mental health

#1241: Time To Talk

RECORD STORE TALES #1241:  Time To Talk

For the first time in…well, perhaps ever…I have been unable to write about my life.  This entire site started because I wanted to write about my life…and I have been paralyzed, frozen, unable to put fingers to keys and just pound out some words.

Even when Jen had cancer…even when her mum was dying…I was still able to write some words.  I might have taken breaks, but I was still documenting and logging my thoughts and feelings.  These days, I haven’t been able.  Ever since December 2025, I’ve been clamming up and keeping things private.  The reasons for this are multiple, so let’s see if we can’t crack this open and talk about life changes.

It would be a lie to suggest that the political changes of the last two years have not affected me and my life.  I have spent many nights in existential dread mode.  (Check out Kumail Nanjiani’s comedy special Night Thoughts for some humour on this subject.)  It’s not just wondering about the end of the world, but also the real-world impact of tariffs on my job.  Times are hard everywhere, and now with gas going up, summer just got a lot more expensive.

Summer means we made it through winter!  It was an uneventful winter here, except for a couple major upheavals that we’ll get to momentarily.  Winter used to be my nemesis, my Kryptonite.  It used to be the element that could be counted on to bring spirits down and destroy hope.  Winter 2025-26 was nothing.  At least as far as seasonal affective disorder goes.

What has become more difficult is that Jen’s seizures have become more severe and frequent as of late.  We saw the neurologist and there’s nothing more he can prescribe.  We’ve been through every medication there is.  In 20 years of dealing with this bullshit disease, we’ve never hit a point where there was no hope left.  We have to live with it.  There are no options available.  Oh sure, they’re talking about sending her back to Toronto again for weeks and weeks of observation.  That didn’t do anything last time.  I guess it’s something.  We’ll be separated for that time, while she is stuck in observation and I toil away at home.

That is where we get to the biggest change, one which I have been reluctant to speak about.  Work changes are scary, and due to a variety of reasons, I no longer have an office to work out of.  The physical building in which I worked for 19 years was sold, and eventually came the decision that we’d been semi-expecting for years:  the office was closing.  This was the biggest life change I’ve experienced since getting married in 2008.  Working from home!  I’d done it on a tiny laptop before, but now I had to set up my own home office.  This all coincided with my unfortunate accidental dumpster dive, and subsequent injury.   This only added to my stress, as I had a timeline for moving into a home office that I wanted to adhere to.   Everyone had to help with the office closure, but my rib injury made my participation extremely painful.  This news was not what the others wanted to hear, (as was made clear to me) but I did my part, probably setting back my healing timeline by a couple weeks.  I bought a desk; one of those fancy electric ones that raise and lower, which helped me deal with the rib pain by changing positions when uncomfortable.  I set up a home office.  It is small.  It is cozy.  It is all mine and I am surrounded by my things, and all the toys and music that makes me happy.  I settled in quickly and fell in love with my home office.

I don’t want to jinx it.  I don’t think everything lasts forever, so I am going to enjoy the home office to my fullest extent while I can.

I make my own home cooked meals for lunch.  I go out to the convenience store on my breaks.  I have lunch with my mom and dad once a week.  I don’t have to drive anywhere.  I saved a ton on gas.  I have only fueled up four times in 2026, and it’s mid-April.

The difficulty here was probably more on Jen’s side.  She was used to having the house to herself almost every day.  Now she has me to deal with, but she’s made the adjustment and has a healthy schedule of getting out daily.

I don’t want to talk about working from home and further than that.  It has been a privilege and I feel like if everyone knew how comfortable, how efficient, and how great I feel working from home, it’ll all go away.  So enough of that.

I have continued to buy new music, but have not felt motivated to write about it very much.  I’ve gone through periods like this before, and now I understand that it’s just a phase.  It doesn’t mean I’m all done or won’t be able to come back from this.  I used to think that.  Experience has taught me that these creative waves can end, but return when the time is right.  It’s still cold, it’s still dark, but spring is here and that always changes my creative life.  Soon it will be time to charge up the drone, and fire up the barbecue at the cottage.  Summer at the cottage always offers its own creative opportunities, and is the best setting for listening to new music.  Perhaps this summer, it was be the Van Halen 5150 anniversary box set.  Live Without A Net on the front porch in the sun?  Sounds great to me.

