RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#346: NO SOLICITORS!

Yesterday and today, if there’s one thing that drives me nuts, it’s people trying to sell us something. You know the feeling: You answer the phone, not looking or not recognizing the number, only to be asked if you want to hire a shady “duct cleaning” service that has a loose grasp of the English language.

Here are some of the methods we have used and things we have said to dissuade duct cleaning companies from calling us:

1. “Have you met Jesus?” – works every single time.
2. “Oh I’m sorry, we don’t own any ducks.” – gets them a little confused.
3. Speak back to them in French only. “Où est la poutine?”
4. I also enjoy asking them to help me solve the Tedious Tiresome Trivia question on 105.7 Dave FM.

Or, just hang up. That works too. The method you choose may depend on how irritated you are.

Reminding them that you are on the “Do Not Call” registry won’t help you.  Many of these scam artists are calling from overseas, according to the CBC.

At the Record Store, we had to put up one of those “NO SOLICITORS” signs but I don’t know why since every solicitor ignored it. Never once in my time at the store did I see someone come in trying to sell me shit, look at the sign, turn around and leave. Never once.  Are you surprised?

People around student age would occasionally pop in with boxes full of junk, and a big smile on their faces. They’d usually come in pairs. “Have we got some deals for you here!” they would say open entering, or something like that. They didn’t much like it when I would ignore their sales pitch and try to sell them some CDs instead. “I have a better deal for you,” I might have said. “New Cher album for $12. Do you believe in life after love? I’m the only one in this store who’s going to do any selling to anyone.”

I witnessed one guy wielding his box of junk playing chicken with an automobile in our parking lot, trying to get him to stop. He stood in the middle of his lane with his box, and moved to the right and left so the car couldn’t swerve around him. Then he went up to the driver’s window with his box. Needless to say, the driver bought nothing from that idiot.

From boxes of junk, to golf memberships, to Jehova’s Witness fliers, I have had just about everything shoved in my face at the Record Store. It was irritating, but not nearly so much as the daily phone calls from duct cleaners.

What is your favourite method for dealing with solicitors? Share in the comments.