sausagefest

#855: Some Of My Favourite Fest Intros (and One Outro) 2020

As always, I was asked to introduce songs at this year’s Sausagefest.  I’d like to share some of them with you so you can get a taste of what I do for the Fest.

These four are only some of my favourites this year.  I did 10 intros altogether and the longest was about nine minutes.  That’s my actual favourite, but it was less about the track intro, and more about inside jokes that mean nothing to you.  I also did a well-received Neil Peart tribute as part of my “Passage to Bankok” intro but you can just read it here as it was previously posted in its original text form.

 

Below is a medley of four intros and one outro.  Some notes before you proceed:

  • Because it’s 2020 and why the fuck not, I understand they did the countdown in reverse order this year.  Starting at #1 going down to #100.  I didn’t know that when I recorded these.
  • I like to lift bits from cartoons like Rick & Morty and American Dad.  You will hear some.  These are not my original bits, just funny things that work as transitions from whatever Tom & Meat had going on before me.
  • Afroman has been a point of contention. I do not believe Afroman has a place at Sausagefest but they vote it in every year and then make me introduce it.  This year I fought back by putting in 0% effort.  (50 second mark)
  • Better than the Afroman intro was the outro which you will also hear.  I “interviewed” Werner Herzog about Sausagefest and people that vote for Afroman. (2 minute 15 second mark)
  • The Herzog bit was probably the most complex to edit.  I downloaded random Werner interviews and found a perfect part where he was talking about chickens.
  • Getting Darth Vader on Cameo was a real stroke of luck! (3 minute 45 second mark)

 

* I had to surgically create the word “one” out of the word “chicken” in order for it to make sense.  Now you’ll notice but before you wouldn’t.

#853: “The wedding is coming and life is very sweet!” (Getting More Retro!)

Jen dug up this Facebook note that I wrote on August 8, 2008.  I thought it would be nice to include as part of Getting More Tale.  Even back in 2008, I was excited about Sausagefest and bitching about the Record Store.  The wedding was August 31, 2008 and I was obviously very excited.

GETTING MORE TALE (Retro) #853: “The wedding is coming and life is very sweet!”

I can’t believe I haven’t written a note in more than a month. If you had told me that getting married was this much work, I wouldn’t believe you. Actually, some of you DID tell me that getting married was this much work, and I didn’t believe you.

However it wouldn’t have changed anything. I still love my crazy Leafs girl and would have married her anyway.

So what’s new? Well, last I wrote, I was just about to head to Sausagefest. I did and it was awesome. The new format needs a little work* I think, there were a few kinks in the tape. Meat, Tom and Haslam hosted a great party and we had an awesome time. Even Tyler’s dog Zeppelin didn’t bug me this time. And Zach’s lamb was DELECTABLE. My compliments to the Chef Britton.

After that, I turned 36…wow…unbelievable! However I will still tell people that I am 26.

Work is great. Unbelievable amount of responsibility and it weighs heavy sometimes. However I have been there over a year now, and it looks to be like I will be there a long time to come. There will be news about that soon but I can’t talk about that yet.**

It’s interesting. I spent 11 1/2 years working in the record store, working my way up, until there was nowhere left to work up to. A lot of people wish they could have worked in a record store, and I’m glad to say that I did it. I always have the best work stories,*** and I’m glad to say that with the glow of nostalgia, all the stories are good ones.*^ However everyone grows up, everyone gets older, and I didn’t want to be that guy who’s on call 24/7 anymore. In my 30’s I wanted to do something else.

So, I spent the last 3 years working in accounting departments, working for manufacturers and refining my skill set and experiences. It’s slowly been paying off; it’s tough starting over but it was worth it. Now I never have to bring my work home with me, and when the phone rings on the weekends it’s usually a telemarketer, not work!

So here I am about to embark on the next stage of my life, this time as a married dude. In a lot of ways I’ve become the guy I never wanted to be when I was a younger: The guy who never buys a CD by a new band because he thinks all the new bands suck. The guy who thinks nothing since 1978 has ever sounded as good. But you know what? I don’t give a fuck. I stick to my guns, always have and always will, and I’ll never go for the trends. Sure when I worked in the store I bought a lot of stuff, but my heart and soul will always be with the heaviest of metals.

Meat can bug me about the Danko Jones (ha ha),**^ but who cares…in the end he knows that I like what I like not because YOU think I should like it, but because I liked it.

