THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS – Phase 3 – The Unicron Saga

Chapter Six:  TRANSFORMATIONS

When I first got here, to this new universe of mine, I couldn’t tell the difference at first.  Everything was the same.  My home.  My belongings.  My Jen.  Everything seemed reassuringly the same at first.  Comforting.  Like I have never lost anything.  Like it was all just a horrible nightmare.

But there are small differences.  Mint tastes slightly different in this universe.  More earthy.  The grass seems a slightly deeper shade of green here.  Maple syrup is sweeter.  Interestingly, all the differences seem to be plant-based.  Chew on that.

It has been pretty easy to adjust to my…return.  They consider it a return here.  They treat me exactly as the original Mike.  It feels odd, but I’m slowly getting used to it.  In time I think I’ll forget I’m from a completely different universe.  One that didn’t fare as well as this one.  Aside from the taste of my pancakes and a few other minor differences, there’s no place like home, and this is home.

The winter passed quickly, quietly.  A completely uneventful season.  Now the air is warm, and the sky has returned from its previous grey to a bright glowing blue.  I walk alone, down the familiar path to the beach.  Northern Lights Summer HQ is very much occupied.  Jen is busy collating data.  She loves working with numbers, and her experience in space quickly forced her to become an expert in astronomical data.  Harrison was around too, though today he’s off on a “side-quest” as he puts it.  He brought Ripper the Squirrel with him, and so it is a little less hectic today.  Summer HQ, located on the shores of Lake Huron near Kincardine, Ontario, is the perfect location to scan the sky for threats.  The lack of pollution (both light and the regular kind) made for clear images.  The only anomaly presently is the complete lack of any anomalies.

I can feel the wind on my skin as I pass through the trees, into the grasslands before the beach.  With nothing to stand in its way, the wind scoured the beach.  Storm coming.  Back at headquarters, the trees made the wind unnoticeable.  They protect the cottage from the sandblasting power of the winds today.  No flying my drone, that’s for sure!  Not today.  Funny how the trees protect the inland from the wind.

“Just like us,” I found myself saying aloud to nobody.  “The Northern Lights protect the people of Earth from…everything out there.”

I look up.  The moon was visible in the sky, brightly lit and nearly full on this clear day.  As I approached the beach I could see wave after wave hammering the piles of rocks peaking through the water.  The power of air and water.  Powered by the moon.  Remarkable.

The moon.  Jen and her team had cleared the moon of any alien interlopers.  It was clean.  I read the mission reports.

Then why did the moon always make me feel so…uneasy?  I wasn’t so sure that the aliens were gone.

I shook back to reality a moment, and grounded myself.  Stretching my arms out, I felt the air.  The wind rushing through my fingers and rippling my shirt.  “There’s no place like home…” I uttered.

As I centered myself, I allowed my mind to admit it consciously:  I was anxious.  And it wasn’t that this place didn’t feel like home.  It felt like there was a threat, just waiting for us at the door.  Just out of reach.  Just out of the range of our sensors, and senses.  Close…yet far.  It felt good to finally acknowledge this.  I am certain now.  My instincts have guided me all my life.  They speak to me now, clearly as the day itself.  Something is there, just out of reach.   It can see us, but we can’t see it.  Not yet, anyway.  Not yet.  Close, yet far.

Feeling accomplished, I run back up the path to the cottage.  I admired the car as I passed, another one on loan from the Durling Foundation.  Mr. Durling always had a penchant for Transformers, and was collecting a fleet of cars modeled after the full Generation One line.  In the driveway was a vintage Porsche 935 decoed up as original Autobot Jazz, famously voiced by Scatman Crothers.  It even had an Autobot logo.

“Sweet,” I smiled.  I stepped up onto the deck, into the front door.  Jen was hard at work in the kitchen.

The kitchen, of course, is where she set up her space surveillance gear.  It had the best lighting and the most table space for the four laptops she had set up.  There she worked diligently, scanning for anomalies as she has been all spring.

“Hey sweety,” she smiled as I walked in the door.  As usual, she had the TV on one of the “hard rock” channels.  They always played the same damn songs.  I preferred listening to my own music collection, but she likes the TV.  It would be nice if they could play some different songs every once in a while.  Always the same hits, by Faster Pussycat, Bon Jovi, Guns N’ Roses, Aerosmith and…wait a second.

Who said that I wasn’t right?
I’ve lived for years without a life,
Don’t have a soul on my side,
Still ridiculed despite how hard that I have tried.

“What’s this song sweety?”  I asked.  I know this song.

“Not sure,” she said as she went to reheat her coffee.  “It’ll say who at the end.”

I didn’t need to wait to the end.  Just the chorus.

Close yet far,
Drop me a line and tell me how the hell you are.

“I know this song!  It’s ‘Close Yet Far’ by CKY, Jess Margera’s band.  I bet I haven’t heard this song in like 20 years,” I mused out loud.  “I probably put it on one of your mix CDs when we were dating.  I did stuff like that for the ladies to make them thing I was still cool.”

“You are still cool,” dismissed Jen.

Close yet far,
Drop me a line and tell me how the hell you are.

Waitaminute.  “Close Yet Far”.

