Author: mikeladano

Metal, hard rock, rock and roll! Record Store Tales & Reviews! Grab A Stack of Rock and more. Poking the bear since 2010.

#1173: I Like Iron Maiden…A Lot

RECORD STORE TALES #1173: I Like Iron Maiden…A Lot

In 1984, I “rebooted” my musical taste and started from ground zero.  Out went Styx for almost two decades.  Out went Joey Scarbury, and Kenny Rogers.  In came KISS, W.A.S.P., and of course, Iron Maiden.  I don’t think there was ever a time that Iron Maiden were my #1 favourite band, because Kiss almost always held that spot.  It is safe to say that Maiden were always in the top five.

In grade school, I rocked Iron Maiden while being scolded by Catholic school teachers for doing so.  It didn’t stop me.  Through highschool, I proudly had their posters in my locker.  It didn’t matter that Maiden weren’t hip with the cool kids.  I was never cool, and never really intended to be.  I was happy to be one of the Children of the Damned, not having to fit my personality into any particular shoebox.

There was a time I wavered, which I shall now admit to you.  There was one Iron Maiden album that I didn’t intend to own.  I reversed my decision within four months, but it was in the fall of 1990 that Iron Maiden may have faltered in my eyes.  The album was the “back to basics” No Prayer For the Dying.  My favourite member, Adrian Smith was out.  I loved Janick Gers’ work with Bruce Dickinson, but I don’t think he quite fit with Maiden immediately.  I also didn’t like the growly, un-melodic way that Bruce Dickinson was singing.  I thought maybe this time, I would just buy the CD singles, and not worry about the album.  I came to my senses.  No Prayer wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t the return that we hoped for.  I didn’t really want Maiden to get “back to basics” but was willing to go along for the ride.

My enthusiasm returned in 1992 with Fear of the Dark, a partial return to form with some solid tracks.  It could have been better, but I was happy.  Then the roof fell in.  Suddenly, Bruce Dickinson was out.  Meanwhile, the entire world had been sent into a grunge upheaval.  Bands like Iron Maiden were dismissed as irrelevant in this new angry world.  Bands who played their instruments with seasoned pride were being replaced by groups with punk aesthetics.  Maiden seemingly had no place in this new world, and now the lead singer was gone.  Just like Motley Crue, who were suffering a similar fate.

Blaze Bayley was the audacious name of the new singer, from Wolfsbane, and a different one he was.  A deep baritone, he was little like Bruce.  Immediately, I loved The X Factor.  My girlfriend at the time ridiculed me by telling me that Iron Maiden would “never be cool again”.

Oh, how wrong she was.

By the year 1999, Bruce was back.  And so was Adrian.  Maiden have never been bigger.  They have continued to issue albums, never being shy to play new material and deep cuts live.

That’s why I’m telling you this story.  2025 marks 50 Years of Iron Maiden, and there will be a lot happening.  2025 will launch the Run For Your Lives tour, and Bruce has promised that they will play some songs they’ve never done before.  It will also be the debut of new drummer Simon Dawson, from Steve Harris’ British Lion.  Nicko McBrain, on the drum stool since 1983, has finally taken a bow from the live stage.  It can’t be easy doing what he does.

2025 will also mark the launch of a new Martin Popoff book on Maiden (more on that in the coming weeks) and most importantly…tomorrow, January 10, Harrison Kopp and I will launch our own video series, 50 Years of Iron Maiden.

I have “only” been a fan for 40 years, but I’m all here for it.  Up the Irons.  Let’s give ‘er in 2025!

 

The Contrarians Live: Great Album Covers from Bands We Despise

We’re back!  We had a couple weeks off for Christmas and New Year’s, but we’re back LIVE tonight to talk about some more album covers.

Today’s challenge comes again from the mind of Martin Popoff.  Pick 10 great album covers from bands we despise.  This was challenging in two respects.  First, do we really want to say we “despise” a band?  That’s a strong word, so we had to choose carefully.  Just because I don’t listen to a band doesn’t mean I despise them.  Second, I hate to say it, but many bands I hate have terrible covers.   It was hard finding 10 good ones.  But I did, so tune in tonight for some Contrarians fun with Martin, Grant, Peter, Jamie and myself.

This will be a controversial one.  It is already.  One of the covers I said was too crappy to include, was picked by Jamie.  (At least we both despise the same band.)  So we’ll see!

My Contrarians appearances to date:

  1. Minimalist cover art
  2. Brown album covers
  3. Yellow album covers
  4. Albums with Fire and Explosions
  5. Spaceships! Aliens! Robots!
  6. This Album Cover is Hell!
  7. Toys & Games
  8. Dreaming in Stereo:  Beds & Sleep on album covers
  9. Favourite Bands…WORST Album Covers
  10. They Swapped Covers!

Watch live and comment!  Martin always tries to address the comment section.

THE CONTRARIANS – Great Album Covers from Bands We Despise – Wed. January 8 – 7:00 PM EST

REVIEW: Trailer Park Boys Dill Pickle Chips [VIDEO]

Bubbles, Ricky and Julian say “you’ll be back for more” when you try one of their own branded Dill Pickle Potato Chips. Do we agree?

The Return of Dr. K: Adventures of the Northern Lights

THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS – Phase 3 – The Unicron Saga

Chapter Two:  The Return of Dr. K

Starring:

  • Mike the Brainiac
  • Harrison El Moustachio
  • Jen
  • Ripper the Squirrel
  • Max the Axe
  • Señor Spielbergo
  • and a sweet  vintage white Citroën 11 Légère Cabriolet

Friday.

“Well, this is going to be awkward,” said the man known as Moustachio to his friend, Brainiac II.  Both were ensconced in comfy chairs on the front deck of Northern Lights HQ.  They had a wonderful view of Lake Huron, as the breeze cooled their skin in the summer heat.  All was peace.  Though they were technically “on duty”, there hadn’t been a sign of danger in months.  Until now.

A small blue car with a Triforce logo on it was pulling into the driveway of the cottage next door.

“Is that who I think it is?” asked an excited Braniac.

“Doctor Kathryn,” gulped Moustachio.

Brainiac noticed the moustachioed man’s trepidation.  “Hey, what’s wrong buddy?  My sister is awesome.”

