horror movies

GUEST FILM REVIEW: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) – Holen’s Halloween Extravaganza 2024 part 5

HALLOWEEN III:  SEASON OF THE WITCH (1982 Universal)

Directed by Tommy Lee Wallace

I’m sure most of you know by now that Halloween was supposed to be an anthology series, but the first film proved so popular the studio wanted Michael Meyers back for the sequel, and got him. This third entry was supposed to right the ship with a whole new story, but after two films with Michael, fans just couldn’t accept this and the movie was critically and commercially panned at release. Philistines!

Decades later the movie has had a bit of a resurgence, with plenty of loyal fans flocking to it every autumn. If you go into it thinking of it as Season of the Witch as opposed to Halloween III, it might help you appreciate the many merits of this film. It may make me a horror pariah, but it’s my favorite in the series. I’ve never been crazy about the original. I think Bob Clark did the same concept better years earlier in Black Christmas. The other Halloween sequels range from fine to shit to fucking shit.

Absolute legend Tom Atkins takes over for Jamie Lee Curtis as protagonist in this outing, playing an alcoholic doctor who’s also a licentious Lothario. There’s nary a woman in this movie he doesn’t or hasn’t previously screwed. Age, race, relationship status matter not to this man. He’s an equal opportunity womanizer, and that’s why we love him.

The mystery begins when a crazed man being chased runs into his hospital spouting incoherent nonsense, only to be assassinated by a man who blows himself up to avoid further questioning. His buxom young daughter shows up to investigate, and Tom abandons his kids on Halloween and ignores his estranged wife to get to the bottom of this young… I mean… the bottom of the mystery.

Signs point toward an Irish Halloween mask company. Spooky witchcraft, sacrificial rites, and robots abound in honor of Samhain. I always liked that this took the series in a new direction of horror. A kind of mystery thriller instead of a slasher, with a healthy dose of ‘80s camp. Even with the camp, the villainous old man from Robocop’s plan is remarkably sinister. I don’t remember Michael being willing to kill kids; this guy’s taking out thousands of those little fucks.

I find it hard to articulate why I get a kick out of this one so much. I suppose I have a weak spot for older, overweight, alcoholic, grizzled guy protagonists being incredibly politically incorrect by today’s standards. See also Nick Nolte in 48 Hours and George C. Scott in just about everything. Tom Atkins’ character is in that studied tradition, although a steady influx of vaginal variety seems to keep him from being as world-weary as the aforementioned.

Season of the Witch is a perfectly solid horror film, and I’m convinced it’s abysmal reputation is solely due to fans expecting more Michael bullshit. The Carpenter score slaps, the cinematography is vibrant and colorful, and the story progresses logically, however absurd it gets at points. Watch it, or Harrison will curse you with the scent of cabbage.

4/5

GUEST FILM REVIEW: Terrifier 3 (2024) – Holen’s Halloween Extravaganza 2024 part 3

TERRIFIER 3 (2024)

Directed by Damien Leone

Since I’ve been covering horror films of old the last two weeks, I thought it apt to cover one more contemporary. As contemporary as it gets as a matter of fact, as I just got out of an opening night showing a few hours before writing this. If you’re unfamiliar with the Terrifier saga, it focuses on serial killer/demonic supernatural entity Art the Clown. Initially appearing in short films and an anthology, he was granted a feature length excursion in 2016, the little indie movie that could, Terrifier. Made for around just $50,000, the film was panned critically, but garnered enough of a cult following to warrant a sequel.

Terrifier 2 was released in 2022 with a budget of just a quarter of a million dollars. However, the film was a surprise hit, making fifteen million dollars at the box office and garnering a number of positive reviews. Fifteen million may not sound like a lot these days, but bear in mind that this is an independent film series so violent that each entry has been released unrated.

