First Lunchwalk of the Year! Aching Joints, Happy Head

The clouds have parted, the sun has returned…and so have I, to my old lunchwalk route!

I have two routes.  The shorter one is about 25 minutes.  The longer one is about twice that.  Against my better judgement, I chose the long route.  No pain no gain?  I was definitely in pain!  My right leg specifically.  My knee and hip were groaning towards the end.  I pushed through, increasing my speed as much as I could handle, in order to get back and drink something cold and fizzy.

I decided to go the opposite direction as I usually went last year.  If you recall, I was getting really tired of the same route last year.  As usual, I took pictures.  I really like the one bag of dog poo that someone tried to throw over the fence into the work yard, but got tangled in a tree.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll do the short route!

Takeover of Rock Heaven (Part 1) – A Tee Bone Man Multiverse Story (By 80sMetalMan)

Takeover of Rock Heaven

Part 1: The Plan

A Tee Bone Man Multiverse Story

By 80sMetalMan

 

Somewhere in Hell:

Satan walked into the room waiting to address the assembled gathering, when he was distracted by a commotion. His security was  holding back Adolph Hitler and Saddam Hussein, who were demanding to be let into the meeting. Calmly, he walked over to where the commotion was coming from. “Look,” he said sternly, “I said clearly that you two aren’t coming in here.”

“You need us,” Hitler argued.

“No we don’t ,” Satan returned. “This isn’t a military operation, otherwise Julius Caesar would be here. Even it if it was I still wouldn’t have you two in here. You both demonstrated your military incompetence while you were on Earth.”

“But you have Vlad the Impaler here,” Hitler protested.

“He’s here for a different reason,” Satan explained. “Besides, if we have to kill any prisoners, we have your man Werner Poetsche. Now go before I go back to shoving pineapples up both your asses. “

With that, Hitler and Saddam were marched away and the door was closed. Satan let out an exasperated sigh before sitting at the head of the long table. As he sat down, Vlad questioned, “Why is he here?” pointing to Dave Holland.

“Because I should be in Rock Heaven,” Dave snarled back. “I’m only in Hell because of a bollocks conviction. Fucking Elvis used that to not allow me in, damn him.”

“Enough!” Satan boomed, his thunderous voice shaking the room. It achieved its goal in silencing all. “Mr. Holland is here at my request. He will help us in rounding up all the key members of Rock Heaven and he can get some revenge.”

That’s right,” Dave affirmed. “They’re all a bunch of assholes. They wouldn’t let me in but I bet when that woman beater Tony Iommi dies , they’ll let him in.”

Satan sighed again. “They probably will. Some religions look favourably on men hitting women. That’s another reason why I plan to take over and have summoned all of you here. There should be no Rock Heaven, most of those rock stars should be with us here in Hell. You are all going to help plan my takeover. I have had a mole there since 2003 and he’s been feeding me information whenever he can.”

“A mole, that’s a brilliant idea!” Al Capone complented. “Who is he?”

“You’d be very surprised,” was Satan’s reply. “My mole did get me into Rock Heaven when some mortal went back in time to try to wipe out heavy metal. So, now it’s the perfect time to act.”

“Couldn’t we take our legions and just storm the place?” Vlad suggested.

“It’s not that simple,” Satan explained. “The other side has a fail safe. If we simply invade, we risk all out war with Heaven, I mean the real Heaven. We don’t need that, so we have to be more cunning.”

“Is that why Julius isn’t here?” Caligula inquired.

“Exacty why!” Satan affirmed. “And why we can’t risk an all out war with Heaven. The last time that happened, Heaven’s forces were commanded by George S. Patton who studied Caesar’s strategies and thwarted him at every turn. We got our asses kicked.”

“So tell me exactly how we are going to take over Rock Heaven?” Charles Manson probed.

“Yeah, you know once we act, those two Canadian super-heroes and their companions will try to stop you,” Dave Holland pointed out.

