MÖTLEY CRÜE – Cancelled (2024 Big Machine EP)

I’ll give Motley Crue credit for two things:  1. Giving us some decent packaging for the Cancelled EP, in the day and age of cheap-out wallets.  This has a full jewel case and booklet.  2. Employing John 5 as their new guitarist.

That’s about it.  John 5 aside, this band has acted shamefully in recent years, and giving us sub-par new material is no consolation.  Sure, it’s great that Motley are releasing new music on CD.  It’s fine that they’re working with Bob Rock again.  It’s not good that these new songs are generic and boring as hell.  This EP feels lazy.

“Cancelled” has a pounding riff.  Vince does a patented “WOAW!” at the beginning.  John absolutely smolders.  Then… the song really starts, but there’s no song here.  The lyrics are actually irritating.  As if Motley Crue ever got “cancelled,” and the less said there, the better!  The positives to the song are the riff and the shredding, both of which can be credited to John 5.  The solo even recalls the classic days for a little while.  Vince is actually singing fine for his age and stage of his career, but he sounds bored to death.  Any spark to this song sounds artificial; either from the production or the hired flashy guitarist.

The single, “Dogs of War” has never stood out.  Same formula.  Slammin’ riff, and unmemorable song.  Production and guitar.  “Don’t let those bastards get you down,” sings Vince, knowing that he’s sailing easily into retirement.

The final abomination is “Fight For Your Right”, the Beastie Boys cover, and it’s actually the best song here.  Why?  Because the Beastie Boys wrote a song!  One with some verses and a chorus that you remember to this day.  Once again though, Vince sounds bored to tears.  As if he’d rather be at another rager than in the recording studio.  Anywhere but where he was right then and there!  Tommy sounds like he’s enjoying himself, and John’s spewing guitar slag out of the speakers in a far more interesting display than anything the singer has on offer.  Whammy tricks and noisy notes galore, it’s great that John 5 is able to loan this kind of playing to Motley Crue.  Does it fit?  Does it sound like Motley Crue?  Not the Crue of old, no.  Mars had his own blues-based style and while John can play anything he wants, he’s not Mars and he’s not trying to be Mars.  If Motley Crue themselves were more interested in writing good tunes that integrate John into an actual band, we’d have potential here.

I really hate when Vince says, “Tommy!  Sixx!  5!  Let’s make some noise!”  It just doesn’t have the same vibe as “My buddies Sixx, Mick and Tom,” even though it does feel like they’re copying themselves.

Final quality control note:  This disc will not play in my brand new PC without horrible background noise, one of only two or three in my collection with that issue.

1/5 stars