And oh: the violence. Director Damien Leone received offers from major studios after the success of the second film to finance the third, but he had the integrity to turn them all down because he knew they’d try to censor his vision. These films make standard slasher flicks look like Walt Disney. Reports of people fainting, vomiting, and leaving the theaters in droves have accompanied the release of each film. None of that happened at my screening of Terrifier 3. The place was packed and people were glued to their seats. I was amused at how many guys were there with reluctant looking dates, possibly getting their girlfriends back for dragging them to something like Anyone But You earlier this year in the cruelest way possible.

It’s not all gruesome macabre gore though. These movies have a spirited sense of humor, and they’re only getting stronger each time out. Art is mute, but unlike other slasher villains, he’s incredibly emotive. David Howard Thorton imbues his performance with the grace, physicality, and body language of a silent film star, leading to moments of genuine hilarity. Whether he’s mocking his suffering victims or eroding their guard before hacking them to pieces, Thorton is perfect and totally committed. I was worried they wouldn’t be able to top sadistic comedy of the salt and bleach scene from 2, but I’m happy to report I laughed as much during 3 than I have at any comedy I’ve seen in years.

 

 

Another impressive aspect of 2 and 3 is the introduction of Sienna Shaw in the former film as the main protagonist. Played by real life martial artist, stunt performer, smokeshow, and general badass Lauren LaVera, we’re gifted a likable character to root for against Art. I say this is impressive because the film manages to have its cake and eat it too. A criticism levied at many slasher movies is that the one dimensional personalities of the victims makes the audience root for the killer, or at least see the movie through their point of view. The film does have its number of anonymous one dimensional meat bags for Art to cut through, but we have someone fundamentally good (angelic even) we hope to see triumph over him. Only after watching him creatively waste the supporting cast of course.

Art disposed of most of Sienna’s friends and family in a Halloween massacre during the second film, and she’s understandably having a hard time coping with that at the beginning of this one. Taking place five years after the previous film, Art being believed dead, Sienna is discharged from a mental institution to the care of her aunt and uncle where she hopes to spend a quiet Christmas with them and her young cousin, Gabbie. Art, who’s simply been dormant, is awakened in a condemned building by a demolition crew. Dispersing them in skin peeling fashion, he now has access to their van and all the goodies inside it.

Lauren LaVera crushes it here. She played a high schooler in one of those high schools where everyone looks like they’re pushing 30 in Terrifier 2, but here she’s convincing as a traumatized woman that fights every moment to stay strong for those around her. Haunted by violent hallucinations of the people she couldn’t save, LaVera navigates the precarious balancing act of portraying a damaged character that still has her innate toughness.

There are supernatural elements to Art and Sienna explored more in this film I don’t intend to spoil here. The imagery is not subtle, but in a film like this, subtle doesn’t really play. I’ve heard criticism that the plot is somewhat aimless compared to the first two with the addition of all the additional mythos. I can understand boring people considering some of Art’s kills to be unnecessary from an economic writing standpoint, but one of the main reasons people see these movies is for the spectacle of those inventively grotesque murders. Being so hyper-focused on plot is missing the forest for the trees. Besides, Art being on screen is guaranteed gold every time, and I was never bored or felt like the story was dragging when we cut to Sienna, because I liked her as a character and wanted her to prevail.

Admittedly, you need the right mindset or physical constitution to endure or enjoy this thing. Maybe I’m a sick fuck, but I had an absolute blast seeing this in the theater. So far each film has been a step up from its predecessor, and its cliffhanger ending has me excited for part four whenever it’s released. Damien Leone has assembled a group of very talented people, and his direction rises to their level. The film has reportedly already earned fifteen million dollars, which I hope ensures the production of the next one.

4/5

GUEST FILM REVIEW: Pieces (1982) – Holen’s Halloween Extravaganza 2024 part 2

PIECES (1982 Almena Films)

Directed by Juan Piquer Simón

Here’s a video that nasty casual horror fans may not know. Too hardcore for the UK, Pieces is a Spanish-American slasher gore fest, one of the most violent of the ’80s. Fortunately, the film mitigates the viscera with a cheeky sense of humor. By no means would I call it a horror/comedy, but it does sacrifice logic and plot consistency for entertainment. I still have no idea how one suspect is cleared of being the killer; he just shows up free of the police a few scenes later and everyone acts like it’s normal.