“Something is there, just out of reach.  Close, yet far,” I whispered to myself, repeating myself from the beach.  The universe was speaking to me now.  I was sure of it.  I seemed to be attuned to this new universe in ways that others here are not.  “Close Yet Far”.

“Did you say something?” Jen asked as her coffee finished warming up.

“Yeah…no…yes…” I muttered.  “No time to explain.  Call Harrison, wherever he is.  I need him here, now.  And…I need to send you away.  Something is coming.  I am not going to let you come into any danger so I need you home.  You’ll be safe there.  But you have to go, now.  Something’s coming, imminently.”  I spoke quickly.  On the edge of panic, but not quite.

“Are you sure?” asked Jen as she dumped her hot coffee down the sink.  “I have scanned every wavelength and used every satellite to scan the sky, the ground and the water.  I haven’t seen anything that should make me leave.”

“I know…but something about this is…elusive…invisible to our scans.  It’s more than a feeling, I know something is coming, and it is close.  I need to you leave right away.  It can’t wait.  Don’t pack – you’ll be back soon, I promise.”

“OK I trust you,” said Jen.  “But I have to call Harrison first, you said to call Harrison.”

“Yes, call Harrison,” I affirmed.  “Then, I want you to take the escape pod.  It’s the fastest and safest way out of here and it’s programmed to take you home.”

“I love you,” said Jen.

“More,” I winked.

---

“Hello?  Hello?” answered Harrison as his phone rang sporadically.  Shaking it to no avail, he hung up, with no signal.  “Dear me, I have the worst phone reception in this building.  Spotty Canadian cell towers too mind you.  Now what were you saying sir?”

“It’s $5.00 for the minifig head, $10 for the trans-clear-blue windscreen, and 50 cents each for the little boomerang pieces.”

“Highway robbery!” exclaimed Harrison.  He considered trying a Jedi mind trick, but his hands were full of phones that kept ringing, with no-one on the other end.

“I have an honourable compromise…” tried Harrison, but the man cut him off.

“18 bucks, take it or leave it,” said the Lego dealer, firmly.

Frustrated, Harrison put the phones away into his many-pockets jacket pockets, and reached into his pants pockets.  He removed his wallet – a leather folded wallet with a moustache emblazoned upon its front side.

“Pay the man,” he requested.  A black squirrel suddenly darted out of one of his jacket pockets, which grasped the bills in Harrison’s hand.  Then the wee beast jumped off his arm and onto the counter of the quite startled Lego salesman.  Ripper the squirrel dropped the bills and swiftly ran back up Harrison’s arm.  Perching on his shoulder, he awaited Harrison’s next words.

“Highway robbery, I tell you!” scolded Harrison as he turned to leave.  He sighed.  “Just walk away,” he told himself out loud, shaking his head.  “None are here without sin.”  The shopkeeper stared, mouth agape, as the Australian walked out of his store with a squirrel on his back.

Out in the bright Canadian sun, finally Harrison’s phones acquired signal.  He chose one to answer.  “Hello?  Hello?”

Ripper stared in silent concern as Harrison’s brow furrowed.  With his hands full, Harrison was unable to brush his hair out of his face from the wind.  Ripper ran atop his head to assist.

“I understand,” nodded Harrison.  “I’ll be there within the hour.  Moustachio out.”

He pocketed his phone and urgently ran to his beige off-road 4×4 vehicle.  It was the spitting image of Autobot Outback, complete with logo.  The pun of the lord of the wasteland driving a vehicle based on the word “outback” was too much for him to turn down, despite his preference to drive his V8 Interceptor.  Undeniably though, that car drew a lot of attention here in rural Canada compared to a beige SUV.

He has learned over the last year to trust his friends’ instincts.

---

I walk alone back at the cottage.  The wind was now rustling the trees.  The sky had become overcast.  Jen had checked in safe from home two minutes ago.  No sign of Harrison yet.  Thunder in the distance.  Only a matter of time before lightning appears.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” I muttered.  “Time to go check on Dr. K.”

My “sister”, Dr. K.  She was slowly getting used to the new me.  I was no longer unwelcome at her place.  I took a quick jog over to her cabin.  I stepped onto her new porch.  She preferred not to formally join the Northern Lights.  Northern Lights-adjacent was more her style.  Independent, but willing to work together.  In her driveway was a yellow Volkswagon with a red Autobot logo.  Durling had loaned her Bumblebee.

“Man, Mr. Durling’s really collecting them fast,” I remarked as I knocked.  The sound of about ten different dogs greeted me.  The door opened and Dr. K appeared, holding a new dog.

“Hello!  She said, “This is Lord Alfred!”  She held the poor frightened animal up and I patted its cute head.

“Well hello Alfie!” I answered in a baby-talk voice.  “How you today?”

“He’s anxious,” answered Dr. K.  “I think you’re right.  Something’s coming and it’s not just a storm.  All my dogs are anxious.”  They all yipped in agreement with her.  “BABIES!  Calm down!” she scolded them.  Sometimes she forgot that her animal army were ferocious killers.  But for them to be scared, at a time like this?  This was alarming.

“I hear you, Alfie,” I comforted.  Returning my focus to Dr. K I tried to speak over the sound of the wind.

“Here’s what’s happening,” I shouted.  “Harrison’s on his way.  He’s in Outback.”

“Which one is Outback again?” asked Dr. K.

