#408: Record Store Tales – The Movie

Re-enactments of actual in-store events

#408: Record Store Tales – The Movie

On our old store applications/music test, one of the questions we asked was, “Who would play you in the movie of your life?”  (It may have said “musical of your life”, I don’t quite remember exactly.)  We had some good answers to the question. I always said that if I had taken the test, I would have answered “Meat Loaf”.

The musical or movie of my life would have be centred on Record Store Tales, obviously.  That would require a lot of creative casting in order to fully capture the eccentric personalities.  We couldn’t just try to re-capture the vibe of High Fidelity or Empire Records.  We would strive for finding the perfect actors for the roles.

In addition to writing and producing the feature, I would also insist upon the last word when it comes to casting.  I’ll be a control freak a-la E.L. James on set.  I would seek out Martin Scorsese to direct.

The movie would not be without its challenges.  How, for example, do we film the famous Open Door Shit scene?  I would insist on it being in the movie.  Otherwise, what’s the point of it?  I would throw a Christian Bale-sized temper tantrum if it were to be cut.  We’d also have to get permission to use a lot of great songs, which can be tricky to secure.

But what about the cast?  This is how I picture it.

  • BRAD  T-Rev – Brad Pitt
  • GUY CABELLERO  The Owner – Joe Flaherty (as Guy Caballero)
  • KIT  Iron Tom SharpeJon Snow err I mean Kit Harington
  • RIP TORN  Uncle Meat – Rip Torn
  • STATHAM  Aaron – Jason Statham
  • MARGARET HAMILTON  She Who Shall Not Be Named – Since Margaret Hamilton is dead, we will have to audition this role.
  • SCHWIMMER  Joe Big Nose – His lookalike of course, David Schwimmer.  If Schwimmer is unavailable, we go down the list to Freddie Prinze Jr.
  • ANDY DICK  Dandy Douche – Andy Dick
  • ROMANY  Jonathan the Accountant – Romany Malco
  • KATE UPTON  Mrs. LeBrain – Kate Upton
  • CRUISE TRAVOLTA  Annoying solicitors – Tom  Cruise and John Travolta
  • MEAT LOAF  and featuring Meat Loaf Aday as “LeBrain”

What about you?  Who would you like to play you in the movie or musical of your life?  Consider it deeply and leave a comment!


    1. I really liked that Statham picture but Aaron wanted one with no shirt on! Fortunately as writer creator producer, I picked the photo I liked best.

      Amy Adams can be you, sure!


        1. No, Raunchy Ronnie’s hasn’t touched these lips in 15 years, yo! I am intrigued by the McLobster, but not enough to go to McDo’s.


  1. Impressive cast. As for me, I’d go the more controversial route. No one would play me because I wouldn’t want that type of film. Instead, I would want a film about my life done as a documentary produced and directed by Michael Moore. Moore is very good at telling one side of the story in his films and I would want my side only to be told. I would insist on a guest commentary spot by Jello Biafra. The problem of the soundtrack would be which songs not to include, there would be that many.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s that idea for a film gone. I’ve never been anywhere near Michigan in the whole of my life. Of course, if we were to film in New Jersey where I grew up, he would find some way to stick Michigan into it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is great! I agree with jprobichaud, Upton for your lady is a great move! :) (Admission: I had to Google her to see who she even is, but still, good call! I still chuckle at you choosing Meat Loaf for yourself. Oh man.

    As for the movie of my life? No idea. Now I can’t get Statham out of my head, so we’ll go with that, it’s a perfect fit! haha yeah. I see it all as an action movie, rooftop chase scene in Montreal, car crashes and explosion in Saskatoon, a big battle royale on a boat out on Georgian Bay… quick, someboy call Hollywood! I have true stories to tell!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. She Who Shall Not Be Named-Kathy Bates?

    Did it feel like your hands were tied working for her?
    Did she like the song Sledgehammer?
    Did she bring you misery?
    You better believe it Buster. ;)

    For me, I would choose Jack Black. His genuine love of Dio sealed the deal.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Brilliant. Meat Loaf is a tad off the map these days, eh? I could see him shaving his head and wielding a machete after the obligatory ‘fade out’ and ‘blah blah years later’ scenario.

    I’d have to go for Danny DeVito and Christopher Walken playing me (young and old – after the ‘fade out’ and ‘blah blah years later’, of course). It’d be directed by Guillermo del Toro, cause I can’t imagine anyone else accurately capturing my clash with the Minotaur in the dark and wet streets of Glasgow’s southside.

    Liked by 2 people

        1. Really!? Wow. Really pretty impressed you’ve managed to avoid a del Toro flick (especially given two of them are Hellboy and Pacific Rim). I’d recommend Pan’s Labyrinth and Cronos too. Damn fine moviefilms


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