Much of the humor comes from poor taste: extremely poor taste. The opening scene presents us with a young boy completing a pornographic puzzle, then butchering his abusive mother with an axe before dismembering her body. When the police arrive, the boy is witty and manipulative enough to pretend to be traumatized and oblivious. It’s a nice touch when your slasher is smart enough to stay out of jail or the loony bin.

The plot picks up decades after the opening scene at a college where the students have a nasty habit of getting disembowelled in creative ways. The cops send in an undercover operative (Mary “the MILF” Riggs) to be the women’s tennis instructor, and keep an eye out for the killer. She’s aided by the one student in the know, Kendall James. Kendall also desperately wants to get in Mary’s tennis shorts, despite the huge age gap.

Graphic hijinks ensue as they piece together the mystery while more bodies drop. One murder leads into an acting moment so astonishingly powerful, it brings tears to my eyes to this day.

And the word “bastard” will send me into a fit of hysterical laughter forevermore. The plot in a film like this doesn’t matter much. You can probably figure out who the real killer is in the first ten minutes. That’s never been the appeal of a video nasty though. As schlocky, stringy, sinewy entertainment, it does its job well. The kills are some of the best of the decade, it’s funny both intentionally and unintentionally, and it’s got that low budget grime that your Halloweens and Friday the 13ths don’t that only make the film feel that much naughtier. Give it a shot if you’ve got the stomach!

3.5/5

GUEST FILM REVIEWS: Alice Cooper’s Top Five Horror Films – Holen’s Halloween Extravaganza 2024

Welcome boys and ghouls to Holen’s Halloween Extravaganza 2024! Throughout the month of October, yours truly will be supplying you with reviews of hellish horror every week. We begin with not one film, but five! I’ve decided to review Alice Cooper’s top 5 horror films according to an interview in NME.

In order to avoid a mammoth length approximating the intimidating size of the LeSausage*, I’ll keep each of these as concise as my loquacious heart will allow. The films are as such in the order that Cooper lists them.

5. SALEM’S LOT (1979)

A TV miniseries based on a Stephen King book as directed by Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s own Tobe Hooper? Sign me up. Featuring some of the greatest and most disturbing vampire makeup ever put to film, the parts that focus on him are the strongest moments of the film. That said, there’s too much fat in the runtime that focuses on the mostly uninteresting townspeople. It could have maintained the slow burn anticipation of revealing the vampire while cutting the three hour run time down to a standard ninety minute feature. Still, the vampire scenes rule.

3.5/5

4. SUSPIRIA (1977)

An iridescent Italian horror classic from Dario Argento. It’s a visually stunning piece with a masterful grip on tension. An American dancer travels to Germany to join a prestigious dance studio, only to learn it’s a front for a coven of witches. Ah, poop. Like several horror movies, it lacks narrative cohesion and momentum, but the visuals, mystery, and creatively graphic kills keep you interested in the ride.

4/5

3. THE HAUNTING (1963)

Black and white psychological terror. One of the all time great haunted house movies. The cinematography is immaculate, light and shadow coalesce with a classic story to foster a genuinely chilling atmosphere. The story isn’t particularly unique, with a scientist visiting a haunted house with several volunteers to prove the existence of ghosts, only to bite off more than they can chew. It’s just executed about as well as you could do so.

4/5

2. THE EVIL DEAD (1981)

Sam Raimi’s feature directorial debut, and Bruce Campbell’s big screen debut. It’s a feature length remake of a 1978 Raimi short film called Within the Woods which served as a demonstration to obtain funds for the full version here. Joel Coen was the assistant editor on The Evil Dead, and was inspired by this approach, opting to shoot a trailer for Blood Simple to secure funding for that film. No Evil Dead, maybe no Fargo, Big Lebowski, or No Country for Old Men either. How about that?

