Part 276: Character Study – HH and Rasputin

RECORD STORE TALES Part 276:  Character Study – HH and Rasputin

HH (aka “Hobbit”) and Rasputin were regulars.  They came to T-Rev’s store first, always selling, never buying.  HH was known for her outrageous makeup.  Usually the lipstick started somewhere below the nose and went down to the chin.  Trevor used to say, “She looks like that woman from David Lee Roth’s ‘Just A Gigolo’ video!  Remember her?”

“DAVID! DAVID!  MY KIDS WILL DEFINITELY KILL ME IF YOU DON’T SIGN THESE PICTURES FOR THEM!”

That’s kind of how she looked.  Very close.  In the summer, HH wore these short skirts that were just way too little clothing.  T-Rev had to deal with her more often than I did.  I don’t know how he didn’t claw his own eyes out.  T-Rev tells me that once, HH pulled up to his store riding a little banana seat bike, wearing that short skirt.  He remembers her so clearly.  “Yeah!   The ‘hobbit’, the ripped nylons and the short skirt with her ass hanging out…yuck.  She looked like she had a Botox stroke in her face!” he says.

Rasputin, unsurprisingly, looked a lot like Grigori Rasputin, the famous “mad monk” of Russian history.  All he lacked was the long hair.  His long trench coat even remotely resembled Rasputin’s long monk robes.  T-Rev nicknamed him Rasputin, or Razzy for short.  He had a lazy eye.

They would come in, selling crappy scratched used CDs.  HH would often say she was selling them for her son.  That meant she had procreated, a scary thought in itself.  She never specifically identified Razzy as the father, but that certainly could have been the case.  Razzy never spoke.  When we would make an offer on the CDs, HH would turn to Razzy.  Razzy would either nod yes, or shake his head no.  Then they’d try to haggle.  Their CDs were rarely worth haggling over.  But haggle they did.  According to Trevor, “I remember her always haggling for a better price out of me…like ‘this CD is really popular right now with the kids’.  Fuck you!”

Those summers of HH and Razzy are long gone, now. I wonder if Razzy ever shaved off that black beard.   I wonder if she’s still riding that bike in her skirt.  I may never know…I don’t really want to know.

21 comments

  1. Ahhh…thanks for that Mike! Now the picture of this exquisite sexpot is burned into the part of my brain that i use all the time! I suppose i could start singing “we built this city” in an attempt to replace that vision with something a little less…gross.

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  2. Does everybody do stuff like this with people they work with? I’m in manufacturing so I don’t need to deal with customers (and we have a dress code), but I keep wondering if the new guy could beat an empty cardboard box in a game of chess.
    I think he probably could, but it would be a close game.

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  3. Razzy with the Lazy Eye. Sounds like a concept album by someone. I’ll come up with some melodies, you write the lyrics and were done.

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      1. Oh, I think Darwin was still right, the fittest will prevail. It’s just a numbers game. Dumb people off themselves in dumb ways all the time. But population growth outstrips those incidences, so it always seems like we’re losing.

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    1. I had that thought myself, but I have my doubts that they have access to the internets…

      Listening to this song again. I know English wasn’t their first language, but I love the line, “He could preach the bible like a preacher…”

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      1. The part will you say he nodded yes or no in regards to the selling of cds is classic …man that was a good chuckle! For you though annoying as hell I’m sure…

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        1. It was like the emperor in Gladiator…doesn’t say a word, just thumbs up or thumbs down! But with a nod. And their CDs were shit. Trust me.

          “This one is really popular with the kids,” she would say. UGH!

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        2. Imagine you’re at work, mid-morning, doing your thing. Rocking and rolling. These two walk in for the 100th time. Kinda kills the mood.

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