“That’s just it,” sweated Moustachio, suddenly not feeling cool at all.  “Your sister might not be too happy to meet the gene donor for your counterpart’s assassin.”

Brainiac blinked.  “Say that again?  I’ve had like two of these already,” said Mike while holding a can of his favourite strawberry cream soda “adult” beverage.

Moustachio spoke slower for him.  “It was my clone, Shinzon, that killed the ‘original’ you, the brother she knew.  Mr. Durling says that even though Shinzon is gone from this universe, she still might have…not a grudge precisely…maybe some negative feelings towards me, and by extension, maybe you too.”

“Ah!” smiled Brainiac.  “No problem.  I’ll just go over and say hello!”

Moustachio grabbed him by the shoulder.  “Not yet.  I’ve been preparing for this eventuality, and I’ve been reading her file.  Let her unpack first.  She doesn’t like unplanned guests.  The file was very specific on that.  According to the dossier…which I assume you have read…once she sent two vicious Schnauzers after a neighbour who merely wanted to borrow a cup of sugar.”

“Of course I read the dossier,” lied Brainiac II.  “But yeah, that is all true about her.  I’ll bring a peace offering.”

The two watched Dr. K unpack her vehicle.  To their surprise, dog after dog after dog poured out of the back seat.  They all ran in an orderly line to the front door of the cottage, waiting to be let in.

“Good doggies at least,” commented Brainiac II.

“Vicious killers,” whispered Moustachio.  “Hey, where is Ripper?  He should stay clear of those beasts.”

As if on cue, a little black squirrel hopped down from a nearby pine, and landed squarely on Moustachio’s shoulder.

“Stay with me, Ripper,” instructed Moustachio.  The squirrel nodded in the affirmative.

Brainiac and Moustachio hung back on the deck, with Ripper standing by, until Dr. K was done unpacking.  Eventually, she emerged from the cottage with two dogs on leashes.

“She’s walking the dogs,” alerted Brainiac.  “I’m going in.”


The two dogs led the way, one light brown and rather mutt-ly in appearance, the other a dark Schnauzer.  Both growled as the stranger appeared on the roadway in front of them.

“Grrrr!” alerted the brown one to the black one.

The man approached.  He had his hands in the air and was holding a frozen salmon.

“Hello!” he said in an awkward but friendly voice.  “Long time no see!”

The girl in red with the sunglasses pulled back on the dog leashes.  They both heeled, one on her right and one on her left.

“More like long time, never seen you before in my life,” she said with a warning tone.

“It’s me…Brainiac…your brother!  I bring you the gift of fish!  You don’t eat meat except fish, see I know that!”

“Anybody who Googles me could know that,” she answered coldly.  “Give me that fish.  Now what are you doing with that Australian asshole?”

Mike handed over the salmon cautiously, without getting too close.  “That’s my friend, Harrison.  He found me on my Earth in the multiverse, and brought me here to his home.  He’s not the one who killed me…killed your brother, I mean.  He’s good.  I promise.  I swear.”  The Brainiac raised his right hand in solemn honesty.  “He’s one of the good guys.  We’re fighting the same enemy as you.”

Dr. K growled and the two dogs followed in turn.  The chorus of growls was almost musical.

“We’ll see about that.  Just stay out of my way this weekend.  You mind your business, and I’ll mind mine.”

“OK, that’s fine…” said Brainiac.

“And keep that Australian out of my sight!” warned Dr. K as she stormed past the Brainiac on her way down the road.


“How did it go?” asked Moustachio.

“Oh, great!” lied Brainiac.  “We’ll be great neighbours.  Just…I think you should probably stay indoors for the rest of the weekend.”

“Oh?  Why?” queried Moustachio.

“Well,” gulped Brainiac, “She did mention that she didn’t want to see you around.”

“Ah,” answered Moustachio.  “Perfect.”

“Don’t worry, I have this well in hand,” lied Brainiac some more.  “Let’s both go inside and watch live Iron Maiden videos on Youtube, but on the big TV.  You’ll love it.  Come see.”

Harrison harrumphed, and went inside with his friend.  Ripper the squirrel remained outside, for it was an unfortunate house rule:  no squirrels inside.  Inside, Ripper hopped over to the laptop on the deck and monitored for danger.

Sitting atop his perch, Ripper sniffed the air.  “Squee squee!” he cried.

“What is it, friend?” said Harrison as he poked his head out the window.  “Something amiss?”

“Squeeeeee!” answered Ripper in squirrel-ese.

“Oh!  You smelled a skunk?  Fear not.  Brainiac said they are endemic to these woods, and are timid and harmless.  You stay out of their way and you’ll be fine.”  Ripper nodded in acknowledgement, and got back to monitoring.


Evening.

The air was still, but the sound of a booming bass clarinet echoed down at the lake.  The Brainiac was making his way back up the path.  The sun had set an hour ago, but at the beach he lingered.  He had been waiting for this day ever since he arrived in this universe.  He wanted it to be his new home, but it did not feel like home at the moment.  Though he recognized every inch of this place, he felt was a trespasser today.  The bass clarinet seemingly mocked his displacement; a thump of bass with his every footstep.  It was an unpleasant feeling.  It crawled over his skin like an insect.

Then he smelled it.  That sweet yet horrible smell of skunk.

“I think one has taken a nest nearby. Best tread carefully this weekend.”  The Brainiac stepped slowly and intently as he walked.  You didn’t want to scare a skunk at night.

Upon reaching the road, he paused to look over at Dr. K’s place.  There, she was hidden within “Kathronia”, her private rehearsal shed.  The lights streamed through the window, and Brainiac could see her practising intensely.  Two guard-Schnauzers stood at either side of the door.

Brainiac resumed walking, climbed the stairs and entered the brown cottage.  Moustachio and Jen were waiting for him in the kitchen.  They were working hard on building a Lego…something.

“Come and see what we made!” shouted Jen in excitement.  Harrison simply grinned in anticipation.

Mike leaned over on the kitchen table and looked to see what they had been working on.

“Is that…me?  A Minifigure me?  With…a drone?”

“It is, and yes, that’s correct,” answered Moustachio in return.  Now Jen was smiling.

“But I don’t own a drone,” said a confused Brainiac.

“That’s ‘Part 2’ of your surprise,” said Jen.  “Max the Axe is on his way tomorrow with a new toy for you.”

