Blu-ray REVIEW: Transformers (2007)

Old review from the archives dug up for your enjoyment. With all apologies to the regular music readers, I decided to post my reviews of the first three Transformers movies, in reverse order.  That’s the only way I could have saved the best for last!

Click here for Dark of the Moon.
And here for Revenge of the Fallen.

TRANSFORMERS (2007 Paramount)

Directed by Michael Bay

J. from Resurrection Songs requested quite some time ago that I post this review.  I decided that the only way to post my review of this movie, the first of the loathed “Bayverse” Transformers film, was to do it legit.  I wrote up a review for my journal almost 10 years ago that has never been seen by anybody.  Back then, I actually liked the movie, and the first is still the best of the series.  Let’s look at this thing from the perspective of “then”.  Things seemed wide open!  Whatever was wrong with the movie could be fixed in the next one, right?

How wrong we were.  Read on!

PRIME

Date: 2007/07/23

TRANSFORMERS: Not actually much more than meets the eye!

I hate Michael Bay. Period. I hated him when I saw Armageddon, easily the worst excuse for science fiction I’d ever seen. I maintain that anyone seeing that movie is dumber for doing so. It kills brain cells like a shot of Absinthe, straight up. I was predisposed to hating Transformers since Michael Bay directed it, but surprisingly I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it either; it was infinitely flawed. But what I liked in the film, the stuff that they nailed perfectly, was killer.

So what did they mess up so badly that I was cringing? What did they get right? Where did they surprise me?

I am with most people who hated the robots speaking and acting “contemporary”. These are aliens after all, so why Optimus would say “My bad!” when stepping in a flower bed, or why Jazz would talk like Bill Cosby acting hip-hop, I have no idea. Bumblebee “peeing” on John Turturro irked me too. For the record, “peeing” occured twice in this masterpiece of film: Once when Bumblebee unloaded on Turturro’s Agent Simmons, and once when a puppy dog urinated on Ironhide’s foot. (I did like it when he said, “That’s going to rust!” though.) This kind of thing was stupid, juvenile, and out of place even as comedy relief. Granted we’re talking about a movie based on a toy line, but the kids who played with those toys are grown up and have kids of their own now. I would like to think that piss jokes in a science fiction movie are a little passe now. (Although I do own Jackass 1 and Number 2, so call me a hypocrite.)

The storyline was a little weak. The “Allspark” that the Transformers are seeking is nothing more than a McGuffin to drive the plot. Apparently in the hands of Megatron it can do infinite harm, in the hands of the Autobots, it can heal their homeworld of Cybertron. However, in the end, it’s just a box that robots chase each other around for, like a colossal game of Cybertron Football.

The human character of Sam Witwicky as played by Speilberg’s new protege Shia LaBouf was really funny. I don’t know if he had much more dimension than that, though. He’s an awkward teen who wants to get the girl, any girl, but Megan Fox just happens to be available at the right time. When Shia is ready to protect the Allspark with his life (“No sacrifice, no victory!”) it comes a little bit out of left field considering that he rarely showed any motivation beyond getting the girl and staying alive. However, his honest, humourous delivery will make him a star one day. This kid has yet to show what he can do. I am sure he will under Speilberg in Indy 4*. As for Megan “the” Fox, she did little other than live up to her name. She did that very well. However, she didn’t really generate any other feelings in the audience. Lots of gratuitous skin shots.

Bernie Mac had some funny lines, totally over the top. But that’s why they hired a guy like Bernie Mac to play a used car salesman. John Turturro was OK, but you can tell he just phoned in his performance. John Voight, give the man some credit, looked like he was trying. Shame his part was so generic. All the soldiers in the film were pretty much just Michael Bay Soldiers…the same, every film, every time.

The robots had no characters, aside from Optimus and Bumblebee. They could have been fleshed out a lot more, but at least they felt like characters. Megatron was completely wasted, just a really big, mean, bad guy. You couldn’t even tell it was Hugo Weaving voicing him. Peter Cullen did a great job as Optimus, of course. I’m glad about that casting choice.

There were many nods to the past. Most of the characters still transformed into similar forms. Optimus looked amazing. Bumblebee was pefect as a Camaro. Frenzy was no longer a cassette tape, but the basic gist of the robot was the same. Brawl (misnamed “Devastator” in the subtitles…will this be fixed on the DVD version?**) was still a tank. Starscream was no longer an F-15 Eagle, but now a F-22 Raptor…killer update! Scorponok looked amazing in scorpion mode, but had no character to speak of and wasn’t seen in robot mode at all. Shame, that. He was once one of the deepest characters of the old Marvel series.

There was even some dialogue from the past: Optimus says, “One shall live, and one shall fall!”, the same words he said before Megatron killed him in the 1986 Transformers movie. However, twice the words “more than meets the eye” were uttered, making everyone in the audience groan. (It was just as bad as James Cromwell saying, “And you guys are astronauts, on some kind of star trek?” in Star Trek: First Contact.)

