GENE SIMMONS – Speaking in Tongues (2004 Sanctuary – spoken word)
How I came to own this turd of a CD: I got this one used, from my old store’s web order service. It was like $9, free shipping if you spend $30, or whatever. So I picked a couple discs and added this one to my cart. Imagine my surprise when it arrived and I took the CD out of the case — somebody had written, in big black magic marker, “MARILLION SUCKS”, on the artwork under the clear CD tray! This was clearly an intended for me, my love of Marillion being well on record. I don’t know who wrote it on there, nobody would own up to defacing the Simmons CD! I brought it back to my buddy Joe who was a little surprised himself. It took a few months, but they finally got in a replacement copy later on.
Thing is, that first copy I got, I was so flabbergasted about the defaced artwork that I returned it before even playing it. If I had played it…I probably wouldn’t have replaced it with the same item. I think I would have picked something else.
There’s a reason Gene Simmons isn’t a standup comedian or a motivational speaker. It’s because he’s not very good. As a speaker, he’s a great bass player. Put it that way.
Recorded at two engagements and consisting of Simmons’ well-known philosophy of life, this is beyond tedious. If you want to hear Gene plug his merchandise, or tell you never to get married or trust a woman with your money, then go for it. Vulgar, unfunny, and dull, this is time you won’t get back. Another thing you won’t enjoy is that the CD is formatted with just one track, so it’s impossible to skip around. So even if there were the odd funny bit that he goes on about, I couldn’t skip to it in the car. Useless!
Besides, it’s just an audio of the DVD version — so while it sounds like there are visuals to go with what you’re hearing, there aren’t. Useless!
No stars, crappy careless release, for the Kiss fans who have to have everything (like Big Idiot Me) and nobody else. Take Gene’s own advice, and save your money.
The final kicker — in 2011, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed got (GASP) married!