#352: “It’s All Helix’ Fault!” – The Story Of My Tooth


#352: “It’s All Helix’ Fault!” — The Story Of My Tooth

I know I’m not alone, among men who once had an intense fear of the dentist.  As soon as I was old enough to refuse to go, I stopped going.  (Prior to that, I simply hid the reminder cards that periodically arrived in the mail!)  I’m not saying that was a smart thing.  It wasn’t.  I’m over that fear now, but as these old journals reveal, that phobia later came back to bite me in the ass…with a weird connection to the rock band Helix.

Date: 2006/11/25 17:28
Title: The Big Update: “It’s All Helix’ Fault! — The Story Of My Tooth”

So just to get up to speed:

Until today, I haven’t seen a dentist since 1989. I have an intense fear of doctors and dentists. That has kept me away, until now.

This morning Jen and I headed out to United Rentals to drop off a CD I burned for one of the ladies there (Bon Jovi hits & B-sides). From there we went to the grocery and candy stores to mow down on a feast of goodies. And that is where this story truly begins.

I was chewing on some Laffy Taffy, and it was terrific. After I was done, however, I felt a throbbing in my upper left jaw. It was my troublesome wisdom tooth. It’s been causing me mild to medium pain for a little while. Normally, I’d just kill it with Advil and it’s fine. I knew the tooth was impacting on the other teeth, because when it was sore, they were all sore. Being the stubborn person I am, I just popped Advil. I knew it would have to come out one day. I kept putting it off because of that phobia.

Lately the tooth hadn’t even been bothering me. I think I’ve had one toothache in the last month. All seemed well for the forseeable future.

I should have known there would be an imminent problem when Jen presented me with our Helix tickets for next Friday. You see, last time we saw Helix, she had to have an emergency tooth extraction just before. She was still in pain by the day of the concert. It really hampered her enjoyment of the show, but she still gave them an R.

So here she’s presenting me with the Helix tickets. The very next day I’m in agony with a fractured wisdom tooth! I don’t blame the Laffy Taffy, I have only myself and Helix to blame!

I sat here in agony for a short time this morning. When I say “agony” I am not kidding. Those of you who’ve had this problem know what I’m talking about. The entire left side of my face was paralysed with pain. The upper and lower jaw were throbbing, and there was a stabbing from the wisdom tooth. Jen started calling dentists that are open weekends.

After probably an hour of calling around, she found a doctor that did extractions on Saturdays, but was booked solid. That doctor referred her to the hospital, who referred her to a guy named Dr. A. Jones. Dr. Jones had no bookings today. My dad drove us down because I couldn’t even see straight.

The whole way there I was freaking out, because I couldn’t even remember what a dentists office looked like.  But we got in, and it wasn’t so bad. The doctor was good, he pumped me full of painkillers, and pulled that dirty cocksucker out of my mouth. I’m here now and the painkillers are only starting to wear off. I’m going to pop a T3 soon. I’m about to try to eat. Life is good once again.

I forgive you, Helix!



  1. Dentists…I don’t like them either. I’ve had quite a bit of work done myself.

    My mom and I were talking about dentists over xmas. Up until last fall my mom was still going to the same dentist I went to as a child! She started seeing someone else who would actually help her fix her teeth (she has bone density problems and it is affecting her teeth). This dentist refused, and she was about to lose them if not fixed. Since going to the new dentist, she says she is amazed at how gentle the dentists are now, and I concurred. The old dentist was old school, and often would give half-assed freezing, or you would leave the chair with your mouth in a bloodbath – after a teeth cleaning! My current dentist does some great work, with little pain, and that makes me happy!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I was always jealous of those friends of mine whose dentists would have them go to the hospital to have their wisdom teeth pulled. Or even have them pulled piecemeal (like two in one sitting…). My old-school dentist pulled all four of mine out with me in the chair, in one sitting and with half-assed freezing. Yep. Old School.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. After this emergency procedure, I have 2 more removed, about one a year. Dr. Jones (I LOVE that he is T-Rev’s best buddy’s dad!) is very generous with the painkillers. Plus Jen gave me a tip: tell the dentist you can still feel things, and ask for another shot. He gives it to me and I don’t have to worry. My face is fucked for the rest of the day, and that’s annoying, but there are worse things!

          I did have complications with my top right wisdom tooth. Maybe I’ll save that for a yummy future tale.


        2. I told my old school dentist I could still feel things. He said, no, I have someone coming in 45 minutes. If I freeze you again we’ll have to wait a good 15 for the freezing to take affect (a bunch of baloney)!


  2. Coincidentally, Dr A Jones is actually Dr Arthur Richard Jones…who happens to be the father of my good good friend Chris Jones.

    Bet you never knew that Mike…I just learned myself as I read this


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Holy cow. Are you serious? I had no idea. I’d never met their dad before. I didn’t even know their dad was a dentist!

      Well you can tell the Jones boys that Dr. Arthur took really good care of me, and I’ve been going back steadily ever since!


  3. I do not understand your fear of medical professionals. Unless (and you don’t say it here) you had a bad experience in the past, there’s no reason to fear them. They are trained to help, so just let them.

    Also, I am sure this pun was intended: “that phobia later came back to bite me in the ass”


    1. Are you saying you’ve never heard of fear of dentists and doctors? It’s very common even among grown men. Twisted Sister even have a song about fear of doctors called Under the Blade.


        1. Yup! According to my calendar my next appointment us Jan 20. No cavities since back then, too!

          Actually this event was a big turn for me, I started going to the doctor again after this too!


  4. A couple tv/movie references came to mind:

    1) Seinfeld’s ‘anti-dentite’
    2) Garth not being able to enjoy Kenny G as it reminded him of the dentist – glad to hear you can get past the painful/dentist association and still enjoy helix!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was listening to Billion Dollar Babies last week. As much as I love that album, I can do without the dentist drills! Great song though. His wife Cheryl used to come out dancing dressed as a giant tooth.

      Liked by 1 person

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