This is another busy weekend…tomorrow our new bed gets delivered, tomorrow we’re going to hopefully pick our rings, and Sunday we meet with the DJ to cross the t’s and dot the lower-case j’s.

But for tonight, I think I shall rock to The Scream featuring John Corabi, and play Lego Star Wars. Yes I shall.

 

* This could have been the infamous “Bag of Rock” format that nearly derailed Sausagefest.

** The news was that I had been offered a permanent position, but I couldn’t say anything until papers were signed.

*** Record Store Tales.

*^ “Good” as in good stories, but not necessarily happy ones!

**^ Meat raked me over the coals for picking “Take Me Home” by Danko Jones as my tribute song.

Complete 80s KISS live stream! From Unmasked to H.I.T.S., unboxings and surprises!

You gotta give Aaron from the KMA credit for several things.  One, for bringing the Community together.  Two, for his thoughtful and generous nature.  And three, apparently, for clairvoyance.

Long before I decided on this week’s KISS theme, Aaron sent me a birthday gift.  You won’t believe it.  Clairvoyance?  Obviously!

This was an action-packed show and to help you navigate, here are the highlights:

I included the pre-show portion of the stream in this video.  To hear two awesome Max the Axe tunes, “My Daddy Was a Murderin’ Man” and “Magnum P.I.“, go to 0:01:20 of the stream.

For the epic Aaron Unboxing, check out 0:12:20 of the stream.

To begin 80s KISStory, go to 0:18:20 and rock!

For a sneak preview of a comedy bit that I recorded for Sausagefest 2020 (spoiler free), skip to 0:25:00.

To check out a host of cool ReAction figures, go to 1:26:00They Live, Ghost’s Papa Emeritus, Aliens, and the Transformers.

Or just enjoy the whole dang thing.

#816: Escape

GETTING MORE TALE #816: Escape

 

Depression is a bugger.   I’m a fighter but even a fighter can’t keep it up all the time.  We all have our struggles.  Mine are usually against myself.

Can’t write.  No words.  No interest in words.  No fresh ideas.  Nothing worth putting down on paper.

So much to do.  No energy to do any of it.

Talked to someone for a bit.  Felt better for a bit.  Wrote something for a bit.  But it was temporary at best.

The couch called.  And them something interesting happened.  I ran across a Youtube video.

“I could use this bit for the Sausagefest countdown this summer,” I thought.  It’s usually best to get the idea down right away before I forget it.

I went to my work station, downloaded some audio clips, recorded some dialogue and started editing.  Had something to eat.  Came back to it.  Tinkered and tweaked.  Listened back.  It’s good; it’s funny.  It just needs some more originality.  Went back at it the next morning and finished it to my satisfaction.  Then I started work on the next one.

In my mind, it was already July.  I closed my eyes and imagined my fellow Festers’ reactions to the bits I was recording.  I was blissfully unaware of the snow coming down outside.  There was no slush on my sidewalks.  Just sun and Sausagefest.  Eyes closed, I pictured the scene.  When are they laughing?  When is the bit dragging?  Tweak and tinker some more.

I managed to escape, if only for a little while.

Escaping to the summer.  To the happy place.  Not just escaping though, but also working on making the 2020 event happen.  An escape, but a productive escape at least.

Paint on my cruel or happy face,
I hide me behind it,
It takes me inside another place,
Where no one can find it.

Escape, I get out when I can,
I escape anytime I can,
It’s all escape, I’m crying in my beer,
Come on, let’s escape, just get me out of here.

Don’t get me wrong, don’t get me right,
I’m not like you are,
When I get home from work at night,
I’m blacker and bluer.

So I escape, I get out when I can,
I escape anytime I can,
It’s all escape, I’m crying in my beer,
Escape, just get me out of here.

But where am I running to?
There’s no place to go.
Just put on my make-up,
And get me to the show, yeah, escape.
Yeah, what are you waiting for?

My doctor said, just come around,
And you’ll be taken care of,
And while he ran my problems down,
I stole his mascara.

That’s how I escape, I get out when I can,
I escape anyway I can,
I escape, I’m crying in my beer,
Let’s escape, just get me out of here,
Escape, let’s get out while we can,
It’s escape, anyway we can,
Come on, let’s escape,
Nobody wants us around here anyway.

