Teeth Week #4: “Unfinished Sweet” by Alice Cooper

The last song on side one of Alice Cooper’s Billion Dollar Babies album in 1973 was a lyrical departure.  Instead of the horrors of monsters, or necrophilia, this time Alice is comically singing about the horrors of dental surgery!  Too much candy, and now it’s time for a trip to the dentist.  The sound of drills echo in your head as the song plays.  Live on stage, Alice’s wife Cheryl dressed as a giant tooth and danced around while Alice brushed her with a giant toothbrush.

Standing among bigger hit firepower like “Billion Dollar Babies”, “Elected” and “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, this ode to dental surgery is often forgotten.  If the sound of dental drills give you the heebie-jeebies, then I can understand why.  With lyrics about the Marquis de Sade hanging out in Alice’s mouth, I’m glad I didn’t put this song on BEFORE my dental surgery.

Alice Cooper is a lyrical master and there should be no surprise that he has one of the most hilariously horrifying songs about teeth in rock and roll!

Candy everywhere, got chocolate in my hair,
Aching to get me.
Sticky sweet suckers in the Halloween air,
Aching to get me.
Saint Vitus dance on my molars tonight,
Aching to get me.
Aching to get me, get me oh …
Take it to the doc, I guess he ought to know,
La, da, da, da, da.
Which ones can stay, which ones gotta go.
La, da, da, da, da.
He looks in my mouth and then he starts to gloat.
He says my teeth are O.K.,
But my gums got to go.Oh oh …
I come off the gas but I’m still seeing spies,
Aching to get me.
I can see them all through a glassy pair of eyes,
Aching to get me.
De Sade’s gonna live in my mouth tonight,
La, da, da, da, da,
And the rotten tooth fairy is satisfied,
La, da, da, da, da,
Aching to get me, get me oh …

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