RECORD STORE TALES #1220: The Maxell Tapes and the Rules of Acquisition

The year was 1997.  We carried blank tapes at the Beat Goes On, and had for some time.  I believe in 1997 we were carrying Maxell tapes of various grades.  After that, we switched to Sony.  We only carried two lengths, which were the most popular:  60 minutes, and 90 minutes.

We sold them as singles, and we also created “bricks” of three tapes, by using Scotch tape to package them together.  We would sell the “bricks” for a discount compared to single tapes.  Obviously with this being so long ago, I cannot remember the exact pricing, so let’s say it went like this:

• Maxell UR60 – $1.59 each
• Maxell UR90 – $1.99 each
• 3 pack brick of Maxell UR60 – $3.99 each
• 3 pack brick of Maxell UR90 – $4.99 each

We also sold the Maxell XL-II tapes which were more expensive, but let’s keep things simple for these purposes.  We’ll just talk about the UR tapes.

One afternoon, we were running low on tapes and waiting for a restock order.  I had sold out of the UR90 bricks, but still had some singles for sale.

A girl walked up to the counter and asked if she could get a deal if she bought three Maxell UR90 tapes.  I said sure, and grabbed my calculator so see what it would be.  I punched in some numbers, and didn’t check my math.  Having clumsy fingers, I have learned I need to punch in numbers twice when adding on a calculator, but back then I wasn’t in this habit.

“$5.99 for three tapes,” I told her.

“Sounds good,” she said.  We processed the transaction and she left happily with her three Maxell UR90 tapes.

Only then did I realize that I charged her more than the three tapes would have sold for originally.

“Damn!!” I said out loud.  I ripped her off.

We had a saying for when we ripped off a customer, either on purpose or by accident.  (An example of “on purpose” would include selling a “used” copy of a CD as “new”, which we sometimes did when a sufficiently mint “used/new” copy came in.)  The saying was this:

“Pure profit.”

Like a Ferengi reciting the rules of acquisition, I consoled myself with the knowledge that the bossman made an extra three cents that day on some Maxell blank tapes.

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FERENGI RULES OF ACQUISITION (which the Beat Goes On usually followed where applicable):

 

Number	Rule	Episode
1	Once you have their money, you never give it back.	DS9: “The Nagus“, “Heart of Stone“; PRO: “First Con-tact“
3	Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.	DS9: “The Maquis, Part II“
6	Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.	DS9: “The Nagus“; ENT: “Acquisition“
7	Keep your ears open.	DS9: “In the Hands of the Prophets“
8	Small print leads to large risk.	LD: “Parth Ferengi’s Heart Place“
9	Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.	DS9: “The Storyteller“; LD: “Hear All, Trust Nothing“
10	Greed is eternal.	DS9: “Prophet Motive“; VOY: “False Profits“
16	A deal is a deal.	DS9: “Melora“
17	A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between Ferengi.	DS9: “Body Parts“
18	A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.	DS9: “Heart of Stone“, “Ferengi Love Songs“
21	Never place friendship above profit.	DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“; PRO: “First Con-tact“
22	A wise man can hear profit in the wind.	DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“; VOY: “False Profits“
23	Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money.	ENT: “Acquisition“
31	Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother.	DS9: “The Siege“
33	It never hurts to suck up to the boss.	DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“, “The Dogs of War“
34	War is good for business.	DS9: “Destiny“, “The Siege of AR-558“
35	Peace is good for business.	TNG: “The Perfect Mate“; DS9: “Destiny“
45	Expand or die.	ENT: “Acquisition“; VOY: “False Profits“
47	Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.	DS9: “Rivals“
48	The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.	DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“
57	Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.	DS9: “Armageddon Game“
59	Free advice is seldom cheap.	DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“
62	The riskier the road, the greater the profit.	DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“, “Little Green Men“, “Business as Usual“; LD: “Parth Ferengi’s Heart Place“
74	Knowledge equals profit.	VOY: “Inside Man“
75	Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.	DS9: “Civil Defense“
76	Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.	DS9: “The Homecoming“
91	Your boss is only worth what he pays you.	LD: “Old Friends, New Planets“
94	Females and finances don’t mix.	DS9: “Ferengi Love Songs“, “Profit and Lace“
95	Expand or die.	VOY: “False Profits“; ENT: “Acquisition“
98	Every man has his price.	DS9: “In the Pale Moonlight“
102	Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.	DS9: “The Jem’Hadar“
103	Sleep can interfere with…	DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“
109	Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.	DS9: “Rivals“
111	Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.	DS9: “Past Tense, Part I“, “The Darkness and the Light“
112	Never have sex with the boss’ sister.	DS9: “Playing God“
125	You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.	DS9: “The Siege of AR-558“
139	Wives serve, brothers inherit.	DS9: “Necessary Evil“
168	Whisper your way to success.	DS9: “Treachery, Faith and the Great River“
190	Hear all, trust nothing.	DS9: “Call to Arms“
194	It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.	DS9: “Whispers“
203	New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.	DS9: “Little Green Men“
208	Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.	DS9: “Ferengi Love Songs“; PRO: “First Con-tact“
211	Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.	DS9: “Bar Association“
214	Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.	DS9: “The Maquis, Part I“
217	You can’t free a fish from water.	DS9: “Past Tense, Part I“
223	Unknown, but presumably concerned the relationship between “keeping busy” and “being successful”.	DS9: “Profit and Loss“
229	Latinum lasts longer than lust.	DS9: “Ferengi Love Songs“
239	Never be afraid to mislabel a product.	DS9: “Body Parts“
263	Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.	DS9: “Bar Association“
285	No good deed ever goes unpunished.	DS9: “The Collaborator“, “The Sound of Her Voice“
289?	Shoot first, count profits later.	LD: “Old Friends, New Planets“
Unknown	A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.	ENT: “Acquisition“

From the Star Trek Memory Alpha wiki