“The beige ‘jeep'”!  I responded.  She shook her head in confusion, not really knowing any of the second-tier Autobots.  “It doesn’t matter, he’s on his way and won’t be long now.  I have an idea though.  Do you have your bass clarinet here?”

“Of course!” she answered.  “I had a recording session this afternoon, before the storm ruined that chance!”

“OK, good!”  I responded.  “Question two.  Can you summon portals to the multiverse with it?”

Dr. K grinned.  “Sort of.  I can access the Schnauzerverse.  From there I can travel to the rest of the multiverse, but not many people can survive the natural wildlife of the Schnauzerverse!  I think I know where you’re going with this!  If you’re anything like my ‘real’ brother, you’d want to send whatever is coming far away!  If something bad is coming, then I can send him off to the Schnauzerverse!”

I snapped my fingers.  “Brilliant!  Hold tight, keep the dogs at bay!”  The sky cracked with thunder.   “Harrison’s gotta be on his way, we just gotta give him more time!”

---

Ripper sat anxiously on the headrest of the passenger seat inside the Outback car.  The rain was pounding the windshield, making it hard for Harrison to see.  This limited the speed at which he could travel.

“Squee squee!” cried Ripper as the rain worsened.

“I know, my friend,” calmed Harrison.  “I’m doing my best here under difficult circumstances!”  He applied the brakes as he slowed, coming down an incline.  “Have you heard from the Brainiac?  Does he know yet what we are facing?  Is it connected to this storm?”

Ripped shrugged.  How should he know?  He was just a squirrel.  But he knew what to do.  He pushed the numbers he memorized and called the Brainiac.

“Harrison!” said a distorted Brainiac over the speakerphone.  “Good to hear from you!  What’s your ETA?”

Ripper listened carefully.  His squirrel senses have been on high alert.

“Hard to say!” answered the moustached man.  “The storm is getting worse!  Is this connected to your imminent threat?”

“No!” came the response.  “Jen looked at this in detail before she left – she’s safe by the way.  This storm has been forecast for over a week.  The only connection we can fathom is someone using it against us for tactical advantage!”

Ripper looked back at Harrison for his reaction.

“I actually find that reassuring,” he answered.  “I’d rather an an enemy that uses a storm as a tactical advantage, than one who can summon a storm at will.”

“Good point!” came the Brainiac’s response.  “I’ll let you get back to driving, safe travels!”

With that Ripper disconnected the call, feeling somewhat more confident that they were going to survive this.

---

At Northern Lights HQ, the sky had darkened to an angry blue-black.  I watch the tempest roll in safely from inside the plate glass windows.  Thanks to an atomic generator provided by the Durling Foundation, the power remained on.  The first Jurassic Park film is running on one of the movie channels.  Any neighbours, save Dr. K, had vacated hours ago.  Only I remain, and I remain vigilant.

“Where are you, Harrison?  Something wicked this way comes.” I whispered to myself as I grow concerned.  It wasn’t like the Australian to be late, or to stop sending updates.  “He was not even that far away.”

A crack of lightning hit nearby.  My eyes are temporarily blinded by the flash.  And suddenly…I am surrounded.

“Oh no…not you guys again…”

I am surrounded by five aliens.  The little grey kind.  I know from my reading that my predecessor had dealt with these guys before.  They were one of the many possibilities that Harrison and I had anticipated.  I lower myself into a power stance, ready to launch myself at the intruders.  My legs are springs…steel springs.  Fast as a leopard.

“Hello boys,” I wink.

“Seize the human!” shouts the lead alien, who has a marking on his head, differentiating him from the rest.  A rank, perhaps?

I was prepared for this.  When the storm hit and the generator kicked in, I grabbed some night vision goggles in case I needed an advantage in the dark.  I smile as I drop them onto my face and kill the power with a remote stuffed in my front pocket.

“Peek-a-boo!” I shout as I nailed the lead alien right in the head with a swift kick.  He flies back and falls over a table.  His head makes an awful sound when it hit the varnished hardwood.  He’s not getting back up.

Two more aliens grab my neck from behind.  Their long, slender fingers are cold.  “Cold blooded…that’s interesting…” I say out loud as I try to pry their fingers off.  One jumps onto my back as he choked harder.  I feel myself getting lightheaded…going….

“Give us the schematics!  We know you have them!” whispers the alien on my back in a slippery voice.  It’s so unnerving, feeling its breath on my deck and its voice to so close to my ear.  Every hair on my body is as if raised by static.  Even so, as my skin crawls, I begin to laugh.  My guffaws startle them.  I reach back and pull the two aliens’ arms free of my neck.  I turn, and push both away from me.  Breathing again, I feel a surge of energy!   I mock the four surviving aliens as I see them regroup in front of me.

“The schematics!?” I laugh.  “Of Unicron, you mean!  Sure!  The magazine is right over there, on the scanner bed.  Take it!”

The aliens stare at me puzzled a moment.  “What is this trick?” says one, second from the right, in a lower voice than the others.

“No trick!”  I assure them.  “Take it!”  I raise my hands in mock surrender.  “Take it now, and you can leave this place in peace.  Or, you can join your friend on the floor over there as we go for round two?”