There were many nods to the creators. “This is way better than Armageddon!” one character says, with Michael Bay’s penis firmly in mouth. Someone mentioned E.T. in honour of Señor Spielbergo. There were also a small number of original series Star Trek soundbites, since the same dudes who wrote this are also working on Star Trek XI, an original series-era movie.*** (Interestingly, Michael Bay’s cousin Susan is married to Leonard Nimoy.)  Some of these things were cool, some were not.

Michael Bay’s directing, as always, was suck-ass. Just for fun I watched Team America a few days before going to see Transformers. All that stuff that is made fun of in that film was in Transformers, in spades! As soon as we hit the desert in Qatar, there’s a piece of “Arabic” music that sounded right out of Team America. All the slow-mo shots interspersed with high-speed action, all the cheesy dialogue, all those over-dramatic camera angles and lighting effects…Michael Bay threw in the kitchen sink, every trick he knew.

I think the coolest thing about Transformers was that it opens up wide what can happen in 2 and 3 (Peter Cullen, Megan Fox, and Shia LaBouf have signed on for two more). Michael Bay isn’t necessarily doing the sequels, so maybe someone with a lighter hand can take over. Slow things down a bit. Let us actually see the robots. The action was mostly so fast and white-washed with explosions and debris that you couldn’t see the robots.

Speaking of the robots, much has been made of their look: People whine that Optimus shouldn’t have flames, the Megatron should transform into a gun, that Bumblebee should have been a VW Beetle. I say, stop whining. These robots look amazing. I’m sure Megatron will look different in the next film anyway.**^

Speaking of the next film: Storywise, it’s already been said that the Dinobots, Constructicons and Soundwave are potential characters for the sequel, opening up story possibilities big time. I’d like to see Grimlock and Optimus clash over leadership direction a little bit like in the old Marvel series. Megatron and Starscream too…their conflict was hinted at. The ending was left wide open for sequels. (Why did the stupid humans believe that Megatron could be disposed of in such an easy way? Foolhardy!)

So there you go. Go get a Coke and a huge tub of popcorn. Enjoy and most importantly, enjoy discussing afterwards with all your geek and nerd friends like I am.

3/5 stars

Scan_20160424 (5)

*He did not.  

**It was not. Even though Bay introduced the actual character of Devastator in the next film.

***2009’s Star Trek.

**^He did look different, but not any better.

Blu-ray REVIEW: Transformers – Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Old review from the archives dug up for your enjoyment.  Apologies to the regular music readers, I’ve decided to post my reviews for the first three Transformers movies…but in reverse order.  Because fuck these movies.

Click here for Dark of the Moon.

Scan_20160423TRANSFORMERS – Revenge of the Fallen (2009 Paramount)

Directed by Michael Bay

This is a movie to make you say “wow”!  Not because it’s great, or the because the CGI effects are any good (they’re not) — just because Transformers 2 mucks things up even more than the first one did.

For example, the robot dialogue is geared towards kiddies, just like the old cartoon was. Then, mixed in the middle of all that kiddie dialogue, is Megan Fox wearing a tank top, then Megan Fox wearing leather chaps, then Megan Fox stripping off those chaps…just who is this movie for? It’s either geared for kids with no consideration at all for throwing all this sexual imagery at you, or it’s geared for adults (males) and really dumbed down.

All that could be forgivable if this movie had a plot, or characters, or even decent visuals. The effects were so bad; clearly the crew only had so much time and budget to finish. So when you see a robot called “The Doctor” manipulate Sam’s (Shia Labouf) face, it looks like something out of Roger Rabbit, or Star Wars Episode I. When robots are getting blown apart, you see little pieces of junk flying off them, but they don’t look real at all — it looks like little cartoon pieces of junk. Everything looks completely fake, except the explosions. Those look real (because they were real) and there are a lot of them, because BOOM Michael Bay BOOM!

So many opportunities here are squandered. The death of a beloved character has no emotion to it; even the pathetic 1986 cartoon movie had more emotion to the scene in question. The Fallen — one of the all time great Transformers villains — is just another bad guy, not the awe inspiring menace he should be. And don’t get me started on the hip-hop-bots. Why does Devastator have genitalia again? Was that really necessary?  Like the prior film, the humour was awfully juvenile — Sam’s parents are more annoying than ever, especially his mother (who gets high accidentally) and his roommate is one character that either should never have been written, or killed off in Act 2.

There are some minor shining lights in this movie. John Turturro, as Simmons, is better and funnier than before. There are also lots more robots — dozens. I couldn’t keep them straight!

However that is part of Michael Bay’s problem. His design team makes the robots essentially all look the same, particularly the Decepticons. There are a group of “protoform” Decepticons who arrive on Earth. Since they are “protoforms”, they are actually all identical with the exact same design. Budget wise, you can see how using the same animation model for a whole bunch of ‘Cons makes sense.  Visually, it reduced the film to an onscreen mess of flying shit.  Oh sure, there were Constructicons, and Insecticons…so what?   They didn’t do anything important.  The humans, in fact, do all the thinking, talking, leading, and everything else in this movie. The plot only moves forward when the puny humans decide to do something.  That isn’t what the original Marvel series envisioned by Bob Budianski and Simon Furman was about. That isn’t even what the cartoon was about. Transformers is about the robots, and yes, they should have some characterization! If the comic book did, surely they can do it in a multi-million dollar movie. But no; either nobody thought to write interesting characters for classic robots like Sideswipe, Arcee, and Ratchet, or they just didn’t have the time to do them properly. Sad.