“I know,” Satan conceded. “But I have a plan. Those two super-heroes will be on a wild goose chase and while they’re distracted elsewhere, we will make our move. Besides, once we take over Rock Heaven, I think the town of Thunder Bay will thank us. They’re not happy with those super-heroes or the musicians in Rock Heaven for putting on that concert which nearly destroyed their town.”

Somewhere in Rock Heaven:

Martin Suplee’s head was pounding once again. He hoped he might have had a reprieve this time around. After all, Rory Gallagher and Jeff Beck were more blues guitarists, likewise with Dusty Hill on bass. Even with Razzle on drums, he thought it might not have been the metal he was constantly being bombarded with. However, he couldn’t have been more wrong. They turned up the amp and blasted him with power chords and blistering guitar solos. His head was throbbing by the time the session finished.

The throbbing began to ease as he was escorted back to his cell. In one way, he was lucky. Most of the time, he was subjected to sessions involving Lemmy, Jeff Hannemann and Cliff Burton. Those sessions left him with the feeling his head was going to explode in scanners fashion. “I guess I should be grateful,” he thought to himself as he entered his cell.

He needed no force to go into the cell, it gave him respite from the constant jamming of decesased musicians from the genre he tried to erase from history. Had it not been for this time alone, he would have gone mad ages ago. Several of his hench-persons who had travelled back in time with him urged him to admit that he was wrong in trying to erase metal from history. He stubbornly refused. If anything, constantly being bombarded with heavy metal from dead metal musicians only strenghtened his belief that his cause was right.

Suplee was still thinking this over, at least when he could because even in his cell, he was still able to hear those musicans playing. At that moment, it was Warrell Dane, Eddie Van Halen, Lorne Black and A.J. Pero who were assaulting his eardrums. Suddenly, he was distracted by shuffling at his cell door. Suplee turned and saw a singer, who didn’t sing heavy metal and he admired somewhat, standing at his cell’s entrance.

Before he could say anything, the singer put his finger to his lips and whispered, “I’ve come to get you out.” With that, the singer beckoned and Martin Suplee followed. Stealthily, the pair tiptoed through Rock Heaven and somehow, nobody noticed them. They carried on until they came to a huge door.

“This is the way out,” the singer directed.

“Where will I go?” asked a rather perplexed Mr. Suplee.

“Why, to Hell of course,” the singer responded, trying to keep down the volume of his voice. “Why, if anyone leaves Rock Heaven, the only place they can go is Hell. My boss is expecting you. He will assist you in ridding the world of heavy metal.”

Suplee opened his mouth to ask for more details but the singer had mysteriously vanished from sight, leaving him on his own. Not knowing what else to do, he thought to himself, “It’s worth a try” and pushed the door open and stepped through. As he entered a strange void, all he could think was “Maybe there was still a chance that he could wipe heavy metal from ever existing.”

Back in Hell

Satan waited along with those he assembled as the figure materialized before them. “When it did, he addressed the confused new arrival, “Welcome to Hell, Mr. Suplee.”

Bewildered, Mr. Suplee looked around the room. Why he actually was in Hell! He recognized Satan as he was responsible for him being in Rock Heaven. If that wasn’t enough, he recognized some of those with him, chiefly Al Capone and Charles Manson. Plus the were two other men and a woman, who he assumed was Lizzy Borden, due to her clothing. One man was in medieval dress, the other in a Roman toga. However, the remaining man bothered him. He was dressed in heavy metal attire. Therefore, he sensed a trap.

“Who’s he?” Suplee asked pointing to the metal clad Dave Holland.

“Why, he’s part of my plan to take over Rock Heaven!” Satan laughed louldy sending vibrations around the room. “All those metal musicians should be suffering here in Hell. Don’t you agree?”

Mr. Suplee nodded, “What do you want me to do?”

Satan explained, “What you didn’t know when you went back in time to destroy heavy metal from existence is that when those in Rock Heaven created heavy metal, one of the blueprints they used was Nazereth’s “Hair of the Dog” album. What you need to do is go to this MetalMan’s house and steal his copy. You can get your revenge on him as well for his assistance in Tee-Bone Man and Superdekes defeating you. When you steal that album, MetalMan will call for the super-heroes and they will come to stop you and you can defeat them.