The low-voiced alien, who seems to have taken command for his fallen comrade, motions to the alien on the far left to get the magazine with the crucial Unicron blueprints inside.  Cautiously, the left alien waddles over to the scanner where the magazine is seated.  He picks it up slowly and examines it with his huge, almond-shaped alien eyes.  The eyes grow suddenly wider.  “This is the document we were sent to retrieve!”

“I have a question,” I query with hand araised.  “How did you know we had that?”  There are only a handful of people on Earth who know we had those schematics and why they were important.  I grow concerned.  Harrison has long suspected that there was a mole in the Northern Lights.  But who?

This time the aliens laugh…a strange, unnerving sound, like grasshoppers rasping in the sand.  The low-voiced one raises a device to his mouth and speaks some alien words.  Suddenly there is a flash of light and they were gone.  Even the dead one had been beamed up.  Now, the room has a strong smell of ozone.  Reaching into my pocket, I turn the power back on.  The lights flicker back to life.  I take a shallow breath, and feel around my neck, still sore from their alien grip.  I cough, and finally I laugh.  I laugh with all my lungs.

“What a bunch of dumb-asses!” I cry with tears now forming in my eyes from the hilarity.  “We took electron-scans of every page of that magazine and uploaded it to the cloud!  Those blueprints are on a thousand servers now!  There’s no way to delete them now.  We just finished scanning too…good thing Harrison pushed us to finish the project.  I’ll have to apologize for calling him a slave driver.”

 

---

Harrison, meanwhile, was in a heap of trouble all his own.  Though his Outback car had a solid grip on the rainy ground, he spotted headlights behind him, closing in.

“Ripper…I don’t like the way that vehicle is gaining on us.  Not in this storm.  Launch a probe.”

Ripper the squirrel nodded in acknowledgement and hit a button.  Outback’s roof cannon emerged from a slot in the vehicle’s top.  Ripper used his paws to control its angle from a tiny touchscreen, and launched.  From the cannon came a rocket-powered probe no larger than a tennis ball.  With several 8K cameras aboard its tiny fuselage, the probe was a disposable device once it finished its flight, but would transmit all the images direct to Ripper’s screen.  The squirrel watched as the probe sailed closer to the eerie headlights following them.  Though it flew over its target in a fraction of a second, it captured dozens of images as it did.

“SQUEE!” exclaimed Ripper.

“I can’t look at them now Ripper, I have to keep my eyes on the road.  Tell me what you see.”

Ripper made many excited sounds and gestures, and Harrison nodded in understanding.  He had spent months learning Squirellese.  He and Ripper could communicate as easily as you or I.

“An armored black truck with a Decepticon logo, well that’s not alarming at all,” said Harrison with a rare use of sarcasm.  He glanced into his rear view mirror.  “It’s almost on us.  I can’t go any faster, Ripper, or we’ll fly off the road!”

Ripper squee’d some more.

“I don’t know what they want Ripper.  Contact Mike at HQ.  Inform Lord Brainiac that we have company.”

Ripper went back to his control panel and worked the screen, but let out a frustrated “SQUEE!”

“Jammed?  Communications are jammed?  Oh, not good.”  Harrison grimaced as he took a curve in the highway at a speed far exceeding anything considered survivable.   He smiled a moment at the idea of the upcoming meeting between Autobot and Decepticon.  He frowned again when he realized that he was hopelessly outmatched.

“We have only one course of action Ripper,” he said in a calm voice.  “We can’t beat Scourge, and we can’t ungun him, so we have to lose him.  Kill the exterior lights.  Hold on tight.”

The squirrel grabbed onto the door handle and prayed a little prayer to Squirrel God.

The tires screamed in unholy pain as Harrison hung a hard right.  The vehicle streaked across the blacktop sideways as it struggled to regain control.  Suddenly the tires bit asphalt again, and Outbook lurched down the side road.  Soon Harrison was traveling at top speed once more, having at least put some distance between them and their pursuer.

“Even if we don’t lose him, he won’t be able to corner like we can, and we can gain back some ground.”  Ripper nodded in understanding.  “Are we still jammed?  Contact Mike!”

---

Back at HQ, I continued to worry about Harrison’s lack of communication.  Something stinks like a rat.  A traitor.

I was awaiting a callback from Mr. Durling, currently at the Durling Foundation on the east coast.  When I attempted to call, an assistant who claimed his name was “Rufus” wouldn’t put me through.  Said Mr. Durling was in a high stakes negotiation for a Night Ranger Dawn Patrol 8-track cartridge.  I killed time by cleaning up alien splooge.  Fun fact:  when you knock an alien out against a table, they excrete an unpleasant slime like a hagfish.  It has been a fun evening.

Suddenly the video phone lights up!.  It is Durling.  He is smiling.  He must have won the tape.  By his side is Shirtless Jex Rambo, the Jexciter, doing a flex.

“Jex!  Mr. Durling!  Good to see you guys!  It went well?”

Durling’s grinning.  “Let’s just say I had to bring Jex along to guard the massive amount cash we needed to acquire the tape.  Cash only.  No e-transfer.  Guy was a bit eccentric, but you have to be a little bit if you’re in this hobby.  What’s up?”

“I have news and none of it is good,” I begin.  Jex drops the smiling flexing schtick and speaks.

“Oh no mon ami, what happened?”

