RECORD STORE TALES #1078: Walking and Rocking for Mental and Physical Health
A Tribute to the Arkells

2023 is the summer of my plans going out the window, and having to come up with new ones!  Without naming names and rehashing stories, it was a spring of broken trust turning into a summer of betrayal.  But I had been walking, to lose weight and get some sun.  It was working.  Just because I was devastated didn’t mean I should stop.  Now more than ever I kept pushing forward, honouring the commitments I made to both of us.

Promises were broken but I kept walking.  Every day at lunch, I did four kilometers.  I walked the same route.  I sang songs.  I recorded videos.  At this point, I dove hard into the Arkells.  The High Noon album started it, before I even bought any other Arkells. I needed something Canadian that didn’t remind me of the before-fore times.  I craved something upbeat that wouldn’t bring me down.  I was feeling pop rock, and the Arkells delivered.

Even though the lyrics had nothing to do with my situation, my interpretation of them was somewhat personal.

“Oh you’re just a boy, a little banker boy, everything’s a game and everyone’s your toy.  While everyone was sleepin’, dreaming dumb-ass dreams, you’re praying to gods who’re meaningless to me.  You’re preying on the weak, and those who don’t believe.  Oh, it’s nothin’ but Fake Money…” 

This verse hit me immediately!  I imagined who Max Kerman could have been singing about.  A man with his Christianity, putting money first over anything else.  It seemed to fit.  The lyrics kept hitting.  Track two, “Come to Light”:

“It’s been a tough go lately, I hate choosin’ sides, what we do in the darkness comes to light alright.”

Another line that hit home for me.  For me to tell my story, I would have to shed light on things I had kept quiet.   But I had to choose sides, and the side I chose was my own.

“The words hit me hard, like a one-two punch.”

From the start, I had fear.  When my fears were confirmed to be true, the words hit me hard like a one-two punch.  Others saw through it all along.  I hated to admit they were right.

So I walked, and I sang the words.  I soothed my own soul, kilometer after kilometer, while leaning on my true friends.  I wore out that record.  I needed more.  I asked around, and bought Michigan Left and Morning Report.  The unending positive feeling of the melodies kept me going, even as my walking route became overly familiar and monotonous.  I needed more Arkells.  In time, my new purchases began to resonate as much as High Noon had on my walks.  “Does he hit you?” asked Max Kerman in “Coffee”, and I wondered that myself.

Suddenly, several lyrics from the song “Hung Up” jumped out at me!

“Motherfuckers keep me guessing, they’re holding onto their job.  They don’t know what they’re protecting, and actin’ like they got robbed.”

That felt true.  That felt very true.

But this was the bit that really applied to my life:

“You got no love (no!), you got no compassion (no!), you fuck up my day, you fuck up my night.  So I’ll be outside, back in the alley, I’ll be takin’ a piss on your door.  ‘Cause it’s these gatekeepers who’re keeping me out, let me in!  Who made you the president, well fucker?”

I leapt out of my seat when I first heard that chorus about the “gatekeepers”!  In a sense, with my shitposting, that was me outside back in the alley, taking a piss on their door…the lyrics just worked!

So I walked, and I walked, and I walked.  I sweated, I lost weight and I felt better doing it.  Sometimes I recorded messages, messages that I never sent.  Messages with varying themes.  Some were intended as goodbyes, others as re-opening doors.  In the end, I probably recorded 100 messages that I never sent.

But now…

Now I’m feeling a lot better, but the memories of those walks…the pain…the messages never sent…they all come back to me when I’m on my route.  I work in an industrial area, and there aren’t a lot of great places to walk.  But I need to get back on the saddle and keep it going.  I need to change my scenery and put the past behind me for good.  I’m physically in much better shape now.  I’m mentally rising above it.  But I can’t rest on my laurels.

I need to keep at it.  Summer is not over yet.  I need to get back to it.  The Arkells served their purpose.  They got me this far.  I need new music, new bands and especially a new route.  Every time I pass certain landmarks, I think to myself, “I remember recording this message here…” and I don’t want those reminders.  I want to keep walking, forwards!

We don’t give up and we don’t give in.

Thank you to my true friends who keep me rocking.

 

 

 

 

 

She knew what she did was wrong. She knew we could have just talked.