Part 18: Klassic Kwotes III

Without further adieu.

1. This one is painful.  We had a wreath on our store door, with the lights and all that.  There was a note taped to the door next to the wreath.  It was instructions for us.  It said:  “Please unplug the reith every night!”  R-E-I-T-H.

2. “Because I’m the Tattoo Man!  I get a discount at Sears, you know.”  Said to us by Snake the Tattoo Man, on why he deserved a discount.

3. “Kurt!  Stop that!”  Yelled by a young mother at her misbehaving son, while selling her ENTIRE Nirvana collection.

4. Q: “What happens when you put a CD in the microwave?”  A: You buy a new microwave.

5. “I was just trying to see how fast I could run…with a shovel…”  Said to me by a kid who walked in the store, stole our snow shovel, and walked out again.  (I got in shit, by the way, for chasing him down and getting the shovel back.)

6. “What you’re hearing right now is a roll.  You’ve heard of rock, right?  You’ve heard of rock and roll, right?  Well, this song is roll.  Can you hear it?  Can you hear that?  This is roll.  Not rock, and not rock and roll.  This is the first roll performed since 1966.”  Said to us by some dude while we were playing the current album by The Verve, Urban Hymns.  I still have no fucking idea what he was on about.  (If you know, please, comment below.)

7. “Do you have ze Queens?”  Said to me by a guy with a thick German accent, asking for Queen.

8. This one’s not a quote, per-se.  But this guy came in once wearing a T-shirt that said, “Does this cock in my mouth make me look gay?”  He was in the store with his mother!

9. “Can I work here for like, four hours, and you just pay me cash when I’m done?”  Said to me by a really really scary looking weirdo dude type guy.

10. “Can you please do me a favour.  I’d like you to call or write to Sony, and let them know that this DVD is not recorded in DTS.  It says it is on the box, but when I put it in the player, the DTS light doesn’t come on.  Can you please inform Sony about this?”  Sure.  Want me to pick up your laundry too?

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