What the heck is this?  Looks interesting…I’ll buy that”?

We have!  Many times.  And tonight we’ll tell you ALL about it.  Join special guest Alex Winter and a mystery host!  Mike and Harrison are enjoying a deserved break, so Alex and Host will run the show tonight.

Our crew will show you the records, tell you the stories, and explain what these were good purchases (or not)!  It’s going to be a good time tonight on Grab A Stack of Rock.

 

Click above for the link to our streams.

Friday Sept 18 at 7:00 PM EST, 8:00 PM Atlantic.  Enjoy on YouTube or Facebook.

REVIEW: The 1651 French Lemonade Recipe

One of my most popular videos of the year is a 375 year old French recipe for lemonade.  I got this from Max Miller’s Tasting History channel on YouTube and made it myself.

Check out the video!

  • 6 small lemons
  • 2 small oranges
  • Zest of 1/2 lemon, zest of 1/2 orange
  • 1 L water
  • 1 cup sugar

Just do as I do!

But wait! There’s more!

We also tried a modification where we added 1/2 of a lime. The result was a very tart lime-ade!

Give it a try yourself and taste what thousands of viewers are watching!

5/5 stars

🅻🅸🆅🅴 Top Ten Songs of the Doors with guest host Uncle Meat

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man

🅻🅸🆅🅴 Episode

Episode 160: Top Ten Songs of The Doors

Both Mike and Harrison are taking the month of September off.  Stepping in for hosting duties tonight will be show co-founder Uncle Meat, with a topic of his choice:  The Doors!  Meat knew that Mike and Harrison would not do a Doors episode if left to their own devices.

On “physical product duties” tonight is returning guest Alex Winter!  And newcomer Scott Peddle (super Doors fan) will also be joining.  Scott appeared a few times on the old show, LeBrain Train, but this is his Grab A Stack of Rock debut!

Get ready for the Top Ten Songs of the Doors, tonight on Grab A Stack of Rock, with a cast of fans that’ll make you break on through to the other side!

 

Click above for the link to our streams.

Friday Sept 11 at 7:00 PM EST, 8:00 PM Atlantic.  Enjoy on YouTube or Facebook.

Mike’s Complete Atari 2600 Collection on Grab A Stack of Rock

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man

Pre-Recorded Episode

Episode 159: Mike’s Complete Atari 2600 Collection

Grab a stack of GAMES!  This episode is a sequel to #151:  Vintage Video Games.  Mike has dug up his entire Atari 2600 games collection, and it was a task and a half!  Faced with a variety of boxed games, empty boxes, and games without boxes, Mike had to go through them all and match them back up.  It was an “Adventure”, as you’ll see.  (Did you get the pun?)

The stunning artwork that Atari put into each box can only be matched by the artwork inside the booklets.  Some of these instruction books remain, and we’ll have a good look inside at the art and even the stories that went with the games themselves.  Yar’s Revenge has an intact comic book!

This episode is filled with nostalgia and incredible images from the Atari age.  Games from Mattel, Parker Brothers, Sega and Activision are also included in this deep dive!  We’ll also have a look at some lesser-seen controllers.

Don’t miss this one if you love nostalgia!

 

Friday September 4 at 7:00 PM EST, 8:00 PM Atlantic.  Enjoy on YouTube.

REVIEW: Ruko R1 Mini Robot Dog – A surprisingly fun little robot dog with lots of tricks up its sleeve!

RUKO R1 Mini Robot Dog

Get yours at this Amazon link:  Ruko R1 Mini Robot Dog

After receiving the R1 robot dog to try out, I have to admit that I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I’ve seen some of the larger, more expensive robot dogs before, but the R1 is
a much smaller and more compact version. After spending some time playing around with it, though, I can see why this would be a fun toy for kids. It packs a surprising
number of features and movements into a pretty small package.

One of the first things I noticed is how agile it is. The R1 can move around easily without needing a huge amount of open space, which makes it much more practical as an
indoor toy. You could use it in a living room, bedroom, playroom, or even around a desk without needing to clear half the room first. It also has a self-righting feature, which is
one of the things I found most entertaining. If it tumbles over or falls while doing one of its tricks, it can automatically get itself back up instead of just lying there waiting for
someone to turn it over.