I catch them up on everything.  The storm, the alien attack, what they were after, and my suspicions.  Durling and Jex are two of the only people in the world who knew about the schematics.

“This is most concerning,” says Durling in a serious tone.  You could never imagine he just bought Dawn Patrol on 8-track by his face.  “Jex – as head of security, how many people know about those diagrams?”

Jex takes a moment to count on his fingers.  “Onze – eleven.  Those who discovered it – Mike, Harrison, Jen, Dr. K, Max the Axe, and the little squirrel.  You and I.  Then we shared it with a limited number of original Northern Lights members on a need-to-know basis.  These were Aaron and the Snowman.  We decided they were the only ones who needed to know.  Mr. Books, being our book archivist, was responsible for buying up every other copy on eBay as you recall.  Snowman was informed as part of our partnership deal.  As his financial contributions to the Northern Lights constitute 33% of our budget, he has access to all our secure data.”

There is a silence, and then I speak.  “OK, so right off the bat you can scratch Harrison and I off that list.  And obviously Ripper too.  I hope you trust us that much.  I can vouch for Dr. K.  She wants nothing more than her revenge, and she remains aligned with us.  I can’t see that changing.  Aaron is as solid and trustworthy as anyone.  I can vouch for him.  Max the Axe though…he’s…well he’s kind of a big deal, and…”

Tim cuts me off abruptly.  “Can you get Max in on this call, Jex?”

Jex laughs.  “I can try.  Who knows where that guy is though at any given time!”  Jex hits some buttons and tries to connect us to Max.  Suddenly a new window opens on my screen.  It was Max.  Max the Swingin’ Axe.

“Hello?  Tim?  You buying some tapes today?”

“Hi Max, no.  Listen, do you remember that magazine with the Unicron schematics that we got from you?  Starlog, July 1986?” asks Tim.

“I got lots of those!” says Max happily.  “Whatcha lookin’ for?”

“No, no,” continues Tim patiently.  “You sold us one.  The July 1986 Transformers Movie special.  Did you tell anyone else about that?”

“Yeah, I told you about it, remember?” says Max.  “And then you bought it from me.  It was after I got sprayed by that skunk.  I had to buy new clothes.”

Jex, getting impatient, interrupts.  “Max, mon ami, nobody else knows you sold us that magazine?  Focus, buddy.”

Max takes a moment to think.  I can see the concentration in his beady eyes as he squints in concentration.  “No, Jex.  Why would I?  I’m kind of a big deal and I have big stuff going on.  Hey Tim, you got any reel to reel players that work?”

“We might, I’ll have Rufus  check our warehouse,” says Durling.  “Thanks Max.  And I must stress to you – tell no one.  Don’t even tell anyone about this conversation.”

“What conversation?” asks Max.

“Good man!” said Tim as he disconnects Max.  Turning his attention back to Jex and myself, he looks grim.  “Gentlemen, what are the chances that Snowman has turned on us?”

The words hit heavy.  The Snowman was a founding member.  The eccentric Kiss fan had been an adversary in the past, but was a cornerstone of our team.  The Northern Lights had always counted on the Snowman.

“The Snowman is moving,” I inform the team.  “He sold his big houses and moved to Georgia.  Different state, different taxes.  He’s basically out of contact for now.  Snowman’s spending 12 hours a day packing up Kiss memorabilia and the other 12 sleeping.  It took him 13 days to pack up his Gene Simmons Super Duper Vault alone.  Consider him out of touch.”

“Well that’s no good,” says Durling.  “It’s like herding cats here.  Regardless, even if you lost your original copy, Aaron has archived every other known copy on earth, and we have detailed scans on multiple servers.”

“Mes amis,” says Jex, “Allow me to go to Aaron’s Archive to protect him.  If any more aliens come for the magazines, he will need my help.”

“Yes, yes,” nods Tim.  “And take the Night Ranger with you.”

“Very good,” I say.  “I’m going to try and contact Harrison again.  Over and out.”

---

The rain was coming down harder, but Ripper had finally acquired a signal.  A weak signal, but he was connected!  “Squee!  Squee!” he exclaimed.

“Great!  Put him on speakers!” ordered Harrison as he concentrated on the road.  It was Mike.

“Harrison!  Ripper!  You guys OK?  What’s happening?” asked Mike over the phone.

“We had to take a minor detour,” demured Harrison.  “We’re being pursued by Decepticon forces.”

“Oh great!” said Mike with exasperated sarcasm.  “And I just got attacked by aliens looking for that Starlog magazine with the Unicron blueprints.  And, there’s more…”

With great concern, Mike filled the pair in on their suspicions about the Snowman and everything that has transpired.

“Well, I know you and I didn’t say anything to anybody, and I agree with your character assessments of Dr. K and Aaron,” said Harrison.  “I find it hard to believe that the Snowman could have turned traitor,” he continued.  “He has been by our side since some of our earliest adventures.  He has been generous with his support financially and technologically.  What could be his motive?”

“This is going to sound weird,” said Mike.  “I had a dream the other night that Snowman was captured by Decepticons and they put a cerebro-shell into his brain.  Could be just a dream, but I’m starting to think that there are no coincidences.”

“We can’t use that as legitimate evidence,” dismissed Harrison.  “A dream might only be a reflection of something else that happened elsewhere in the vast multiverse.  Listen, I’d love to chat, but I’m in the middle of a deadly car chase in a rainstorm.”