One of the most unusual things about this past winter was that it was my first winter in 52 years without my Grandma.  Even as she grew older and weakened, we still tried to go and see her every other weekend.  That part of our routine was gone, and it was strange for a while.  There were times when I thought I’d pick up the phone and tell her something.  One thing Grandma used to love was when we’d come over and show her my drone videos.  She loved seeing what the cottages looked like from the air.  This spring, when I take my new drone up in the sky, I wish Grandma could see my videos.

Spring and summer always offer surprises.  I never know what my next creative project will be, but something always comes up.

Let’s find out.

Let’s keep going.  Onwards.  Allons-y!

#1227: Steele Away the Night

RECORD STORE TALES #1227: Steele Away the Night

The roots of anxiety run deep.  Some things from childhood, I can remember vividly.  I have strong memories of some of the unhappy moments, frozen in time.  When I say “unhappy”, it’s important to stress that these stories might not seem like a big deal to you, but they obviously impacted me in ways that still have repercussions today.

I can pinpoint the year to 1980.  It might have been March break.  Lego was a favourite hobby.  Lego Technic, or what we called “Technical Lego”, was hot and new.  I had a couple sets, including the 1978 go-cart (set 854), a 1979 bulldozer (set 856) and a really cool motor (1979 – set 8858) that were challenging and interesting to a kid (and now adults too).  The holy grail was the 853 car chassis, which came with a similar motor, rack-and-pinion steering, adjustable seats, and the biggest tires that Lego made.  It was completely customizable and a challenge to assemble with little kid hands.  I never had one.  I did get to play with one, once.  This is that story.  But it’s not going to go how you think.

My mom begins the tale.  When you’re a kid, sometimes your “friends” are just your parents’ friends’ kids.  My mom tells me that one of these friends of theirs thought it would be a great idea for me to have a sleepover with her kid.  Mark Steele was his name.  I didn’t know him.  I had probably met him at one of those random things that parents did together sometimes, but I didn’t know him at all.  I was invited to do a sleepover, and I think is was for two nights.  My mom tells me that one of the other kids in the parent-circle went over for sleepovers and had a great time.

I have strong memories about the rest.

Adults always thought I was “shy”.  I guess that is true, but the truth is even back then, I had severe anxiety.  I did not feel comfortable around people I did not know.  I felt very comfortable around close family and friends, but very few people outside that circle.  My dad had this one childhood friend who moved out west and became a scientist.  I took a real shine to him.  Very few others were that fortunate with me.  I did not know these people and I was being sent away for two nights.  Rather than be a fun time that I was looking forward to, it was something that I had to make it through, so that I could go back to my own home and bed.

I was treated with nothing but hospitality, but I simply was never the sleepover type.  I had it pretty good at home.  I had all the Star Wars toys that a kid could want.  I had a sister that I adored, to play with every day.  I had parents that made food that I liked and let us watch whatever we wanted on TV.  I had my best friend Bob, only ever two doors down.  Why would I want to go anywhere else?

Mark was a very friendly and welcoming kid.  His bedroom had a giant poster of a hockey player on the closet door – it was cut in half in such a way that you could opens the doors.  It might have been Wayne Gretzky, but that would not have helped me at all.  I knew nothing about hockey, and had no interest in it.  I liked Star Wars.  Even though every effort was made to make me feel at home, I felt so homesick.

For lunch, Kraft dinner was served.  I have always been a picky eater, and very much so a Kraft dinner purist.  I loved Kraft Dinner.   Nobody made better Kraft Dinner than my mom.  I do today it the way she did it back then.  Lots of milks, extra runny sauce.  No hot sauce, no pepper, just the KD out of the box with nothing added.  Well, wouldn’t you know it.  I was being served Kraft Dinner…with hot dogs mixed in.  I don’t know what I said, but I know I was vocal in my dislike of the concept of Kraft Dinner with hot dogs.  I tried to eat it, and it was probably more psychological than not, but I did not like it.  I still don’t.