“For me?  A drone?” gasped Mike.

“You always said you wanted one,” said Moustachio.  “Both old-you and new-you.”

“That’s true, I have, but I never thought I’d own one!” responded Brainiac.

“Well, Max the Axe called here about an hour ago with a brand-new one in the box.  All he wants is to go for a swim in return,” informed Jen.

“Wow!  I can’t wait for tomorrow!” screamed Mike in excitement.


Saturday.

Max the Axe sat on the front deck with Mike, Moustachio, Jen and Ripper.  He cracked the top of a can of ice-cold beer and swigged it down.  Jen was deep into a Tim Horton’s large, while Mike and Harrison were sipping sweet tea, a beverage they acquired a taste for on their last mission.

“I thought you wanted to swim, Max?” asked Mike of his new guest.

“Gotta chill first!” answered Maxie.  “You got any tunes?”

“How about some Max the Axe?” answered Moustachio as he played “Gods on the Radio” from the laptop.  Max nodded in approval and raised his beer.

“You know, I’ll be able to make some cool videos for you Max, with this new drone.  Down by the River Grand, you playing a solo, me flying overhead…”  The Brainiac was half-way through his new drone manual.  It was charging up as the friends quaffed their beverages.

From next door, Mike saw Dr. K emerge from her cabin with seven or eight dogs.  She began walking them down the road.

“Shit!  Dr. K!  Harrison, get inside!” instructed Mike.  Harrison swiftly ducked indoors before Dr. K could see him.

Dr. K completely ignored them as she walked by.  She had earbuds on, and did not turn her head even a little.  The dogs, however, did.

“Hey doggies!” shouted Maxie from the porch.  “Polly want a cracker?”

The dogs went on their way, out of sight down the road.


Afternoon.

Max was towelling off down at the beach.  “That was a fantastic swim!” he proclaimed as he towelled off his excellent hair.  “I feel completely refreshed and ready for my next beer.”

“How long are you planning on staying, Maxie?” asked the Brainiac who assumed it was just for an afternoon.  Brainiac was flying his new drone up and down the beach.  It was like second nature to him, as if he’d been doing it his whole life.  The drone dipped, dived and dodged through the rocks on the lakeshore.

“How long?  Just a couple days,” answered Max as he towelled some more.  He shook his perfect hair like a dog.  “Need to cool down and chill out.”

“Super,” said Brainiac.  “Unfortunately there isn’t a spare bed, but you can pitch a tent on the vacant lot between me and Dr. K if you want.”

“Copy that,” said Max.  “I came prepared.  What’s for dinner?”

“I guess you didn’t come that prepared,” answered Brainiac.  “We’re having Australian cuisine this evening.  Vegemite on toast with kangaroo sausage.”

“That’s disgusting!” boomed a voice coming down the pathway.  It was Dr. K.

“Oh, hey Doc,” said Mike.  “You know Max the Axe.”  Max waved over.

“You’re actually going to eat kangaroo meat?  That’s disgusting.  Your friend is a savage,” spat Dr. K.

“You’re welcome for the salmon,” answered the Brainiac with bitterness.  “I’d offer to cook it for you, but I’m sure you don’t want your food anywhere near my friend the savage…who saved me, by the way.”

Dr. K ignored him and continued down the beach.

“Come on Maxie, let’s go,” said the Brainiac.  The two walked back up the pathway to the cottage.


Midnight.

Max the Axe tossed and turned in his tent.  The ground was hard beneath him, and his air mattress had a leak.

“Can’t…can’t sleep,” grunted an annoyed Max.  Next door, the dogs woke up.  Then the howling began.  Dr. K’s dogs, awakened by Max, broke into song. They howled like wolves in the night.  “Well now I really won’t be able to sleep,” complained Max as he got up.  “Better go pee.”

Max stumbled out of his tent, and made his way across the road.  He gazed at the stars as he peed.  He sighed in tired relief as the remnants of his beer spilled into the dirt.

“Kangaroo sausage is kinda gamey,” said Max to nobody as he zipped up his pants.  It was then that he smelled it.

“Smells like weed,” said Max as he sniffed.  He heard something moving in the darkness.  “Here, kitty kitty,” said Max to the shrubbery before him.  The dogs sang their song behind him.  The shape in the shrubs made a noise as it moved beneath his feet.

“Heeeeere kitty!” said Max excitedly as he saw a little black face poke out from the shrubs.  The dogs increased their sing-song howling, as if they were warning of imminent danger.  Maxie stepped further into the bushes.  “Here kitty!  Want a piece of kangaroo sausage?”   The animal backed off immediately, and raised its tail.  A black tail with a prominent white stripe running down.  The animal turned and faced its tail towards Max.

“You’re a funny looking cat,” pondered Max as the dogs hit their crescendo.    Then, a noxious spray hit him right in the face.

“SKUNK!  SKUUUUNK!” screamed Max in horror as he fell on his back.  The skunk scurried away in the night, just as scared as Max was.

Suddenly a pack of dogs tore loose from the front door of Dr. K’s cottage.  They ran towards Max, gripped him by the T-shirt, and pulled with all their might.  With their combined strength, they managed to drag Max out of the stinky bushes.  Then, they ran back to the cottage just as fast as they came.  Dr. K emerged, in a really bad mood.

“Thanks for waking up my dogs, Max,” she said sarcastically.  “Oh dear god, that stink!  Did you get sprayed by a skunk?”  She plugged her nose.

“I thought it a was a bush cat!” answered Max.

Dr. K approached with a spray bottle in hand.  Her nose was plugged.

“Looks like your bush was a patch of poison ivy.  You have a fun day ahead of you tomorrow.  Oh, that stink!”

Plugging her nose, she handed Max the spray bottle.  “Take this.  I have lots of experience with dogs getting sprayed by skunks.  Use this, but use the whole bottle.  And keep it down out here!  It’s midnight!  Some of us are trying to sleep!  I have a big day tomorrow and I don’t need you idiots messing it up!”

“I’m just one idiot,” protested Max as he sprayed himself all over with the chemical in the bottle.  “The other idiots are sleeping.”

“No we’re not,” called out Mike from a window.  “Nobody’s sleeping now!”

“What are ya doing tomorrow?” asked Max.

