Since starting the Facebook Live streams, I thought maybe doing a reading of some of my own stories would be fun. The reaction was mixed but some of the comments are below.
Comments:
“I thought this stream would be about music but it is about poop and toilet paper. Pleasant surprise.” – Buried on Mars
“Story time with Bum Face?…This is gonna be a long stream.” – Uncle Meat
“The greatest story ever!!” – Chris
The live stream went down as only live streams could, spontaneously and hilariously. I tried re-recording the reading to get better quality but that was impossible. The only solution is to use the original live stream reading from the night of April 3 2020. Since that was done on live video, you get the video of it as well as a bonus.
GETTING MORE TALE #825: Klassic Kwote – Carnival of Souls
We were encouraged to put stickers on CDs to draw attention to them at the Record Store. When Kiss’ Carnival of Souls was released in 1997, I put a sticker on there that read “FINAL ALBUM WITH BRUCE & ERIC”. Because why not. Other stores did things like that. Stickers are fun. Bosses didn’t like my stickers, but I was the store manager and I wanted to make stickers.
A dude picked up the CD and asked me, “What does this mean? Final album with Bruce and Eric?”
I didn’t know how to respond so I simply answered, “It’s the final album with Bruce & Eric.”
Sunday Chuckle will return next week. This Sunday, we remember the sacrifices made by those who served their countries. For me in particular, it’s my Grandfather and his brother who fought against the Nazis in World War II that I like to remember. As dark forces encircle the world today, let us not forget those currently serving who are keeping us free.
Here are our past stories regarding Remembrance Day, please give them a click and a read.
Thank you for reading these past six years. If you’re new and you like what you see, why not go back and check out the whole story from the beginning? It’s an epic tale of slinging the rock in Kitchener Ontario, from the front lines of a Record Store. 12 years in the trenches resulted in an older, wiser man with stories of legendary music, infamous parties, trials, Tribble-lations, retribution and vindication. It is the rise, fall, and resurrection of yours truly. And who am I? Just a guy with some great stories.
These are the Record Store Tales. Thank you for reading!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 241: Halloween, KISS style!
Our annual inventory count fell on October 31. For five years straight, I never got to dress up, hand out candy, or do anything fun on Halloween because I was too busy counting discs and CD towers! However in the early days, this wasn’t the case. Halloween 1996 was actually a pretty good one.
Like most malls, our mall had a few Halloween contests. T-Rev entered the store in the Pumpkin Carving category. He and I came up with the plan to do a Kiss pumpkin. T-Rev, the store owner’s brother, and myself gathered in my mom’s workshop in the basement. My mom had plenty of paint, and I was good at drawing the Kiss makeup designs. T-Rev had the idea to make the pumpkin Gene Simmons, and figured out how to make a pumpkin tongue stick out. I must say he did an amazing job.
The first step was to spray paint the pumpkin white. One of the guys did the cutting. Then, I drew the Demon design with a black magic marker. We thought the nose needed to be more three-dimensional, so I cut it out a bit. Together, we began colouring in Gene’s makeup. We needed something to define the eyes of Gene, and T-Rev thought of using pumpkin seeds. We added a wig, and voila!
T-Rev propped Gene up on the magazine stand outside the store. Immediately we started getting compliments, and the response was pretty unanimous: We had done the best job in the entire mall.
Unfortunately, the judges didn’t base their ratings on who had done the best job. They were only marking the results, whether the store employees did the pumpkins themselves or not! A store that hired a professional carver won first place. We came in second. There was no prize for second. T-Rev and I considered that to be cheating. Cheatie-cheatertons.
The contest was over, and not too soon: the pumpkin had begun to rot, as pumpkins do. That didn’t stop a customer from coming in on November 1st and offering him $10 for it. T-Rev accepted his gracious offer, even though the thing would be turning horrific in a day or two. A fool and his money, right T-Rev?
By 1997, the store had moved out of the mall. This was our last pumpkin carving contest, but at least we had the satisfaction of winning the popular vote. As far as I’m concerned, we went out on top. My personal consolation prize was later on, Halloween 2006. By this time I had moved on to United Rentals. They took Halloween very, very seriously at United Rentals! I dressed up as Paul Stanley, and this time, I finally won first prize!
I thought it would be fun to re-post old chapters of Record Store Tales that you may have missed. Enjoy this Holly-Jolly re-post!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 255:‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
December 24th. One of our busiest days of the year. Not the busiest though – that would often fall on the last Saturday before Christmas, on the 23rd, or our annual Boxing Day sale on the 26th. Nearly two months of buildup and hard work, and it’s all over in what feels like a blink!
The 24th could sometimes be a fun day to work. Not all customers were your typical cranky shopper, although we certainly saw those too. Many of our Christmas Eve customers were simply killing time. Some were spending their Christmas money a little bit early. Some didn’t care what day it was, particularly those who came in to sell CDs for cash.