“How can I defeat them? Last time, I had a special device but they neutralized it. Now I’m just an ordinary human.”

“That’s where I come in!” Satan boomed. “I can give you powers that will help you defeat them.

“Then give me those powers,” Suplee demanded. “And I shall defeat those meddlesome super-heroes and wipe heavy metal from history!” His laughed resembled those from cartoon villians.

“Very well,” Satan chortled. He pointed his trident at Mr. Suplee and the transformation began taking place. Suplee let out a long blood-curtling scream as large black wings began growing from the middle of his back. However, he took the pain as a new aura overcame him. When the wings had fully grown out, his clothing mysteriously changed to black robes. A few seconds later, the transformation was  complete and Suplee felt different.

“Arise,” Satan commanded.

Mr. Suplee stood tall. He spread out his new wings fully, nearly knocking into Al Capone.

“Your transformation is now complete,” Satan informed. “You can know go and destroy Tee-Bone Man and Superdekes.

“Yes, I will have my vengeance on those two,” Suplee snarled before he mysteriously vanished.

Once Suplee had gone, Caligula asked, “Do you think he’ll succeed?”

Satan mischieviously replied, “He doesn’t need to. All we need is for him to keep the super-heroes busy long enough so we can make our move on Rock Heaven.”

 

To be continued….

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

 

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM

Total Eclispe

Do you have plans to observe the eclipse today?  I have my glasses and will be popping out of the office to have a look.

 

THAT WAS COOL!  It got slowly darker and colder until it felt like early evening.  That part was almost cooler than the eclipse itself.

 

#1120.5: We Have Opened! Grab A Stack of Rock returns to the cottage! First cottage video of 2024

As the Klingons (and Stooges) say: Qa’pla! (Success!)

I’ve been checking out the weather forecasts for weeks.  There hasn’t been a clear, beautiful Saturday to go to the lake.  Even this week, the forecast was for flurries and cloudy skies.  That all changed Thursday, when the weather was looking like sun and cloud.  When Saturday finally rolled around, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.  Jen, my dad and I bundled up and headed to the lake for the first time in over five months.

This time it went without a hitch! If you recall, 2022 was the year of the melted glasses, and 2023 was the almost-speeding-ticket.  There were no such problems this year.  It was cold, and we had to bundle up, but that was a minor inconvenience.

Now I’m not saying everything was perfect; that’s not how it goes in cottage country.  Winter always does some damage, it’s just a matter of how much.  One lady across the road had a cedar tree down.  That wasn’t our issue; ours was pest related!  There is an animal living under the shed, perhaps a skunk?  There was a drowned mouse in the toilet, and the mice had gotten into the spice cabinet.  Virtually everything has to be tossed.  They really seem to like the smell of garlic.  My garlic olive oil had its cap gnawed clean off.  My sister had it even worse.  She bought a dozen mouse traps, and every one was full.

There was also an issue with the internet.  It should have been connected, but we fiddled and fiddled around with no success.  It turns out, Rogers cancelled the service by mistake!  My dad was trying to cancel his home service, but without success.  Now we know why.  Rogers cancelled the cottage service by mistake!  I phoned home to tell my mom, who quickly sussed out the problem.  By the time we left the cottage, internet was restored.

The stage is now set for my favourite thing ever:  cottage episodes of Grab A Stack of Rock!  Though nothing is planned yet, it’s definitely happening.

Road tunes – April 6 2024:

  1. Alice Cooper – Goes to Hell
  2. Alice Cooper – School’s Out
  3. Alice Cooper – Greatest Hits (miscellaneous tracks)
  4. Deep Purple – Bananas
  5. Deep Purple – Now What?!

Heavy on the Bob Ezrin this time out.

Please enjoy the first cottage video of 2024.

Mike and Aaron go to Toronto: The Complete Series + More

If you weren’t following back from 2012 to 2019, you may have missed all the Mike and Aaron Go to Toronto excursions!

