Part 266: This sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 266: This sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby!

The weirdest gift I ever received at the Record Store was an Austin Powers “Swedish-made” Penis Enlarger Pump. This was a “gag” gift from a group of co-workers. I recall not knowing how to react!  Awkward!  It’s true that all of us were obsessed with Austin Powers at the time.  Talking like him, reciting lines, all that stuff.  But a penis enlarging pump?  Sorry, that sort of thing really ain’t my bag, baby!  Meanwhile, I had gone to Chapters and bought books for everybody.  Normal books.  Not…books about penises or penis pumps or anything.  The same co-workers packed it up with “gummy boobs”, some silver zebra boxer shorts (too tight, sadly), and plastic handcuffs.

I’m one of those socially awkward guys to start with, so you throw a penis enlarging pump in a box with handcuffs and gummy boobs, wrap it up in Christmas paper and what you get is a blushing LeBrain!

Although I sold the penis pump at a garage sale, I did display it in my bedroom, briefly.  Here’s the photo to prove it!

24 comments

      1. I have no doubt of that. But you know what? Google are changing the way we get to see search terms, more and more often it’s becoming invisible to us. So my search term stuff has been way way down.

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  1. That’s a pretty awful gift, and a little more embarrassing than the life-size space-suit Mini-Me I got after the second movie was released (or was it the third? That series proved the law of diminishing returns). Sadly, I was never able to unload my Mini-Me, so it’s sitting in the closet of my office waiting for the eventual resurgence in popularity of the Austin Powers movies.

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  2. What an hilarious gift. No sense being awkward about it, just laugh and carry on. Even if you don’t want to keep it, who cares? It’s not like they bought you a ball gag, three tubes of lube and a cat-o-nine tails. They were probably hoping for the reaction you gave them because, for all the joking about needing such a thing (which has a playground equivalent of girls hitting boys and then running away), I think it just proves they liked you.

    Heck, when I left the bank to be a stay-at-home dad, part of my going-away gift was two cans of Guiness and a pack of condoms. I just had to laugh. Oh man. Bankers.

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  3. Anecdote for you: my husband and I were huge fans of Austin Powers when it first came out. When we were married in 2000, some friends of ours put mini Austin Powers and Felicity Shagwell action figures on our wedding cake instead of the traditional bride and groom!

    And the one-liners! The penis enlarger gag is hilarious! “It’s not mine, baby, honest!”

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    1. We had little Lego cake toppers :)

      The first movie was so cool, so unique for its time. The second felt like a re-tread and the third I confess I’ve never seen. That’s how much I disliked the second one. No offense to Felicity Shagwell.

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