Part 50: X-Rated Record Store Instant Messaging!


Everybody thinks working at a record store is all fun and games, but we worked harder than most.  As such, chatting was frowned upon.  For example I got in shit one time because a guy that I worked with had just bought the Nirvana box set, and wanted to show me.

Another manager at another store figured out how you could do “instant messaging” back and forth using our computer system.  The first time he sent me one, it was completely unexpected.

I’ll back up a bit to set the context.  This other guy, Joe, always joked with me that he had a thing for my mom.  He saw me with my mom one day and started making comments like, “Your mom’s hot.  I’m totally going to steal her from your dad.”

When he really wanted to bug me, he’d say, “After I marry your mom, I’m going to make you call me dad!”

Anyway, it was all in good fun, it was a running joke.  I probably made jokes just as crude back to him.

One morning I was opening the store, and my computer beeped the sound that told me, “An order just arrived, please read me!”  So I did.  Only the order looked something like this.

ARTIST:  I’m totally going to

TITLE:  bone your mom.

Of course it was Joe, and he was a genius for figuring this out.  He clicked on a CD to order from my store, only he figured out that after doing so, he could delete the text and replace it with anything else.  As soon as I saw the message I realized how he’d done it, and I messaged him back.

So, periodically through the weeks, my computer would beep, only it wouldn’t be an order.  It was a message from Joe usually saying something crude about my mom, or telling me, “I just took a massive shit that stunk up the entire store.”  Stuff like that.  It made me laugh, and back to the job.

Just thinking about these messages are making me laugh, man, he used to send some messed up shit!

This only lasted a few weeks.  One Monday morning, before I opened, we were caught.  One of the operations people was at the counter when my computer beeped.  Well wouldn’t you know it?  It was some X-rated message regarding my mom.  It didn’t take much for Operations to figure out who the two guilty parties were.  We were interrogated as to who invented this trick (they didn’t believe me that I hadn’t) and warned that it wasn’t going to happen again.

Ahh well.

On a closing note:  My mom reads my blog.  Mom did know about Joe’s “crush” on her.  Until now I don’t think she knew how graphic he gets.  Sorry mom!

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