Beavis and Butthead

#688: The Mom Con

Happy birthday mom!

GETTING MORE TALE #688: The Mom Con

Was chatting it up with Superdekes over at Arena Rock the other day.  He mentioned putting his two daughters through university.  What a great dad.  My parents were similarly good to me.  They paid my way.  My mom paid for my textbooks.  Some of them could get really expensive.  You’d be looking at over $100 each for some.  I kept many of them.  My Astronomy texts are still beautiful though outdated.  I am fairly sure I still have my English translation of Herodotus’ The Histories (c. 440 BC) somewhere.

My first year of university, she came with me to the book store to help me find everything.  Good thing she did, as it was an intimidating prospect for a first timer.  One of my history courses had four novels assigned.  I got all four, but only after class started did I learn that you didn’t need all four, you only had to choose one of the four.  Rookie mistake.  In the years that followed, we all learned to wait until class actually began before you bought every single book.  Some might be optional.  It was Russian history, and I chose Ivan Turgenev’s Fathers and Sons (1880).  Not what you’d call a page turner but I worked my way through it.  It introduced me to the concept of nihilism (which I still don’t really fathom) and that helped me at least understand The Big Lebowski later on.  So I chalk that as a “win”.

The parents took good care of me through school, loaning me the car most of the time.  On Thursday nights I only had an hour and a half between classes so I would go to my grandma’s house in Waterloo for dinner.  Porkchops with mushroom soup.

I worked my way through my history degree, but in my final year I tried to pull one over on my mom.

My buddy Peter introduced me to Beavis and Butt-head a year prior.  In Frankemuth, Michigan he rented a VCR just to tape some MTV broadcasts of the show.  We didn’t get it in Canada (unless you had satellite).  So when I saw the Beavis and Butt-head Ensucklopedia (1994) just sitting there in the actual school bookstore, I had to buy it.  The mere sighting of Beavis and Butt-head sitting there in a school text book store was too hilarious for me to ignore.

Mom used to tell me, “Just put your books on your credit card, give me the receipt, and I will reimburse you with a cheque.”  It was a sweet deal so why not throw Beavis and Butt-head there in the pile?

Well there was no pulling the wool over mom’s eyes.  Of course she looked at the itemised receipt and questioned me.

“I’m not paying for Beavis and Butt-head!” she said, and true to her word, gave me a cheque for the total minus that book.

I tried!

#683: I (Don’t) Wanna Be Elected

GETTING MORE TALE #683: I (Don’t) Wanna Be Elected

It’s election season again!  The climate today is nastier than ever, even here in Ontario, Canada.  We don’t have Trump, but we do have something called Doug Ford.  The last name should be familiar to you.  He’s the brother of the late crackhead Toronto mayor Rob Ford. Remember that guy?

The important thing is getting out to the polls and having your say.  If you do not vote, then I don’t want to hear a peep outta you later on.  Not a peep.

Voting is paramount, but unlike Alice Cooper, I do not want to be elected.  I can’t imagine what it’s like to put your name out there, only to have the media dig for all your old skeletons.  We’re seeing candidates apologizing for things they said and did a decade ago.  At least the media wouldn’t have to dig far for my dirt.  One look at Record Store Tales Part 7: A Shitty Story, and they’d hang me out to dry with the laundry.

No thanks!

Some rock stars have thrown their hats in this brutal ring.  Kid Rock has recently floated the idea.  We’ll see if he ever puts his money where his mouth is.  Not all who tried can rely on their fame for an easy win.

Nirvana’s Krist Novoselic gave elections a shot in 2009.  He didn’t win, but he did run for Wahkiakum County Clerk to make a point.  The state of Washington’s laws allow you to run for office for any political party — even fictional ones.  Krist made one up and ran.  We hope being in Nirvana was good enough for the bassist.

Wyclef Jean wanted to run for President of Haiti in 2010, but wasn’t taken seriously because he doesn’t live there or speak the local languages well enough.  He put in the paperwork, but did not qualify.  A former American Idol, Clay Aiken, got a little further.  Aiken ran for congress in North Carolina.  He won the Democratic primary by a hair with 40% of the vote, but did not win the seat.  Can’t fault the guy for trying.  It takes guts!

Yet, there are a handful of success stories.

In 2005, Martha Reeves (of the Vandellas) ran for and won a seat on Detroit’s city council. Jon Fishman of Phish got himself elected to city council of Lincolnville, Maine, making him perhaps the only rock drummer ever to win an election.

The most successful musician turned politician in history would have to be Sonny Bono, hands down.  He was elected mayor of Palm Springs in 1988, and was even mentioned as the mayor in a Beavis and Butt-head music video with Cher!  (“We need a chick that used to be married to some dork, and now she’s all wild and stuff.”)  After this, he served in the US House of Representatives, from 1994 until his death in 1998.

Unfortunately, Alice Cooper has never run for political office.  That’s a shame.

There are more, but politics are not for everybody.  At least we all get to vote.

But how?  Where do you toss your one vote?  Some feel the best way to stop “Ford Nation” from turning Ontario into a mini-Trumpistan is to vote for the New Democrats (or NDP) party.  Others feel Doug Ford is the only choice for an economically troubled province, laid to waste by 15 years of Liberal mismanagement, handouts and scandals.

Choose wisely.

When I turned 18, my first election was provincial.  I had been working my first retail job at a grocery store, and the issue that I chose to cast my vote on was Sunday shopping.  Working at the store, Sundays were the only guaranteed day off and I wasn’t eager to start working them.  The NDP party led by Bob Rae promised they would not allow Sunday shopping in Ontario.  I voted NDP for the first and so far only time.  Rae won, and almost immediately, made Sunday shopping legal.

Fool me once…shame on you?

We have some excellent candidates in my riding, including Amy Fee (wife of Craig) on the Progressive Conservative side, and former boxer Fitz Vanderpool for the NDP.  But the truth is, I can’t wait to cast my vote and get it over with.  Do you know how many political calls we had last night?  Had to be at least 10.

I’m sick of elections.  Wanna be elected?  No friggin’ way.

 

 

Gallery: Christmas Haul 2013

Music, movies, and books! I’ve been very occupied these last couple days.

I get the Guiness’ Book of World Records, and the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not books every year. I imagine my surprise when I discovered a friend of ours in both books! Apparently, Sweet Pepper Klopek holds the world record for “Most Baking Sheets Buckled Over the Head for One Minute.” This is a guy who has been on my living room couch!  Lemon Kurri says:

“He’s in there a couple times. Most mouse traps sprung on a tongue in 1 min too.”

 

Lemon Kurri & Sweet Pepper