“Acknowledged,” responded Mike.  “I’m getting Jazz and Dr. K.  She can summon a portal to banish your Decepticon to the Schnauzerverse.”

“Good plan,” said Harrison.  “Over and out.”

---

“Are you sure about this?  Trusting our fate to an Australian that I hardly know?” asks Dr. K as she buckles in.

“That’s a bit of hyperbole, isn’t it?  I’m driving, I’m the one you’re trusting your fate to.  I’m just going to drive Jazz here, to home in on Harrison’s location.  There…tracking on.”

“The Queen of Schnauzers wouldn’t approve,” protests Dr. K.

“Well the Queen of Schnauzers trusts me.  You should too,” I proclaim.  I have no idea who the Queen of Schnauzers is.

“Well I don’t approve…” I hear her grumble.

“Listen.  Don’t worry.  I have lots of experience driving in storms!” I say in the most reassuring voice I can muster.  I turn the key, and the Porsche 935 roars to life like a demon.  I’ve driven in lots of storms…but, driving a Porsche 935 in a storm…that I’d never done before.

“Can you at least put some good music on?” complains Dr. K.  I had Priest on previously.  She hates Priest.

“Of course!”  I select Glass Tiger.  “Don’t Forget Me When I’m Gone”.  Probably the weirdest choice ever for an upcoming battle, but I like absurd contrast.  “Let’s go!  Allons-y!”

Once we hit the open highway, I open up the throttle.  “Woah, this thing really moves!  Check the console – tell me how far out we are.”

Dr. K check the screen and frowned.  “He’s 15 minutes away…but moving further.  He’s going in the wrong direction.”

“He’s trying to lose that Decepticon.  We have to catch him!” I exclaim as I try to keep from panicking.

Don’t forget me when I’m gone
My heart would break
I have loved you for so long
It’s all I can take

Glass Tiger’s Alan Frew sings the melody with pop perfection, as I drive straight into possible death.  Perfect!

---

Outback raced down the gravel backroad, pelted by stones.  The beige finish was dented and dinged by numerous pebble projectiles, as Harrison took it as fast as he could without losing control.  The truck behind, seemingly immune to the flying rocks, continued to gain ground.  A large stone hit the windshield, cracking it.

“Woah, that was a bit too much!” said Harrison as he focused.  “But I can’t slow down!”

“Squee squee!” cried Ripper.  He was handling the controls for the roof cannon, but the unstable road and high speed made it near impossible for him to land a solid shot.  All he was doing was kicking up stones which was doing nothing to slow down their adversary.  It continued to pursue with unearthly persistence.  “Squee squee!” he cried again.

“Oh, of course,” said Harrison, sounding defeated.  “We’re jammed again.  Tracking too?  Can Mike still find us?”

Ripper shrugged.  He had no way to know.

They could hear Scourge’s engine now as he barreled down the road, closer and closer, stones just bouncing off his frontal armor.  Little Outback was no match.  Scourge was so close behind now that Ripper could hardly miss.  He took another shot.

Harrison heard the cannon fire and the shot connect.  He turned his head.  Hair blew behind him from the wind now coming in through the cracked windscreen.  He saw an explosion.  “Yes!  Direct hit!  That’ll slow him down!”

Indeed, Scourge swerved slightly as he struggled to remain on the road.  The rain could not keep down the dust as it pillowed out behind the truck, now filthy with dirt and mud.  Harrison hit the accelerator, but Outback was slowly losing power.  It ran on electric, not gas, and the battery was at less than half.  The tires had been taking a beating and one was getting closer and closer to the red failure zone.  They were almost out of ammo.  Phones and radios all jammed.  Despite the wind coming through, Harrison’s face was covered with sweat as he struggled to maintain control.

Behind them, the black truck gained ground once again.  Ripper fired off another shot which went high.  With GPS out, and Harrison unfamiliar with the roads, they were lost.  Mike told them that if they ever got lost in the countryside, always head towards the water if you could see it.  In this storm, there was no way to navigate.  They were driving blind with no idea what was ahead now.

Another shot, this one impacting the road right in front of Scourge’s front left tire.   It took a dive into the newly created pothole, and Scourge leapt into the air from the impact.  Trying to avoid the crash, the truck transformed into robot mode and took the landing rolling.  Scourge crashed into a roadside tree, completely taking it down and several hydro poles.

“Yes!  That shot was one in a million!” shouted Harrison.

“Squee squee!” agreed Ripper.

“It was our last shell?  Well at least you made it count!” said Harrison to his friend.

Behind them, Scourge was recovering from the crash, and resuming chase on foot.  He began running, with a loud stomp.  Suddenly, just as Harrison was beginning to gain ground, they heard another loud explosion.

“Front tire out!!” cried Harrison.  Their speed dropped dramatically.  Suddenly Scourge was gaining ground again.

“I’m afraid I’m all out of tricks,” said Harrison.  He checked the side door.  His trusty boomerang was stored there.  If worse came to worse, that was all he had left for a weapon.  It had saved his life many times in the past, against demons and knights, but could it even dent one of Unicron’s minions?  The car was crawling now, and Scourge was running.