And this little dog can definitely do some tricks! It can perform 360-degree stunt flips, including front flips, back flips, left flips and right flips. It can also do side rolls, push-ups,
pouncing, kung fu-style movements, swimming motions, greetings and handshakes. There’s even a funny “peeing” action, which I suspect kids will find hilarious (I did – the
dog even whistles while he’s doing it). It’s actually pretty entertaining just to cycle through the different actions and see what it does next.

The R1 comes with a traditional remote control, which is straightforward and easy to figure out. But there is also a gesture-sensing watch, and I think that is probably one of
the coolest features. Instead of simply pressing buttons on a remote, you can use hand movements to control the robot dog. It makes the interaction feel more like you’re
actually controlling the dog yourself rather than just operating a remote-control toy. The remote and watch can’t be connected at the same time, but switching between them is
simple.

Controller and USB port

There’s also a programmable action function that lets you combine different movements into a sequence. This is a nice feature because it gives kids the opportunity to
experiment and create their own little routines rather than just repeatedly pressing the same buttons. I can see this being especially entertaining for kids who like figuring out
how things work and coming up with their own combinations.

Of course, I had to introduce the R1 to my own dogs to see what they thought of it. I have three small dogs, and they were definitely intrigued by this strange new creature
moving around the house. I would say they “played” with it, although that might be a generous interpretation of what actually happened. Their primary response was to bark
at it and follow it around suspiciously, as though they were trying to figure out what exactly this bizarre little animal was. So, while the R1 did not immediately become their
new best friend, it definitely got their attention!

Another feature I appreciate is the adjustable volume. Robot toys can get pretty noisy, particularly when they’re being used indoors, so having the ability to turn the volume
down is a nice touch. The R1 also has a built-in rechargeable battery. It takes approximately two hours to charge and provides about 50 minutes of playtime, which
seems reasonable for a toy like this. Not having to constantly replace batteries is definitely convenient.

There is also a storytelling/companion function with dancing and entertainment content, so it isn’t limited to simply walking around and doing tricks. That gives it a bit more of a
“companion” feel, particularly for younger children. The recommended age is 3+, and I think the combination of simple controls, funny movements, sounds and interactive
features would make it particularly appealing to that age group and up. I would have loved this as a kid and I also love it as an adult.

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by how much the R1 can do. It’s small enough to be practical indoors, but it has enough different movements and features to keep it
interesting. The self-righting ability, stunt flips, programmable actions and gesture-controlled watch are probably my favourite features because they make it feel more
interactive than a basic remote-controlled toy.

If you’re looking for a fun and unusual gift for a child who likes robots, animals, gadgets or interactive toys, I think the R1 would be a good choice. Just be prepared for any real
dogs in the household to have some very strong opinions about their new robotic roommate!

 

Dr. K

Grant’s Rock Warehaus: Convert the Critic: Bon Jovi – Have A Nice Day (2005) and Lost Highway (2007)

We’re baaaaack!  After a long 10 month gap, we finally worked up the courage to listen to another pairing of Bon Jovi albums:  Have A Nice Day, and Lost Highway.

As the Parish of Rock pointed out, Bon Jovi kind of had a comeback trilogy of albums in the same mold:  Crush, Bounce and Have A Nice Day, with Lost Highway being a left turn that had many feeling, well, lost!  In this episode we broke it all down!  The good (Sambora’s guitar, Tico’s drumming), the bad (too many ballads) and the ugly (fiddles and nu-country).  There is much to be praised here, but also much to critique.  Our panel did an awesome job.

  • Grab A Stack of Rock
  • The Parish of Rock
  • The Elder of Rock
  • David Alpizar

Yes it was another “Of Rock” episode on Grant’s Rock Warehaus!  Grant even played two songs for us:  both title tracks.  Thanks for watching if you caught it live, and if you didn’t, you can catch it below!

