RECORD STORE TALES Mk II:  Getting More Tale

#323: Hatorade

Do you have any artists or songs that just drive you insane upon mere mention of their names? Sure you do. Don’t lie to me. You can’t hide that Hatorade deep inside! Like my buddy Aaron I thought I’d create a list of five.

1. “Fancy” – Iggy Azalea. I don’t hear much in the way of music, or songcraft on this repetitive juvenile rap. I hear people calling Iggy Azalea “talented”. What exactly is her talent? Hiding her Australian accent?

2. “Hello Kitty” – Avril Lavigne. So terrible, on so many levels. This has nothing to do with rock and roll, a genre that Avril claims to be a part of. No, this is unabashed brass-ring grabbing novelty crapola.

3. “Porn Star Dancing” – My Darkest Days. Somehow, this Canadian post-grunge bunch of posers got Zakk Wylde to play on this track. I don’t know how they did that, except perhaps promising him a lifetime supply of Jack? This awful, stinky excuse for a rock song also features Chad Kroeger on vocals. Giddy up, horse-face.

4. “Painkiller” – Three Days Grace. There are two soundalike Canadian bands with the word “Days” in their names. And now, both of them even have the same singer. Double the pain!

5. “Michael” – Franz Ferdinand. I absolutely despise this song. They listened to it in the Record Store during my miserable final days there. “Indi rock” was popular with certain groups of individuals and of all the songs I endured, this one I hated most. Sitting at work, listening to the dude from Franz Ferdinand singing “So come and dance with me Michael, so sexy, I’m sexy,” was not my cup of tea at all.