Part 223: The Bird

Bird bird bird bird is the word

RECORD STORE TALES Part 223:  The Bird

I hated doing bank runs.  Bank runs were required to make sure we had plenty of change in the register.  The denominations we tended to run out of most frequently were $1’s, $2’s, and $5’s.  Because we were buying used CDs (often offering between $1 and $6 per disc) it’s understandable how we could go through a tray full of $5’s in short order.

We’d run out all the time and I was sick and tired of getting in shit for running out of $5 bills.  I started a routine: once a week, we did a massive bank run that would always last us through the weekend and into the Monday.  Then, people complained that we had a lot of change to count in our register – but I never ran out anymore.

I’d call the bank up, and place my change order.  One time over 10 years ago, I brought one of my employees with me to do the change run.  The reasons for this were twofold.  One, I was carrying a lot of money and I liked having another person with me as backup.  Second, it was a good way of showing him how to do the change run for the future.

There’s usually a special “business line” at the bank that lets you cut the crowds.  We went into that line (overhearing a few people sneer, “how come they get to go before me when I’ve been waiting 20 minutes?”).  We got our change fairly quickly, and headed back out.

We got into my car and and began to make our way back to the store.  There were two traffic lanes heading out:  One a left-turn only lane, and one a right-turn or straight lane.  We were going straight, so I stopped at the red light.

We sat at the red light, shooting the shit, talking about music, when we both noticed a persistent honking behind us.  I looked over my shoulder and I saw a lady in a red car behind us yelling, and gesturing wildly.

“Is she honking at us?” I asked Chris, a little confused.

“I think so!” he answered.  “I think she wants to turn right.”

I watched her a bit in my mirror.  I think this only made her more angry, because her movements became even more animated.  I couldn’t make out what she was yelling, but she sure was letting it out.

“This is kind of weird,” I said.  “Nothing I can do about it though…I’m still going straight!”  I don’t think she knew we were both in a straight/right turn lane.  Maybe she had a disorder that rendered her incapable of reading street signs.

“The light’s green…just gun it, I’ll flip her the bird,” Chris said.

She had beaten Chris to the punch though, already waving her left hand in the air, finger up high, yelling and screaming at us as she finally made her right turn.  I was just glad she didn’t follow us to the store, which was right across the street!  People can be really weird about stuff like that these days.  And that’s the story of the weirdest bank run we ever did.



  1. I’ve apparently said “get off my road!!” enough times that both my kids (they are 4 and 2) will say it now, from the back seat, even when I’m not even in the car. I only use that when I see people doing dumbass things on the road, though (which happens frighteningly often). You had done nothing wrong, so maybe that lady had just forgotten to take her meds that day.

    Also, I’m trying to figure out where you went. If you just had to drive straight through then you were at the mall. Why the heck did you drive? It’s not even a block away. Haha awesome.


    1. Yes, you are right as to the location. Normally I walked (more time away from the store + fresh air + stretch the legs.) Why I didn’t this time, I don’t know. It may have been the dollar amount I was carrying with me, or maybe Chris didn’t want to walk.


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