Part 13: Klassic Kwotes II

As with the first Klassic Kustomer Quotes, everything below is true.  Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.  Here’s 10 more.

  • “Yeah, I’m the original drummer for the Rolling Stones.  I was first.  I helped those guys form the band.  Then they stole all my shit.  Bunch of assholes.”  Said to me by a confused guy about five years my senior.
  • “Where the fuck are my sunglasses?  I left them right here!  You must have taken them!  Where the fuck are my sunglasses?”  Said to us by a guy who had forgotten that he was wearing his sunglasses on his head.
  • “All five Backstreet Boys released solo albums on the same day!  How come you don’t have them?  Walmart has them!”  No such releases ever existed, by the way.
  • I admit that sometimes our “we buy used CD’s” sign could be confusing.  But I was still as surprised as any to hear the question, “How much will you give me for my royal wedding collector’s plates?”


  • After both a debit card and a credit card being declined, I was asked, “Will you take a cheque?  No?  How about my Sears card?”


  • “I saw Journey play the Casino last weekend.  They were AMAZING!  Steve Perry was amazing!  He still sings the same as he always did!  And he even still looks the same!”  Said to me by an excited lady who had no idea that she saw Journey with Steve Augeri.  Steve Perry quit the band five years earlier.  By the way, Augeri doesn’t even remotely resemble Steve Perry except they both have brown hair.
  • “It still plays fine.  I played it on the way here.  It didn’t skip.”  Said to me by a guy who didn’t noticed that his disc has a giant crack in it.
  • “Hey man, the owner always gives me a discount.”  This was a pretty common one.  Not many people had a discount, certainly not many that I didn’t know.  But this one kept going.  “I’m the one who gave him the idea for selling used CD’s.  I said, ‘Hey man you know what you gotta do?  Sell used CD’s.  That’s what you gotta do.  Sell them used CD’s and you’ll make a mint.’  That’s what I said to George.”  The owner’s name was not George.
  • “Hey, if I buy a blank CD, can you guys just load it up full of good tunes for me?”  Comment not necessary.
  • And of course, my favourite.  “I’ve gotta take a shit real, real bad.  Can I use the can?  Like I gotta go so bad man, you have no idea.”  I’ll admit, it was against company policy to let any customer use the washroom in any situation, but I had to break the rules on this one.  After all, I actually had someone take a shit in my store before.  No, I’m not talking about me.  There’s this girl, and she shit her pants in the store, and I don’t think she even knew it.  I still see her at the mall sometimes.  You never…ever…forget the face of someone who took a shit in their pants right in front of you.  The smell…was ungodly.  She stepped up to the counter.  She asked a question.  She asked numerous questions.   The stink was so bad!  I stood as far back as possible without trying to look like I was stepping back as far as possible.  I stepped on a CD case against the wall, the crack was audible.  And she kept asking questions.  I will never be convinced in a million years that this girl even knew she had shit her pants.



  1. Last Christmas at my job, the bathrooms flooded, and this mother just took a potty of the shelf, had her kid shit in it, in the middle of the shop, in front of everyone, and then left the shop without even buying the potty.


      1. Ha ha. I wish she’d did it just for comedy.

        The worst thing was, she was giving us employees dirty looks for a) looking at her (as if us invading the kid’s privacy was our fault and not hers) and b) the toilets being broken in the first place (as if we did it and it wasn’t a massive pain in our ass that spoiled our whole work day)


        1. It’s the entitlement thing. “Your bathrooms are broken, my kid needs to shit, you’re dealing with it. Say something to me about it. I dare you.”

          I’m weery of this entitlement stuff.


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