From 2012 to 2015, Aaron and I went to “Taranna” every year to go hunting for CDs, records, books and more.  We always made our regular stops:  Sonic Boom, BMV and Pauper’s Pub.  Some years, we hit up shops like Kops Records, Paradisc Bound, and Moonbean for coffee.  I missed 2016 and 2017 to go to TF Con in Toronto instead.  There are only so many dollars!  Aaron and I returned in 2018, at the behest of my late mother-in-law, who was dying of cancer.  “Go with your friend,” she insisted.

After her passing, Jen and I decided to spend the summer of 2019 at the cottage.  We were not able to go at all in 2018.  We made up for lost time, but in 2020 the pandemic hit!  Aaron and I were not able to return to Toronto together since.

I always documented and edited these trips into videos.  I recently compiled all these videos (and some bonus stuff) into two live streams that you are able to watch below!  Both streams have bonus footage!  The first has a musical unboxing from Aaron.  The second stream has a brand new chat with Aaron that you have never seen before!

Aaron and I will be returning to “Taranna” in 2024.  Watch this space…

#1120: Coming Soon: Opening Season…

RECORD STORE TALES #1120: Coming Soon: Opening Season…

 

Opening weekend rarely goes as planned!

Soon we will be returning to open up the cottage for another season of sun, sand, swimming, and Grab A Stack of Rock!  We hope this season’s opening day goes without a hitch.  The last two didn’t!  Shall we recap?

2022

 

2022’s trip up was serenaded by John Williams’ soundtrack to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  This was appropriate because we first saw that film in 1989 at the cottage.

It was a lovely opening day.  The drive up (just my dad and I) was uneventful.  Our arrival was marked by peace and quiet.  Sunny, warm, and a perfect morning to spend outdoors.

I never accompanied the family to open the cottage in my Record Store days.  Usually I was working.  If I wasn’t working, I was spending my free time going on dates with girls.  That was pretty much it.  Work and dating.  The cottage wasn’t interesting to me in those days.  It’s a different story today.  Now I spend my whole winter dreaming of opening day.

In 2022, we made good progress and by late morning, I started burning up old scrub and branches that had fallen during the winter.  I gleefully wandered around, scooping armfuls of pine needles and twigs into a roaring fire.

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There was only one issue, and it was one I should have dealt with long before.  My glasses were loose.  I had them adjusted once, and they slowly loosened again over time.  They were prone to falling right off my face if I looked down.  I should have had them fixed long before, and I should have been more careful about what happened next.

I scooped into my arms another pile of pine needles for the fire.  My glasses dropped into my arms as I tossed the flammables into the fire.  My glasses went with them.  They melted in seconds, though I frantically searching the ground in futile hope for several minutes before giving up.

The panic set in shortly thereafter!

I phoned Jen at home to see if she could locate my old pair.  No luck.  I sulked on the couch for a while, dreading the coming days with no glasses.  Then I thought to check my car’s glovebox.

Behold!  An old pair of glasses were still in the glovebox, thank God.  I was able to drive home, and continue to live my life relatively normally.

Dad and I drove to the sounds of Jon Lord, with his Concerto for Group and Orchestra, featuring Bruce Dickinson singing the second movement.  After this, I selected Johnny Cash’s American III: Solitary Man.  My dad could have driven in total silence, though I never could.

2022’s trip was salvaged.  How did 2023 go?

2023

 

April 15, 2023.  My dad and I returned, with Jen in tow.  The music selected this time was Jeff Wayne’s musical version of War of the Worlds.

I had a bad feeling this time.  @MarriedandHeels from California had promised to be my support over winter, as I dealt with seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.).  She had a “Ragnar” marathon from April 14-16 2023. In the weeks preceding, video and audio messages from her all but dried up, even though I was still creating them daily for her.  She sent a video message from the marathon on the Saturday, but there were a number of red flags.  There was something wrong with the video message she sent, and the two that followed. None of them began with her customary “Hi Mike!”

“Is she sending these video messages to everyone?” I asked myself. Things began falling apart from that point.  My spider senses would not stop tingling, and even though she had promised to show up for the Grab A Stack of Rock shows from the cottage, she didn’t attend or even watch one of them.  Not even one.  This shadow loomed heavy over the season as it began in 2023.

