SPINAL TAP – “Bitch School” (1992 MCA CD single)
From the album Break Like the Wind
SPINAL TAP – “Bitch School” (1992 MCA CD single)
From the album Break Like the Wind
GETTING MORE TALE #577: Wedding Tunes Tales
Mrs LeBrain and I have been married nine years. It is an incredible feeling, to have found the one made for you. I thank God every day. We still frequently talk about the wedding day itself, the most amazing day of my life. The bachelor night before was legendary, but the wedding was perfect.
Well, except a few minor details.
With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, there is one thing that really bugs me today, and that is our wedding CD. Specifically, one track on that wedding CD.
I personally selected and approved most of the music for the day. I was very proud to work Frank Zappa into the reception music (“Peaches En Regalia”). I also had to make sure I had a Kiss song, so I chose “And Then She Kissed Me” from Love Gun. We focused on Johnny Cash and the Beatles for the ceremony, killing two birds with one stone on “In My Life” for the signing of the registry. As soon as we started sending out the “thank you” cards to all the guests, I compiled and burned dozens of copies of what you might call The Official Soundtrack Album to Our Wedding. I squeezed in everything I could, but Jennifer insisted we include one specific song for her maid of honour, Lara. [Note: Lara is not evil, but she will be portraying the antagonist in an upcoming store called “Seven”. Stay tuned.] I guess when they used to work together in a video store, they would play “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit a lot. Some customer gave Lara a CD with that song on it and only that song…on repeat. I guess this inside joke meant that “My Own Worst Enemy” was Lara’s entrance music at the reception. And I guess that justified it being on the soundtrack CD. That is, by far, my biggest wedding regret. It never should have been on the soundtrack CD. It’s the only song I absolutely have to skip every time. It’s shit. Sorry Lara, but your tribute song sucks!
Jen has her own decision that she would go back and change if she could. We had the proverbial “bridesmaid from hell”. Bridesmaidzilla, or ‘Zilla for short, was drama from start to finish. Without getting into too much detail, ‘Zilla was at the bottom of the bridesmaid totem pole but tried to manipulate certain things to be about her. The highlight of these efforts was what we call the “caesar salad saga”.
It’s quite simple, really! Jennifer has a seafood allergy, and any decent caesar salad dressing has anchovy paste in it. We never take any chances, so we requested a regular garden salad for the dinner reception. No big deal, right? It’s a salad, but most importantly, it’s Jennifer’s wedding. You wouldn’t believe how this salad became a bone of contention between them! ‘Zilla looked up recipes for vegan versions online. The salad was repeatedly brought up, but Jen had never really had caesar salad before due to her allergy. Why would she suddenly want one for her wedding? Bottom line, Jen chose the salad she wanted. And for the record, since that time, she has tried vegan caesar salad and likes it. But why would she gamble on something like that for her wedding night? No, pick the salad you want. Bottom line, end of discussion.
Drama continued right up to the morning of the wedding day. As maid of honour, Lara was in charge of the bridesmaids and all communication was to go through her to relieve the pressure from Jen. Lara would take care of any minor details so Jen would not have to be bothered. Well, apparently a bra was needed on the wedding day, and so I received a 7:00 am phone call about it. ‘Zilla didn’t want to call Lara because they were not getting along, at all, so they thought it would a good idea to call the groom on his wedding day, about a goddamn bra. They actually called me to ask where you can get a bra on a holiday weekend. Are you kidding me?
They must have called Lara and gotten it sorted because they got the bra situation taken care of without the groom having to intervene. The wedding went off perfectly and the reception was even better. I did my best to curate some cool music, and as a special treat, my sister Kathryn performed at the reception. It was a jazz quartet — bass, bass clarinet, drums, guitar. The crowning moment of their performance was a jazzy rendition of the “Cantina Theme” from Star Wars. My sister had to order the sheet music which wasn’t cheap. Her band’s performance that night was her wedding gift to us, and that reminds me that I do have one more regret. That is, I wish I had filmed it.
