Happy Canada Day! Here is your Can-Con for this holiday: The Legendary Klopeks. According to bassist Mike Lukacs, “We used to always play Shannon [Larratt]’s Canada Day BME BBQ every year. Always liked that.”
For a review of the Klopeks’ first album Homicidal Suicidal Klopekticidal by Aaron at the KMA, click here!
THE LEGENDARY KLOPEKS – Straight to Hell (2002 Pink Skull)
Once upon a time, in Niagara Falls Ontario, there was a band. This was a band unlike any other. They were fronted by future Guinness’ World Record holder Sweet Pepper Klopek. Sayeth the Huffington Post, “Sweet Pepper Klopek…has set many Guinness World Records [and] managed it again by lifting a 5.4 kilogram, or 12-pound, sledgehammer suspended from two huge fish hooks plunged through his cheeks.” Mixing punk rock, wrestling and humour, their best album is the 24 track Straight to Hell.
Every song ends with the words “fuck you!” and almost all are under three minutes. There are also several tracks only a few seconds in length, and yes, even they end with “fuck you”! Some sample song lyrics:
“Where’s my soup? Fuck you!” (“Where’s My Soup”, 10 seconds)
“Touch my dink in the ditch. Fuck you!” (“Touch My Dink in the Ditch”, 12 seconds)
“Turtlenecks and armpits. Fuck you!” (“Turtlenecks and Armpits”, 20 seconds)
For the record, “Where’s My Soup” has long been this writer’s favourite Klopeks tune. For a while I considered getting a “Where’s My Soup” tattoo. A tattoo shop in St. Catharines Ontario used to offer free tats to anyone getting Klopek ink. And I did consider it, but ultimately decided against. After all, how did I know that in 10 years time, my favourite song wouldn’t be “Terry and the Ass Pirates”? Or “Bush Party Hand Job”? Or “She Fell Off the Couch” which has an actual guitar solo?
The fact of the matter is, every song is fast, brittle, vulgar and incredibly fun. The lyrics are fuck-laden beyond conception. The Big Lebowski himself has never dropped so many F-bombs in just 33 minutes. Nothing is taken seriously. Most songs start with bass noodling via Lemon Kurri, moving on to Sweet Pepper screaming like a man possessed. Regardless, these are actually really good punk songs! There is nothing polite or safe on this CD — that’s why they called it Straight to Hell! No apologies. “When it’s all said and done and I’m dead and gone, life’s a fuckin’ game, and fuck you I won!”
5/5 stars
mikeladano.com 
I went on their Facebook page. Their bio is listed like this:
Members: is slang for penises
Genre: we don’t speak French
Hometown: cookin’ – you canna beat it (so join it)
Hahahahaha. These guys seem awesome.
I’m trying to remember where I’ve heard Lemon Kurri before. Was he in another band?
Nice write up. Happy Canada Day.
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Hahah thanks Bop you have a great one too! When the rain lets up anyway!
You have heard Lemon Kurri’s name here before as a guest contribtor!
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I knew I had heard the name before. Thanks for the link. Is he still with Steve Earle?
Here is a link to Sweet pepper Klopek and his twin brother
http://www.monstersofschlock.com/bios
P.S. I think a “Touch My Dink In The Ditch” neck tat would have been awesome. A real conversation starter at family gatherings.
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BWAHAHAHA you first!!
They are not really twins, they “play” twins. Mike still works for Steve, but Steve is on break, so Mike is now touring with Hedley. He was at the MMVA’s a couple weeks ago.
I have a picture of Sweet Pepper holding my hand. No I will not post it. LOL
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This will fill you in on Lemon Kurri’s history with me.
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Awesome! I love Homicidal Suicidal Klopekticidal, so I know I’ll love this! I just need to find it – the usual sources have nothing. Do you know where I can get one?
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Dammit! Now I’m going to have to buy this album. Stop turning me onto awesome music.
Happy Canada Day.
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I like that consistent track ending – and 24 in 33 minutes, what efficiency!
Happy July 1st Mike!
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Happy fucking belated fucking Canada fucking Day!
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Is this soundtrack series going to continue? I thing my top 5 soundtracks are: Last action hero, who made who, rockstar and almost forgot Demon knight. Those are the ones that actually got some serious spinning in my player. I forgot Judgment night, that one was cool.
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Yes sir and I have done two movie soundtrack series now, and am contemplating another. Judgement Night is one I actually own two copies — the original and a rare promo one with clean versions and remixes. SO I’m dying to get around to those and showing them off. This could happen in the future as part of a tentative Faith No More series. When they do their reissues, that’ll be a great excuse for me to dive in and review everything.
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can’t spell. Sorry!
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