“Squee!  Squee!” exclaimed Ripper, pointing at his screen.  “Squeeeee!”  He was studying an image from the rear car camera.  He had it zoomed in on Scourge’s head.

“What is it, little friend?  …Oh, really?  I see it.  It is worth a shot.  Literally.  Take the wheel.”

With that, Harrison transferred control of Outback over to Ripper’s little screen.  He retrieved his boomerang from the side door and gripped it firmly.  Just as Mr. McElroy had taught in fifth grade boomerang class.  He opened the window, and leaned out.  As the glass slid down, rain and wind poured into the car, jarring it slightly on its course.

“Hold tight Ripper, and keep it steady,” instructed Harrison.  He leaned out the window, boomerang arm outstretched.  He focused his eyes on the mighty robot, each booming step bringing it closer to their crawling car.  Harrison took a deep breath.  He was one with the boomerang.  Before he knew he was even throwing it, he had released it true on its course.  He watched as the object, too small to be worthy of Scourge’s attention, sailed closer and closer to its target.

Impact.

The small antenna mounted to Scourge’s head was knocked askew, disabling it.  With that, suddenly all communications returned!  Ripper had correctly surmised that the extraneous antenna was jamming all their signals.  And with another one in a million shot, Harrison had just given them another chance.

Suddenly the phone burst to life!  Ripper answered in glee.

“Harrison!  Ripper!  It’s us!  Mike and Dr. K!  Come in!”

Harrison could hardly hold in his relief.  “Oh thank Primus!  We just un-jammed our Decepticon friend but he remains in pursuit and is in robot mode!  We have minutes!”

The phone crackled.  “We have your location…” said Mike, cutting out.  Ripper looked behind and saw that Scourge had stopped to re-align his jamming antenna.  “…stay on course…” crackled Mike.  “Look for the signal…”  Crackle!  “…hit the ditch…”  came more words.  “…keep going!”

“I don’t understand!” said Harrison, but it was too late.  They were jammed again.  Harrison hit the accelerator.  Behind them, Scourge was back in truck mode.

Harrison pushed the pedal down as hard as he could, but it was no use.  The truck’s front bumper was now in contact!  Harrison felt the car lose control as Scourge pushed him down the highway.

Suddenly there was a light ahead.  Headlights blinded Harrison and Ripper.

“Mike said to hit the ditch, this must be it!”  Harrison swerved off the road.  Rolling into a ditch and landing in a cornfield, the chase was over for Outback.

Meanwhile, behind them, Scourge was blinded but kept going at top speed straight down the highway.  Passing the headlights of Jazz on the left hand side of the road, Scourge barreled straight into a sparkling, orange portal.  At roadside, Dr. K. was using her Sling Clarinet, opening a portal into the Schnauzerverse.

“Noooooo!” screamed Scourge as he sailed through.  With a flourish, Dr. K closed the portal as quickly as she opened it.

“He’ll be sleeping in the doghouse now!” punned Dr. K.

“Don’t forget him when he’s gone!” said Mike, high-fiving his sister as he got out of the car.  “Harrison and Ripper!”

Mike took off at a run into the cornfield, where he could clearly see the headlights of Harrison’s car.  Still carrying her bass clarinet, Dr. K joined him.  Outback lay in the corn on its side, wheels still spinning.

“Squee squee!” they heard coming from the car.  “We’re OK!”  said Harrison from a broken window.   “Bruised but not broken.  Very very sore.  A tad thirsty.  Perhaps slightly concussed.”

---

Mike’s log, stardate…can’t remember.  A couple days after the encounter with the aliens and Decepticons.  It’s been a whirlwind but, things have settled down.

I sit again on the front porch of Northern Lights HQ, vigilant as before.  Jen has returned, and the storm has passed.  Harrison and Ripper have returned to Australia for recovery.  The little guy is fine, but Harrison is worse for wear.  His boomerang arm is expected to make a full recovery.

It is alarming how easily Unicron’s minions can access our universe.  Mr. Durling is very concerned as well, or at least I am told he is concerned.  I wasn’t able to speak with him directly, but I did call up Jex and the Night Ranger, who are currently staying with Aaron at the Archive.  All is well there.  The Snowman is out of contact during his move to Georgia.  I understand he’s starting a peach farm.

Et tu Snowman?…could you have betrayed us?

I don’t want to think about that.  For the moment, that’s not my fish to fry.  That’s Jex’s ball for now.

Durling has sent us more tech to protect HQ.  Shield and hologram projectors.  We can cloak the entire place now.  To outsiders, it now looks abandoned and empty.  Meanwhile, the bad guys don’t have a clue where Harrison is.  Which gives us the advantage.  For Harrison’s safety, this information is being isolated from Snowman’s access.  Person to person, mouth to mouth, no paper trail, no digital trail.  Even Durling doesn’t know.

I write these words in my log and I smile. I walk to the roaring fireplace steps away, and I throw the entire log into the fire.  I stand, and watch the flames grow bright.  The heat on my face is comforting.

“We have to be careful from now on,” I say as I poke the fire and ensured every last paper burns.

And there I sit, by the fire as it slowly burns out.  I activate the new shields and cloaks.  We are safe.  And I intend to keep us safe.  I’m going to end this war, and I’m going to need help.