“I have a video shoot for my new album here, and you all better stay out of my way!”  Dr. K stormed back across the road and slammed the door.


Sunday.

It was a quiet morning.  Dr. K was preparing for her video shoot while her dogs stood by loyally.  Everyone else was laying low.  The Brainiac sipped his coffee on the front porch.  He stared intently at the water, doing his best not to look at or attract the attention of Dr. K.  She was in a bad enough mood already, after the shenanigans of Max the Axe the night before.  As for the Axe Man, he slept loudly in his tent between the two properties.

Harrison poked his head out the window.  “Is it safe for me to come out?” he asked.

“Should be OK for a few minutes,” answered the Brainiac.  “What’s up?”

“I’ll show you,” answered Moustachio.  A moment later and he was on the porch with tablet in hand.

“Scanners are picking up a threat,” informed Moustachio.  “According to this map, it is travelling on land, down highway 26.  Roughly one and a half hours to arrival.”

Mike pulled on the little tuft of facial hair under his lip.  He thought a moment.  “Question one:  How do we know it is a threat?”

Moustachio flipped the screen to another page. He pointed.  “See here.  Audio scans.  There is absolutely no bass in a bubble around this vehicle.  Judging by its trajectory and speed of 105 kilometers per hour, we know it’s a land vehicle like a car or truck.  But it is the bass bubble that set off the alert.  Whatever it is, it absorbs bass.”

Mike thought some more.  “Two of us play bass instruments.  It could be coming for me…or it could be coming for her.”  He paused a moment.  “Question two:  Do we intercept, or wait?”

Moustachio smiled.  “Intercept.  Question three:  Which vehicle do we take?  We have our newly acquired vintage white Citroën 11 Légère Cabriolet, imported here from Europe and suped up by the Durling Foundation, and we have the Stealth Jet hidden away from prying eyes.”  The pair had taken the liberty of re-locating both vehicles nearby for quick deployment.

“The Cabriolet!” said Mike as he clapped his hands together in delight.  “You drive.”

“Roger Roger,” said Harrison.

“I’ll bring my bass, it might come in handy, or it might be useless.  We’ll see.  Allons-y!” commanded Mike.

 


Noon.

“There it is!” shouted Harrison as the wind whipped his hair in the open-topped car.  Mike squinted his eyes and confirmed on the scanner.

“A huge bubble of absolutely no bass coming from that thing.  20 meters wide, maybe more.  Good thing Durling equipped this Cabriolet with a subwoofer and a guitar input.  I’m plugging in.  Stop the car!”

Harrison pulled the vintage classic open-top car over and parked.  Mike grabbed his acoustic bass from the back and plugged into the dash.  He strummed.  A throb of heavy bass chords blasted from the car sound system.  Harrison plugged his ears, gave the thumbs up, and jumped out of the car.  “Here!” he said to the Brainiac.  “Ear protection from this point forward!”  He handed his friend a set of high-tech noise cancelling earplugs.

The vehicle approaching them was now clear.  Silver and sleek, it looked like something from a science fiction movie.  Or outer space… thought Moustachio to himself.  “Contact in 10 seconds!” he shouted.  Mike responded with a thumbs up.  He placed goggles over his eyes.  This could kick up some dust.

“Six seconds!” alerted Moustachio.  Mike prepared to pick.

“Two…one…NOW!”  Mike strummed.

And nothing happened.

The silver car streaked past unhindered.  Mike and Harrison’s ears poppped as the bubble of no-bass passed with the car.  They looked at each other.

“Back in the car!”  They jumped aboard and began pursuing the silver speedster.  Harrison gunned it, and the car leaped back onto the asphalt, in a spill of gravel and dust.  “Allons-y!”

Harrison sweat furiously as he fought to overtake the silver vehicle.  “Don’t let him out of our sights,” ordered Harrison.  Mike fired up the big screen and scanned.  His brow furrowed.  “Harrison…I think we’re in pursuit of a vehicle…that may be in pursuit of another vehicle!  He seems to have caught up to, and is directly behind, a small blue car with a single passenger.  Woah!  Cancel that.  He just ran the blue car off the road!”  A cloud of dust exploded on the road ahead.  “There!  That’s it!  Pull over!”

“If I pull over, I’ll lose the silver car!” warned Moustachio.

“We have to help this guy if we can,” reasoned Mike.  Harrison nodded and pulled over directly behind a blue Honda in a ditch.  The driver was getting out at that moment.

“What was that!?” asked the frantic driver who was clearly in the midst of a panic.  “That guy ran me right off the road!”

“We’ve been following him and we have a few questions!” said Harrison.  “Who are you exactly?”

The man brushed dust off his pants, though the road was still clouded with the stuff.  “My name is Señor Spielbergo, I’m a music video director.  I was on my way to film Dr. Kathryn’s new video for her album, but I’ll never make it now!  Look, four flat tires!”

Harrison and Mike looked down and indeed, the man had four flat tires.  He was not going anywhere.

“We have to leave pronto, we’ll call you a tow truck, sorry but we gotta go!  C’mon Moustachio!”  Mike signalled his friend to get in and continue pursuit.

“But wait!!  Who are you guys?” asked the videographer.

“We’re the Northern Lights!” shouted Harrison as his car skidded away.  “And we have an enemy to pursue!”


Afternoon.

Dr. K was absolutely seething.  Not only was Max the Axe’s tent pitched in the exact spot she planned on filming her video, but her videographer Señor Spielbergo was late.

“I’ll film your video for you,” offered Max.  “I have a super-8 camera in the tent.”

“About that…” growled Dr. K.  “Move the tent, now!  That’s where I’m playing my big solo!  Right where you’re camping!”

“Well you can’t play your big solo without a camera,” reasoned Max.

“MOVE!” she bellowed, and then raised her bass clarinet to her lip.  With a mighty breath, she exhaled and blasted Max five feet backwards.

“Alright, alright, I’ll move, jeez I was just tryin’ to help ya.  I’m kind of a big deal you know.”

Dr. K turned her back and stormed off.  Today was already a total disaster.  If it wasn’t for the skunk stench lingering in the air, thanks to Max the Axe, it was definitely the missing videographer.

“At least that lousy Australian has stayed out of my way,” she mumbled.

It was then that she spotted the boomerang soaring over her head.

