#686: Puke!

GETTING MORE TALE #686: Puke!

 

Almost everybody hates puking.  It’s one of the most unpleasant bodily functions, and everyone does it.  Especially rock stars!  I remember reading an interview with the rock band Kix in Hit Parader magazine.  On the subject of tour stories, one of the guitarists was sick during one show.  He had a puke bucket at side stage, but he missed and the puke ended up hitting an electric fan, which splattered the vomit all over the drummer.  “But he felt better for about half a song!”

On the less funny side, too many rock stars died after choking on their own vomit.  Jimi Hendrix and John Bonham come to mind.  It’s a tragic way to go, when the rock and roll lifestyle eats its own young.  Unfortunately the lessons are not always learned and rock and roll continues to be littered with tragedy.

But let’s keep it light this time.

I have always been a power-puker.  I wake up the neighborhood.  I’ve never puked on stage like the guy from Kix, but I do have a couple rock and roll stories.

At Sausagefest several years ago, I pushed it one step too far.  Not with alcohol, but with food.  That last sausage was a little undercooked and it didn’t feel right in my stomach. I was OK though the Saturday night countdown, and I went to bed after the music ended.  I slept in my car that year, and I started feeling sick after a very brief sleep.

I woke up and I knew I was going to puke.  I got out the car and walked towards the middle of the field.  I didn’t want to puke near anybody’s tent.  I could hear that some of the guys were still up and partying, but I couldn’t see anything.  And then, I released the hounds:

BRAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHAAAAHHHHH!

BORRRUGHHHHHEEEEERRRRRRRHHHHHEEEH!

PLAGHHHOUUGGGGGHHHHHEAAAAAAR!

“You OK there buddy?” I could hear Tom asking from somewhere in the dark.

“Yeah I just ate too much,” I responded as I recovered.  “Can you get me a bottle of water from my car?”

Tom made sure I was OK, and I slept great after that.  I have no idea how late those guys stayed up, but I know that some years I have woken up in the morning only to find Uncle Meat and Bucky still hadn’t gone to sleep!  There I was going for my morning shit, and these guys were still hanging by the fire.

It happened again a few years later, after Thanksgiving dinner at the cottage.  I blame my mom for this one.  She laid out way too much food, including tables full of chocolate and candy.  As I did at Sausagefest, I ate too much.  I woke up in the middle of the night again, knowing I was going to puke.  I didn’t want to wake anyone in that small cottage so I went outside to the back yard.  Then, once again, I released the evil from my stomach.

BRAAHHHHGGGGGHHHHRRRRRRRRTTT!

BLUUUGGGGGGPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFF.

HUUUAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGG!

I walked back into the cottage to find that I did in fact wake everyone, despite my best efforts not to.

Here’s the funny thing.  In both cases, the puddle of puke was gone in the morning.  Eaten by wild animals?  Hope they enjoyed the meal!

 

24 comments

  2. My Fav-o Puke Bucket story is…
    Ted Nugent played here back in 1981..(reviewed it by the way)
    His band was decked out in head to toe camouflage gear. 3 guitars including Ted the whole nine yards..
    We were sitting on the side and after a few tunes their was Ted’s drummer..leaning over and honking his brains out into a bucket…
    HAHAHA…being 14 at the time we thought this guy ruled….ripping out all of the Nuge’s classics while puking between Ted’s rambles between each song…..

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    1. Ahh the Nuge! And of COURSE his band was in Camo. Why not? God I’d feel so stupid if I were in a band and the leader was like “You’re all wearing Camo”.

      WHY? Are we playing in the jungle?

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      1. Who knows Man….I was intimidated as they looked like extras in a Chuck Norris movie….
        “Hey Little Thunder Bayian boy!” I’m talking to you yapped the Nuge pointing at me….haha..than me and the drummer both puked!
        By the way this is no way a true story..

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  3. That was pleasant! I don’t have a good puke story, at least not one where I puked. I did throw a party at my house when my parents went out of town. One kid got sick and threw up all over the floor. We cleaned it up and everything was great; except one wash cloth we used to clean up with fell between the washer and dryer while we were cleaning everything. My mom found it a couple days later and I was busted.

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  4. I can’t help biting on these takes. One too many sausages at ‘Sausage Fest’ is a classic. I have this image of you forcing one more of the tasty treats into your gullet. Charles Bukowski carried a “puke bucket’ when he did readings. My son Big Earl and friends went on a fishing trip off the west Coast this past weekend. Turned into “Honk Fest”

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    1. That’s exactly how you should picture it. Me essentially forcing it into my gut. I ate so much that day…it really was a bad idea. I take a more moderate approach today.

      What went wrong on your fishing trip? In theory that should have been a wonderful and relaxing experience! Did Big Earl eat some bad carp?

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      1. I would bet that you will do it again. “Just one more fella”

        Rough seas get the best of them. The half that don’t get sick enjoy a few beers and sausage sandwiches and ask the sicks ones if they would like a bite which starts a new round of spewing.

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        1. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a boat but I don’t recall getting too nauseous. I remember an adjustment period and then I was fine. I did, however, almost puke yesterday. I was getting my eyes checked and I had to look at pictures of my eyeballs.

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  6. I get that it has to happen, but I don’t know about puke stories. Having raised two small children, we’ve seen our share of fun from both ends and that’s enough to take the humour out of extreme natural processes!

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    1. I imagine you have seen enough puke in your day! Fortunately for me, it hasn’t been as bad since Jen got well. Only one puke day since then. As opposed to every week.

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