REVIEW: April Wine – Animal Grace (1984)

APRIL WINE – Animal Grace (1984 Capitol/EMI)

11 albums in, and April Wine were riding high!  Myles Goodwyn, Brian Greenway, Steve Lang, Gary Moffet, and Jerry Mercer bunkered down in Morin Heights with Mike Stone co-producing, and emerged with some true grace…Animal Grace.  Let’s take a dive into the nine new songs they emerged with in 1984, all but one written by Myles.

 

 

 

 

THIS COULD BE THE RIGHT ONE.

Lead track and lead single.  Great riff, accompanied by melodic keyboards.  Myles’ impassioned vocals make for a great chorus, but the lush backing vocals really sell it.  There are some cringe lyrics though –  “I just wanna please you.  To give you pleasure is a pleasure for me.”  There is a superb double-tracked guitar solo, and nice thuddy 80s drums with that processed sound that went in and out of style.

SONS OF THE PIONEERS

Second single.  It has an interesting, jagged kind of riff.  It’s an an unusual song, a little proggy in vibe.  A little spacey in atmosphere.  More cringey lyrics – “Men not afraid of fear”.  “Sons of the Pioneers” is definitely one of the most interesting songs because it’s a bit different.  There is an absolutely smashing guitar solo.  Melodic and memorable, with a lot of fun hooks and some whammy work.

WITHOUT YOUR LOVE

This killer not-ballad sounds very much like a Journey outtake from 1983’s Frontiers.  Nice keys open the track, but it does sound like a Jon Cain backing a Neal Schon riff.  Not that this is a bad thing.  Even the drum patterns remind of Steve Smith in Journey.  One of the top tracks.  Almost haunting chorus with those keyboards.  Three in a row great guitar solos with memorable hooks, this one being particularly catchy.

ROCK TONITE

Just a good time, party song with a simple sentiment:  “Let’s rock tonight!”  It is the hardest rocking song so far, with basic lyrics about letting go and rocking tonight.  Don’t want no revolution, let’s rock tonight.  It’s feels so good.  Simple message.  First song on the album without a dominant keyboard, though you can still hear them.  This song is simply based on the riff.  The guitar solo this time is less full of “grace”, and more rock and roll energy.

HARD ROCK KID (Tom Lang cover)

Shades of “I Got Your Rock” by Frehley’s Comet.  Nice low-key chugging going on in the verses, with some wah-wah guitar accents.  Sounds very typical of the era with that chorus echo – “Hard rock kid…kid…kid!”

MONEY TALKS

Very sweet saccharine chorus, again with the great backing vocals.  The song itself is a bit janky, but the chorus really knocks it out.  Again, it’s something that Frehley could have done with the Comet, but the backing vocals are more from the oldies era of the early 60s.  Not among the top tracks on an album stacked with them, but the chorus is one of the best on the album.

GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE

This atmospheric song features keyboards of two types:  eerie opening keys, and different eerie ones on the chorus!  It’s a really interesting and unique slow-paced song.  Maybe Alice Cooper could have recorded it on one of his 80s blackout albums?  If he has, it would be a classic today.

TOO HOT TO HANDLE

A bit Rainbow, circa “Danger Zone” from Down to Earth.  The keyboards and guitars combine into one nice, smooth opening riff combo.  The chorus features great harmonies once again, but this song isn’t a standout.

LAST TIME I’LL EVER SING THE BLUES

Here we go with the classic blues groove.  Myles’ approach to the blues here is like Kim Mitchell’s, or Van Hagar’s.  The blues is the basis, but it’s a far more fun version of the blues.  The kind of blues to dance to.  The April Wine lush harmonies don’t quite meld with the blues, but maybe that’s what makes it unique.

With Animal Grace, April Wine concocted a strong collection of songs with 80s production values perfectly in synch with what was happening at the time.  A strong album, and still enjoyable for those who miss that sound.

3.5/5 stars

Tim’s Vinyl Confessions Ep. 858: April Wine Deep Dive #11 (Animal Grace)

A few weeks ago, we interviewed Tim Durling on his new book On Record: The April Wine Album Review.  Tim has also been doing Deep Dives on each album with guests from his book.  On the episode for Animal Grace, Tim recruited both myself and Robert Lawson.  It’s a great chat so have a watch – I will be posting my written review of the album tomorrow!

NOW on TVC!