Plot holes big enough to drive a Peterbilt truck through:

1. A bunch of mini-bots attack Sam in his kitchen, requiring Bumblebee to barely save him. Two minutes later, Sam is telling Bee that he’s all grown up and doesn’t need his protection anymore. Then, just 20 minutes later, Sam does need protection and Bee comes to save Sam from a Decepticon Pretender…but doesn’t actually do anything! He lets the Pretender into the car, and then he just plays annoying songs on his radio and sprays the Pretender with lubricant instead of…I dunno…driving off? Seriously.

2. The tomb of the Primes! Woah!  But…as Jetfire explains it, the original Primes sacrificed themselves to create a tomb out of their bodies. Then he continues to exposit, “Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen.” Well, maybe they shouldn’t have sacrificed themselves?

3. The tomb that they sacrificed their bodies to create doesn’t actually do anything. It’s opened with one simple blast.

4. And yes, “Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen,” according to Jetfire.  We are not sure why.  When the two finally clash they just have a normal-type robot brawl. Nothing special here that any other ‘bot couldn’t do, and Prime needed all of Jetfire’s parts (seriously!) to help him do it!

Since people are going to buy this movie no matter what I say, I’ll draw this review to a close.  I have only scratched the surface of the issues with Revenge of the Fallen.  Proceed at your own risk.  This is a turd.

2/5 energon cubes

 

Blu-ray REVIEW: Transformers – Dark of the Moon (2011)

Old review from the archives dug up for your enjoyment.  Apologies to the regular music readers, but I’ve decided to post my reviews for the first three Transformers movies…but in reverse order.  Because fuck these movies.

Scan_20160421TRANSFORMERS – Dark of the Moon (2011 Paramount)

Directed by Michael Bay

As I sat there finishing the third Transformers movie, I thought to myself, “Does Michael Bay ever take himself seriously?” I mean, the dialogue here is so juvenile and stupid, the characters are more one-dimensional than ever (how is that even possible?), and every inch of film is so stupidly overblown, it’s beyond ridiculous. It’s like giving very expensive movie making equipment to a child with a Bart Simpson streak.  Welcome to the Bay-verse, where one can walk away from a flaming car wreck with no injuries, and no idea what the hell the story is!

The plot, such as it is, revolves around the discovery of Sentinel Prime (voice of Leonard Nimoy and Autobot mentor to Optimus) on our moon by Neil Armstrong and the crew of the Apollo 11. Sentinel has something (yet another “McGuffin” in this series – a generic object that the protagonists and antagonists seek) that can save Cybertron (again). But there’s more than meets the eye and things are not always what they seem! Funny though how Earth always seems to be the epicentre of all Transformers plots and schemes.  Are we a magnet for alien assholes?

Though it is the worst of the first three in the series, Dark of the Moon was a marginal improvement in some minor ways.  Many of the most annoying characters (Sam’s annoying parents, the hip-hop-bots) are toned down in movie #3.  The plot is still a confounding mess in a universe that defies all logic and physics.  It’s all there to support a massive end battle that takes up almost half of the movie. Is that battle spectacular to watch? Oh, sure, I guess so.  Can it hold your attention? No. After about half of the end battle had transpired, I was begging for this movie to please just fucking end.

I have to say though, Rosie Huntington-Whitely is an upgrade over Megan Fox. Something about British accents. Bad British acting always trumps bad American acting.  The cast is rounding out by Frances McDormand (also wasted here), John Malkovich (criminally wasted), Patrick Dempsey (meh) and of course John Turturro who always should have more screen time.

A thudding end to a disappointing trilogy.

1.5/5 stars

Oh, and by the by — no special features!  On the Blu-ray!  You suck, Bay!

#480: Where Are We Now?

GETTING MORE TALE #480: Where Are We Now?

It’s been over 10 years since leaving the old Record Store.  Feeling nostalgic, my thoughts go back to the folks I once worked with.  The early days there were such an incredible time.  I called it the dream job, and for a music-mad guy in his 20’s, it was!  It was an experience I will always cherish forever, and that’s one of many reasons that Record Store Tales exist.  Even so, I don’t think I have really captured the joy of those early years, especially 1994-1996.  It truly is joy when you voluntarily came in early every day just to check out new inventory, which I used to do regularly.  Since that time, quite a few of my old compatriots have moved on.  Where are we now?

LeBrain:  Here I am!  I’ve been working a desk job in the manufacturing industry for the last seven years.  The lovely thing about my job is that I get to listen to the radio all day, every day.  I have found 107.5 DaveRocks to be very conducive to getting work done, and being rocked while doing it.  The encouragement from various folks at the station inspired me to get my Record Store Tales finished and published, and that’s why you’re reading this now!