VIDEO: The Outtakes

I’ve been making videos for over 30 years. It’s important, when possible, to keep your source material. It’s necessary if you ever feel like revisiting your work. Or, if you feel like presenting “previously unseen material” to your audience as new content.

Here are some outtakes representing the last 30 years of making videos. You’ve never seen ’em before and I hope you enjoy!

#786: R.I.P. The (Flying) Spatula

“It is with sadness that we announce that as of October 27, 2019, The Spatula Diner will be closing its doors.”

 

Sadness?  For the staff, surely.  For us, it’s more like mixed emotions.  Yes, the Sausagefest crew has enjoyed breakfast there for almost two decades.  We hadn’t planned on returning in 2020 even before the closure.  A shrunken menu and poor service made up our minds for us.  Our favourite meal was the breakfast monstrosity known as the Flesherton Fillup.  Under new management, it ceased to exist.  Remember when Uncle Meat had this conversation in July with the server?

“When did you get rid of the Flesherton Fillup?” he asked.

“Oh, we haven’t had that in a long time,” she responded.

“We were here last year and you had it then, I’m just surprised,” said Meat.

Condescendingly she answered, “Isn’t a year a long time?”

Relatively, but when you’re in a location like Flesherton Ontario where the business is seasonal, expect to be asked that question more than once.

Admittedly, we could have been…more considerate as customers.  We could have called in advance to let them know they were about to be slammed by 30 hungry, sweaty guys.  I would have preferred to do it that way, but was shot down every time!

Goodbye, Flying Spatula.  Many a good steak-n-eggs and Flesherton Fillups were enjoyed there.  But your time had come and parting isn’t always such sweet sorrow.

Never Mind the Ads: A quick explanation

Just a quick note for those suddenly noticing advertisements on this site.

Most of you have already been seeing the ads for months, but in 2019 the expenses for running this place increased.  Because I like to run a photo-heavy music site (you’re welcome!), and after almost seven years, I’ve finally run out of storage space.  I had to upgrade the site which costs more.  The upgrade also comes with more bells & whistles; we’ll see if I use them, but the point is I had to offset operating costs by trying to increase advertising dollars.

In the past, readers logged in to a WordPress account wouldn’t see the ads.  Now, you will.  I’m sorry for doing that to you, and even though you’re a small portion of readers, I need to maximise the ad potential.

Many, many apologies and heartfelt thanks for reading.  I hope you’ll understand and hang on in 2019!

As a thank-you for your understanding, I present to you one of the WordPress bells & whistles I can give you now:  Embedded audio.  The track (a mikeladano.com exclusive) you are about to hear is called “Cryptozoology Rap (Alien on the End of My Knob)” by an anonymous artist.  It is a Sausagefest classic.  Hope you enjoy it.


“Cryptozoology Rap (Alien on the End of My Knob)


 

Sunday Chuckle: Uncle Meat Loses the Darndest Things

I have learned that Uncle Meat loses things.

Sunday morning after Sausagefest, we had to find his phone.  Its battery ran out, and he didn’t know where it was.  Couldn’t leave without it.  There were a few places to look.  One of which was “the place he took his last shit”.  I was not going to look there.  He could search the shit section.  We got all hands on deck and started sweeping.

I found the phone…in the car.  Crisis averted.

Then, as we were driving up the hill on our way out of the valley, he said “Stop the car.”

“I need to find my shorts.  I know I packed them.  Better we do this now than worry. Open the trunk.”

Meat went out back and started digging for his shorts.  Dig dig dig.

Then he said, “You are going to be so mad at me.”

He got back into the car and said “I’m wearing them.”

Nah, I don’t get mad.  I just turn it into a Sunday Chuckle!

 

#686: Puke!

GETTING MORE TALE #686: Puke!

 

Almost everybody hates puking.  It’s one of the most unpleasant bodily functions, and everyone does it.  Especially rock stars!  I remember reading an interview with the rock band Kix in Hit Parader magazine.  On the subject of tour stories, one of the guitarists was sick during one show.  He had a puke bucket at side stage, but he missed and the puke ended up hitting an electric fan, which splattered the vomit all over the drummer.  “But he felt better for about half a song!”

On the less funny side, too many rock stars died after choking on their own vomit.  Jimi Hendrix and John Bonham come to mind.  It’s a tragic way to go, when the rock and roll lifestyle eats its own young.  Unfortunately the lessons are not always learned and rock and roll continues to be littered with tragedy.

