QUEEN – “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions” Ruined By Rick Rubin EP (1991 Hollywood Basic)

Mercifully, it’s short.  But did they know they were making a piece of shit?  “Ruined by Rick Rubin”.  “Mix Engineer Under Protest: Brendan O’Brien”.  “Engineering and Additional Bad Ideas:  Jason Corsano”.  Those are the actual credits.  They had to know these remixes were awful.  Connecting the dots, this remix EP must have been the brainchild of Hollywood records.

Rubin claims that “We Will Rock You” was a perfect record already, so he thought “I can’t improve upon it, I may as well throw the whole kitchen sink at it,” more or less.  This was a single that went along with the 1991 reissue of News of the World, which included the first remix here as a bonus track.  Not much of a bonus, really!

“We Will Rock You” begins with the sound of a scratchy record, then the handclaps, before everything goes bonkers.  A droning sound is accompanied by drum loops.  This goes on for a while, with the original track playing underneath, guitar solo and all.  Then it explodes with additional drums by the Chili Peppers’ Chad Smith (credited here for “bombastic skin attack”.  Flea is on additional bass (credited as “supercharged bass from hell”).  Records scratch, people shout “yeah” (or “blah” or something), until it is mercifully all over after an agonizing five minutes.  One of the worst remixes in music history.

It gets worse.  An instrumental remix follows.  This is just the loops and scratches, and whatever samples thrown in.  There are things that sound like horns, and more of that droning sound.

The next track ruined by remixes is “We Are the Champions”.  This version is blasphemous.  A rapper chants, “Aint it funky!” between Freddie’s lines.  The pointless loops and additional bullshit are present and accounted for.  The choruses are relatively intact, but forget about the verses.  Did “We Are the Champions” need drum loops and reggae dubbed in?  Unlistenable.

Back to “We Will Rock You” with the “Big Beat A Capella”.  This means the vocal track from the song, without the handclaps, but stupid drums (and even steel drums) looped over.  Steel drums on “We Will Rock You”.

Finally, there is the “Zulu Scratch A Capella” remix of “We Will Rock You” and I don’t even wanna bother.  It’s mostly just the vocal track with minor manipulations and a few scratches.  The only good thing about it is its brevity.

This remix EP is for collectors only.  If you’re a Queen completist, or a Red Hot Chili Peppers diehard who has to have every note that Flea farted out, go for it.  Everyone involved should be embarrassed about this flaming turd, and judging by the credits, I think they are.

0/5 stars