The bad vibes continued as we drove home.  I almost got a speeding ticket, my first in over a decade.  As he was pulling us over, the cop got a call for an urgent accident.  He told me I got lucky, as he returned my license to me and drove off.    I switched up the music, first to Gordon Lightfoot – Complete Greatest Hits.  I had no way to know that Gordon would be gone a mere two weeks later.   I followed Gord with the Goo Goo Dolls – A Boy Named Goo.

Fortunately these bad omens did not impact the incoming cottage season.  2023 was as good as ever.

2024

 

And now, we we plan our return in 2024, we have plenty of new music from Judas Priest, Bruce Dickinson, John Williams, the Arkells, and much more to enjoy at the cottage.  What will the first album be as we drive up again?  We’ll see soon enough!

See #1120.5 for the answer!

 

REVIEW: Glass Tiger – Diamond Sun (1988)

GLASS TIGER – Diamond Sun (1988 Capitol Records)

Produced by mainstay Jim Vallance and recorded at Le Studio with Paul Northfield, Glass Tiger’s Diamond Sun is generally considered the best of their studio albums. What you may not know is that the Canadian pop band’s second album also really rocks.  Diamond Sun was their last album featuring the co-writing skills of drummer Michael Hanson, and his absence would be felt in the future.  For 1988, Glass Tiger were running on a high, and hit after hit.

The band had the courage to open the album with a soft one, the title track.  This was the second of five singles, and a powerful ballad it is.  The keyboard chimes work in tandem with drums, samples and singer Alan Frew’s impassioned vocals.  The lyrics circle around the still-topical subject of colonialism.  “When they came to this land, we gave our friendship, gave them our hands.”  The music has the appropriate feel, but listen carefully and enjoy the lyrical bass work of Wayne Parker, who has often gone unnoticed in this band.  Check that false ending!

“Far Away From Here”, the second song, is single worthy in itself but remains a nice deeper cut.  This time the guitar work of Al Connelly rises at the start, setting up an awesome mid-tempo rocker.  The chorus is among one of Glass Tiger’s best, accented by catchy acoustic guitar bits hanging lower in the mix.  Connelly’s riff is very much akin to 80s Rush, but encased within a simpler, more direct kind of song.  Alan Frew’s voice has a smooth, deep kind of power.

Personal favourite “I’m Still Searching” is a fast electro-acoustic rocker.  This song lit our VCR on fire back in 1988 when it was released as the first single/video.  Nobody expected such an upbeat rocker from the Newmarket quintet!  It’s an immediate singalong with a campfire quality, despite the electric shimmer of guitar, and organ by Sam Reid.  Once again Al Connelly has come up with some cool, catchy guitar parts.

“A Lifetime of Moments” is a lesser known ballad, well-rounded with keyboards and guitars as the main features.  The lyrics are about a lost love and rebounding, and Frew sells it.  This song is unique because of the sax solo, something simply not utilised enough in ballads or rockers!

The best of the deep cuts is the awesome side one closer, “It’s Love U Feel”, which is right out of the 80s Rush playbook.  From the echoing guitar jingle to the bouncing basswork, this song easily could have been a hit for Rush on Power Windows.  A duet with Lisa Dalbello on the chorus, this song kicks hard.  How this isn’t one of the Tiger’s biggest hits is unknown.  Perhaps it was just too advanced for an 80s pop video audience.  This sounds more like the kind of thing that would have been big on rock radio.  It is one of Glass Tiger’s greatest songs, featuring some stinging, smoking guitar work.  It could be Keith Scott from Bryan Adams’ band, as he is credited with additional guitar on the album, along with Michael Hanson.

Side two opens with two more singles.  “My Song” was a big hit with a Celtic feel, performed with the legendary Chieftains themselves.  They were recorded separately in Ireland, with Sam Neil producing their session.  Tin whistle dominates, with bodhrán, fiddles and other instruments lower in the mix.  For anyone with a taste for Celtic pop rock (think Marillion “80 Days”), this will hit the spot.  A huge hit in Canada because of its unforgettable, timeless chorus.  They tried to repeat this trick with Rod Stewart on the next album, with less success.

