Teeth Week

Sunday Update

Feeling a lot better. It’s been a week since I was seen at the hospital. It’s been a week of real healing. Here’s to a better week this week.

Saturday Update

I’m on my last day of antibiotics and I’m just taking Advil for pain as needed.  The surgery seems to be healing nicely.  However there seems to be damage to my jaw, muscle or tendons, because it’s still very painful to open.  I’m getting there though.  I might even try to eat something solid but easy today.

In reflection of that sentiment, here’s Faith No More’s cover of “Easy” by the Commodores.


Friday Update

Still can’t open my mouth very far. Day 10 of this now. I thought I’d be well out of the woods by now. I hope you enjoyed Wednesday’s installment of The Adventures of Tee Bone Man, by 80sMetalMan and art by Harrison.

I’m off the codeine now, but I still can’t open my jaw much more than a centimeter.  Eating is annoying and food has become tedious.

So to combat the tedium, here’s Justin Hawkins, Wolfgang Van Halen, Dave Grohl and Josh Freese playing some Van Halen.


I really didn’t expect it to be this hard!  Everybody said it was easy!  It is not.

The first two days were fine.  Day three was difficult but day four was supposed to be the day I started bouncing back.  That clearly wasn’t happening.  By 3 AM on Sunday morning, I knew things weren’t right in Texas so I went to the hospital.  Five hours later I was out with codeine and antibiotics. It has been slow progress since then.

I basically can’t eat solid food and can’t open my mouth more than a centimeter.  The pain is currently under control but the swelling is extensive and I’ve no doubt it will be a long time before I’m able to eat normally again.  Until I have the energy to write regularly again, I’ll be holding all new posts back.  I have a review of the new Ozzy locked and loaded along with a bunch of CD singles.  I don’t want to release them all and lose all my backlog.

Thanks to everyone for all the support.  This has sucked more than I expected.  I hope I’m back to normal soon.



* I was lucky it was only five hours.  The waiting room was filled with girls on drugs, their hockey playing boyfriends, and hypochondriac, conspiracy theorist parents whose kids had a mild cough.  I know someone in another city who had to wait 15 hours and was never seen, so he left.


Swelling and pain have decreased so I’m going back into work today.  Wish me luck, I will need it, I have been gone almost a week.


Due to a setback, new posts are on hold for the moment!

Teeth Week #7: “Skin O’ My Teeth” by Megadeth

This track comes by the suggestion of the Mad Metal Man himself, Harrison!  From the near-immortal album Countdown to Exitinction, this song relates to suicide, not dental surgery, but we’ll go with it anyway.


I had wrists donning slitsFlowing constantlyMy broken body in a wreckWrapped around a treeA crosswalk hit and runThe finish line for mePeople clutter in the gutterTake a look and see
No escaping painYou belong to meClinging on to lifeBy the skin o’ my teeth
No escaping painYou belong to meClinging on to lifeBy the skin o’ my teeth
My blood flows through the streetsDeluge from the woundsEmpty jars of sleeping pillsOn the dresser in my roomMy wet-brain neighbor cranesHis neck to seeIn time, the white lights, a trainBearing down on me
No escaping painYou belong to meClinging on to lifeBy the skin o’ my teeth
No escaping painYou belong to meClinging onto lifeBy the skin o’ my teeth
I won’t feel the hurtI’m not trash any longerThat that doesn’t kill meOnly makes me strongerI need a ride to the morgueThat’s what 911 is forSo tag my toe and don’t forgetOoh, to close the drawer
No escaping painYou belong to meClinging on to lifeBy the skin o’ my teeth
No escaping painYou belong to meClinging on to lifeBy the skin o’ my teeth

Teeth Week #6: “Toothless People” by Weird Al Yankovic

This tooth-themed song comes courtesy of Kevin over at CanadianGrooves!  This song comes from Weird Al Yankovic’s 4th record Polka Party!  It was not one of Al’s more successful albums, earning mixed reviews and not a lot of hits.  “Living With A Hernia” comes from the same album.  Hopefully I do not end up a toothless person.

