#346: NO SOLICITORS!

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#346: NO SOLICITORS!

Yesterday and today, if there’s one thing that drives me nuts, it’s people trying to sell us something. You know the feeling: You answer the phone, not looking or not recognizing the number, only to be asked if you want to hire a shady “duct cleaning” service that has a loose grasp of the English language.

Here are some of the methods we have used and things we have said to dissuade duct cleaning companies from calling us:

1. “Have you met Jesus?” – works every single time.
2. “Oh I’m sorry, we don’t own any ducks.” – gets them a little confused.
3. Speak back to them in French only. “Où est la poutine?”
4. I also enjoy asking them to help me solve the Tedious Tiresome Trivia question on 105.7 Dave FM.

Or, just hang up. That works too. The method you choose may depend on how irritated you are.

Reminding them that you are on the “Do Not Call” registry won’t help you.  Many of these scam artists are calling from overseas, according to the CBC.

At the Record Store, we had to put up one of those “NO SOLICITORS” signs but I don’t know why since every solicitor ignored it. Never once in my time at the store did I see someone come in trying to sell me shit, look at the sign, turn around and leave. Never once.  Are you surprised?

People around student age would occasionally pop in with boxes full of junk, and a big smile on their faces. They’d usually come in pairs. “Have we got some deals for you here!” they would say open entering, or something like that. They didn’t much like it when I would ignore their sales pitch and try to sell them some CDs instead. “I have a better deal for you,” I might have said. “New Cher album for $12. Do you believe in life after love? I’m the only one in this store who’s going to do any selling to anyone.”

I witnessed one guy wielding his box of junk playing chicken with an automobile in our parking lot, trying to get him to stop. He stood in the middle of his lane with his box, and moved to the right and left so the car couldn’t swerve around him. Then he went up to the driver’s window with his box. Needless to say, the driver bought nothing from that idiot.

From boxes of junk, to golf memberships, to Jehova’s Witness fliers, I have had just about everything shoved in my face at the Record Store. It was irritating, but not nearly so much as the daily phone calls from duct cleaners.

What is your favourite method for dealing with solicitors? Share in the comments.

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22 comments

  3. I hate it worse when they come up to you in real life… much more awkward.
    A guy came up to me the other week asking for money for war veterans, but clearly he wasn’t really associated with them and when I walked away he followed me and blocked my path and I had to give him the whole “emptying my pockets…see there’s nothing in here” routine till he fucked off. At least with a phone you can hang up :)

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  4. Before we cut our land line, I used to hate picking up the phone. I hate being solicited. I was also taught that you must answer the phone when it rings, until one day it was like I had been re-set. I asked myself, “why is it that I feel I need to answer every ring on the phone and every knock on the door?” I talked with K about this. We also talked frankly about my anxiety and blood pressure. Then I stopped answering every call. It’s easier now that we just have cellphones. If it’s a number I don’t recognize, I don’t answer it. Likewise, if I am home alone, I don’t answer the door – ever. I also have a no solicitor’s sign, which everyone ignores…

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    1. One thing I forgot to say: I am an introvert. I am ON at work, I talk endlessly and am friendly during the day. My home, however, is my castle. I make no excuses in my castle. It is my place to unwind and relax. Strangers at my doorstep haranging me for money changes me into someone I do not like very much. It’s best to protect everyone involved and not answer that door…

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      1. I have a sign that says “Please…no soliciting, no canvassing, no religious housecalls. Thank you.
        Yes, I have a polite sign, to stay neighbourly. We are the only ones on our street that aren’t retired, don’t have a dog or children, and no prospect of that situation changing any time soon, so people are suspicious of us as it is. A big FUCK OFF is way too honest. ;) I wanted a “GO AWAY” boot mat outside our front door – no irony there, either – but, changed my mind. I have to live in this neighbourhood too and don’t want to alienate them, I want to alienate the Weed Man.

        The way I see it…they knock on my door, I point to the sign, they say they aren’t selling me anything, and then proceed with a sales pitch, I slam the door in their face. That sign is the warning sign – polite – but, still a warning.

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    3. So maybe I should save this as a Getting More Tale, but I can relate to your “always answer the phone” rule when growing up. We had the same rule. In grade 10, there was this kid, Bobby M…smart kid and we started studying together. But I think he may have been a little bit lonely, and I also think in hindsight be may have been struggling with sexuality and had a bit of a crush. But anyway. He started calling every other night, then every night, then twice a night, then three times a night, and I was going mental. I begged my mom to not pick up the phone, or to lie and say I wasn’t home, but she wouldn’t! She doesn’t know this but from time to time I used to unplug the phones in the house so he couldn’t call me!

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  5. Hey Mike, I’ve got this set of encyclpedias that would be PERFECT for you and your family. Just buy the letter A right now and we’ll send you the rest…

    Haha

    My mother-in-law has the best one: She says ‘oh, I’m not the one to speak to, let me get the man of the house.’ She sets the handset down on the table (with no intention of going to get my father-in-law), then comes back and hangs up the phone after they’ve hung up on their end.

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  6. I’ve had so big a problem with telemarketers that I let all calls go to answer phone. Friends, family and colleagues are all aware of this now and understand. One way to deter religious callers is to have a poster of the Dio “Holy Diver” album cover somewhere they can see it when you open the door to them. It worked for me.

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  7. The “do not call” list is big joke in the telemarketer world. They don’t care, and call anyway. I had one asshole actually tell me, “hey, you called US, so don’t give me crap”. What?! And soliciting for donations is a special hate of mine, especially this time of year. People feed on the sympathies of bleeding hearts who see a “veteran” or so-called homeless person on the corner with a sign. There used to be a guy who stood with a sign saying he’d work for food. I saw him in several big Iowa cities, and coworkers had seen him in Illinois. Someone offered him a job, and his reply was that he didn’t really want a job. He made $500 a day standing on corners with his sign!

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    1. You read about cases like that some times. Very disappointing. Causes me to lose some of my faith in the human race, but on the other hand, it’s nice to know people out there are willing to help others in need…just a shame it is taken advantage of. Very upsetting.

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  8. Hahaha I tend to ask them if they eat animals and then I go off on a vegan tirade – works every time and it shows – my house in now a no-go zone for the JW’s – I love it!

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