After dinner, after the cake was served, and I was taking a rest between songs (I was a dancing fiend) I sat at ‘Zilla’s table for a bit to chat. Jen’s friend Gordie, who is hilarious by the way, and married to one of the good bridesmaids, was also sitting with a few others at the table. Knowing full well the drama that had gone down, Gordie mischievously commented, “That was a great wedding, Mike. Everything was perfect and I am so happy for you and Jen. The cake was great…the only thing I would change is the salad, if it was caesar it would have been perfect.” Then the husband of ‘Zilla said, “We even gave them the recipe to make it…”
The last bit of ‘Zilla drama happened later in the evening as they were leaving. The DJ played one of the special songs I picked, which was “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond. My mom, sister, aunt and new wife started dancing to it and I shouted “It’s the Ladano girls dance!” My sister, who was right drunk at that stage, yelled out, “LADANO GIRLS, YAAAY!” They joined with me in a circle and we danced away to Neil, singing along, having a blast, laughing. ‘Zilla was, apparently, standing nearby waiting to say goodbye. I felt a tap on my shoulder and she very bitchily said “BYE!” while making a talkie-talkie motion with her hand. Yeah, bye!
Jen and I will soon be celebrating our anniversary again, and we’ll probably play that wedding soundtrack CD and relive the good memories. And I’ve convinced her to skip Lit from now on. Small victories are still victories.
It’s true: By all measurements, Hero, Hero is an exploitive compilation of Judas Priest material. Their first record label, Gull, was prone to do this. However this is no typical “hits” set; this one is of interest to collectors and die hard fans.
Hero, Hero (named for a lyric from the song “Dying to Meet You”) was originally released in 1981 to take advantage of Priest’s rising star. The original two releases on Gull records, Rocka Rolla and Sad Wings Of Destiny, had been exploited previously in a compilation called The Best Of Judas Priest, which was a single record. Hero, Hero was a double record which included all of Rocka Rolla and most of Sad Wings, as well as the crucial Joan Baez cover, “Diamonds and Rust”, in an alternate take (previously heard on Best Of).
So, if you have all that material already, why is this album required at all? Cover art aside, of course. That cover (a pre-existing painting) is brilliant. There is also a Kiss bootleg called Barbarize with the same cover.
The reason is revealed in the liner notes. All of Rocka Rolla had been remixed for this release. Why is unknown, as that record sounded just fine for what it is. The remixes are, in general, not even all that different. The major changes are made during “Cheater”, the “Winter” suite, and “Rocka Rolla” itself, during which major portions of the songs are noticeably shifted around. “Rocka Rolla” has its verses rearranged, and there’s a burst of harmonica in “Cheater” where there never was before.
The remix done to Rocka Rolla doesn’t really add or subtract anything from the album, which makes it that much harder to understand why it was done. Why Gull records spent the money to remix these tracks is unknown, and the names of the engineers involved are a mystery. But there it is: Rocka Rolla remixed in its entirety but not in order, here on the Hero, Hero album. Because they’re less familiar to the ear, they sound fresh, but in many cases you’d struggle to point out differences. A little reverb here, a little echo there.
Highlights including a bluesy “Cheater” and the flanged chug of “Diamonds and Rust”. The six tracks from Sad Wings of Destiny are brilliant. “Dreamer Deceiver” and “Deceiver” are used to open this CD, but that is not the original running order. Normally the album begins with “Prelude” and “Tyrant”, also from Sad Wings. The original Canadian cassette version on Attic maintained the original running order with “Prelude” at the start. Essentially, the Connoisseur Collection CD has side one and side two flipped.
Fair warning to CD buyers: There are some shoddy reissues of this album that don’t have the remixed tracks. Transluxe is one such version. To make your life easier you might just want to look for an original 1981 LP. The pictured CD from Connoisseur Collection (1995) does have the remixes, so you’re good to go if you spot one.
The KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES Part 26:
The Animalize tour was the most successful that Kiss had done since the original lineup. It was an exciting stage show including a finale with the band playing on a levitating platform over the stage. It was logical to film the Detroit concert, returning to the Cobo Hall where much of Kiss Alive! was forged in 1975. It had been a long time since Kiss released anything live. The sequel album Alive II came in 1977, and then Kiss underwent radical upheaval and change, as we have documented through this series. In the 1970s there was a pattern: Three studio albums and then a live album. Animalize was the sixth studio album since Alive II with no Alive III on the horizon.
Fans had their own theories as to why Alive III never materialized when due, but it likely has a lot to do with the lineup changes, shifts in direction, and fading fortunes. These events all struck right around the time when the third live album would have been appropriate, but as Kiss replaced members and took off the makeup, they had to re-establish themselves as a valid, current entity not dependant on past glories.
The Animalize Cobo Hall concert that was filmed was released in 1985 as the home video, Animalize Live Uncensored. For an entire generation of Kiss fans, Animalize Live Uncensored was our own Alive III. You could break down KISStory up to this point into three distinct eras as seen in the chart below.
Kiss had a whole new generation of fans, the MTV generation, who associated the makeup with ancient history. We didn’t have our own Kiss Alive. Without one, we made Animalize Live Uncensored into our unofficial Alive III.
Kiss were introducing yet another guitar player to the fans, but Bruce Kulick was fitting in great. Animalize Live Uncensored gave the fans at home a chance to check out his interpretations of new and old Kiss classics. He gave the Mark St. John tracks a smoother soloing style with more emphasis on hooky licks. The threw on tons of the flash that was in vogue at the time, but he didn’t showboat. He did exactly what the bosses (Paul and Gene) wanted, and he did it well enough to win over fans and keep the gig.
The Kiss of the 80s were way, way faster than the Kiss of the 70s. Eric Carr could play things that Peter Criss couldn’t, and speed was in fashion. Even old songs like “Cold Gin” and “Detroit Rock City” were sped up and 80s-ized. The fast stuff from their 80s albums, like “Fits Like a Glove” and “Young and Wasted” are done up even faster. Lots of songs by the original band such as “Shout it Out Loud”, “Christine Sixteen”, “Firehouse”, “Strutter” and many more were dropped in favour of new ones. “Under the Gun”, “Thrills in the Night” and “Heaven’s on Fire” were the newest, while plenty of songs from Lick it Up and Creatures were also retained. Using the chart above for reference, only five Kiss songs from the first two eras combined were included. The third era, never before represented in live form, gets ten tracks. The rest of the space is taken up by solos: Paul Stanley (guitar), Gene Simmons (bass) and Eric Carr (drums). There is no Bruce Kulick solo. As you have probably surmised, a Paul Stanley feature solo is as basic as they get, with Gene’s only a modicum more memorable. Eric Carr’s is fun and flashy — more so on video.
One big highlight of Animalize Live Uncensored is Eric Carr’s lead vocal debut on a Kiss release. The Fox was given “Young and Wasted” from Lick It Up to sing, in addition to Peter Criss’ part in “Black Diamond”. And so Kiss fans began a long and painful wait to hear him sing something on a Kiss studio album.
For dyed in the wool Kiss fans, Animalize Live Uncensored is universally remembered for mainly one thing: that is Paul Stanley’s epic song introductions. “Love Gun” is the most legendary, a tale of Paul “partying” too much and having to go to the doctor to get himself checked out. The nurse decides to “start this examination just a little bit early” and asks Paul to remove his pants…where she discovers his (wait for it) “LOVE GUN”! There are so many great Paul intros on this video that it’s worth checking out for them alone. Full visuals help.
