RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#384: The Messenger
I hate computer instant messenger services! Actual conversation from the Record Store circa 2004-ish:
Me – “What? No, that’s wrong. I don’t even use MSN Messenger.”
Boss – “Are you calling the person who told me a liar?”
Me – “I guess so. Who told you?”
Boss – “I’m not telling you that. This your verbal warning. If I hear about this again you’re getting a written warning.”
Me – “But that’s not fair, they’re wrong. It wasn’t me! I don’t even like MSN!”
Boss – “I don’t believe you. I think you are lying to me. The other person has no reason to lie.”
So that one unfairly went on my record, and I maintain to this day that I HATED MSN MESSENGER! If you’ve used it, you know what I’m talking about. I had signed up for an account, but I found it to have no benefits and provided nothing but distraction. Below, you will find an example of what it’s like to try and write (or do anything) with MSN Messenger on.
“It was a dark, stormy night on the coastline of the small uninhabited…” [MSN BEEP!] “…island. The man wore a thin coat that did not protect him…” [BEEP!] [BEEP!] “…from the rain. He dragged through the mud a large [BEEP!] canvas duffle bag that [BEEP!] was already soaked completely [BEEP!] through to its contents. The man shuffled onwards, awkwardly [BEEP!] pulling the load behind [BEEP!] him. He grimaced as he readjusted his [BEEP!] GODDAMN THIS MSN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PUNCH THE MONITOR IF IT BEEPS ONE MORE DAMN TIME!”
I don’t remember who talked me into signing up for MSN in the first place, but it was probably some girl that I was interested in at the time. Once set up, my computer signed me in automatically at every boot, because I never figured out how to disable it afterwards. Indeed, our store tech guy couldn’t even disable it on our work computers. He could hide it and prevent it from starting at setup, but he couldn’t completely delete it from Windows. Thanks, Microsoft. The only employee that I knew for certain used it at work was Spoogecakes, who left herself logged in one day after her shift!
I did use email at work (just like the same bosses did) against store policy. But MSN? Hell no! The reason I know that is that I hate MSN Messenger to this day, just like I hate chickpeas or lentils! I had one, just like all the cool kids, but the sound of that “MSN beep” is still enough to make me jump out of my chair.
I couldn’t make it all the way through this video.