RECORD STORE TALES #918: Drinkin’ Thinkin’
A buddy of mine said the other day, “I saw your clips from the first live show. I was killin’ myself laughing, that was great”. The part a lot of people laugh at is when I say “Have I had too much fruit punch this evening?” I appear drunk but was not. I told him that, and I had to convince him. But it’s true. I don’t really drink.
Note that I said “don’t really”. I don’t call myself a “non-drinker” or an “abstainer”. Two summers ago I had a beer with Max the Axe, so I am obviously not a non-drinker. But that was the first drink in many years, and last drink until present. I just don’t like the way it makes my stomach feel. As I got older, my stomach got worse, exacerbated by anxiety and stress. It’s just not an experience I seek out anymore.
From my mid-20s to my early 30s, I enjoyed a sometimes-drink. I was a lightweight. T-Rev was a great buddy to hang out with, and he tried to get me to be more social. We’d be hanging out with a whole bunch of girls that he worked with at the Waterloo Inn, and I loved hanging out with that group. They could take it much further than I could, but I did my best. Beer, shots, depth charges. Usually, I was just the designated driver.
When I wasn’t driving, I’d have some drinks at work functions. The Record Store had a birthday party for me at Jack Astor’s. I loved Jack Astor’s because they had the most amazing seafood linguine, and still to this day, the best lemonade. None of my co-workers particularly liked it, but it was my birthday so it was nice of them to go there. As for the drinking, it started with one beer and picked up from there. Everybody wanted to buy me a shot. It was a great night and I distinctly remember grabbing a dude’s ass. No homophobia here, folks. I’ll save him the embarrassment of being named, but it was a friend who played guitar in one of my favourite local bands.
I am pretty sure I puked the next morning, but I can’t even say for sure which birthday it was. I think it was my 31st.
Even though my relations with the boss that I refer to as “The Bully” were always rocky, she did attend my birthday party. Having seen me grab a guitar player’s ass, I thought it might be prudent to just pro-actively apologise in case she was offended by anything she saw. “Sorry I got a little loud and rowdy when I was drunk,” I said.
“You weren’t drunk,” she flatly responded.
What? “Yes I was…they started buying me beer right away,” I said, taken aback by her response to me.
“I’ve never seen anyone get drunk off one beer before,” she claimed.
I didn’t know what to say. She thought I was putting on an act? I was a little disturbed by her accusation.
At that time I was a skinny guy. I had very little alcohol tolerance. Whether she believed me or much, it didn’t take much to make me tipsy. Add in the natural high you get from your own birthday party, when everybody is nice to you and at least pretends to like you. Not only was I drunk, but I think that might have been the best drunk I’ve ever been.
What a strange accusation to make. There was something wrong with this boss. The professional response would have been, “Apology accepted, hope you had a nice birthday. Have a good day.”
Circling back, when I appeared drunk on fruit punch in that live clip, I was completely sober. I was having a lot of fun, and being live on Facebook was kind of like a birthday party. It’s a natural high. Your friends are there and you are the centre of attention. Being “drunk” doesn’t depend on how many beers I’ve finished. If I’m already surfing the high of life, it just takes a little. I’m a cheap drunk if I’m in a good mood!
mikeladano.com 
Not that I’m an expert on drinking, but I’m pretty sure you can get drunk after one drink, but it varies on the person.
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I’m not an expert either, but I think I’ve made my case here. Why would I fake drunk at my own birthday party? So I could grab some dude’s ass and say “whoops”? No, I’m not a fake.
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It’s not like you were bragging about grabbing the dude’s a** anyways, you were just explaining what happened that night.
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I could write a book about drinking stories and 19 of the 20 chapters would be the Erickson bros…
I have not had a beer in about 2 years as there is something with the Wheat that upsets my stomach. Vodka is my preference now as its easy on my stomach and the Boss can mix a stellar drink when needed.
But back to your story if I had one beer now it wold go right to my noggin as well!
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Oh man I cannot drunk Vodka at all anymore, not even a Caesar and I used to love them. I got too drunk on them one night and now the smell makes me nauseous. Ironically that very boss was there the night of the Caesar drinking. It was a drinking game called King’s Corner.
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My favourite drinking game was the air conditioner toss! lol
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I don’t really drink either and as a result, I can get pretty tipsy off one drink (I don’t do beer so it is usually a stronger alcoholic drink). I feel you sir!
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I used to enjoy a shot from time to time. Not much liquid to have to force down my throat. LOL. But the problem with drinking is you can’t drive afterwards. So you better be sure you’re not going anywhere.
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I enjoy drinking if it is on someone else’s dime because otherwise I’m thinking…”for the price of this drink, which I am going to piss out of my system in an hour…I’d rather go buy a vinyl/cd that I can enjoy for ever!!”.
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Right there with you, dude. Didn’t drink at all until late 20s, then yeah, sure I’d have a couple but more than two became a good chance I was headed to bed – I’m generally a lightweight too. Left it behind about 6 years ago and I’ve never missed it. No judgement on those who want it, and no saying I won’t have one sometime, but I just carry on without and don’t even think about it.
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Also, that you were taken aback by your boss’ comment speaks well of your character, because from all they did/said/put you through you might be forgiven for being unsurprised by it.
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I guess one of my flaws is I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. But also I’ve never heard of anyone being accused of faking drunk at a birthday party before. So fuck her.
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Amen, brother. AMEN.
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I’ve only had three cups of drink since I turned eighteen, and two of them were Trooper. I have no intention to ever drink again.
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I gave away my Trooper beers. I don’t even know if they were any good anymore after sitting around for 2 years.
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Me too. Nothing against them, I just don’t like the taste of alcohol. I kept a bottle though.
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I don’t drink alcohol often and go months without having any. It usually makes me sleepy and I struggle to stay awake. I’ve seen plenty of people get tipsy after one or two beers. You old boss needs to get out more.
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My old boss needs to go fuck herself.
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Ouch!
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Yeah not the kind of boss you’d wanna have.
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I just read the post you wrote about her and yeah, that’s the conclusion I’d come up with too.
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Well I do not to add a footnote here, in all fairness. I lost two friends — actually groomsmen at my wedding — over this. While I stand by what I said about the Bully, they did not have the same experience as me, and well, they’re not in my life anymore over it. I did say she played favourites.
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I had many embarrassing alcohol fuelled moments back in the 1980s and I could probably tell some stories. Then I went tee total in the 1990s and now, I have mastered moderation. It is possible to get drunk on one drink, even beer so I agree, your boss was being a total bitch.
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She was not an appropriate person to supervise others. I think she might have had some personal issues. But the buck stops at the owner. He let her run wild so he didn’t have to deal with staff.
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That’s just poor management.
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Took the words out of my mouth. Some people just do not have the personality to be in charge of other people.
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Just polishing off a bottle of wine.
Hey waitress, look it here man, you got any specials here tonight
Me and the fellas might be interested in?
What’s that, what, rack a what?
Well, I’ll have some of that
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