They only show you their gums when they smile
Ain’t got a tooth in their heads now, how vile
Only can eat things like pudding and applesauce
They never have to buy toothpicks or dental floss
Hey, stand up
Toothless people, their breath is lethal, want to tell you
Hey, come on, stand up, get on your feet
Toothless people, old and feeble, what I say
No more of those pearly whites will they possess
Their oral hygiene is frightful, a mess
Lots of ’em suffering from trench mouth and gum disease
At least they don’t have to worry ’bout cavities
Hey, stand up, take out your teeth
Toothless people, old and feeble, oh yes
You can brush ’em, you can floss ’em
They’re something you just can’t ignore
If you lose ’em, you’re in trouble
‘Cause the tooth fairy won’t come no more
You need something to show your dentist
The next time he makes you say “Ah”
You don’t want to have to wind up
Eating all of your food through a straw
You’d better brush your teeth now (hey)
Toothless, toothless, toothless, toothless people
Hey, stand up, toothless people

Teeth Week #5: “Tooth and Nail” by Dokken

I hope by now I’m well into recovery!  The fifth song for Teeth Week is Dokken’s “Tooth and Nail”, from the album of the same name, released in 1984.  This excellent record is notable for also including the landmark ballad “Alone Again”.  Written by “Wild” Mick Brown, George Lynch and Jeff Pilson, “Tooth and Nail” is an uptempo metal smoker about typical metal subject matter.  Tearing it up in the daytime.  Being reckless and free.  Being strong and fighting tooth and nail.  Hopefully that’s what I’m doing this week as I recover from my surgery.

“Tooth and Nail” is notable for being on every Dokken live album, with the exception of the 1983 recording From Conception which predates the track.  It’s even on the unplugged One Live Night album.  It’s certainly a mainstay in Dokken sets.  Please root for me to fight tooth and nail as I recover from my surgery.


Desperate living- driving me madWritings on the wallCrushed all our hopes and the dreams we once hadJust to watch them fall
Tearing it up in the daytimeBurning it down at nightHow long does it takeTo break the spellStraight to the topTooth and nail
Last generation- reckless and freeUp against the oddsThoughts of revenge are going trough meFate lies in the cards
Tearing it up in the daytimeBurning it down at nightHow long does it takeTo break the spellStraight to the topTooth and nail
Desperate living- trying to seeBreaking all the rulesOnly the strong are gonna be freeFrom a world of fools
Tooth and nailTooth and nailStraight to the topTooth and nail

Teeth Week #4: “Unfinished Sweet” by Alice Cooper

The last song on side one of Alice Cooper’s Billion Dollar Babies album in 1973 was a lyrical departure.  Instead of the horrors of monsters, or necrophilia, this time Alice is comically singing about the horrors of dental surgery!  Too much candy, and now it’s time for a trip to the dentist.  The sound of drills echo in your head as the song plays.  Live on stage, Alice’s wife Cheryl dressed as a giant tooth and danced around while Alice brushed her with a giant toothbrush.

Standing among bigger hit firepower like “Billion Dollar Babies”, “Elected” and “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, this ode to dental surgery is often forgotten.  If the sound of dental drills give you the heebie-jeebies, then I can understand why.  With lyrics about the Marquis de Sade hanging out in Alice’s mouth, I’m glad I didn’t put this song on BEFORE my dental surgery.

Alice Cooper is a lyrical master and there should be no surprise that he has one of the most hilariously horrifying songs about teeth in rock and roll!

Candy everywhere, got chocolate in my hair,
Aching to get me.
Sticky sweet suckers in the Halloween air,
Aching to get me.
Saint Vitus dance on my molars tonight,
Aching to get me.
Aching to get me, get me oh …
Take it to the doc, I guess he ought to know,
La, da, da, da, da.
Which ones can stay, which ones gotta go.
La, da, da, da, da.
He looks in my mouth and then he starts to gloat.
He says my teeth are O.K.,
But my gums got to go.Oh oh …
I come off the gas but I’m still seeing spies,
Aching to get me.
I can see them all through a glassy pair of eyes,
Aching to get me.
De Sade’s gonna live in my mouth tonight,
La, da, da, da, da,
And the rotten tooth fairy is satisfied,
La, da, da, da, da,
Aching to get me, get me oh …