As for the film at hand, it’s a classic cabin in the woods story with gore aplenty and a kinetic campy style. Raimi’s visual style is antithetical to boredom when he’s directing anything except Kevin Costner’s worst baseball movie. The Evil Dead is good clean American fun, but would ultimately be improved upon in every way by the absolutely bonkers sequel Evil Dead II.

4.5/5

1. CARNIVAL OF SOULS (1962)

Perhaps the most overlooked movie on the list, it’s a haunting paranormal thriller with a somewhat predictable twist, but that’s not the point. A black and white haunting miracle of unease and gothic dissidence. The main character even plays a church organ! It excels in the quiet moments, as it builds to its tragically horrific but inevitable conclusion. Shoutout to director Herk Harvey, who also directed the greatest work safety film ever, Shake Hands With Danger.

5/5

Nice picks, Alice! His list meets the Holen seal of approval. Tune in next week kids for something completely different…

* That’s just a rumour.  One I started myself.  Flattery will get you everywhere, Holen!  – Mike

VIDEO: Unboxing and Listening to Night of the Living Dead by Ryan Gavalier

In a nutshell: Ryan Gavalier has created some eerie music!  With Halloween now behind us, this sure does remind me of the spooky season!  Deftly programming his synths and drum machines, Ryan has composed some very cinematic soundscapes, perfect for those chilling nights when you could swear you heard a sound just outside the window.

You can catch Ryan on his Instagram page, Gavalier Productions.  He is a passionate musician with a talent for the electronic.

Redrum! A wickedly scary Top 5 Horror Movie show on the LeBrain Train

Big props to the panel tonight:  Eric “Uncle Meat” Litwiller, Rob “Chucky” Daniels and Erik “Velvet Voice” Woods!  Any time we cover movies, I am the luckiest host in the world to be able to lean on Rob and Erik.  I truly believe these two guys are some of the top experts on movie soundtracks in the world.  By extension, they also know movies like the backs of their hands.  This was a truly great show because we had three amazing guests on the panel.  Me, all I could do was tell amusing anecdotes!  (Watch the show and find out what my buddy Bob and I “learned” about women’s clothing from the movie Christine.

This is a show you’ll want to watch from start to finish.  The discussion far exceeded just a simple “top 5” list, with plenty of interesting runners-up scattered through the broadcast.  Go get a beverage and get ready to be inspired to watch a whole bunch of horror movies this weekend!

REMINDER:

November 5 7:00 PM E.S.T.: We are joined by the awesome Dan Fila, drummer of Sven Gali and Varga! Co-hosted by John “2loud2old” Snow. Get ready to be pummelled by a double bass master!

Next week I’ll be on Tim’s Vinyl Confessions for a special episode, and 107.5 Dave Rocks, with Jessie David for The Essential Alice Cooper on October 31!

The Horror! Top Five Scary Flicks on the LeBrain Train

The LeBrain Train: 2000 Words or More with Mike and the Meat Man

Episode 85 – Cinco De List-O: Top 5 Horror Films

Topic courtesy of the Meat Man! It’s Halloween so perfect timing for another movie list: horror movies! And any time we’re talking movies, we better have Rob Daniels and Erik Woods on board!

It’s a really simple subject so we don’t need a lot of explanation here. To read up on my history with horror films, check out Record Store Tales #496: The Horror. It may spoil a couple of my picks so be forewarned!

Friday October 29, 7:00 PM E.S.T. on Facebook: MikeLeBrain and YouTube: Mike LeBrain.

Upcoming shows:

I am very pleased to announce next week’s show:

November 5 7:00 PM E.S.T.: We are joined by the awesome Dan Fila, drummer of Sven Gali and Varga! Freeze, don’t move, this show is gonna be Under the Influence! Co-hosted by John “2loud2old” Snow.