But what about a CD release, for that generation of fans for whom this is their Alive III? There are options. None are perfect. In fact, there isn’t even a DVD version. There are only semi-official looking bootlegs and the old original VHS. For CDs, you must go with a radio broadcast release, and none are perfect. Single disc versions are obviously trimmed for time and usually have 15 tracks including a couple solos. There is also a two disc broadcast from WLLZ in Detroit which has all 18 songs and all the solos too. This is available on a quadruple disc set called Radio Waves 1974-1988, released in 2015.* It even has intros and raps not included on the original Animalize Live VHS release! “Black Diamond” has a much longer introduction and much of the talking isn’t available elsewhere. During the encores, they mess around with the traditional “Oh Susannah”. The other intros and raps, the classic ones, are edited or missing completely! You just can’t win.
Only one track from this concert has been officially released on LP and CD: “Heaven’s On Fire”, which was Kiss’ contribution to Ronnie James Dio’s Hear N’ Aid – Stars album in 1986. Kiss completists will want to make sure they have that one.
One could meticulously paste in all of Paul Stanley’s missing and edited stage raps, and add them to your tracklist. It would be bloody time consuming. You’d have to listen to your compiled creation a few times to justify the time spent putting it together. But it could be done. It really is a shame that this broadcast CD is a few intros shy of complete. The sound is iffy at times too, with a lot of static where there shouldn’t be. But for the time being, it’s the best we got.
To be continued…
*CD 1 is Agora Ballroom, previously reviewed in a prior superior edition. CD 4 is Live at the Ritz 1988, but including the song “Reason to Live” often missing from the broadcast!
Original mikeladano.com review: 2012/08/01
GETTING MORE TALE #576: “Why’d You Lick My Pee-noose?”
The Sausagefest 2017 Countdown
By the time it was all over I fairly surmised that, personally speaking, Sausagefest 2017 (the 16th annual) was the best one yet.
There are many reasons for this. One happened by pure change.
The weather reports for the weekend were changing daily. I contacted Uncle Meat on Wednesday to tell him they were calling for rain all weekend. He responded, “No they’re not, are you new?” But they were! And the next day, the forecasts had changed again.
By our Friday departure the skies were partly cloudy, but we’ve seen worse. After we arrived and set up our tents it started pouring for a short while. The old fire pit was flooded. When the rain stopped the decision was made to move the location for the Countdown, uphill on dry land. This was the first time the actual location had ever been changed after 15 years down by the river. It turned out that this was the best possible decision. The new location was wide open, more conductive to mingling and conversation, and as you have seen, provided some beautiful photographs. The new location will be permanent from now on.
I felt one of the reasons things went so well for me was good preparation, but that may not be the case. Uncle Meat also had a great time, and was so ill-prepared that he only arranged a tent to sleep in when we were halfway there! Way to be ready, Uncle Meat!
The vibe was right from the get-go and the Countdown began on time.
Highlights from the first night included some lesser-heard tracks:
There were lots of cool tunes this year: 87 in total including tributes (more on those later). “Indians” by Anthrax was a perfectly appropriate song this year too, since I pulled a large chunk of my own recorded bits from the Brocket 99 CD, a spoof of Indian reservation radio stations. (I voted for “Indians” as #22 on my list.)
And plenty more! You can check out the Countdown list yourself. It was also a treat hearing Ray Charles’ “Mess Around”, which you probably know from John Candy in Planes Trains and Automobiles. Rainbow’s “Light in the Black” was a personal favourite for my air guitar workout.
The comedy sketches were on-point, and I had tears streaming down my face laughing so hard. The Lord of Lamb, Zach Britton, wrote a sketch regarding my insistence that a Bacon Big Mac is not the same thing as a Big Mac. Bacon is not in the Big Mac song, therefore a Bacon Big Mac is not the same thing. Britton rebutted me successfully, and hilariously. “Loosey Goosey” is now a catch-phrase. As a peace offering, he gifted me a bottle of Big Mac sauce.
The first night it rained, but it mattered not as we huddled in our waterproof tents. We were up by the crack of 10:00 to grab breakfast at the Spatula – not the “Flying” Spatula anymore, please note. They have officially changed the name of the place, but still offer the “Flesherton Fill-up” for breakfast. Not as large, nor as good as it was in the past. On the way up, Uncle Meat yelled “Loosey Goosey!” at anyone we passed on the road.