T-Rev:  Now living in Sarnia Ontario with his beautiful wife and three kids.  Still rocking and rolling, still addicted to that rush and still collecting tunes.  Still texting me with rare finds (last was a rare Judas Priest 12” picture disc) and on the hunt for rarities.  Trips across the border into the US have yielded him many finds over the years.  Just a few weeks ago, T-Rev texted me for help.  “Can you help Colin go through five or six boxes of records and let him know if there’s anything good in there?”  Colin lives in Kitchener so it was far easier for him to show the LPs to me than T-Rev.  In all, I found about 50 that he should hang on to…and my mother in law bought a half-dozen for herself!  I also snagged an insert from Alice Cooper’s Muscle of Love LP, which my copy was missing.  Thanks for hooking that up, T-Rev!

Iron Tom Sharpe:  Tom, co-founder of the legendary Sausagefest, sold his Record Store location and became a teacher.  He has brought the rock to a whole new generation of fans.  They have now formed rock groups and even their own Jr. Sausagefest parties.  Of everyone involved with the Record Store back then, it is Tom who today does the most to bring good music to the kids.  What a legend!  He has managed to do what I strive to do myself, which is pass on the glorious rock and roll to the next generation.

Joe Big Nose:  Recently left the Record Store chain for a better opportunity.  No longer stinking up its washrooms with giant aromatic shits.  Big Nose had a long stay there – surely one of the longest.  There are probably stains with his name on them.

Uncle Meat:  Wandering the universe, playing baseball and Space Truckin’.  (Seriously, I know he is hard at work tabulating the votes for Sausagefest 2016’s official countdown.)

EDIT/update:  Uncle Meat has finished the 2016 countdown!  It is, in his words, “truly a kaleidoscope of finesse, filth and fury.”  Looking forward to it.

Wiseman:  Location and status unknown.  Last seen very very wasted at Sausagefest XII.

And finally, the Owner:  Still there, 25 years this August!  Talk about givin’ ‘er!  Never give up, never surrender!  You have to admire the tenacity and sacrifices made.  I would like to celebrate and say cheers with him.  Rock on!

REVIEW: Laney’s Legion – Laney’s Legion (2014)

Scan_20160430LANEY’S LEGION – Laney’s Legion (2014 Ferris Records)

Sweden’s Chris Laney has some serious vocal and guitar chops, lemme tell ya.  This debut CD by his band Laney’s Legion boasts heavy, world-class tunage marked with powerful lungs and guitar thrills!  You want high octane?  “On and On” will hit the spot.  With slick production, “On and On” is a relentless intro, full speed ahead, sails to the wind, crack open a beer and let’s fucking do this.

“Taste of Your Tongue” goes a bit Nickelback on the verses, but they’re forgotten when you hit the vintage 80’s rock chorus, which rescues the song from residing in Chad Kroeger’s backyard for too long.  Similarly, “Poptastic”, a tribute to rockin’ out with your Kiss albums, is all about the chorus hooks.  It has an 80’s snarl like good Poison-Crue-Jovi.  “We’re still good friends of metal, Priest and Helloween”, sings Laney.  “I’m talkin’ bout Van Halen – 1984!”  Hey man, I get that.  His heart is in the right place, although I don’t refer to Van Halen as “poptastic” myself, I get what he means.  The opening guitars are reminiscent of Van Hagar.

It’s all good though, because “Beneath the Surface” has a heavier groove and takes you to a more bangin’ headspace.  The guitar solo, presumably by Rob Marcello, is pure nirvana.  Since this album is a celebration of an era when an album was a collection of hard rockers and power ballads, “Bleed Within” is the expected softie.  Like a perfect post-Hysteria Def Leppard ballad, “Bleed Within” combines the layers of backing vocals with the acoustic strumming to meld into sweet candy perfection.

Now, speaking of backing vocals, we should really take a closer look at the credits.  “Let’s Get it On”, a heavy Ratt-like number, boasts some interesting names.  Tomas Åkvik, Mathias Blom, and…Jompa Wilmenius?  “Let’s Get it On” is a stellar track, loads of guitars and groove…but those backing vocals!  That’s the key!  Jompa is the secret weapon of hard rock gang vocals.  Now, I will say that “Let’s Get it On” reminds me of a couple songs…can’t place them…but some of these hooks are familiar from the days of old.  “Hollow” continues with the hard rock shred, with hint of Foo Fighters (think choppy, like “Everlong” in the guitars).

“Lady Luck” is the only song I didn’t connect with.  Too modern, perhaps?  It’s not a bad song, but similar to things that in Canada are quite overplayed on the radio.  (That’s not Laney’s fault; that’s more Cancon‘s fault!)  “Assassin of Our Love” returns to more comfortable territory, a solid power ballady track with hints of early Bon Jovi circa “Runaway”.  Laney then proclaims “No One Can Stop Us”, rocking out Dokken style and advising “You’ve gotta get your shit together”!  Again, special attention must be played to the classy and impressive solo work.  “Legion” finishes the album by going a bit more metal.  Savatage could have performed Legion, although the production clearly differentiates it from Savatage.  We know where their heads are at by the credits though: “Thanks to Robert John ‘Mutt’ Lange for the inspiration.”

