REVIEW: KISS – “Don’t Touch My Ascot” (2015)

Thanks kissnews.de for posting!

KISS – “Don’t Touch My Ascot” (2015 Warner, from the movie Scooby-Doo! and KISS: Rock and Roll Mystery)

The lovely Mrs. LeBrain got me a surprise gift a few weeks ago for our anniversary.  This is a blu-ray movie called Scooby-Doo! and KISS: Rock and Roll Mystery.  I haven’t watched it yet…I will some day…but it was a thoughtful gift idea because I’m a collector.  It features the voices of Paul, Gene, Eric and Tommy, and hey…that counts for something, right?

According to the back cover, the story takes place at KISS-World.  Sharp minded fans will remember that in 1979, Gene Simmons wanted to do a travelling amusement part/rock concert called Kiss World.  Then there’s something about a witch and alternate dimensions and something called The Destroyer.  I think the bonus feature, a Kiss blooper reel, will probably be better than the feature, but we shall see.

The main thing I’m interested is the new original Kiss song “Don’t Touch My Ascot”, a reference to Fred’s neckware.  Kiss’s producer Greg Collins co-wrote this for the movie, and all four Kiss members sing on it.  “Don’t Touch My Ascot” is a cute, old-tyme acoustic number with barbershop-like vocals.  Paul Stanley goes first, but his voice is a mere whisper.  Gene Simmons’ lines are next, and he sings in an exaggerated nasal voice.  Cute, because he doesn’t normally sing like that on record.  Please note though, the guy can actually sing!  Take off the nasal intonation and that would be a pretty impressive bit of singing!  Eric Singer goes next with the bridge and another verse, in that rasp he does so well.  Here he reminds me of David Lee Roth!  (Think: “Big Bad Bill”.)  After a brief acoustic solo, Tommy Thayer goes last.  He has the blandest voice of the four, but since everybody is harmonizing behind him, it all works out OK.

There are two catches.  1) The song is only 1:13 long.  2) You can’t buy it anywhere.  It’s only in the movie (and on youtube).  There’s the rub.  You can make an mp3 file from the youtube video, but the fidelity is pretty iffy.

A rating for a track like this is pretty meaningless, especially without the context of the movie, but whatever.  It’s Kiss and I love Kiss.

4/5 stars

25 comments

    1. Intentional — thanks for noticing Geoff! I see you’re still an early riser even on a Saturday. Good morning! I’m about to make a cup o’ coffee.

      My favourite morning cartoon: “Battle of the Planets”

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  3. Too bad the Real Frehley and the Real Criss weren’t in this movie! They would have been smoking joints and doing lines in the back of The Mystery Machine with Shaggy!

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  4. I would have liked a review of the movie, Mike. I keep seeing it available to rent, but I think to myself ‘is it really worth the hour and half of my life that I’ll never get back’?

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    2. It’s not, really. It’s essentially Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park in cartoon form. There’s some nice references for the fans to spot but I wouldn’t suggest buying it now, at full price.

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  6. The No Prize goes to Mike for posting a review of something he hasn’t even watched yet! Lebrain has trolled us all!

    Oh man, my lovely wife pointed this one out to me in the shops one day recently (she’s a closet KISS fan), and I said ‘Mike definitely needs this!’ so I’m glad Mrs. Lebrain hooked you up.

    So when can we expect a review of the actual contents of the disc? :)

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  7. Comment by “redinthesky” on the KISSfaq:

    Kiss fanboy stuff. The first thing that I noticed is that he says “Sharp minded fans will remember that in 1979, Gene Simmons wanted to do a travelling amusement part/rock concert called Kiss World.” Actually, almost everyone who read about it in Chris Lendt’s ‘Kiss and Sell’ book in 1996 heard about Kissworld for the very first time there.

    But that whole review is just Kiss fanboy nonsense. He says it all at the end…”It’s Kiss and I love Kiss.” Ascot is a real Kiss song yes, but it’s an embarrassment, a kiddie song. May as well have had Grover and Big Bird on backup vocals. From “Strutter” to “Don’t Touch My Ascot,” that’s Kiss start to finish.

    Thanks dude. A) I never said anything about knowing that info in 1979. B) You didn’t quote anything critical that I said.

    Loser.

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