“Dr. K!  DUCK!” yelled a deep voice with an Australian accent.

Dr. K hit the dirt and looked up.  Three figures were running in her direction.  The lead figure was one she didn’t recognize — a cyborg of some kind!  Its robotic limbs propelled it at great speed in her direction.  Its grey fleshy face stared as it ran.  Behind it in close pursuit were the Australian named Moustachio, and her brother…or Brainiac II, or whatever he was calling himself.

Harrison caught the boomerang and hurled it again.  This time it struck true and hit the cyborg in the back of the knee.  There it lodged itself, and the half-man half-machine hit the ground with a thud.  But the bass-heavy thud was immediately absorbed back into the circuitry of the cyborg.

No bass!  Dr. K realized what this being was.  An Anti-Bass!  And extremely powerful alien android from the Planet Of No Bass, somewhere in Justice For All system.

“It’s here for me!” she exclaimed.  She raised her bass clarinet and blasted as hard as she could.  The bass dissipated in a wide bubble around the cyborg, but it was still on the ground, struggling with the metallic boomerang lodged into its leg.  Then, it began clawing its way through the dirt, carving a trail in the earth.

Brainiac II, with his acoustic bass strapped to his back, raced to help his sister.  Moustachio grabbed the half-electronic being by its other leg and tried to pull it backwards.

“Maybe if we both played the same note, we could overload that thing!” he suggested.  Dr. K shook her head no emphatically.

“It’s still not enough power!  We’d need three bass instruments minimum, and yours isn’t even amplified!”

“Wait!  Look” pointed the Brainiac towards the cyborg.  It’s not crawling towards you…it’s crawling towards the tent!  It’s not after you…it never was!  And it’s definitely not after me.”

“Who else could it be after?” exclaimed Dr. K.  “I’m the bass clarinettist extraordinaire!  Besides, who else here plays bass?”

“I do!” shouted Max the Axe from his tent.  He was pulling a large Peavy bass amp behind him.  “And I have the amplification, too!  Come on Mike, you knew I played bass!”

“I did know that!” snapped Brainiac.  “Plug me in!  All three of us have to play the same notes, simultaneously, to beat that thing!  It was after Max the Axe all along, I guess?”

“I told you I’m a big deal.  Now hold on, I have to tune up you know.  I’m a professional.”  Max fidgeted with the tuning pegs on a nice shiny blue bass guitar.

“Hurry up Max!” cried Harrison.  I’m losing my grip on this thing!”

At that moment, Max the Axe tuned his bass with exact precision.  He looked the Brainiac in the eye.  The Brainiac nodded in return and raised his bass, now plugged into the Peavy.  Max turned his head and looked at Dr. K, who joined them in a line with her bass clarinet.  She raised it to her lips and nodded.  Then, they played.

The sound of the three bass instruments emanated with power, but were swiftly absorbed by the Anti-Bass bubble.  The cyborg trembled and moaned something in a distorted digital voice.  Harrison managed to pull it back three feet.

“That did something!” shouted the Australian.  “Again!  With feeling!”

The three musicians stood and blasted another note.  This time, the circuitry on the cyborg’s head began to sputter and spark, as it cried in digital pain.

“One more!” commanded Harrison.

Together, they played the same note, as low as they could go, one more time.  This time, the bass did not disappear in a bubble.  With a loud tremor, the bubble imploded.  The cyborg was crushed by the force, and fell to pieces.  Harrison’s metal boomerang fell loose, undamaged.  Harrison stood and collected his weapon.

“We did it!” he announced.  “This cyborg is no more.”

The four high-fived in celebration.

“So, what happened to your cool car?” asked Dr. K of Moustachio and Brainiac.  “You came back here on foot.”

“Three cars got wrecked in this adventure, though we were only responsible for two of them,” answered Harrison vaguely.

“The third vehicle belonged to your videographer, a Señor Spielbergo?  He said he was on his way to film your new video today.  I regret to inform you that he is now riding home in a tow truck,” informed the Brainiac.

“Well there goes my video!” stomped Dr. K in frustration.

“Why?” asked Max the Axe.  “Don’t we have a brand new drone here to film you with?”

Everyone stopped and stared in silence at Max.

“Holy shit!  This man’s a genius!” shouted the Brainiac.


Early evening.

A roaring fire blazed in the background as Dr. K played her bass clarinet solo for the drone overhead.  Jen and Ripper the squirrel clapped on in excitement from the sidelines as they watched.  Mike was fully absorbed in his drone controls, as he swooped overhead.  Then he circled around Dr. K, who rotated in synch with the drone.  As a favour, Max the Axe agreed to play guitar in the background.  He looked cool as his hair was swept by the wind.  The drone came down between the two and panned to the lake ahead.

This was going to be an awesome video.


Midnight.

A temporary peace was at hand.  Around the fire sat Dr. K and nine dogs, Jen and Ripper the squirrel, with Max the Axe, the Brainiac and Moustachio.  It was a tense truce.  Dr. K didn’t want to be seated anywhere near the Australian, or the Brainiac that matter.  Max the Axe had beer, at least.  Deep in thought, she rewound the events of the last 24 hours.  That Anti-Bass cyborg wasn’t here for her.  That was a surprise to her.  She’d been making waves through the galaxy as a mercenary for hire with a dog army, and she wouldn’t be surprised if somebody was looking for revenge.

She broke the silence.  “So…if that cyborg wasn’t after me, why did it take out my videographer and try to ruin my video?” she asked.

Moustachio rose to answer.  “Your videographer was just an unfortunate bystander.  We had assumed the Anti-Bass was tailing him for many miles, but they just happened to be going to the same place.  The cyborg was trying to outrace use, and Speilbergo didn’t get out of his way in time.”

Then Max the Axe suddenly awakened from his near slumber.  “Wait a minute wait a minute.  There are robots after me?  Why?  What did I do?”

The Braniac pondered this question.  “It might not be something you did, but something you have.  Do you have anything else of value in that tent of yours?”

“Yah,” answered Max.  “I have three working tape decks, a Casio keyboard and a whole bunch of Starlog magazines from 1985-1986.”

“Bingo,” snapped Harrison with his fingers.

“Don’t you mean dingo?” asked a confused Max.

“No, Bingo, like you Canadians say.  It’s the Starlog magazines.  I have hunch.  Mike, get me a light.  Max, bring me the magazines.”

