REVIEW: Gene Simmons – Speaking In Tongues (CD)

GENE SIMMONS – Speaking in Tongues (2004 Sanctuary – spoken word)

How I came to own this turd of a CD:  I got this one used, from my old store’s web order service.  It was like $9, free shipping if you spend $30, or whatever.  So I picked a couple discs and added this one to my cart.  Imagine my surprise when it arrived and I took the CD out of the case — somebody had written, in big black magic marker, “MARILLION SUCKS”, on the artwork under the clear CD tray!  This was clearly an intended for me, my love of Marillion being well on record.  I don’t know who wrote it on there, nobody would own up to defacing the Simmons CD!  I brought it back to my buddy Joe who was a little surprised himself.  It took a few months, but they finally got in a replacement copy later on.

Thing is, that first copy I got, I was so flabbergasted about the defaced artwork that I returned it before even playing it.  If I had played it…I probably wouldn’t have replaced it with the same item.  I think I would have picked something else.

This.  Sucks!

There’s a reason Gene Simmons isn’t a standup comedian or a motivational speaker. It’s because he’s not very good. As a speaker, he’s a great bass player. Put it that way.

Recorded at two engagements and consisting of Simmons’ well-known philosophy of life, this is beyond tedious. If you want to hear Gene plug his merchandise, or tell you never to get married or trust a woman with your money, then go for it. Vulgar, unfunny, and dull, this is time you won’t get back. Another thing you won’t enjoy is that the CD is formatted with just one track, so it’s impossible to skip around.  So even if there were the odd funny bit that he goes on about, I couldn’t skip to it in the car.  Useless!

Besides, it’s just an audio of the DVD version — so while it sounds like there are visuals to go with what you’re hearing, there aren’t.  Useless!

No stars, crappy careless release, for the Kiss fans who have to have everything (like Big Idiot Me) and nobody else. Take Gene’s own advice, and save your money.

0/5 stars

The final kicker — in 2011, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed got (GASP) married!

SPEAKING IN SIMMONS_0003

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22 comments

  1. Yeah, the DVD is just as god awful. Much like yourself I bought it cos I am a fan of Kiss.

    It now resides in my “Donate to the Charity Shop” pile!

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  2. Never ever bought this on CD or DVD. Even when I’ve seen it in bargain bins I’ve avoided. Much as I love the band, Gene Simmons is just not all that interesting. I did get his second book (Sex, Money, KISS?) really cheap and only managed a couple of chapters before losing the will to live. I imagined this would be much the same.

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  3. The only thing better than a positive review is a completely negative one. You had me at “this turd of a CD.” Haha. Other than his original solo album from ’78, which is pretty good, I’ve never checked out anything else he’s released outside of Kiss. At least now I know if I decide to do so in the future, this is not the place to start.

    As for someone defacing your original copy of the CD, not cool. Even if it is a turd, no one should mess with your music purchases.

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      1. It’s one thing to hide a CD, or switch a couple of jewel cases from different shelves to see if you notice (the latter is something my friends did to me years ago, and it took me less than a week to notice…although with a collection nearing 8,000 CDs, it would take a lot longer if someone did that to me now), but defacing any component is unacceptable.

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  4. No thanks to this I mean I heard his Asshole album and it was garbage. Kinda surprised me cuz the other day I was listening to Revenge and his songs are good on there even Monster his stuff is good………actually Betrayed from HITS was I thought the best song from it ,to tell u the truth I have a hard time remembering anything from it other than Rise To It,Hide Your Heart,Street Giveth……

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    1. I think I gave Asshole 1 star. Can’t remember. Never play it. But you’re right that Gene’s stuff has been otherwise pretty good with Kiss. On Monster I prefer Gene’s songs mostly. Same with Revenge, Carnival of Souls, and Psycho Circus.

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      1. I thought the song Asshole was really good. There were a couple of songs on that album that were ok, but mostly it sucked huge elephant balls.

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        1. Asshole’s a cover though isn’t it? I’m sorry but we have to disagree on that one. I did not like it much. “Bucket full of pee” just struck me as a terrible lyric. I felt Gene was trying to be trendy at that time.

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        2. Yes, it was written by a Norweigan band, can’t remember their name.
          I actually think the lyrics are kinda funny. “Cause you are the cream of the crap” is kinda ingenious.

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