ROLE MODELS (2009, 99 minutes, Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott)
Directed by David Wain
All those “bro” movies are from the same mold, aren’t they? They still make them too, variations on a theme. The same general plotline always applies: there’s a pair of funny but crude friends, who have a love/hate thing going on. There’s a girlfriend (or fiance), usually a professional of some kind, to win or win back. There are usually dick and fart jokes.
Role Models is all this, so I won’t go and tell you that it’s different from Knocked Up, Superbad, or Mr. Woodcock in any significant way.
Except one way.
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Role Models is a love letter to the Hottest Band in the Land. One of the writers clearly loves them, and knew how to make that funny.
In one of the earliest scenes, Scott throws Love Gun into the car tape deck. “Kiss? Nobody likes Kiss. Paul Stanley is sick of Kiss,” says Rudd. Yet, the song “Love Gun” is a recurring motif in Role Models.
Here’s the plot in a nutshell: Two guys work for an energy drink company called Minotaur (think Red Bull, but in gross green). Their job entails doing presentations to kids in highschool to stay off drugs, and drink Minotaur instead. (“We’re selling nuclear horse piss to kids” – Rudd.) One day it all goes wrong for Rudd and his girlfriend Beth (get it? See where this is going?), played by Elizabeth Banks. Rudd goes a little nuts at a presentation, and his giant minotaur truck ends up mounting a horse statue in the school yard.
Luckily, Beth is a lawyer and cuts Rudd and Scott a deal with the judge (without the two even having to appear before him, how convenient for a 99 minute movie). They have to volunteer with “Sturdy Wings”; sort of like a big brothers program. They each have to mentor a child for a set number of hours. The program, run by a hilarious Jane Lynch, is only mildly creepy.
As the two protagonists get to know their assigned “littles”, Scott teaches his new friend about Kiss. “These guys look like clowns,” says lil’ Ronnie. Scott explains that they’re not, they’re actually really rich Jewish guys, and all their songs are about fucking! This interests his young friend, who then starts dancing to “Love Gun”.
“You pull the trigger of my…Love Guuuuuuuuuun!” goes the familiar song.
“See Ronnie? His dick is the gun!” explains Scott helpfully.
Meanwhile, Paul Rudd’s little buddy Augie is played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse (known to you as McLovin). Augie loves fantasy role playing (LARPing), and takes Rudd to a battle. Rudd is not impressed (“I just spent the afternoon with Gleep-Glopp and the Floop-dee-doos”), but decides to help Augie when he needs battle companions. There’s a memorable camping trip that ends with a naked Seann William Scott, but it’s balanced out by Wings jokes (including a fake Wings song called “Love Take Me Down to the Streets”).
Without spoiling the epic ending (complete with a sword battle, a siege, and Ken Jeong), except to say that before credits role, you will hear at least two more Kiss songs, and see the four main characters dressed in Kiss makeup and battle armor. No explanation is given for how the quartet threw the armor together in a mere afternoon, but details do not matter in a film like this. Prepare for a climax that finishes the movie on a hilarious note.
Other great talents in this movie included Joe Lo Truglio and Ken Marino, so check it out if that sounds like your kinda thing. And especially if you’re a Kiss fan.
– Love Gun (1977 Casablanca, 2014 Universal reissue)
By the late 1970s, Kiss had achieved more than most bands do in an entire career. In 1977, Marvel comics released the first ever Kiss comic. Famously, as a publicity stunt, each Kiss member had a vial of blood drawn, and poured into the red ink. “Printed in real KISS blood” proclaimed the front cover. Can you imagine such a thing in 2017? In 1978, the toy company Mego marketed the first set of Kiss action figures. The phenomenon of Kiss was almost eclipsing the music. Perhaps it would have completely, if Kiss didn’t continue to release excellent albums on a biannual basis. Their first album of 1977 was the legendary Love Gun. Even the Ken Kelly cover art depicts Kiss as demi-gods of some kind. Inside, the merchandising spilled over to the album. Kiss were determined to give their fans a little extra, and so the album was packed with little cardboard “love guns” that you could assemble yourself…accompanied by a Kiss merch mail-away form.
The music brightly outshone all the flash and trimmings. Again with Eddie Kramer in the producer’s chair, Kiss sought to make a focused heavy rock record. Their material had rarely been stronger. Paul Stanley was becoming handy at writing opening tracks that defined what an album was going to sound like. “I Stole Your Love” cranked it fast with one of Paul’s most thunderous riffs. The tribal sounding drums by Peter Criss are an apt example of what made him great at the time. Criss was not a technical drummer, but he had the right feel and a knack for the perfect fill. Ace Frehley soars in and dive bombs with an unforgettable lightning solo. Gene Simmons is there in the back, adding the thump. “I Stole Your Love” in a mere three minutes encapsulates everything about Love Gun that makes it great.