With Mike shining a light down, Harrison scanned through them issue by issue, until he reached the one he was looking for.  July, 1986.  Transformers: The Movie special issue.  He opened it. Getting more excited page by page, Harrison knew he was on the right track.  Then, he stopped.  He gasped.

“There.  There!” he pointed to a page.  It was a fold-out.

“Complete schematics of Unicron the Planet Eater?” asked the Brainiac.

“Precisely,” answered Moustachio.  “This is invaluable to us, and anybody trying to stop us.  Get it scanned immediately.  This could be everything.  This could win the war.”

“War? What war?” asked Dr. K as Max stared agape.

Harrison grinned.

“Oh, we have a lot to catch you up on.”

To be continued…


THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS:  PHASE THREE – THE UNICRON SAGA

 

SPINOFFS AND SIDE QUESTS

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM

#1172: Top 5 Storeplay CDs – A Personal List

A sequel to #167:  Top Five Albums That Got Us In Shit At The Record Store
and #27:  Store Play

RECORD STORE TALES #1172: Top 5 Storeplay CDs – A Personal List

Let it be said:  The Beat Goes On had a lot of rules about what could and couldn’t be played in store.  You couldn’t scare off Grandma, shopping for the new NSync CD for the grandkid.  Therefore, Metallica’s Black Album was banned from store play.  Musicals, classical, and a large chunk of rap (language!) was banned.  Certain bands were banned outright:  Kiss & Rush.  (Tell me that wasn’t personal against me!)  Therefore, any time I could break the rules when bosses were not around, I would try to get away with playing music that I actually liked.

Another rule stated that you must pick five CDs of different genres, put them in the changer, and hit shuffle.  Me?  I preferred listening to albums, not shuffles.  But I was a good little employee 97% of the time.  This story is about the other 3%.

Here is a list of my Top 5 CDs that I loved playing at the Beat Goes On, whether it was allowed or not.


5. DIO – Holy Diver 

Most definitely NOT allowed to be played in store!  I didn’t care.  The boss man was out of town one day in 1996, and I knew I wouldn’t be caught by anyone that mattered.  Tom Morwood, who worked at our Waterloo store, popped in that afternoon to check out our jazz section.  We had just opened a few months earlier.  Upon hearing Holy Diver blasting from the speakers, Tom remarked:  “Holy Diver?  Wow.  That’s ballsy man!”

I didn’t own Holy Diver yet and I was checking it out for myself.  There was a lot to love, such as “Caught in the Middle” and “Don’t Talk to Strangers”.  I also played The Last In Line around the same time, and loved “Egypt (The Chains Are On)”.  It was a great way to discover classic music.  Which, of course, wasn’t the point of working in a used music store and trying to sell CDs.  “Nobody buys Dio,” reasoned the boss.  In ’96, he wasn’t too far off.  But I didn’t get caught.  Tom wouldn’t rat me out.

4. BLUE RODEO – Just Like A Vacation

This 1999 double live album came out when I was running two stores at the same time.  I was in charge of my own store on Fairway Road, but that summer I was also managing T-Rev’s store in Cambridge.  He was off helping put a new franchise together in (I think) Ajax Ontario, and I wasn’t given much choice in the matter.  I suppose it was a great compliment and a testament to management’s confidence in me, to give me two stores to run, but it sucked.  I felt like I was in exile when I wasn’t at my own store.

When this was a new release, I listened to both discs in sequence.  The acoustic balladeering and jams of Blue Rodeo really helped soothe that homesick feeling.  It’s a fabulous album.  In particular, the live version of “The Dimestore Greaser and the Blonde Mona Lisa” really hit.

3. MARILLION – Radiat10n

Same location, back in exile, but a different summer.  I discovered Marillion in 2000.  I had heard some of the Fish era stuff, but not the Hogarth.  This controversial album was on the shelves, so I put it in the player.  Mark Kelly looked a little weird on the inside, with the designs painted on his bald head, but let’s give it a shot.  By the end of the shift, I knew I was going to buy it.  I put in on a shuffle with four other discs.

As soon as it came on, I said, “Ah this must be the new Marillion singer.”  Steve Hogarth perked up my ears. Several songs jumped out immediately:  “Cathedral Walls”, “Under the Sun” and “The Answering Machine” in particular.

While my bosses might have scolded me and said “Don’t play Marillion, you’re not going to sell any!” a decades long obsession began by playing it in store.  So there you go.  The balance sheet doesn’t reflect that kind of lifetime impact.

2. The Candidates – Meet The Candidates

This Cambridge band included bassist/vocalist Neil McDonald, who also worked at our Cambridge location.  I genuinely loved this album he made with the Candidates.  Many of the songs connected with me in a big way, such as “Barely Bruised”.

They didn’t love that I played this frequently in store.  It was for sale, but it was unlikely that I would make a sale just by playing it.  People liked buying CDs with bands and songs they already knew, generally.  I was given a pass because, frankly Neil was favoured by management.

The reasons I played this in store so frequently are really simple.  One, I genuinely loved and connected with this album.  There are still songs, such as “Who’s Your Daddy Now?” that still connect with me.  “Sold your soul for a photograph, I tore it up and had the last laugh.”  I burned some bridges when I started Record Store Tales, and while I don’t know for sure that Neil was upset with me, I think it’s pretty likely.  I’m sorry about that – I’ll always think fondly of him and this band.

1.    – The Box Set

The closest I came to a breaking point, before I finally quit the store, was when I was working (exiled) to a miserable location in Oakville Ontario.  I have written extensively about this experience.  The customers were generally snooty and holier than thou.  A story about an asshole lawyer was a favourite with early readers of Record Store Tales.

The only good thing about Oakville was that I was working alone all day, and no bosses came there.  It was like working in another province, such were the frequency of the visits from head office.  The drive was really difficult and the mental health situation was not good.

And so, I played all five discs of the Kiss Box Set in sequence.  Because fuck you, boss.

Best song exclusive to the box at the time:  “Doncha Hesitate”, a classic sounding Kiss demo featuring all four original members, intended for Destroyer.

Had I been caught, I would have been given a boatload of trouble. But mental health is a thing too, and stuff like this helped keep me sane during a difficult few months managing two stores at once.  I was pushed so close to the edge, that it was a matter of luck that I survived.  And Kiss.  And that’s not hyperbole.  Playing the music I loved made the experience survivable, and that’s barely.