---

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

• Chapter Zero:  Tee Bone Man – Origins (by LeBrain)
• Chapter One: A Friend in Need (by LeBrain)
• Chapter Two: Hell Freezes Over (by Harrison Kopp)
• Chapter Three: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place to Be (by LeBrain)
• Chapter Four: Tee Bone Man and the Rink of…Doom? (by Aaron KMA)
• Chapter Five: The Super Duper Vault (by John T. Snow)
• Chapter Six: Tee Bone Man Goes to Camp (by LeBrain)
• Chapter Seven:  The Revenge of Common Knowledge (by LeBrain)
• Chapter Eight:  Tee Bone & Deke’s Time Travelling Adventure (by 80sMetalMan)
• Chapter Nine:  Castle Communications (by Harrison Kopp)
• Chapter Ten:  The Case of the Lost Iron Maiden Socks (by LeBrain)
• Chapter Eleven:  A Tee Bone Man Christmas (by all five of us)
• Chapter Twelve:  Lost In Space (by John T. Snow)
• Chapter Thirteen:  Clip Show (by LeBrain)
• Chapter Fourteen:  Tee Bone Man and Superdekes Discover the Tao (An Intermission) (By Aaron KMA)
• Chapter Fifteen: Status Acoustic – The Really Big Deal (by Harrison Kopp)
• Chapter Sixteen:  A Crazy Crazy Night (part 1) (by Harrison Kopp)
• Chapter Sixteen:  A Crazy Crazy Night (part 2) (by Harrison Kopp)
• Chapter Sixteen:  A Crazy Crazy Night (part 3) (by Harrison Kopp)
• Chapter Seventeen:  Tee Bone Man vs. Edie Van Heelin’ (by LeBrain)

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

• Chapter Eighteen:  Shinzon – Origins (By LeBrain)
• Chapter Nineteen:  Tee Bone Man and Superdekes vs. the Lego (By LeBrain)
• Chapter Twenty:  The Death of Edie Van Heelin’ (By LeBrain)
• Chapter Twenty-One:  Fate of the Brainiac (By LeBrain)
• Chapter Twenty-Two:  Enter:  The Durling Foundation (By LeBrain)
• Chapter Twenty-Three:  Tee Bone Man’s NYE Extravaganza!  (By all of us!)
• Chapter Twenty-Four:  Tee Bone Man and Superdekes Go Back to School Part 1 (By LeBrain)
• Chapter Twenty-Four:  Tee Bone Man and Superdekes Go Back to School Part 2 (By LeBrain)
• Chapter Twenty-Five (flashback):  Tee Bone and Ripper the Squirrel Return to Camp (By LeBrain)
• Chapter Twenty-Six:  The Final Chapter (by Harrison Kopp)

THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS:  PHASE THREE – THE UNICRON SAGA

• • Chapter One:  Creatures of the Night (by LeBrain)
  • Chapter Two:  The Return of Dr. K (by LeBrain)
  • Chapter Three:  The More Things Change… (by Harrison Kopp)
  • Chapter Four:  The Glitch in the Matrix (by Mike)
  • Chapter Five:  Night Ranger: Heroes of the World (by Harrison Kopp)
  • Chapter Six: TRANSFORMATIONS

 

 

SPINOFFS AND SIDE QUESTS

• Noirison:  Chapter One (By Holen)
• Noirison:  Chapter Two (By Holen)
• Noirison:  Chapter Three (By Holen) 2024
• Who’s the Mole in Rock and Roll Heaven? (by 80sMetalMan)
• Shinzon – Dread and the Fugitive Mind (By Harrison Kopp)
• Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures: Chapter 1 – Farao Way From Home (By Harrison Kopp)
• Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures: Chapter 2:  Train of Consequence – Part One (By Harrison Kopp)
• Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures: Chapter 2:  Train of Consequence – Part Two (By Harrison Kopp)
• Snippison and Brainikin’s Excellent Adventure:  Chapter One
• Jen In Space:  Mission One (By LeBrain)
• Deep Black Rainbow:  The Full Concert (By 80sMetalMan)
• Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures:  Tales From The Multiverse Part 1- Man Of A Thousand Blades (by Harrison Kopp)
• Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures:  Tales From The Multiverse Part 2 – Homeward Bound (by Harrison Kopp

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

• The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 1:  Edie vs. Tommy Lee in the Bouncy Castle of Doom! (By LeBrain)
• The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 2:  Edie and the Quest for the Lost Lego (By LeBrain with Harrison Kopp)
• The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 3:  Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation (By LeBrain)
• The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 4:  Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation Part 2 (By LeBrain & MarriedandHeels)
• The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 5:  Edie Meets the Wolf (by LeBrain)
• The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’ 6:  Edie’s Winter Vacation (By LeBrain & MarriedandHeels)

THE WRITER’S ROOM

• The Writer’s Room:  Chapter One
• The Writer’s Room:  It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Tee Bone Man Christmas
• The Writer’s Room:  Welcome to the Writer’s Room!
• The Writer’s Room:  Empty Room
• The Writer’s Room:  Summer Holidays!
• The Writer’s Room:  New Year’s Grieve!
• The Writer’s Room:  Return of the Snowman
• The Writer’s Room:  Snowman’s Gambit
• The Writer’s Room:  Outside the Writer’s Room
• The Writer’s Room:  Chapter Ten