#683: I (Don’t) Wanna Be Elected

GETTING MORE TALE #683: I (Don’t) Wanna Be Elected

It’s election season again!  The climate today is nastier than ever, even here in Ontario, Canada.  We don’t have Trump, but we do have something called Doug Ford.  The last name should be familiar to you.  He’s the brother of the late crackhead Toronto mayor Rob Ford. Remember that guy?

The important thing is getting out to the polls and having your say.  If you do not vote, then I don’t want to hear a peep outta you later on.  Not a peep.

Voting is paramount, but unlike Alice Cooper, I do not want to be elected.  I can’t imagine what it’s like to put your name out there, only to have the media dig for all your old skeletons.  We’re seeing candidates apologizing for things they said and did a decade ago.  At least the media wouldn’t have to dig far for my dirt.  One look at Record Store Tales Part 7: A Shitty Story, and they’d hang me out to dry with the laundry.

No thanks!

Some rock stars have thrown their hats in this brutal ring.  Kid Rock has recently floated the idea.  We’ll see if he ever puts his money where his mouth is.  Not all who tried can rely on their fame for an easy win.

Nirvana’s Krist Novoselic gave elections a shot in 2009.  He didn’t win, but he did run for Wahkiakum County Clerk to make a point.  The state of Washington’s laws allow you to run for office for any political party — even fictional ones.  Krist made one up and ran.  We hope being in Nirvana was good enough for the bassist.

Wyclef Jean wanted to run for President of Haiti in 2010, but wasn’t taken seriously because he doesn’t live there or speak the local languages well enough.  He put in the paperwork, but did not qualify.  A former American Idol, Clay Aiken, got a little further.  Aiken ran for congress in North Carolina.  He won the Democratic primary by a hair with 40% of the vote, but did not win the seat.  Can’t fault the guy for trying.  It takes guts!

Yet, there are a handful of success stories.

In 2005, Martha Reeves (of the Vandellas) ran for and won a seat on Detroit’s city council. Jon Fishman of Phish got himself elected to city council of Lincolnville, Maine, making him perhaps the only rock drummer ever to win an election.

The most successful musician turned politician in history would have to be Sonny Bono, hands down.  He was elected mayor of Palm Springs in 1988, and was even mentioned as the mayor in a Beavis and Butt-head music video with Cher!  (“We need a chick that used to be married to some dork, and now she’s all wild and stuff.”)  After this, he served in the US House of Representatives, from 1994 until his death in 1998.

Unfortunately, Alice Cooper has never run for political office.  That’s a shame.

There are more, but politics are not for everybody.  At least we all get to vote.

But how?  Where do you toss your one vote?  Some feel the best way to stop “Ford Nation” from turning Ontario into a mini-Trumpistan is to vote for the New Democrats (or NDP) party.  Others feel Doug Ford is the only choice for an economically troubled province, laid to waste by 15 years of Liberal mismanagement, handouts and scandals.

Choose wisely.

When I turned 18, my first election was provincial.  I had been working my first retail job at a grocery store, and the issue that I chose to cast my vote on was Sunday shopping.  Working at the store, Sundays were the only guaranteed day off and I wasn’t eager to start working them.  The NDP party led by Bob Rae promised they would not allow Sunday shopping in Ontario.  I voted NDP for the first and so far only time.  Rae won, and almost immediately, made Sunday shopping legal.

Fool me once…shame on you?

We have some excellent candidates in my riding, including Amy Fee (wife of Craig) on the Progressive Conservative side, and former boxer Fitz Vanderpool for the NDP.  But the truth is, I can’t wait to cast my vote and get it over with.  Do you know how many political calls we had last night?  Had to be at least 10.

I’m sick of elections.  Wanna be elected?  No friggin’ way.




  1. Always thought voting was overrated, and just the way an oligarchy can make you think your voice is being heard. I gave up on my country. Trump being elected just made it worse. I don’t think there’s anything we can do to make a difference, all the politicians are owned my their corporate sponsors and anyone that would want to be in a position of power like that is probably gonna be very eager to abuse that power, and doesn’t care about their constituents. There’s nothing we can do as individuals to change anything. Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green Party, whatever. It’s all just people keeping you down and acting in their own best interests. Trump may be a piece of s**t, but my day to day life has not changed at all since he’s been in office. He’ll probably wreck the economy, start a war, and destroy the environment, because he’s shortsighted, but I doubt the democrats would put up anybody that would make any kind of substantial difference to any of those things either. But maybe I’m just a cynic? Sorry to be such a downer, but I’m really disenfranchised with all these elections and politics.

    Could be totally different in Canada? It’s where a bunch of people wanted to move after Drumpf got elected. Never wanted to go to Canada, I still haven’t forgiven you guys for Bryan Adams.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think here it’s a little different. Maybe not a lot, but a little. We have more than two parties to choose from so that helps. And we don’t have to worry about our leaders starting wars!

      You are right to think that about Bryan Adams.


      1. I thought Cuts Like a Knife and Reckless were good albums, but that stupid god damn Robin Hood song and the awful album he did with Mutt Lange overshadows that.

        Yeah, you guys are lucky enough not to spend more on your military than the next 20 something countries combined and still fall behind the times like us. Do you hosers still fight on mooseback with broken beer bottles and back bacon rations?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Funny you should ask. Back in highschool I used to draw the Canadian armed forces as a guy on a horse with a sword! Sometimes I’d throw in a biplane.


        2. Hey wait a minute! I inspired this Canadian Biplane tune. I want a piece of the pie.

          Can I guest review all the Kix albums for the site? I searched and noticed they’ve never been mentioned on the site. I love ’em. They rock hard, have bubblegum melodies, and they appeal to the inner redneck that I try to suppress every day. Their second is oddly new wave, but their track record is generally pretty good. Your favorite producer Beau Hill is going to remix their biggest album “Blow My Fuse” for release this year. Tom Werman foiled again.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Dead Kennedys lead singer Jello Biafra ran for mayor of San Francisco in 1979. He didn’t win but he did force a run off. The person who was elected later made it law that candidates running for office in SF had to do so under their real names.

    Liked by 1 person

        1. One more point: Jello Biafra was nominated for president by the New York State Green Party in 2000. He ;promptly selected an inmate on death row as his vice presidential running me. Unfortunately, he only received ten delegates at the Green Party convention.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. The singer for hippy folk faves The Incredible String Band was Lady mayoress of Aberystwyth in Wales for a few years.

    Voting should always be compulsory and all ballots carry an option of ‘none of the above’ as a protest vote.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes actually it was. Only certain stores were allowed to be open, such as 24 hour convenience and drug stores. All other stores had to be closed on Sundays.


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