I also have an appearance on Tim’s Vinyl Confessions coming up, and will be be on 107.5 Dave Rocks, with Jessie David and my pick for The Essential Alice Cooper, on October 31!

GUEST MOVIE REVIEW: Jack’s Back (1988) – Holen’s Halloween Extravaganza

Review #2 in Holen’s Halloween Extravaganza for 2019!

JACK’S BACK (1988 Palisades)

Jack’s Back is the little thriller that couldn’t. It never had a chance with the shoddy distribution that it received. This is the feature film debut of Rowdy Herrington, who was also responsible for a film called Road House. Unfortunately, his debut didn’t receive a fraction of the recognition that Road House did. It got two thumbs up from Siskel & Ebert, and that’s about all the attention that it garnered in its original theatrical run. Nowadays, its status has hardly risen, but I believe that this has the quality to rise to cult status. As a matter of fact, I believe it’s quite a bit better than most thriller/horror films that have gained such distinction, and much more intelligent as well.

Despite sounding like an exploitation film, being shot on a shoestring budget, and a shitty trailer, Jack’s Back succeeds as an intelligent crime caper with enough twists and turns to keep the audience from ever completely solving the mystery or losing interest. The most invaluable asset to this movie may be leading man James Spader, one of America’s best, brightest, and eccentric actors. The man is so well-spoken that you find yourself clinging on to every single word, a true silver-tongued devil. It makes sense that one of his most memorable turns (as Alan Shore on the fantastic Boston Legal opposite William Shatner) was as a lawyer. Here, he has a dual role as twin brothers, and he turns in an impressive performance in each instance. Even more impressive is how the two are so different. The first is a sensitive, caring, hospital worker. He’s a goody two shoes social activist, too good for this world it seems. The second is a tense, rebellious rapscallion, not afraid to break the rules, or get his hands dirty to get the job done. He’s not particularly selfless, and he doesn’t particularly give a shit.

The premise of this film is that it is one hundred years after the original Jack the Ripper murders, something fucky is going on. A copycat killer is recreating these killings, down to every minute detail. The gentle and measured brother (John Wesford) is suspected of being the killer posthumously. The cops are determined to pin it on somebody to calm public fears, so they jump the gun in declaring the culprit. They suspect John because he has the medical know-how to recreate the killings, and because of that fact that he mysteriously ends up hanged at his place of employment one night. They assume the guilt was too much to bear, and he took his own life. The only person that doesn’t believe John is Jack Jr. is his twin brother Ricky. Ricky saw his brother’s death in a clairvoyant dream, and it was not suicide at all in that vision. John was murdered. Ricky races to the scene of the crime minutes after it happens and finds his dead brother, leading the cops to view Ricky with suspicion. They believe that he may have killed his brother. Ricky then has to clear his name, and the name of his deceased brother. He knows that his brother’s killer will surely be the real Jack copycat. Or will he? Who knows? I do, I’ve seen the movie. You probably don’t, because you probably haven’t. Hardly anyone has.

What ensues is a wildly engrossing mystery that keeps you on your toes until the very end. There are moments of cheese of course, this film was released in 1988, but not once does this movie feel like the novelty that its title and tagline would suggest. For its modest budget, Jack’s Back hardly ever feels cheap, tacky, or undercooked. It’s suspenseful, charming, occasionally funny, and unlike many films today, it breathes. There’s life in this picture, and it’s clear that the participants are having a blast making it. Due to the modest budget and its incredibly fast shooting schedule, there was no time to mess around with this picture. That brisk controlled chaos contributes to the manic energy of the film, underscoring the tension of the second act. As of right now I believe it’s free to watch on Amazon Prime, so if you wanted to venture out to something spooky you haven’t seen this year, I’d highly recommend this one. Also the whole thing is on YouTube in HD.