But let’s keep it light this time.

I have always been a power-puker.  I wake up the neighborhood.  I’ve never puked on stage like the guy from Kix, but I do have a couple rock and roll stories.

At Sausagefest several years ago, I pushed it one step too far.  Not with alcohol, but with food.  That last sausage was a little undercooked and it didn’t feel right in my stomach. I was OK though the Saturday night countdown, and I went to bed after the music ended.  I slept in my car that year, and I started feeling sick after a very brief sleep.

I woke up and I knew I was going to puke.  I got out the car and walked towards the middle of the field.  I didn’t want to puke near anybody’s tent.  I could hear that some of the guys were still up and partying, but I couldn’t see anything.  And then, I released the hounds:

BRAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHAAAAHHHHH!

BORRRUGHHHHHEEEEERRRRRRRHHHHHEEEH!

PLAGHHHOUUGGGGGHHHHHEAAAAAAR!

“You OK there buddy?” I could hear Tom asking from somewhere in the dark.

“Yeah I just ate too much,” I responded as I recovered.  “Can you get me a bottle of water from my car?”

Tom made sure I was OK, and I slept great after that.  I have no idea how late those guys stayed up, but I know that some years I have woken up in the morning only to find Uncle Meat and Bucky still hadn’t gone to sleep!  There I was going for my morning shit, and these guys were still hanging by the fire.

It happened again a few years later, after Thanksgiving dinner at the cottage.  I blame my mom for this one.  She laid out way too much food, including tables full of chocolate and candy.  As I did at Sausagefest, I ate too much.  I woke up in the middle of the night again, knowing I was going to puke.  I didn’t want to wake anyone in that small cottage so I went outside to the back yard.  Then, once again, I released the evil from my stomach.

BRAAHHHHGGGGGHHHHRRRRRRRRTTT!

BLUUUGGGGGGPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFF.

HUUUAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGG!

I walked back into the cottage to find that I did in fact wake everyone, despite my best efforts not to.

Here’s the funny thing.  In both cases, the puddle of puke was gone in the morning.  Eaten by wild animals?  Hope they enjoyed the meal!

 

#685: First Signs of Sausagefest

GETTING MORE TALE #685: First Signs of Sausagefest

To quote Bon Jon Bovi, it feels somethin’ like summertime.

Ever since my first time back in ’06, summer is about Sausagefest.  It’s just a month away now and I can already feel the cool waters of the Beaver River on my feet.

It has been hot in Ontario this past week.  I have been sporting my hair long, but the sweaty heat is a severe deterrent.  I originally wanted to try have bangin’ long hair at Sausagefest for the first time this summer.  That’s not gonna happen.  I have surrendered to the summer.  The hair is gone.  The first sign of Sausagefest has arrived:  my shaved head.

 

Before & After

Other preparations are under way.  Several weeks ago, Uncle Meat gave me the list of songs for me to introduce.  I’m very excited because the ideas started poppin’ right away.  I have been gathering funny audio bits for almost a year now, but I have pared them all down to the funniest.  I learned from last year when I took everything to excess, and I think this time I have distilled all my stuff down to the crème de la crème. Trimmed away a lot of fat.

Just as, I hope, the Lamb Lord will be trimming the fat on his massive side of lamb for the BBQ once again.

Now that the hair decision has been made, I have been pondering some new purchases for this year’s Fest.

This will be the last Sausagefest for the old Pontiac.  I’ll be getting something bigger in the fall.  Space in the car is an issue, since I drive two people and all their stuff.  But I want to make room for this baby below.

Someone brought Jon Snow’s sword one year, and I have been known to sport a machete on my belt.  This year, perhaps a more practical weapon would be something that could light our way in the darkness after sunset:  a Kylo Ren lightsaber.

These beauty “weapons” are dropping in price, and wouldn’t it be super cool to have one as a nightlight? It would sure beat glow sticks. Not a small investment, however, and you wouldn’t want it to get damaged up there.

What do you think, LeBrain readers?  Is this a worthy investment?  Stand up and be counted in the poll below.

Keep in mind I could use that money for many other, more practical things.  New shoes.  New glasses.  A new tent. New Guns N’ Roses and Def Leppard box sets.

Check back and see where the poll leads and take part in the discussion in the comments.

Back to work on my recordings for song intros. Can’t wait to see the reactions this time.

 


From last year’s recordings