Part 318: The Last of the Emails

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RECORD STORE TALES Part 318: The Last of the Emails

I’ve been sitting on this installment of Record Store Tales for months.  I couldn’t post it without heavily editing it.  The emails in question are too raw and emotional for me so I had to edit them down for public consumption.   But these emails are relevant, as we wind down our story.  They highlight exactly how bad it got for me and why leaving was my only option.

The whole ending has been really difficult to finish as it is.  I’ve been delaying and delaying, not wanting to look at it.  Part of that is the pain associated with the whole period.  The other has been that the Record Store Tales have been so fun and I don’t want it to end.

These truly are the last of the emails, the barrel is now all but dry.

9/13/05

Work just called, I FUCKING HATE WHEN WORK CALLS.  They lost somebody’s CDs.  They were RIGHT THERE yesterday.  They ask, “Did you move them?”  No, I did not.  The only person who could have is you.  Now I have THIS to deal with.  I’m pissed off that something so simple gets fucked up even though I left everything extremely clear.  AND I AM PISSED THAT I WILL CATCH HELL FOR IT!  I’m annoyed every day.  And I only get one more hour of peace and quiet at home before I have to go in and deal with bullshit for 8 hours. :(

11/25/05

I have to admit that I am depressed today.  The idea of dragging my ass to work is killing me.  I can’t do another Christmas.  I don’t know what to do.  I want to quit.  Of course I know what a bad idea that is but I’m dying inside.  I can’t even eat.  I just want to quit, say goodbye, leave, dedicate all my energies to finding a new job.  I mean, who am I kidding?  Someone calls me for a job, and we play phone tag for days because I’m never home during business hours.  And then when do I schedule an interview when I’m always working?  It’s impossible.  I don’t know what to do.

12/06/05

This has been the worst Christmas season so far, it has been really difficult to put a smile on my face and put any effort into work.  I need out so bad.

You can see I was fraying at the ends.  It feels like…a different person.

30 comments

  3. Yes, my brother of the blog-I know of that you speak—-when it gets to the end of the road and the only options are to keep getting run over or get the hell out—Work-that necessary evil in too many lives!

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    1. Well Wayne, I’ll tell you something. I was working on the final chapter last night. As you can probably guess it’s raw and emotional too. It is really hard to work on. But knowing there are guys like yourself who understand and can relate — it makes it tolerable.

      I WILL finish the final chapter, and I WILL publish it, soon. It won’t be pretty but I can’t stop now!

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      1. Some of the most difficult posts for me to write have been the most rewarding. And if I am honest, it is my best stuff—–but, I just had to do it in order to get it out there- more compulsion than inspiration. So-I wish you well.

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  4. Thank you for sharing Mike – despite the awful lows, I’m glad you were able to revisit the whole record store experience.
    More importantly, glad this period in 2005 didn’t kill your passion for the music!

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    1. Geoff, as much as you guys know about me from this blog, this may shock you. I really had lost my passion for music in 2005. Temporarily. I was buying a lot of movies. I was watching movies every night after work instead. Music wasn’t helping much at the time.

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        1. Me too buddy. Me too. But you know, I’m not going to end this thing on a down note. So my last day won’t be the end. I will go beyond that a bit, to the good times.

          I also think it’s important to remember that the store was very very good before it turned horribly bad. I had many happy years there. Another reason why it was hard to leave. It was like, “What happened? This job was the best. I was so proud, and so happy. How did this change?”

          I know how it changed and we do go there.

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      2. Yep, been there! Never mind – try losing a passion for EVERYTHING you love; movies, music, art, gaming…I am not surprised at your turn against the rawk. NOT AT ALL! Depression…

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  7. Wait… You worked in the record store on Christmas? Who the hell goes shopping for records on Christmas?!! and what kind of asshole employer has employees work IN A RECORD STORE on Christmas???!!!
    On a side note – Season 8 of Trailer Park Boys is on Netflix! (At least for your neighbors to the south).
    Hope you don’t have to work any more holidays!

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    1. Sorry that’s a misunderstanding. When I say Christmas I’m referring to the Christmas season in general. We were open the 24th 9-5, closed the 25th, but open again on the 26th 9-6.

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      1. OK. I was wondering. Even Walmart Closes on Christmas!
        the new season is pretty good. I enjoyed it. Couldn’t wait till Monday to watch it! I had to get it done today. It’s different, but still hilarious.

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  8. I truly feel your pain here man, I can’t say my end was similar, more like an abrupt finale, but I just felt so let down by a company I really gave a lot of good years too. I was by no means a model employee, but I really did like my job, and I tried to make do the best I could. In the end it came down to a change in career, but I had burnt many bridges to get to where I ended up.

    I look forward to hearing your final thoughts. Its hard but I hope it does provide some catharsis to you.

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    1. Well thanks for the words of support man. I’m slowly honing the end chapter, cutting some fat but adding more specifics. It’s a difficult but satisfying process and I’m really curious how many people may say, “Man, that exact thing happened to me too.” I’m sure there will be some.

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  9. It’s amazing to read the comments and see how many people can relate to that numbing, stomach-churning awfulness when you know you gotta go but haven’t quite got escape velocity. Yet.
    My last job in an organisation, I got really sick three winters in a row (in hospital twice) before the penny dropped: “I need to get outta here for my own survival.”

    Thanks for openly sharing a difficult time. Take whatever time you need to write the final part. We’ll wait.

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  10. Odd, my comment here didn’t post, but my Like did. Hm.

    So. Like many others here, and yourself as well, I have been there too. A frightening number of times, statistically, and in all three provinces in which I have lived. Everything from bad bosses, lazy co-workers, liars and cheats, a woman who blatantly framed me to avoid any blame for herself in a situation that was fully her fault. Even a verbally abusive severe alcoholic who was constantly drunk on the job (and driving a forklift with 4000lb loads on the mast).

    I hate to tell you this, because it sounds cold when it isn’t intended to, but finding a job you actually like and WANT to do, and is personally fulfilling as well, is a gift that’s so very rare. Those who have it know it and never work a day in their lives. The rest of us do what we can, but the sad truth is that most things will suck eventually. Working for other people or working for yourself, doesn’t matter. It’s just truth. We can hope to find ways to cope, that’s good when it can happen. We can even say we don’t mind our jobs, but somehow, at some point, something will happen to colour all of that. And not just bad days – I’m talking whole situations you thought were good just turn to shit. It happens all the time. Well and truly, I have been there so often.

    I truly hope you find full catharsis in your final RSTs. Then you’ll have it all outside yourself, and you can truly move on from it.

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