Laney’s Legion is an impressive CD.  It is impeccably produced, and arranged to a “T”.  It occupies a curious place in the space-time continuum.  If hard rock never fell to grunge in 1991-1992, perhaps albums like this would be commonplace today.  It’s rare to hear such focus on the hard rock-isms that were popular long ago, but with today’s recording tech.  It’s a cool mesh, but the bottom line is, this is a better album than most of the Bon Jovi or Def Leppards in the last couple decades.

4.5/5 stars

But 10/5 stars on the backing vocals*

* Much gratitude to Jompa for sending me this CD.  He’s a great internet friend, and he though I’d like it.  He was right!

REVIEW: Alice Cooper – A Fistful of Alice (1999, Japanese edition with bonus tracks)

Scan_20160418 (2)ALICE COOPER – A Fistful of Alice (1999 Guardian records, Japanese edition with bonus tracks)

A Fistful of Alice was released at a time when the sometimes maligned The Alice Cooper Show was the only official live Cooper album.  As only the second live Alice record, Fistful didn’t receive the attention it deserved.  That’s especially too bad, considering it had cool guests including Slash, Rob Zombie, and Sammy Hagar.   There are lots of Alice Cooper live recordings to get today, but in ’99 that wasn’t quite the case.  Fistful, recorded at Hagar’s Cabo Wabo Cantina, came a full five years after Cooper’s last studio album, The Last Temptation, ending the long drought.   The single new song, “Is Anyone Home?” was a pleasant acoustic rock keeper, but the main feature was the live stuff.

There are lots of versions of this album, but only the Japanese has the full 17 song track list.  It took me 15 years to finally track one down at a decent price.   The Japanese edition is worth the effort just for “Clones (We’re All)”, a song that was rarely played for a lot of Cooper’s career.  It’s from near the start of Alice’s 80’s art-punk persona, but its robotic synth-pop was catchy enough for the Smashing Pumpkins to cover it.  The other two bonus tracks are “Bed of Nails” from Trash, and the classic “No More Mr. Nice Guy”.  One that wasn’t on the domestic edition, but was on the UK version is “Under My Wheels”.  Cooper’s band at this time featured Reb Beach (Winger/Whitesnake) on guitar, and damn does he shred on “Under My Wheels”!  The rest of the lineup consisted of Jimmy DeGrasso (Megadeth/Black Star Riders) on drums, guitarist Ryan Roxie (Slash), bassist Todd Jensen (David Lee Roth) and Beach’s old Winger bandmate Paul Taylor on keyboards.  This was Taylor’s second stint with Cooper.  His first stint in the mid-80’s eventually launched the band Winger, since Kip Winger was in the Cooper band at the time.

Besides “Clones”, other pleasant surprises in the set include “Desperado” (“a song I wrote for Jim Morrison a long time ago”),  “Teenage Lament ’74” (dedicated to the glitter and glam rockers) and “I Never Cry”.  “Welcome to My Nightmare” is preceded by an excerpt from the chilling classic “Steven”.  Familiar concert perennials include “Feed My Frankenstein” with Rob Zombie, “Only Women Bleed” with Slash, and “Elected” featuring both.  Slash also plays on the newer tune “Lost in America”, fitting right in there naturally.  It’s quite a decent track list, and Cooper’s band is as professional as any other lineup.  The sonics are great, and Fistful is a nice full recording without a lot of crowd noise.  The Cabo Wabo is probably a great stage for capturing a live recording.

Scan_20160418 (6)

Finally, Alice self-produced the new song “Is Anyone Home?”, featuring a different set of musicians.  Unexpectedly pop sounding and even featuring a Beatles-like string section, “Is Anyone Home?” was very unlike most of Alice’s stuff.  Take acoustic rock a-la popular 90’s acts like Fastball or the Goo Goo Dolls, crank it up a notch, and add Alice Cooper’s unmistakable voice.  It’s a good track to throw on as a bonus for a live album.  It did not indicate at all where Cooper was going musically, which would prove to be the industro-metal of Brutal Planet.  “Is Anyone Home?” then is an interesting sideline from the main trajectory, but worth having.

A Fistful of Alice was an important album in some ways.  At the time, many fans wondered if Alice had quietly retired.   He hadn’t.  He was playing a lot of golf, but he was also touring regularly.  I saw him play a similar set in Kitchener Ontario in 1997, with the lineup including Reb Beach.  Like on Fistful, he played a few songs from his most recent album even though he technically wasn’t supporting it, and I liked that.  Pick up A Fistful of Alice for a good single-disc summary of the Alice Cooper live experience, and a pretty decent new tune too.

4/5 stars

RE-REVIEW: Aerosmith – Music From Another Dimension! (Japanese edition)

AEROSMITH – Music From Another Dimension! (2012 Sony Music Japan)

When this album came out in 2012, Tommy Morais and I both took a shot at reviewing it, and you can find both those reviews here.  With the benefit of hindsight, Tommy’s review (2/5 stars) is more in line with how I feel now, compared to the 4/5 stars I rated it in 2012.