But if you’re a physical media guy like me, and you have a Region A player, you can pick this one up to hold in your hands. The first time this film made it to disc in North America was a Blu-ray/DVD combo release a few years back done by Scream Factory. Surprisingly, I have nothing but praise for this disc. The special features are a little bare, but that’s to be expected for such a minor entry (commercially) in the careers of all involved. The video was meticulously restored in HD from the original negatives in its original aspect ratio of 1.85:1, and the picture looks better than anyone had any right to expect. It’s a low budget film from 1988, so temper your expectations, but I don’t see any evidence of print damage, excessive DNR, or shitty compression artifacts. I said surprisingly given that Shout! Factory has been very spotty in my opinion with regards to video quality. I appreciate everything that they do to bring us films that wouldn’t see a release by any other means, but some of their discs have been rather disappointing when it comes to their HD sources (here’s looking at you Wild at Heart, desperately in need of an updated 4K restoration).

Fortunately Jack’s Back had no HD transfer prior to this, so they had no choice but to do it with modern tech, and it’s clear that Pinewood (the dudes that restored this) handled this task with care and attention. The audio track is the film’s original mono mix rendered as a DTS-HD 2.0 track, and it’s as good as you’re gonna get out of such an old low budget film. It’s presented here accurately without any dropouts, pops, or clicks, and that’s all you could really ask for. Overall, I give major props to Scream Factory for this one, it’s a great disc, and well worth the $14.99 they’re asking for it.

4/5 Clairvoyant Spader Visions

And if you don’t trust me, take their word on it. They’re professionals, eh?

GUEST MOVIE REVIEW: The Shining (1980)

Guest review by Holen MaGroin

Welcome back to Halloween Wednesday!  Here’s guest writer HOLEN MaGROIN with the next in his series of Halloween themed reviews.  He’s got a scarrry one today. 

Oct 3:  Soundgarden – Screaming Life/Fopp EPs
Oct 10:  Batman / Batman Returns movie reviews
Oct 17:  Fastway – Trick or Treat Original Music Score 

THE SHINING (1980 Warner Bros.)

Directed by Stanley Kubrick

Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining is one of the rare instances where the film greatly surpasses the animal hedge madness of Stephen King’s novel. King reportedly hated the film because it changed the details of his book so dramatically, but all of the changes made to the film serve to not only translate it better to a visual medium, but also to create a deeper and more compelling story with a much more satisfying ending.* Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining is quite possibly the greatest horror movie ever made. It’s a deeply visceral thrill that deals with the supernatural and the psychological, while managing to include enough slasher elements to satisfy those types of horror fans. There’s really something for everyone in this movie, except Stephen King.

Everyone knows the story by now. Jack Torrance procures a job as winter caretaker of the Overlook Hotel and takes his wife and young son to stay with him, alone in the mountains. Jack is a struggling writer looking for a place to concentrate on his work. One day his wife decides to make seafood, and accidentally under-cooks the crabs. Jack’s intestines are sent into an uproar. Unfortunately for him, someone has locked the bathroom door. He doesn’t want to run to another bathroom and risk more leakage, so he axes down the door. This leads to the iconic image of his face sticking through the bathroom door that has been used as the cover for all recent home video editions. If you look closely, you can see that Jack Nicholson accurately portrays a man that has liquid shit running down his leg into his shoe, a man about to have an anal geyser. It’s an absolutely brilliant performance of such raw ass… I mean raw emotion that has stood as one of the defining performances in any horror movie ever. Is there a greater horror than realizing you’ve just soiled yourself?

Unfortunately for our heroes, all the food in the Overlook Hotel has been stricken with Salmonella, leaving their butts so raw that they are shining, hence the title. The only one immune to the bacteria is Danny, as he has supernatural abilities to digest anything. That’s where the paranormal aspects of the film come in. Danny talks to some ghosts that try to help him save his parents from the torment of toilet time. Danny sends a telepathic message to the old Overlook cook, and he immediately moves hell and earth to get over to the Overlook hotel.

Once the cook arrives he brings new food to last them through the winter, and decides to stay and celebrate the holidays with the Torrance family. They all laugh and dance around the Christmas tree as Jack Nicholson does his Tonight Show impression.