For entertainment, we all went out to see the film The Black Stallion.  I remember them trying to pump me up over this movie.  “You’re going to love it!”  I have never cared about horses, and I need not tell you, I did not enjoy The Black Stallion.  My mom loves the film, but I distinctly remember thinking, “This isn’t a kid’s movie, this is a grown-up movie that kids can watch with their parents.”  I liked Star Wars!  I had no idea who Mickey Rooney was, or why he was a big deal.  I didn’t understand the movie.  The horse didn’t seem particularly likeable and I had no idea why the kid in the movie wanted to ride the horse.  Like, who cares?  That was my attitude as a nine year old.

Sleeping was difficult for me in a strange bed in another kid’s room.  As a person with music deep in his soul, and in an age before personal tape players, I liked to hum myself to sleep.  Usually a John Williams soundtrack piece.  I couldn’t do that if I wasn’t alone.  I really had to…not be myself…if I slept over at someone else’s house.

The one thing I do remember, and is definitely a happy memory, is that Mark owned the 853 car chassis.  I got to play with it.  I got to handle it and experience it for myself.  I remember thinking that, visually, it wasn’t very striking.  It was just a red bare-bones chassis. Yes it was everything you stared it in the little Lego catalogue photos, except up close in real life.  At the time, the 853 car chassis was the most desired of all the technical Lego sets.  It had the motor with four pistons that moved as you pushed it over the carpet.  It had loads of big technical pieces, a ton of gears, and was massive in hand.

As hard as they tried, the only thing I really remember enjoying that weekend was the Lego.  The lesson here is that Lego is just plain good for your mental health.

🅻🅸🆅🅴 Harrison’s Box Sets and Mike’s Whitesnake

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man

Episode 119: Harrison’s Box Sets and Mike’s Whitesnake

Time for a Maiden break this week, as Harrison and Mike have their ears full of live Maiden preparing for the next two shows!  In the meantime, Harrison has acquired a good sized collection of box sets, while Mike is only one Whitesnake box away from completing his collection of Coverdale’s boxed compilations.  Not much else to say except we will dive deep on some cool collections tonight!

“Ere’s a box set for ya!”

This is possibly the last cottage show of the season, and an indoor one this time due to the early sunset.  Join us tonight live for this special look at some expensive beauties.

 

 

Friday October 3 at 7:00 PM EST, 8:00 PM Atlantic.  Enjoy on YouTube or Facebook.

 

 

#1217: When the Fall Starts to Fall

RECORD STORE TALES #1217: When the Fall Starts to Fall

 

The Equinox has passed us (Sept. 22).   All that remains is the clock change (Nov. 2).  The Seasonal Affective Disorder remains at bay for the moment.  Green still rules the outdoors, for now holding the bleak grey back.  Soon, however, this shall change.  What challenges will the fall bring?

I think, for the time being at least, I am done doing the live Contrarians on Wednesday nights.  It was a key part of my mental health strategy last winter, but like many things it became monotonous.  If the Contrarians do return on Wednesday nights this fall and winter, I am not sure if I will participate.  It was a healthy form of expression, but I confess that I prefer doing my own thing.  It enabled me to meet and work with new friends, which was valuable.  It is possible that I may replace it with something of my own in the same time slot, if it is not being used by the Contrarians.  We shall see.

My biggest challenge at the moment is what I call the “Monday Crash”.  I seem to struggle with waking up on a Monday morning these days.  Sometimes I just can’t see to get out of bed, and I end up working from home.  The option to work from home does help, but working from the office is infinitely more efficient.  My Mondays seem to be an uneasy truce between depression and dedication.  This happened through the summer too, but I worry about how fall will effect the battle.  Will it sway one side or another?

Back in 2022, my strategy for coping with fall and winter involved sending pictures and videos of Canadian weather to my new friend in California, MarriedandHeels.  While it did help for a while, it was not a good long-term strategy.  The novelty of taking winter pictures for a far-away friend, for her reactions, was a good idea but it could not last the whole season.  I needed strategy that focused on me, and not someone else.  I am pleased to say that MarriedandHeels and I are friends again, on normal social media, and have been for longer than we were originally the first time.  Unfortunately, she is dealing with her own things today and I can’t base any strategies on her in 2025.  I find myself trying to support her, which is not a bad thing.