Having recently acquired a Japanese import of Music From Another Dimension, with two exclusive bonus cuts, now is the time to revisit the album for yet another review.  It can be interesting to document how music does or doesn’t grow on you over the years.  Unfortunately for me, Music From Another Dimension has become more irritating, and I am less willing to overlook its flaws.

The core weakness is that the album sounds like a collection of soundalike outtakes from Get A Grip.  The modern production and layers and layers of overdubs do it no favours.  “Luv XXX” sounds incomplete.  I praised it as “really good” before; I’m not willing to go that far this time.  The production is unnecessary and that’s true of most of the album.  I think that’s why nobody believes Aerosmith when they say “it sounds like Rocks“.  It was never going to sound like Rocks.  Aerosmith simply do not record things basic and live like that anymore.

“Oh Yeah” is still pretty good, as is “Street Jesus” and the funky “Out Go the Lights”.  Given a few years to absorb the album, “Out Go the Lights” is one of the few tracks that really does harken back to better days.  More cowbell!  Probably the best tune on the album, and certainly the most vintage.  The ballads, as before, are largely crud.  “Another Last Goodbye” is the only one still memorable today.

The Japanese fans did not get the same bonus tracks that we got on our North American deluxe edition (“Sunny Side of Love”, “Oasis in the Night”, “Up on the Mountain”).  They got some equally interesting stuff instead.  “Shakey Ground” is so good, it’s insane that it wasn’t included on the album proper.  Just nuts — “Shakey Ground” is the most authentic thing Aerosmith have done in decades.  With full-on horns, sax and female backing vocals at the ready, Aerosmith finally really turn up the funk again!  I want to know who’s playing clavinet, but the credits don’t say.  Tyler?  “I’m Not Talkin'” is also quite good, being a rockabilly experiment.  No layers of production, no additional accoutrements, this is just Aerosmith playing, and Tyler singin’.  Unlike much of the rest of the album, this sounds like something real; an actual band!

Can you imagine if Aerosmith had cut just a little bit of fat from the album (mainly ballads), and included the bonus tracks instead?  You’d have a shorter, harder, more Aero-sounding disc.  Less is more.  Music From Another Dimension is the musical proof of this concept.  The less fiddling in the studio, the less overdubbing, the better.  And fewer songs are better, too.  Aerosmith albums used to have 10 songs on them.  Maybe they should get back to that, especially considering that Music From Another Dimension has 20 altogether.

3/5 stars

#479: Cracking the Case

DISC CRACK

GETTING MORE TALE #479: Cracking the Case

Whoever invented the DVD case, damn you.

In case you’re wondering, the dimensions of the standard DVD case are not random.  Somebody didn’t just say, “Hey!  Let’s package a round disc in an oversized rectangle!”  Since DVD was the format destined to replace the old VHS video tape, the dimensions of the case are roughly the same:  Height and width.  Only the thickness is different.  This was done to ease the transition from one format to the next.  Stores would presumably have to display their new and exciting DVD inventory on the same old shelving they already had for VHS tapes.  Makes sense from that point of view, although the cases are mostly empty space and could have been made smaller to cut costs, and waste.

When Blu-ray came along, the cases were reduced in height, slightly, to differentiate them from their DVD cousins.  It’s still mostly a waste of space.

That’s not the big gripe, though.  The issue was that some of the cases designed to hold DVDs would eventually destroy them if you put them in and out too many times.  This happened to my now long-discarded copy of the Matrix: Reloaded.

The problem with the DVD cases were the spindles or “teeth” inside the held the disc tight, by the center hole.  Remember how you had to push down to release the disc?  Either by poor design or bad tolerance issues, the act of pushing down and trying to release your disc could introduce tiny cracks around the center hole.   Like death by a thousand tiny cuts, the discs would crack further and further every time you used them.  Just like your windshield, the cracks grow.  Eventually tiny pieces of plastic would begin to flake off the middle.

At the old Record Store, we saw many DVDs that were cracked and flaking in the middle.  Customers were always pissed off when we pointed this out, and who can blame them?  They didn’t do anything wrong, they were just trying to watch a movie.  It’s not their fault that the cases they came in were so poorly designed.   Take that disc out one too many times and it’ll crack right in half.  I know because I’ve done it myself.

The traditional DVD case is a double fail.  Not only was it too big for its britches, but some would damage your precious movie inside!  That is unforgiveable.

REVIEW: The Tea Party – The Edges of Twilight (20th anniversary deluxe edition)

 

Scan_20160409THE TEA PARTY –  The Edges of Twilight (20th anniversary Universal deluxe edition, originally 1995)

The Tea Party have long been slagged as derivative.  “They sound too much like the Doors!” screams one corner.  “Zeppelin copy-cats!” cries another.  The first complaint isn’t true; singer Jeff Martin has a Morrison-like vibe but the Tea Party sound nothing at all like the Doors.  The second carries some weight to it, especially when it’s 1995’s The Edges of Twilight we’re talking about.