“Here’s Johnny!”

The whole family laughs in wholesome unison as Jack professes his unconditional love for both his wife and child. It’s a tender moment, as the whole family embraces cook Dick Hallorann as the newest addition to the Torrance gang. Dick has secretly bought Danny the new fire truck he’d been wanting before he made his way up to the hotel. On Christmas morning, Danny’s eyes light up as he had not been expecting to get it. The four get together in a loving embrace and their hearts fill with jubilant joy. My God, I’m tearing up just thinking about it!

The horror has been evaded, or so they think. Everything turns around when they receive a package in the mail, despite no one being able to get up to the hotel. Who could have left this package? They open up the package, and find a VHS copy of Bobcat Goldthwait’s debut standup HBO special, Share the Warmth. What’s odd about this movie is that the standup special was not taped until 1987, and this film takes place in 1980. To film the movie, Kubrick actually was able to send the cast and crew into the future to 2012 in order to make it even more eerie by predicting actual world events.** Rather than predicting natural disasters, or sports scores or anything like that, Kubrick became highly intrigued by this Bobcat character, and decided to abandon the novel to make his own piece of art. This is ultimately why King was not satisfied by the movie, and didn’t understand it when it came out in 1980 given that Bobcat had not reached a world stage yet. When the family finds the movie, everything goes off the rails. After watching the VHS together, Danny learns a whole lot of naughty words that should never be used by such young children. They also all immediately become big fans of the man with such Kaufman style talents and his penchant for social commentary. Bobcat’s earliest fans!

As the weeks go by, the family is pleased to find another VHS of a film called Shakes the Clown in the mail. It’s a lot different than his standup special, and exceptionally strange, but they ultimately enjoy the ride, even if it was not nearly as strong as his standup special. The next week, the family receives the holiday Bill Murray film Scrooged that features Goldthwait as the fired assistant. They determine that the movie ultimately sucks hard, but they love the parts containing Bobcat as the holiday liberator. That’s when the spirits sending the tapes stop being so kind to the family. Next they receive Police Academy 2. Police Academy 2 is easily the shittiest of an incredibly shitty franchise (only speaking for the first three, as that’s when I checked out forever), a series of films Bobcat himself would later call Police Lobotomy. The family is distraught over the wasted talents of Bobcat. Another week goes by and they find instalments 3 and 4 in the mail, and are just as horrified at the glaring examples of shit personified in Police Academy fashion. This is a franchise so shitty that the best joke involving them was actually in Wayne’s World. At this point in the film, Danny and Dick begin to have psychic visions. They can’t make out exactly what’s going to happen the next week, but they begin to have visions of a horse, and Bobcat. The horse seems to be talking. Their worst fears are realized the next week when a fresh copy of Hot to Trot is sent to the house.

The family is so horrified by the turn Bobcat’s career has taken that they all suffer terminal illness, an eerie omen of the five Razzie Awards nominations that this piece of shit would be nominated for. The next week, the critically acclaimed Bobcat film World’s Greatest Dad shows up, proving to be a chilling end to the Torrance family. If they had just hung in one more week, they would have been saved by seeing the great movie.

Years later in the early 1990s, Bobcat shows up at the Overlook Hotel to perform for the guests. He’s greeted by a bell boy, and tells him that it’s nice to perform at the hotel for the first time. The bell boy cryptically replies by saying, “I’m sorry to differ with you sir, but you are the comedian here. You’ve always been the comedian.” Bobcat looks puzzled, and spots a peculiar picture on the wall. He looks at it further and sees the picture on the wall from 1980 of the Torrance family all crying holding Hot to Trot in their hands. Bobcat lets out one of his trademark screams, and the credits role.