You have to give credit to our Spatula server Heather. I sat with Max “I’m kind of a big deal” the Axe, and I got to witness him working his magic on Heather the server. He promised her the last CD copy in existence of one of his albums. What a deal! Max told me I had a good singing voice. Was he hitting on me, too? Wayne also had a golden line at the store Top of the Rock, with the girl who was distributing bags of ice. “Are you the ice lady? Ice to meet you!”
There was a new exciting twist this year at the 16th Sausagefest. Submitting lists (aka “paying your rock and roll taxes”) has long been a problem. Some people are always prompt. Those people were rewarded with an extra song, a “tribute” this year. Mine was The Police – “Next to You”. That was a blast for air guitar. You can see by the list at bottom, only eight people got tributes. That means only eight people got their lists in on time without nagging! Due to the amount of time it takes to compile the votes and actually record the Countdown, it was decided that this time, you must vote for 2018’s songs by the end of the weekend. And so Saturday afternoon was spent socially compiling lists. It was weird seeing a bunch of guys at Sausagefest with clipboards and pens, furiously writing, colluding and discussing. It was also successful. All lists are in. There will be a whole year to compile and record for 2018!
The second evening had more great rock. Ghost, Dunsmuir, The Sword, Iron Maiden, CCR, Floyd, Purple, Tenacious D, Sabbath and Zeppelin…all building up to the top ten. Not only building up to the top ten, but also setting up the very first Sausagefest live theater….
There were plenty of fake-out tracks in the top ten, as they pretended they couldn’t read the songs written on Uncle Meat’s upper thigh. Sabbath, Rush and Metallica were played eventually. After the #2 track “The Immigrant Song” (Zeppelin), there was an announcement made.
Tom, father of four, the co-founder, the Captain himself, wanted to take a step back. Recording the Countdown was no longer possible for him, due to family demands at home. This made sense, since the guy does have four rugrats and was absent from some of the top ten due to a supposed argument with his wife about it. They saved the announcement for the #1 spot. Only one person was told in advance, and that was the immortal Lord of Lamb himself, Zach Britton. As the song lyrics state, “He is the reason we still do this shit.” He was given a 20 minute heads-up to collect his emotions.
As the announcement was made, they said there would be no #1 song this year. They’d play it first in 2018. Instead, they played the traditional “Happy Trails” by Van Halen as Tom clinked glasses and shook hands with attendees. And then Zach got up to make a speech. He was obviously still shocked and upset by this sad turn of events.
His speech began as expected: melodramatic, sad, and stirring…until it was interrupted.
There was a 4 minute 30 second gap built into the Countdown…specifically timed for Zach to start his speech but not finish. All part of the pre-planned “live theater”. Then….
“ZACH BRITTON!” boomed the speakers.
Suddenly the Countdown recording continued, as a pre-recorded Bucky urged Zach to shut the fuck up and sit back down because he had just been pranked! Tom wasn’t retiring. Zach didn’t have a clue, nor did any of the rest of us! We all bought it, hook line and sinker, even though Tom has 12 months to record for 2018. It seemed so believable especially with that supposed “argument” with his wife built into the recordings. So I raised my goblet of Romulan Ale to Zach “the Lord of Lamb” Britton for being a great sport and a diamond geezer! The “live theater”, the first ever attempted at Sausagefest, was a tremendous success. As Uncle Meat said afterwards, “They will never ever trust us again.” It easily could have gone sideways, if Zach didn’t stand up to make his speech. They were counting on him and he fell right into it. Brilliant live theater!
The actual #1 song, played after the live theater, was “Cygnus X-1” by Rush, a fantastic song on which to close.
The following morning, we packed up to go home. As per usual, Uncle Meat kept singing and repeating one sentence. This year, it was a ditty called “Why’d You Lick My Penis (Rectum)”.*
“Why’d you lick my pee-noose…why’d you lick my pee-noose, rectum…” Over and over again. You can hear this on the Sausagefest video.