Due to an early connection with folk singer Roy Harper, a cover of “Train Kept a-Rolling”, and exotic world music influences, the Tea Party have long been compared to the mighty Led Zeppelin.  This was cranked up a notch on The Edges of Twilight.  From dirty electric blues, folksy English-sounding ditties, and and wealth of stringed instruments from all around the world, the Tea Party just went for it.  Though many praise the band’s prior album Splendor Solis (their major label debut) as a high water mark, Twilight exceeds it in almost every way.  I seem to remember reading that the album had something like 50 different instruments on it.  The sheer ambition and skill involved in pulling off an album this complex has to be admired.

That all sounds very heady and sophisticated, but the first single and opening track “Fire in the Head” rocks plenty hard.  A perfect 50/50 mix of the exotic and heavy sides of the Tea Party, “Fire in the Head” is savoury.  The Zeppelin comparisons are unavoidable, but because Jeff Martin is not that kind of singer, it has a darker more ominous ambience.  “The Bazaar” then takes it up a notch and into North Africa.  Still heavy, but with the world music more prominent, “The Bazaar” too was a single and a hit.  Let’s face it, the last major band to combine Gibson Les Pauls and world music in this way was in fact Led Zeppelin.  Is that a reason to criticize the Tea Party?  The answer is no, because they did not choose to do something easy.  They took the hard road with The Edges of Twilight.

There are many excellent songs on the album, including another single “Sister Awake”, one of the most complex tracks.  There are heavy electric blues tracks like “Turn the Lamp Down Low” and “Drawing Down the Moon”, and fully acoustic songs like “Shadows on the Mountainside”.  The best tracks are the most pompous.  Similar to the singles from the CD, tracks such as “Walk With Me” and “Coming Home” are big and bold with loud choruses.  Though not a single, “Walk With Me” is a fan favourite and considered one of their must-haves.

But that’s not all!  After several minutes of silence (oh, the 1990’s!) there is a hidden unlisted bonus track!  “The Edges of Twilight” is a poem written and spoken by Roy Harper backed with music by Jeff Martin.  Having a guy like Harper in the band’s extended family lent them credibility that other bands could not hope for.  And then there’s even another hidden snip of music.  After another silence is a few seconds of a rehearsal of the song “Correspondences”.

Harper also appears on the bonus CD, on a song called “Time” which originally appeared on the 1996 Alhambra EP.  This is a full-on 70 minute Tea Party track with Roy Harper singing instead of Jeff Martin.  Ballady and somber, and then explosively electric, “Time” is a triumph that deserves a second look.  (Other tracks lifted from that EP are acoustic versions of “Inanna” and “Silence”.)  The bonus disc is otherwise loaded with demos, acoustic versions and alternate versions, and live takes.  With the exception of “Time”, this is all purely supplemental stuff and mostly interesting to fans of the band.  The demo versions are remarkable for how near-complete they are.  The band did not need to tinker much with arrangements in the studio.

There are ample liner notes and photos.  Co-producer Ed Stasium praises the CD and says it is one of the top five he has ever been involved in.  Serious praise, but the album deserves it.  The Tea Party took a detour after this into the world of electronica, with 1997’s Transmission.  20 years later, The Edges of Twilight remains the most impressive Tea Party album and the most heady mix of world music and rock and roll.

4.5/5 stars

REVIEW: Ace Frehley – Origins Vol. 1 (2016)


Interview by Mitch Lafon

NEW RELEASE

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ACE FREHLEY – Origins Vol. 1 (2016 e One)

FACT #1:  Covers albums rarely have enough fuel in the tank to get an engine running.

FACT #2:  Ace Frehley has never done a covers album before.

The main thing is that Ace Frehley is still alive and making music.  He’s never been the most prolific writer in Kiss, hence this diverse assortment of covers.  In the pot are songs from bands that influenced Ace, a few Kiss covers (including one that Ace never played on originally), and a guest shot by Paul Stanley (among others).  Sometimes it’s hard to feign interest in a covers album, but these factors make Ace’s enticing.  Not to mention, it’s a clean and sober Ace playing these songs.

Ace and drummer Scot Coogan play everything on Cream’s “White Room”, with Coogan singing the bridges.  This guitar-heavy version takes what Clapton did, and “Aces” it up.  It’s guitar solo nirvana, though the Stones’ “Street Fighting Man” takes a few minutes to get to that same point.  Ace has always done well with Stones covers, and it seems he can identify with songs like “Street Fighting Man” due to his rough past.  It’s a fun excursion but the solos are the draw.  Imagine the Stones but with the bright fun Gibson stylings of Ace Frehley.  Hendrix’s “Spanish Castle Magic” is a natural choice since Ace’s speak-sing style always seemed influenced by Jimi.  Purists may scoff, but Ace’s take on “Spanish Castle Magic” is pretty enjoyable and guitar-heavy (John 5 on guest guitars).