For the winter of 2025, I am going to try and do some things that we never got around to last year.  These ideas included a winter trip to the cottage.  That is still in the cards, if the weather happens to line up with a free weekend.  Record shopping in the winter is also a must.

Things seem to be going OK.  I just got a new PC (though the CD drive is not quite working yet), and 50 Years of Iron Maiden is keeping me busy.  It has been an enriching experience.  Before we’re done, we’ll have three more guests who have never been on Grab A Stack of Rock before.  These things are healthy and keep me from becoming a recluse.

Here we go, lads.  Let’s have a triumphant winter like last year.  Repeat performance.  Let’s go!

BLAZE BAYLEY interview: 50 Years of IRON MAIDEN bonus episode!

For all things Blaze Bayley, go to BlazeBayley.net.

50 Years of IRON MAIDEN bonus episode:  BLAZE BAYLEY interview

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK #117

We cannot imagine a better way to wrap up the Blaze years on 50 Years of Iron Maiden, than chatting with the man himself.  Metal fans worldwide, we present to you Blaze Bayley!

This isn’t just any Blaze interview.  With Harrison and Mike involved, you know we’re going to go deep.  We’re going to respect the man and his entire career, from Wolsbane to Iron Maiden to solo.  A lot of the information we covered won’t be found in mainstream interviews.

In this interview, we cover:

  • Punctuality!
  • Re-recording Wolfsbane as “Live Faster…” and what that means.
  • AI, science fiction, Blade Runner, and technology.
  • “Do, or Do!”
  • A secret, unwritten conceptual storyline to King of Metal, that Blaze reveals here.
  • The Silicon Messiah and the dangers of AI.
  • How “Virus” came be
  • The waist-high snowbanks of Canada.
  • Who the King of Metal really is.
  • The stigma of mental health.
  • Meeting Absolva, and joining forces with the Appletons.
  • And so, so much more.

For us and this series, asking Blaze our favourite questions was the realization of many dreams.  Instead of saying “Do or Die”, Blaze likes to say “Do, or Do”.  This interview was the culmination of us just doing it, for the love of music and the love of Iron Maiden.

Folks, you are in for a treat.  Please welcome Blaze Bayley to Grab A Stack of Rock.

Past episodes:

Handy YouTube Playlist:

🅻🅸🆅🅴 Music & Mental Health 3 with Dan Chartrand @offthecharts

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man

Episode 116: Music & Mental Health 3 with Dan Chartrand

The third part of our Mental Health trilogy will be a live show, Friday night as usual, but what will we do differently this time?

Special guest Dan Chartrand will be with Mike as we discuss the challenges of overcoming Seasonal Affective Disorder, and childhood bullying.  Even if it happened 40 years ago, bullies can still have an affect on your behaviour today.  If you ever feel overly defensive, for example, that could relate to old bullies that you thought you have long forgotten.  We will dive deep.

With fall upon us, we’ll also tackle Seasonal Affective Disorder and techniques to deal with it.  This is a ghost that has haunted Mike for many years and though it is an annual struggle, Mike will share what he has learned.

As always, we’ll bring it all back to music too.  Mike will share his favourite music that he plays to feel good when things get him down.  Don’t miss this live episode as we’ll be taking your questions and comments.

Be kind to yourself.  See you tonight.

 

Friday September 12 at 7:00 PM EST, 8:00 PM Atlantic.  Enjoy on YouTube or Facebook.

 

#1207: “Sometimes You Just Gotta Laugh!” Music and Mental Health Update

Our Music and Mental Health series on YouTube seemed to do some good.  We decided to keep going with it.  Viewers told us they’d like updates on how we’re all doing, so here’s an update on:

  • Jen’s health
  • House issues
  • Writing Grandma’s funeral speech

The speech is now coming along, and I’ll be proud to post it here after the funeral.

I hope you get something from this video, because when things get hard, sometimes you just gotta laugh.

Click the pic below to get to our Music & Mental Health playlist on YouTube, and check it out.