Gene Simmons’ demon character had another side; that of the “creepy old man”. “I don’t usually say things like this to girls your age, but when I saw you coming out of school that day, that day I knew…I knew!…I’ve got to have you, I’ve got to have you!” Probably from the perspective of a highschool senior, but still, it came from Gene’s mouth. The less said about the words the better, for “Christine Sixteen” is one of Gene’s most perfect musical moments. Eddie Kramer provides the piano for a vintage rock and roll sound. A Kiss classic it is, and Peter once again has the perfect fills for the song.
Moving on to “Got Love For Sale”, the lecherous Simmons now “has love, will travel”. Uptempo sleeze is perfect for Kiss’ friendly demon, but Frehley is the real star here. Speaking of whom, the Space Ace finally worked up the courage to sing his first lead vocal on his trademark Kiss song “Shock Me”. On the prior tour, Ace nearly electrocuted himself on stage when he touched a railing that wasn’t grounded properly. “Shock Me” is a humorous reference to this. Any Frehley track has a unique flavour. He attacks his Gibson and assembles chords and riffs in a style all his own. “Shock Me” showed he could sing too, finally adding a fourth voice to a Kiss album. For the first time, Love Gun has all four Kiss members singing lead. The first side was bookended by another Paul Stanley track, the killer “Tomorrow and Tonight”. Piano and Motown-style female backing vocals give the track a classic feel, and Paul once again came up with a sweet candy-coated chorus. Echoing a previous hit, Paul sings “We can rock all day, we can roll all night.”
The most well known track from Love Gun is the title track itself. It has been in the set regularly since 1977 and is generally considered one of Paul Stanley’s best songs (if not his very best). All the ingredients click perfectly. “Love Gun” kills and cannot be improved upon. Even if, when you think about it, “Love Gun” is a metaphor for “penis”, and the lyrics amount to singing, “You pull the trigger of my…penis, penis, penis”. Substitute “penis” every time Paul sings “Love Gun” and see. Paul Stanley is an absolute genius, because he has gotten stadiums full of thousands of people to sing an ode to his cock, and that’s cool.
“See Ronnie? His dick is the gun!”
Peter Criss only had one track on Love Gun, a Stan Penridge co-write called “Hooligan”. It was good enough to get some live performances, though it and Gene’s “Almost Human” occupy the lower rungs of the Love Gun album. The best thing about both “Hooligan” and “Almost Human” is that both perfectly fit the personas that sing them. Peter has always emphasized his tough street upbringing, but as the lovable cat character, and that’s “Hooligan”. “Almost Human” is 100% the sex-crazed demon, almost a theme song. The bass thumps, but there is some interesting percussion stuff happening too. Simmons continues looking for love in “Plaster Caster”, his encounter with the legendary Cynthia Plaster Caster. One can assume that Gene Simmons’ wang is among those on her display. “A token of my love for her collection.” “Plaster Caster” rocks hard (pun intended) and has balls (also intended).
Love Gun surprisingly closes on a Phil Spector classic, “And Then She Kissed Me” (gender reversed) by the Crystals. Paul Stanley helms it, a romantic number perfect for Kiss content at weddings. The Kiss-ified version is almost comically guitar heavy, but Kiss have managed a number of unusual covers over the years. Adapting it to their sound, Paul owns “And Then She Kissed Me”, especially when topped by an awesome and appropriate solo.
The Love Gun tour that followed this album is one of Kiss’ most legendary: the dual staircases, levitating cat drums, and of course the big Kiss logo in behind. Kiss were huge. A gallup poll put Kiss as the most popular band in America, over Zeppelin, Aerosmith and the Stones. When bank accounts inflate, so do egos. With success comes cost. Though the Love Gun period is all but universally lauded, it was also the last unified album before some members became liabilities.
Today’s rating:
5/5 stars
See Ronnie? His dick is the gun!
Uncle Meat’s rating:
3.5/5 steaks
Meat’s slice:This was Peter Criss’ last album with Kiss for a long time. Love Gun is a hit and miss record in Meat’s opinion. Or maybe better put…hit and somewhat miss. I think there are simply too many forgettable songs on this album. “Then She Kissed Me”, “Hooligan”, “Got Love For Sale”, “Tomorrow and Tonight” and “Almost Human” are all average at best. That’s half the album right there. There are also standout songs. Obviously the title track is a Rock and Roll classic now, the album’s opener “I Stole Your Love” is a hot tamale, and I have always loved the catchy “Christine Sixteen”, especially that chorus.
However, Love Gun is a very significant Kiss album simply because of one song. I don’t know a Kiss fan that doesn’t love “Shock Me”. The debut of Ace Frehley as a “singer-songwriter” so to speak, made many wish he would have sung a few more before things all fell apart. Some of the songs coming up in the next few albums, including his solo album, are some of Kiss’ best material in my opinion.
Maybe they just ran out of ideas. Should have been half an album of Ace songs instead.
ROLE MODELS (2009, 99 minutes, Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott)
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