We made our way home, but for many of the guys, it was time to rock again. Five Alarm Funk played a free show in London on Sunday night, and a few tired ‘Festers trekked out to party some more. Totally fitting, since Five Alarm Funk had three songs on this year’s Countdown.
What a Sausagefest! Best one ever? Until next year, maybe….
|2||The Immigrant Song||Led Zeppelin|
|4||Heaven and Hell||Black Sabbath|
|5||La Villa Strangiato||Rush|
|6||Sweat||Five Alarm Funk|
|8||When the Levee Breaks||Led Zeppelin|
|10||Rocky Raccoon||The Beatles|
|12||The Chain||Fleetwood Mac|
|13||Quick Death in Texas||Clutch|
|14||Muffin Man||Frank Zappa|
|15||Cloak of Feathers||The Sword|
|17||Consolers of the Lonely||The Raconteurs|
|18||Space Truckin’||Deep Purple|
|19||Zenith Escalator||Five Alarm Funk|
|20||Pigs (Three Different Ones)||Pink Floyd|
|23||Wasted Years||Iron Maiden|
|25||The Mob Goes Wild||Clutch|
|27||Time Travelling Blues||Orange Goblin|
|29||46 and 2||Tool|
|31||Money For Nothing||Dire Straits|
|32||The Lemon Song||Led Zeppelin|
|34||Hung on the Rocks||Dunsmuir|
|35||Cosmo Bozo||Orange Goblin|
|36||Layla||Derek and the Dominoes|
|39||Catholic Girls||Frank Zappa|
|41||Nautical Disaster||Tragically Hip|
|42||Skullduggin||Black Joe Lewis|
|43||Squash That Fly||Fu Manchu|
|45||I Should Have Known It||Tom Petty|
|46||Great Gig in the Sky||Pink Floyd|
|47||Heart of the Sunrise||Yes|
|48||Inside Looking Out||Grand Funk Railroad|
|49||Boston Rag||Steely Dan|
|50||Lady Writer||Dire Straits|
|51||Helter Skelter||The Beatles|
|52||My Fairie King||Queen|
|53||Into the Coven||Mercyful Fate|
|54||After the Gold Rush||Neil Young|
|55||Watcher of the Skies||Genesis|
|58||Domino||Masters of Reality|
|59||The Soft Parade||The Doors|
|60||Smoke 2 Joints||Sublime|
|61||Cosmic Fiend||The Black Crowes|
|62||London Calling||The Clash|
|64||Light in the Black||Rainbow|
|65||Wha Cha Want||Beastie Boys|
|66||Mess Around||Ray Charles|
|67||500 Miles||John Garcia|
|68||Ted the Mechanic||Deep Purple|
|70||We Will Rock You – Fast||Queen|
|71||Everyday People||Sly and the Family Stone|
|72||(NOT SURE?)||(Uncle Meat??)|
|73||Our Only Master||Dunsmuir|
|74||We All Scream||Five Alarm Funk|
|76||She Caught the Katy||The Blues Brothers|
|77||Take Off||Bob and Doug McKenzie|
|79||Low Hanging Fruit||Tenacious D|
|ALFRED||Old Time Rock and Roll||Bob Seger|
|LADANO||Next to You||The Police|
|MICHAEL||Don’t Fear the Reaper||Blue Oyster Cult|
|FRANK||Ride Captain Ride||Blues Image Ltd.|
|TYLER W||Belly of the Beast||Anthrax|
|ROB A||Tricky||Run DMC|
*Search terms on that one oughtta be funny.
Sausagefest 2017 unveils its new surprise twist: we are all voting for next year’s songs, right now. All lists must be turned in Sunday when voting is closed.
Because of the enormous numbers of hours to put together the Sausagefest countdown, this will give us a whole year to record for next year. No more last minute panics and logistical problems.
It’s been a fun afternoon!