Part 58: Klassic Kwotes VII!

1. “This is going to be worth a lot of money, one day.”  Said in regards to Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind” remake single.  Yeah.  He sold about a zillion of them, which people bought multiple copies of (one to play and one to keep sealed!) and now are in every bargain bin across the continent…usually at 99 cents.

2. Phil Lynott proclaimed that “Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town.”  One day while listening to this track at work, Neil retorted:  “Somewhere in this town?  Maybe they should start by checking at the jail.”

3. A wave of the hand.  “You don’t need to see my identification.”  This Jedi mind trick was cast upon me (jokingly, I assure you) by a witty young man after I asked him for ID while selling CDs.  Fortunately, I am a Headbanger.  Mind tricks do not work on me!

4. “I’m buying two CD’s.  Do I get a discount?”  Two discs?  Really? 

5. I came home from work one day with a CD sized bag in my hand.  My very frugal father said to me (in “that tone”), “What did you go and waste your money on this time?”  I said, “Dad, it’s the new album by Kiss!”  His classic response:  “Kiss?  Don’t you already have them?”

I don’t know why he’s flapping his arms

6. While we’re on my dad.  During the Pepsi Power Hour, he used to like to stroll into the living room, heads clasped to his ears in mock agony, and say, “What’s wrong with that man on the TV?  He’s screaming like he’s in pain!  Does he have appendicitis?”

7. Finally, my dad has a penchant for mispronouncing the names of things he dislikes.  For example, “Who is this Lady Googoo person I see on TV?”

8. A guy in a green suit carrying a briefcase walked up to the counter.  “I have to go to court tomorrow and I want some music to get me psyched up.  Do you have the Clockwork Orange soundtrack?”  (Same guy who, another time, asked us, “Do you like the drugs?”)

9. Some questions don’t bug you so much, unless the same person asks the same question over and over again.  One guy kept asking me, “Do you have Black Sabbath, 1991?”  I’d tell him that there is no such album.  In fact 1991 was the first year in several that Sabbath failed to release an album.  “Do you have Black Sabbath, 1991?”  No!  Nobody has it, because that’s a made up name!

10. “Hello, it’s Matt’s mother, would Matt be available?”  This perfectly innocent question was asked of one of our new guys, Chris.  Chris responded, “Yeah, he’s outside having a smoke, I’ll go get him.”  Problem:  Matt’s mother did not know he smoked!


  1. Demanding a new category: Sh*t LeBrain’s Dad Says. Wholly unoriginal, of course, but funny all the same.

    I feel your pain, Dude. I remember watching the Locked In The Trunk Of A Car video by the Hip with my Mom, and she asked much the same thing, “what is WRONG with that guy?” (meaning Gordie). And when he started yelling “lemme out! lemme out!!!” she got up and left the room.

    Anyway yeah. New category!


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