GETTING MORE TALE #450: Beat Up in a Mascot Suit
Here’s something I’ve been wanting to share a long time. It’s only now that I’ve fudged it enough to hide any trademarked logos and whatnot. Caveman editing, but I never claimed to be an expert.
When I first saw this thing sitting in the store’s back room, I thought it was one of the most hilarious sights I’d ever be likely to find. For shits and giggles, I offered to wear it one Saturday afternoon, and stand on the sidewalk waving to cars. I quickly changed my mind when one of our staff attempted to dissuade me, by telling her friends to kick my CD-suited-ass. Upper management may have lost respect for me when I backed out, but I didn’t see any of them waving at cars either.
You have no defence inside the suit. Your hands and arms are limited to movement at the wrists, and you lose all peripheral vision. A gang of highschool aged Korn fans would have made short work of me!
One slow evening, I decided to take a break and use the time constructively. I wanted to try on that suit! I went into the back room while leaving Dandy in charge of the register. In the back, working a night shift on our web sales, was Wiseman, who offered to take some pictures and video of the suit.
This is what happened. The events were not staged. I never wore it again!