Kubrick knows to end the film on such a disturbing note, because he knows how to play his audience. That’s why this film is considered to be one of the most classic examples of modern horror cinema released today. The feelings that you experience watching this movie moves you in such a way that you feel afraid to ever travel to a hotel, or watch one of Bobcat’s many shitty movie decisions from the 1980s. This is the greatest horror movie ever made, and there’s simply nothing else to say.***

5/5 Pumpkins

* LeBrain agrees wholeheartedly and is jealous he hasn’t written this one up yet.  But he will.  The soundtrack including music by Wendy Carlos is genius too.

** Not to mention the NASA conspiracies.

*** That sure was something!  I hope readers get it.

#674: Bad Moon Rising

GETTING MORE TALE #674: Bad Moon Rising

A sequel to Getting More Tale #455:  How to Make a Music Video (The Old-Fashioned Way)

Best buddy Bob and I shot and edited a successful music video for Poison’s “Nothin’ But a Good Time” in the 11th grade.  We were sent to the local Charlie awards, representing our school in a film competition.  We didn’t win one (audio sync issues caused by the unreliable cassette format) but by summer holidays, I was back to the drawing board.

I called up a couple friends:  Danesh and Anand.  They came over and we hashed out an outline for a horror movie.  The truth is, I just wanted an excuse to do another music video but I needed a different concept this time.  It had to be a step up.  That summer, I was enthused about Leatherwolf’s second album, and their cover of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Bad Moon Rising”.  I thought it was the perfect track for a cheesy horror movie.  Any 80s horror film needed a heavy metal theme song.  Leatherwolf’s “Bad Moon Rising” struck me as perfectly fitting.  “I hope you got your things together, I hope you are quite prepared to die.”  So I had the idea of a double feature:  a horror movie with a heavy metal music video accompanying.  The other guys were into it.

Over a fun afternoon in the basement, we came up with our little movie.  Bob was no longer available.  He would be in college the next year.  It was my first film project without him.  As the film’s lead actor, we chose David Kidd, who was the “drummer” in my Poison video.  He was a drama geek.  His nickname was “Emperor Kiddspeare”.  He’d be perfect.

At the start of grade 12, we approached the Film Education teacher about our new project.  She was not enthused and objected to the music video.  “Why don’t you just use the original song?” she asked about “Bad Moon Rising”, when I explained the concept of the heavy metal tie-in music video.  She just didn’t get it.  The video was the whole seed of the idea!  Maybe she was completely unaware of the metal/horror relationship, based on past movies such as Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm St.  We proceeded with the project anyway.  Trying to make your own horror movie is like a rite of passage.  Hasn’t every school kid tried?

We only shot one scene.  It was a hospital scene where the lead character played by David moved a chair with his mind.  It looked great although we were already short on footage.  We had to loop a couple shots to edit together the full scene.  So we did, and it was a start.

But I had just started my first part time job, at Zehrs at the mall.  This cut into my after school hours and the film project dissolved.  I don’t have the scene we shot; it is lost for good.  So is our script.

For a project of that size, I really needed a partner with the dedication and creativity of Bob, but he was off in college doing his own thing.  We couldn’t get it done in grade 12 without him.  Grade 13 was also hopeless for a film project.*  Everybody was far too busy trying to get into University.  Everybody except Emperor Kiddspeare.  He seemed to go off the rails a bit when he started smoking.  First, he burned a “lucky horseshoe” into his hand with a cigarette lighter.  Then he just stopped showing up for school.  Danesh and I used to (jokingly) calculate the odds that he was dead during Algebra class.  Every once in a while, he would actually show up, throwing all our “calculations” to the wind.  Either way, I didn’t have Bob, and Dave was a write-off.  There would be no more highschool film projects.  Bad Moon Rising was dead in the water.

Emperor Kiddspeare ended up becoming a goth, and is very popular in the local industrial music scene.  The last time I saw him, a decade ago on a sweltering hot July day, he was wearing a full length leather trenchcoat.  Good on him.

* Partially.  One weekend, Bob and I rented a camera and we shot a video for our long-distance girlfriends.  It was called Mike & Bob’s Cross-Kitchener Adventure.  I still have that but it’s not particularly watchable.