“Flaming Turds” artwork courtesy of SARCA at CAUGHT ME GAMING. Thanks Sarca!
We continue with the WEEK OF FLAMING TURDS! We’re looking at a collection of malodorous music. Strike a match, you’ll need it for these stinkers! This one smells like something went bad in that fridge….
W.A.S.P. – Kill.Fuck.Die (1997 Castle, 1997 Victor Japanese import)
W.A.S.P. sure started to suck in the 1990’s. 1995’s Still Not Black Enough was alright: It got the job done in putting new W.A.S.P. music on the shelves, though it was hard to find in stores. Then Marilyn Manson came along, the new king of shock rock, and Blackie Lawless said “Hey! I did that first! I need to take back my throne.” Caking on the makeup, he reconnected with erstwhile lead guitarist Chris Holmes. Rather than playing to their collective strengths, the pair instead wrote and recorded an album of industrial rock that came off as a desperate attempt to be relevant. The oh-so edgy album title Kill.Fuck.Die. had to be abbreviated to K.F.D. The album packaging was clever in concept but crap in delivery. A blurry picture of a fridge opens to reveal another blurry picture body parts and meat. On the inside, yet another blurry picture of a pig carcass. Go, 90’s!
Because this writer is a fucking OCD idiot, he owns both the domestic and Japanese versions of K.F.D. This means I have all the different bonus tracks. You get to read a one-stop review including all the tracks. Good for you!
“K.F.D” sounds as if the band were playing in a shoe box full of stuffing. W.A.S.P. are muffled, robbing them of the guitar excitement we’re used to. Blackie’s voice is distant because…90’s. As usual Stet Howland’s drumming is way too busy. Fortunately the song has hooks, but who wants to run around singing “Kill! Fuck! Die!”? Not this guy. Sorry Blackie, but even as an angry young man I thought this was lame.
Skip the boring and monotonous “Take the Addiction”. Do the same for “My Tortured Eyes”, a slow distorted drag of a song. These tunes are necessary listening only for diehard Blackie fans who need to buy everything he burps and farts. There are a couple good songs next, though the titles are pretty doltish: “Killahead” and “Kill Your Pretty Face”. The first is fast metal, but of course still with this annoying “industrial” production. (I use the quotation marks because it’s really not industrial music per se…there are no interesting samples or loops to keep things moving.) The second is a slow burn, that drags for a while before we finally get to the chorus, which is a good one at least. Good enough to consider it a decent song. “Fetus” is a waste of time, just a minute of screaming and noise. It blends into “Little Death”, just noise trying to sound like Trent Reznor. Wisely, the Japanese edited these two off, and included their own bonus track “Tokyo’s On Fire” in this spot. Maybe “Little Death” could have been a good song if it wasn’t compressed and distorted into nonsense. Thankfully they stuck to a rock production with “Tokyo’s On Fire”. That does make it sound odd sitting in the middle of the album. Suddenly, the music sounds alive, not strangled! “Tokyo’s On Fire” sounds like W.A.S.P., not Marilyn-Trent Lawless!
Another dumb title, “U”, masks an OK song. The lyrics are pretty are pretty half-baked. “U fuckin’ suck!” sings Blackie. No wonder they didn’t include a lyric sheet in this baby. Anger is a great emotion to express in rock music. Get it out! But “Kill yourself for me,” doesn’t cut it for lyrics. Shock without purpose. A molotov cocktail without a revolution. It’s just shrapnel, nothing more. “Wicked Love” is better, thankfully, with a good chorus and melody, but again the compressed guitars just underwhelm. It would have been nice if Blackie had let the guitars sound like, you know, guitars. The album closes out on “The Horror” which is way too long, and takes forever to go anywhere. A good solid five minutes could have been trimmed from this coma-inducer. It ends powerfully, but it’s basically just a reprise of “K.F.D.”. So, if you consider “K.F.D.” and “The Horror” to be one song in two parts, and do the same for “Fetus” and “Little Death”, then…holy shit, Blackie only came up with nine new songs for this album, including the Japanese bonus track!
The aforementioned domestic CD packaging has two significant flaws. One is that the cardboard fridge is hinged on a perforation, which usually tears after opening it too many times. The other is that it is unfortunately not worth opening. Keep the fridge closed, fans.