The online hype focused on Paul Stanley’s return to Ace’s orbit.  While Ace plays all the guitars, Paul ably takes all the vocals on Free’s “Fire and Water”.  As Kiss fans are well aware, Paul has suffered from some serious vocal issues in the last few years.  Live, Paul can be a bit of a mess.  In the studio, he makes it work.  Paul lacks the power he had back in the Kiss days, but his singing here is great considering.  It’s over far too quickly.  Paul singing Rodgers is quite a moment.

Ace is well suited to Thin Lizzy, a band you don’t think of as influential to Kiss since they were contemporaries more or less.  “Emerald” has gone down in history of one of Lizzy’s heaviest favourites.  Predictably, the highlight of “Emerald” is the solo section.  Lizzy were a two-guitar band, so Ace got Slash to come in and solo back and forth, answering each other like Gorham and Robertson.  The two go toe-to-toe in a blur of Gibson Les Pauls.

Led Zeppelin had a serious impact on young Kiss, and Ace’s covering of “Bring it on Home” is inspired and transformational.  Lord knows what guitar effects Ace has up his sleeve, but he nails this Zep classic without any missteps.  Ace sings the bluesy intro, but drummer Scot Coogan ably handles the higher main vocal.

Scan_20160424 (3)One of the most notorious and difficult songs to cover without sounding like an asshole is “Wild Thing”, 51 years old and still inspiring cover versions.  Lita Ford makes a surprise appearance on both lead guitar and vocals, and she sounds amazing on both counts.  There is just no good reason to cover “Wild Thing”, because the Troggs did that definitively in 1966 and that’s that.  More significant is Frehley’s update to his own “Parasite”, a song originally from 1974’s Hotter Than Hell.  Gene Simmons sang it originally, though Ace wrote it.   Speaking of “definitive”, it’s very tempting to think of this as Ace’s conclusive statement on “Parasite”.  After all, Hotter Than Hell was sonically pretty disappointing.  Plus Ace had 40+ years to grow as a guitarist since then, and believe it — Ace blows the doors off “Parasite”.  This is a song worth buying the CD for.

Unfortunately “Parasite” is book-ended by two songs that didn’t need remakes, the first being “Wild Thing” and the second “Magic Carpet Ride”.  Ace does inject it with his trademark fun style, but it’s all very unnecessary.  Brilliant playing though.

A second Kiss update is “Cold Gin”, featuring Mike McCready of Pearl Jam.  Like “Parasite”, Gene Simmons sang the original, but “Cold Gin” was one of the first stone cold classic Ace-written Kiss tunes.  Ace has every right to try and reclaim it as his, a difficult task since the Kiss Alive! version is the only one you will ever truly need.  Now with Ace doing the vocals and more soloing added, this version can perhaps be considered the second most important take — the one with Ace singing.

A pretty standard Kinks cover (“Til the End of the Day”) works fine.  You can trust Ace to know how to treat the Kinks.  The final and possibly biggest surprise is the final Kiss cover.  The odd thing about it is that Ace never played on the original version of “Rock and Roll Hell”.  This tune came from the batch that Kiss wrote with Bryan Adams and Jim Vallance in the early 80’s.  It was recorded for 1982’s Creatures of the Night, the album that Ace didn’t participate in, before leaving the band.  He appeared on the cover, he appeared in the videos, and fans didn’t know any differently, but Ace didn’t play or write anything on Creatures.  In fact Ace never heard “Rock and Roll Hell” until recently.  When coming up for ideas of songs to cover for Origins Vol. 1, Ace’s label rep Ken Gulick burned Ace a CD of tracks to listen to for consideration.  (The CD contained two Who songs, two Cheap Trick songs, and mind-blowingly, two by Rush.)*  Because Gulick felt that Ace had some unfinished business with Creatures of the Night, he also included two songs from Creatures on the CD.  The ballad “I Still Love You” was the other track.  Frehley apparently went bonkers for the Simmons-sung “Rock and Roll Hell”, and now we finally get to hear what might have been if Ace hadn’t left Kiss when he did.  Perhaps if Ace was in good enough shape, Simmons could have given him “Rock and Roll Hell” to sing, and it would have sounded something like this.  Matt Starr’s drums are given a similar echoey treatment to replicate Eric Carr’s sound from the original LP.

Does this close the book for Ace making amends with his Kiss past?  I sure hope note.  Vol. 1 implies a Vol. 2.  If Ace were to continue covering Kiss tunes he never had the chance to sing in the studio, that leaves “Strange Ways”, “Comin’ Home” and possibly more that he could consider updating with his stamp.  Although Origins has some “blah” moments as most covers albums do, among the highlights are undoubtedly the Kiss tracks.  They push the album out from being a mere curiosity, to a must-have for any Kiss fan.**

4/5 stars

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* Source – Ultimate Classic Rock

** Made a double must-have by the low low price.  I paid $12.88 at Wally World (plus I scored a “holy shit, jackpot” load of rare Star Wars figures).  HMV were charging $15.99, and had him filed under “Ace Freshley“.  HMV – the music store – has Ace’s name spelled wrong.  Yet one more strike against the once-mighty HMV chain!  See below for the evidence.

“ACE FRESHLEY” at HMV
Jackpot at Wally World

For Jon Wilmenius’ excellent review of this album, click here.