FRANK ZAPPA with Peter Occhiogrosso – The Real Frank Zappa Book (1989 Simon & Schuster, New York)

We’ve had enough rock story books.  When not one but two members of Ratt have their own books out, we have hit a point of rock book saturation.  Debauchery, studio fights, groupies and record companies…you can fill a tour bus full of those books!  Instead, dig back a few decades to when Frank Zappa was a pioneer, not only in music, but in text.  The Real Frank Zappa Book is the music book you need when you’re sick to death of music books.  To wit:  not only did Frank dedicate his book to his family, but also to Stephen Hawking, and someone named Ko-Ko, the identity of whom is lost to time.  If you’re in the mood for the eclectic and the educational, The Real Frank Zappa Book is for you.

One of the most interesting chapters to rock historian might be “Porn Wars”, which details Frank’s conflict with the Parent’s Music Resource Center (PMRC) in the early 1980s.  Everyone remembers Dee Snider making a fool of the politicians, but some are not aware that Frank Zappa was just as devastating.  It includes his entire Statement to Congress, September 19, 1985, with lots of text written in CAPSLOCK for emphasis.  Indeed, Zappa makes liberal use of caps and boldface whenever he wants, which can be a little offputting.  Couple this with frequent illustrations between paragraphs.  Yet Zappa was a musical rulebreaker, so why not a literary one too?  This informative section will be the meat of the book for most readers.

Like standard rock books, Frank starts at childhood.  He notes that he became interested in drums around 1952, before rock and roll was even invented, simply because he was fascinated by the idea of making noises by hitting things.  He became interested in orchestral percussion and the works of Edgard Varèse, partially because Varèse looked something like a mad scientist on the cover of The Complete Works, Volume I.  Zappa was curious to hear a composition called “Ionisation” because it had been panned in a review as “all drums”, and “dissonant and terrible”.  Young Frank simply had to hear it!  It is clear that Frank Zappa was Frank Zappa, from a very young age.  Frank even called Varèse on the phone at age 15, and Varèse told the teenager about new music he was working on.

Zappa describes befriending Don Van Vliet, the future Captain Beefheart.  There is a short-lived first marriage, and playing in gigging bands.  There are 10 days spent in jail for “conspiring to commit pornography”.  His career is given a fair overview in about the first 120 pages or so: gigs, albums, the GTOs, and even more brushes with the law.  A transcription of a 1975 court appearance in England is quite entertaining, as he is asked to explain his lyrics.  “What was the concept of the song ‘Would You Go All the Way?'” is the beginning of a discussion on band “members” and “groupies”, all in formal court-speak.  Entertaining as hell.

After running through the gigs and albums and adventures, Frank waxes philosophical on family, drugs, food, the music business, censorship, religion, and life in general.  There are far too many topics and sub-topics to list.  A chapter called “All About Music” will be fascinating to the musically educated and laymen alike.  From dots on pages to a living breathing orchestra, Frank walks us through his processes.  He also describes recording, mixing and the history thereof, an interesting segment.  Consider:  Whatever you hear on a record is not the sound heard by a pair of ears in the recording room.  There are specific microphones placed in carefully selected places, to pick up all the instruments as loud and clear as they can be captured.  Then, those sounds are mixed down, adjusting for volume and placement, and placed in a stereo field.  It’s a completely artificial sound, whereas if you were in the room, standing close to the drums, your living experience of the music would be drastically different.  Just fascinating thoughts from the brain of Frank Zappa.

The Real Frank Zappa Book is quirky, funny, educational, preachy, and utterly unique.  Frank is not content to talk just about what you want to hear.  He’s going to sit you down and talk about what he wants.  He doesn’t get too personal, and keeps aspects of his life guarded.  Instead, he brings you into the recording studio, acts as your tour guide, and your school professor.  The ironic thing is that Zappa was not too keen on post-secondary education for himself, but sounds like the coolest teacher you’d ever have.  The one you wanted to have.

4.5/5 stars