Thank you Kiss.


And that’s the list.  I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane.

Lost Videos & Shorts – A Grab A Stack of Rock Special Friday Presentation!

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 84:  Lost Videos & Shorts – A Grab A Stack of Rock Special Friday Presentation!

While not a live episode, this special presentation was put together by yours truly, with me as your host through these forgotten and lost videos from years gone by.  I have been making videos for 36 years now, and this collection of mini-episodes run from 2013 to the present day.  These videos were made primarily for this blog, but also for other channels, my old show the LeBrain Train, and Grab A Stack of Rock.  Some of these individual clips would require lots of determined scrolling and searching to find otherwise, so I thought it would be nice to take a viewing of some favourites of mine, and add in some that are now new and exclusive.  It is certainly amusing to watch my look change, from bearded to clean and back to bearded and clean again.

New, previously unseen, and “lost” topics covered in this special episode:  Rare rock and metal CDs sent from friends, rare books and rock magazines, rock band branded playing cards, a discussion on iTunes, video reviews of rare CDs, a updated check-in at the HMV/Toys R Us store, my collection of M.E.A.T Magazines, and the very first video I made in 1989.  But that’s not all – stick around for Easter eggs.

I hope you can check it out tonight for this very special episode of Grab A Stack of Rock, assembled with care for your enjoyment.

Friday January 3 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 8:00 P.M. Atlantic.   Enjoy on YouTube or on Facebook!

 

NEXT WEEK:

REVIEW: Wolfsbane – “After Midnight” (1991 CD Single)

WOLFSBANE – “After Midnight” (1991 Def American CD single)

It was 1991, and though Wolfsbane were on Def American records, their second single from their second album Down Fall the Good Guys failed to chart.  Though the critics were consistently positive about the UK quartet featuring one Blaze Bayley on vocals, it was not translating into sales.  “After Midnight” is the name of the track, but its lack of chart performance is not a reflection upon the song.  Brendan O’Brien was the producer, which boggles the mind that Wolfsbane didn’t have more success in 1991.

“After Midnight” has a slight country & western feel, which comes unexpected.  This was a style that was becoming popular for American rock bands to throw into their tunes for some radio play.  “After Midnight” would fit in with any of those better known tracks:  acoustic-based with electric guitars for soloing and accent.  The easiest comparison is another Def American act, the Four Horsemen, but with a baritone.

This CD single is valuable for the inclusion of three non-album tracks.  “Idol” has a tricky little guitar part, but with a punk-like energy and thumping bass.  The chorus has potential.  “Win Or Lose” is a high-speed rock and roll blast, but without any significant hooks.  Good for headbanging or air guitar, but not for singing along.  The best track of the B-sides is an acoustic (self-produced) rendition of “Hey Babe” from their prior EP.  It was always a pretty good ballad, and this version is stripped back to the basics.  Hand-played percussion replaces the big drums, and it has the feeling of a campfire singalong.

Nothing particularly outstanding on this single, but a good collectible nonetheless.

3/5 stars

Grab A Stack of New Tunes! Ending 2024 in style with guests new and old

Harrison and I would like to thank our new guests Ashley Geisler, Melissa Nee, and Sidney from Slogan’s Rock & Metal Extravaganza, as well as returning guests Johnny Clauser and Todd Evans, for a rollicking good time on New Year’s Eve.

The concept was simple.  Each of us took turns going round, showing off an item we got recently over the holidays.

Sidney had a massive haul of Rock Candy CDs, and used metal bargains from The Beat Goes On.  He had a strong showing of Budgie remasters, and a diverse collection of bands.  Melissa had some cool Iron Maiden stuff, while Ash is collecting bootlegs and had several to show us.  Johnny Clauser brought some recent purchases, and Todd Evans scored well in the Neal Morse department.  As for Harrison and I, he had a cool Trust tin and something call ONXRT.  I decided to unveil my Van Halen For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge deluxe edition, with a short discussion.

We also started the show with the traditional Ask Harrison featuring Jex Russell.

It’s very possible the winner of the year 2024 was Judas Priest with the recent Rocka Rolla reissue.  Have a watch and see.


Because we did the live show mid-week this time, Friday’s show is a pre-recorded special episode.  Don’t miss it January 3!

New Year’s Eve Drop-In Show on Grab A Stack of Rock

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 83:  New Year’s Eve Drop-In Show

It has been a while since I’ve attempted a show like this, but it’s time to do something random and chaotic to end the year with a party.

  • Disclaimer #1:  I never make it to midnight.
  • Disclaimer #2:  I have no idea what will actually happen tonight.

Harrison and I need a break like this to blow off steam.  We’ve both been active on other channels, plus we have been preparing our massive Iron Maiden project for 2025.  We are ready to launch it in January.  But first, let’s have a party.

Tonight Harrison and I will be hosting some brand new guests:  Ash Geisler from Australia, plus Logan and Sidney from Slogan’s music channel.  There will be some returning guests and some random drop-ins.

If there is a theme tonight, it’s just showing off music we acquired over the holidays.  It should be a fun discussion on that front.

Bottoms up.  It’s gonna be a rock and roll party tonight…with a 52 year old host who will require a nap mid-day.

Message me if you need a link to join tonight.

Tuesday December 31 at 9:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 10:00 P.M. Atlantic.   Enjoy on YouTube or on Facebook!

#1171: The Best and Worst of 2024

RECORD STORE TALES #1171: The Best and Worst of 2024

‘Twas another interesting year here at Grab A Stack of Rock HQ!  Remember that old curse?  “May you have interesting times.”  We sure did in 2024.

Jen’s health started the year on a low note, but she bounced back.  With the right help, she’s had her best year in a long while.  There’s a lot of work still to be done, but has been a year of leaps and bounds for her health!

On Grab A Stack of Rock, we had a strong start to the year, but in February, Harrison got sick.  Sometimes you don’t how much you need someone until they’re fighting their own battles.  Fortunately Harrison fought hard and has made a recovery, but the timing for me wasn’t ideal.  I was trying to increase my YouTube presence by doing two shows a week, but without the Mad Metal Man, I found myself despondent.  I tried out a couple new co-hosts to fill in for him while he recovered, but struggled.  I almost cancelled the show.  Twice.