Yes, many people did come in to sell even on Christmas Eve. A few were looking for credit to buy gifts, some were just looking for money to buy a Christmas dime bag. Either way it was always a busy day, and we were kept moving on our feet. Many dollars exchanged hands on the 24th.
I recall Christmas music was in such demand that a few years I was left with 4 or 5 Christmas CDs left in stock. Often these would be the ones that always sat, year after year, unwanted, unsold. As a person who’s never liked Christmas music, I could never understand the NEED to have it, just to listen to it once a year. To me, that’s what the radio was for. But I wasn’t there to try to analyze the wants and desires of the people. My job was to sell them whatever crap we had left.
The 24th was a messy day. Usually you could count on snow getting tracked in on the carpets (which were only cleaned a few weeks prior – why??). Also, most customers could not seem to put discs back where they found them. This was a combination of poor shelf design, customers who didn’t give a shit, parents that don’t watch their children as they tear the store apart, and people who didn’t know the alphabet. Discs would be everywhere by the end of it all, scattered hither and yon, with no rhyme or reason as to why they were left there.
I always wore a suit and tie on Christmas Eve. This was a tradition begun by the boss and owner in the early 1990’s, but I was the only one who carried on this tradition. The first time we did the suits T-Rev said, “I like it, it makes me feel important!” People do treat you a little differently when you’re wearing a tie.
After all the rushes of customers died down, we’d start hanging the signs in preparation for the big Boxing Day sale on the 26th. Buy 3 Get 1 Free! Or something like that. Not good with any other special offers though, so people would have something to bitch about. “Why can’t you stamp my card too?” Etc. etc.
One year (’96 or ’97) after close at 6 pm, the boss told me to stay late and help him hang these signs. They were big banners for our Boxing Day sale. He climbed a ladder to clip these huge hanging signs from the ceiling. I was there on the floor in my tie trying to hold the sign aloft as he worked. Then he dropped a clip to the ground and we couldn’t see where it landed. And apparently we didn’t have any spares.
On hands and knees I searched and searched. We even got out a flashlight to try to find the damned thing. No luck! Meanwhile the clock ticked and ticked. 6:30. 6:45. 7:00. The parking lot outside was quickly resembling a frozen ghost town, as people raced home to begin their own festivities.
Just as I found the damn clip on the ground, the phone rang. Normally I wouldn’t answer the phone this late after close on Christmas Eve, but my boss answered, and it was my mom.
“When are you sending my son home to enjoy his Christmas Eve dinner with his family?” she chided.
“Oh I’m sorry Mrs. Ladano!” my boss responded. “We’re almost done. You’ll have him soon.”
I think if my mom hadn’t called, we would have been there all night hanging those stupid signs!
At home there was plenty of hot food to enjoy, as I let my body relax after a long day of serious hard work. Thankfully I did not have to work Boxing Day, probably the longest most tiring day of the whole year. I therefore had two whole days to relax, watch movies, and spend time with the family.
On that note, I wish all of you a Merry Christmas. Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, be safe and warm this season. And most important I hope you all make it home on time and don’t have to stay late hanging signs!
Unfortunate Canadians will recall boy band b4-4 (also known as Before Four). They were a trio, had two brothers in the group, made two albums and faded away quietly.
Courtesy of former store owner (now road manager for Steve Earle) Mike Lukacs, here’s a classic quote that shoulda been in Record Store Tales:
“Back in the record store days, some people came in the store looking for these guys’ CD. One of the dudes that worked for me asked them why they wanted such garbage. ‘They are our sons’ replied the people…”
I thought it would be fun going forward to re-post old chapters of Record Store Tales that you may have missed. Enjoy this Christmas-themed re-post!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 150:SmellsLike Presents
Our original computerized inventory system forced us to manually type in every album title ourselves. Out of sheer boredom, often we’d shake it up a bit. For example, just for laughs, we’d often input Alanis Morissette’s album Jagged Little Pill in the system as Jagged Little Pillow. Or whatever.
When we saw this Celine Dion Christmas album come in, somebody came up with a clever custom title for our system. Remember that Marilyn Manson album, Smells Like Children? Take a look at the Celine Dion album cover. You’ll understand why we used to call this one Smells Like Presents!
The Foo Fighters took a break in 2001. Their new album, to come later as One By One, was not going well. The band were infighting, and the album was put on hold. Around that time, Josh Homme hooked up with his old buddy Dave Grohl and invited him to play on the new Queens of the Stone Age album. Dave was growing wearing of frontman duties in his own band and was happy to just be a drummer again for a little while.
The resultant QOTSA album, Songs for the Deaf, was a smash hit. Dave Grohl’s presence brought them a higher profile than before, but it was also just a flat-out kick ass record.
One of our store managers, Joe “Big Nose” was a Queens of the Stone Age fan going back to Kyuss. Though I was not there personally when this happened, Joe likely had an internal meltdown when a customer asked:
“Hey, do you have that new side project of Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters?”
