WARNING! This is not a pretty story. A sequel to #686: Puke!
Jen was super sick on Thursday. She had eaten some Indian food from a place that was new to her, and it wasn’t good. We both assumed it was food poisoning. Until Friday night.
I was scheduled to go live at 7:00 PM. I messaged the guys at 6:40 – “I just barfed”. Usually I’m just “one and done” when it comes to barfing. Not this time. I was prepared to go on with the show, but 10 minutes later I barfed again and got hit with the chills. I cancelled.
By 8:00 PM I had barfed five times. This never happens to me. Clearly, Jen didn’t have food poisoning the previous night. Whatever stomach bug she had, I now had it too. Five pukes in 80 minutes – that’s a new record for me. The last few were closer to painful, dry heaves.
I asked Jen to place a Skip the Dishes order with a gas station or a Little Short Stop – get me Gatorade, ginger ale, and water. (We scored here – we ordered and paid for small bottles but they sent big two-liter ginger ales.) I began sipping the sweet, cold, soothing beverages as soon as they arrived, and they were the most incredible sips I’ve ever taken.
The farts that came with this sudden illness were unreal. Easily and by far the most wretched and lingering smells I have ever produced, and that is saying something. Putrid, foul, rotten. My wife is a saint.
Despite sipping the drinks, I was so thirsty. Constantly thirsty. I was sipping every five minutes. Obviously dehydration set in. I barfed again at 10:30, but I then changed my strategy a bit. When I was a kid, my dad wouldn’t let me drink anything when I was sick, so I wouldn’t barf it back up. This time it was different. I drank Gatorade and ginger ale in earnest until I could feel my stomach was full.
The next three barfs were nothing but water, ginger ale and Gatorade. They came out easily, in mad gushes, and amazingly still tasted good. The red Gatorade puke still tasted exactly like red Gatorade. Because it was pure liquid and nothing else, it was effortless to bring up and I was in no pain (unlike the dry heaves). When I was done throwing up, I re-hydrated immediately and repeated the cycle a few more times. My final puke was around 4:00 AM on Saturday, my ninth. Another record. But I didn’t have any dehydration or associated pain/discomfort. A win.
I’m feeling a lot better now, just sore. Very sore. My joints are sore and mostly my chest.
I tested Covid negative, so it’s just a bug. Unfortunately I cannot go see my grandma in the hospital today because of this, and she is lonely.
Rest today, back to work tomorrow.
Wish me luck.