Still, I carried on, until the great shelf disaster of 2024.  That almost broke me.  I told people I was going to sell my collection and quit this hobby for good.  Because, ultimately, that’s what this is:  a hobby.  I don’t get paid enough to motivate me to produce content.  Advertising and T-shirt sales help fund my WordPress and Streamyard fees, but I don’t make a profit.  I don’t break even.  I’m about $10 in the hole every month.  I almost replaced Grab A Stack of Rock with a food show, after a review of a Chef Ramsay microwavable meal got some hits.  Grab A Stack of Eats?

But I didn’t quit.  I kept going.  Why?  The power of friendship.  They kept me going.  They know who they are.

Thanks to fellow music fans like Grant Arthur, Johnny Clauser, Marco D’Auria, Rob Daniels, Tim Durling, Peter Kerr, Harrison Kopp, Jex Russell, John Snow, Aaron Stewart, Metal Roger and many more, I pushed onwards.  I feel like we are now part of a larger, less insulated world.  I owe these folks a debt of gratitude for including me in that world.  All I have ever wanted, for better or for worse, was to be a part of something, with people who wanted me there equally as much.  I feel like I’m in a healthier space again.  We have built a bigger, more metallic and welcoming Community.    Long live the Community!

 

Highlights of my 2024:

I think the thing that brought me the most happiness in 2024 was simply making videos.  I’ve been making videos for 35 years, and there have been peaks and valleys.  In 2024, drones were incorporated into some.  Jex Russell encouraged me to utilise more angles and edits.  In one of the 2024 videos, I used six cameras, a record for me!

Since we already did our Top 5 Albums of 2024 on Grab A Stack of Rock, this year I thought I would pat myself on the back and pick my Top 5 Videos from my own channel!  I called it the 2024 Narcissus Award!


NARCICCUS AWARDS 2024

FAVOURITE VIDEOS OF THE YEAR

In no particular order.

1. The Battle of ’84:  Defenders of the Faith vs. Powerslave with Pete Jones

To have the Professor himself join me for the this epic battle was quite the honour.  We tore these albums inside and out, and ultimately picked a favourite.  Harrison even joined us at the end, which was a delight.  It was hard to pick just one episode of Grab A Stack of Rock for this list, but I think this was the deepest dive of the year.

2. Our Journey Collections on Six Formats with Tim Durling

From the brief period where I was trying to do two episodes a week.  I woke up one Saturday morning with the idea to do my entire Journey collection, but realized I didn’t have the historic knowledge of the band to do it justice.  Tim Durling happened to be online, and so we did this episode with zero preparation.  I think it turned out pretty cool.

3. Mike and Aaron Return to Toronto 2024.

Long overdue.  Of all our Toronto videos, this one is the best.  I think I just went into it with a clearer idea of the end product, and everything turned out as great as I’d hoped.  Plus, the Toronto trip was a total success as you’ll see with the scores we brought home with us.  A very special video to me personally.  Also, look for the drone shot!

2. An 8-Track Holy Grail discussion with Aaron and Tim Durling

Aaron texted me one day from Harriston, Ontario with photos of 8-track tapes he found.  One of them happened to be a very rare “Holy Grail” that Tim Durling needed for his collection.  Aaron sent it to me with some other cool scores, and then I sent the Grail to Tim.  We made this video in two sessions separated by several weeks, but with the magic of editing, it’s all seamless.  This is a very special video for anyone interested in 8-track tapes.

5. 30 Years After the Beat Goes On with Robert Daniels from Visions In Sound

I think this is my proudest achievement in 2024.  I had an idea.  It had been 30 years since I was hired at The Beat Goes On in Kitchener Ontario.  It would be cool to go back to the mall and see how much it has changed in those three decades.  Rob Daniels was the perfect guy to join me, since we reconnected at the front counter at The Beat Goes On.  We hadn’t seen each other since highschool.  He was an avid soundtrack buyer, and I was the new employee.  Together, with Jen on camera, we toured the mall landmarks and shared memories of the way it used to be.

I would have had better audio if I used external microphones, but never having done this before, I am incredibly proud of the way it turned out.

Bonus:  Mike’s Birthday Video by Jex Russell

I can’t really count this for the Narcissus award, because I didn’t make it.  However, my favourite video of 2024 was this kind gift.  Jex assembled a cavalcade of surprise birthday greetings from many of my friends, family, and a few special rock stars.  Jex put a lot of work into this video, not only with getting the guests, but editing it together with his own theatrics.  Probably the greatest birthday gift I’ve ever been given.  If I ever feel down in the dumps, I just need to watch Martin Popoff call me a “Canadian legend”.

I can’t say how grateful I am for this thoughtful gift.


I am excited for what 2025 has in store.  Buckle up.  If 2023 and 2024 couldn’t kick me down, then I still have a lot of gas left in the tanks.

 


List of everyone who has ever joined me on Grab A Stack of Rock to date:

  • Harrison Kopp
  • Eric “Uncle Meat” Litwiller
  • Aaron KMA
  • Tim Durling
  • Rob Daniels
  • John T Snow
  • Grant Arthur
  • Brian Richards
  • MarriedandHeels
  • Marco D’Auria
  • Kevin Simister
  • Dr. Kathryn
  • Jen Ladano
  • Grace Scheele
  • Jex Russell
  • Spencer “Spenny” Rice
  • Nurse Kat
  • Erik Woods
  • Jason Drury
  • PLA
  • Peter Kerr
  • John Clauser
  • Len Labelle
  • Reed Little
  • Metal Roger
  • John the Music Nut
  • Mike Slayen
  • Peter “The Professor” Jones
  • Todd Evans
  • James Kalyn
  • Angie Moon
  • Ryan Gavalier
  • Chris Preston
  • Dan Chartrand
  • Glen “Archie” Gamble
  • bicyclelegs
  • Davey Cretin
  • Martin Popoff (airing in 2025)
  • and (briefly) Max the Axe

TOP FIVE ALBUMS OF 2024

 

MR BIG – Ten

THE ARKELLS – Disco Loadout Vol 1

BRUCE DICKINSON – The Mandrake Project

JUDAS PRIEST – Invincible Shield

DEEP PURPLE – =1