#1206: I Can’t Help the Feeling I Could Blow Through the Ceiling…

RECORD STORE TALES #1206: I Can’t Help the Feeling I Could Blow Through the Ceiling…

 

Two steps ahead, but one step behind?  It’s still progress.  It may not feel like progress, but it is.

In 2024, we had our shelf disaster.   My priceless collection spilled forth unto the ground, knocking my spirits down with them.  But we got back up again and rebuilt.  We rebuilt despite the following furnace replacement, requiring my precious collection to be move again.

Now in 2025, we have prevented yet another shelf disaster.  I returned home from the lake to find another set of shelves slowly peeling from the walls.  I stopped it in time, removed the heaviest items, and prepared to make plans to replace the shelving.  This will be a more difficult task this time, as it will also require me to tear apart my stereo system and place it on the new shelving.  Not an easy task; there are so many cables it’s like black & blue spaghetti.

It’s hard to keep up.  We have so many projects.  We continue to pare things down and get rid of excess possessions.  We continue to clean up and organize.  We continue to replace broken household items.  It’s an uphill climb and the list keeps growing.

New TV, new cable box, new rug, new blinds, new computer, new this & that…

I can’t help the feeling I could blow through the ceiling sometimes.

 

Drone video from Saturday August 9.

#1205: Crash

RECORD STORE TALES #1205: Crash

I’ve been crashing hard on Mondays.  It’s been getting worse.

My pattern on cottage weekends goes something like this.  Wake up Sunday, clean the dishes, get rid of the garbage, and pack up my things to go home.  We usually leave the lake on Sundays around 11:00 AM, arriving home around 1:00 PM.  I start feeling pretty down around the time of departure.  It is very hard to leave that place.  It doesn’t matter what music we pick in the car on the way home.  This last trip, we went back to the late 80s with Blow Up Your Video by AC/DC and Dream Evil by Dio.  What we listen to doesn’t seem to change the mood.

When we get home, we unpack, turn on the air conditioning, and decide what to do about food.  Usually, to cheer myself up, I order something in.  Sometimes this causes frustration at home, because Jen and I can rarely agree on food.  If she’s craving it, I’m burned out on it.  If I want it, she’s allergic to it.  We usually end up with something overpriced that neither of us were happy with.

I start to feel down in the dumps by late afternoon, and really tired.  I’m almost always in bed before 7:00 PM on a Sunday night.

Through the night, I can feel anxiety gathering, in my dreams.  I will dream of jobs.  Of work.  Of things that I have to return to when I come home from the lake.  I can often stop the dream, and think about other things, but these dreams are just symptoms, not the problem.

No matter how much sleep I get that night, I just stay in bed.  My alarm goes off; I hit snooze.  Sometimes it can be 12 hours in bed and I’m still tired.

Monday is often a trainwreck.  I’m usually in a terrible mood, and usually go to bed again without eating that night.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

 

🅻🅸🆅🅴 Music & Mental Health II with Johnny Metal and Mike

SPECIAL TIME!  2 episodes coming today!

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man

Episode 112: Music & Mental Health II with Johnny Metal and Mike

This special live episode is a sequel to last month’s mental health episode called Ask Jex Anything.  In this installment, Mike and Johnny Metal return to the cottage, live, to discuss new developments and updates.  Returning to work after a mental health leave can be daunting, but we’re going to go there.  Mike is also dealing with the death of his beloved grandmother, and all the complex feelings that arise from that.

Music will always remain important when we talk about mental health.  When Mike first started experiencing his own issues, there was a new single out by Motley Crue called “Primal Scream” that seemed to express his feelings after a lifetime of bullying:

When I was just a young boy,
Had to take a little grief,
Now that I’m much older,
Don’t put your shit on me!

What a release music can be!  We will also discuss physical activity such as yoga, and other healthy ways to help purge those negative thoughts and feelings.  We’ll also share an incredibly thoughtful email from Broadway Blotto, from (of course!) the band Blotto.

This is the first of two episodes today.  50 Years of Iron Maiden will continue in the evening.  Look for this in a separate post.  We hope you can join us live this afternoon for this very important episode of Grab A Stack of Rock.

 

Friday August 8 at 3:30 PM EST, 4:30 PM Atlantic.  Enjoy on YouTube or Facebook.