The most powerful song on the album is, paradoxically, the softest.  The piano ballad “(Watching) Worlds Crumble” absolutely explodes on the chorus, while the verses feature Alan Frew singing in a soft falsetto.  The music video, recorded live on stage, was the first not to feature Michael Hanson.  He left the band mid-tour to be replaced by Randall Coryell from Tom Cochrane’s band.  It was one of those sad instances of the new guy never becoming “official”.  Glass Tiger remained, on paper at least, a four-piece after the departure of Hanson.  “(Watching) Worlds Crumble” is one of the few without his writing.  It was written by Frew, Reid and Vallance, and features another really nicely written Connelly guitar solo.  The drums are absolutely epic too.

Back to a rocker, “Send Your Love” has an upbeat stuttery guitar part and a slamming chorus.  Another winning deep cut.  The warm ballad “Suffer in Silence” and another sax solo take us out to the closer, “This Island Earth”.   Diamond Sun ends in epic fashion, with this slow burning number and a social message.  Again, Rush comes to mind, with a slight progressive sound and keyboards.  In the end it’s Alan Frew who sells it.

Diamond Sun sold 200,000 copies in Canada, an astronomical amount for this country.  It is an album with broad appeal, spanning a variety of styles but all somehow sounding like Glass Tiger.  It’s a cohesive album with no weak tracks, and only highlights to be found.

5/5 stars

REVIEW: Tonic – Head On Straight (2002)

Though they had Bob Rock in the producer’s seat, Tonic really stopped rocking on their third album.

TONIC – Head On Straight (2002 Universal)

This album really should have been their best to date, with talent like Bob Rock at the console.  Instead, it sounds as if Rock was bored or distracted, and there was nobody in quality control for songwriting.  The band sound desperate, chasing hits, and not doing what they used to – rock in their own style with twang and stomp.  The bland cover art belies the faceless music within.

The misleading opener “Roses” is a typical de-tuned early 2000s rock song.  The riff and chorus fail to lift off.  It slams hard, but there’s nothing at all to hook you in.  It’s as if the band have forgotten how to write songs.  You can hear that Jeff Russo is doing some cool stuff on guitar, but you can’t actually hear it!  It’s buried under the uninteresting riff.  It’s like they forgot all that southern charm that made their debut and follow-up both attention-getters.

Second track “Take Me As I Am” is the first ballad, and it’s fine, if a bit cookie-cutter.  It has hooks.  Three more ballads follow, and none are as memorable as anything on the first two albums.  Even the title track, “Head On Straight”, is a ballad.  I was expecting a rocker.  These ballads just don’t have the weight or impact of past albums.  They’re well produced and hefty enough, but they lack that je ne sais quoi they used to have.

“Liar” is the first rocker in a dog’s age, and it’s crap.  Low on melody and high on cliche, it ain’t good.  Then, more ballads!  Songs like “On Your Feet Again” might work a lot better if there were only two.  As it is, the brain just can’t differentiate from song to song.

Fortunately, “Come Rest Your Head” isn’t a ballad, but it also doesn’t really rock.  It has one riff that rocks, but it meanders into the murky swamp of “meh”.  Bet you’ll never guess that “Ring Around Her Finger” is a ballad though, and it’s the sappiest yet.  Singer Emerson Hart affects an annoying falsetto.  This song just stinks.   It’s followed by “Believe Me”, which I guess for lack of better words, we will also call a ballad.  It’s not a rocker, so what is it?  Mid-tempo schlock with xylophone, on an album that needed adrenaline in any form.  It’s atrocious, is what it is.

“Irish” is also embarrassing.  Would you call this a sea shanty?  A rock sea shanty?  I have no friggin’ idea.  Normally I like this kind of thing – rock music with a celtic bent – but maybe I’m just sick of this album and feeling salty.

The album ends on…a ballad.  “Let Me Go”.  It’s so cliche, it could have been music from a Family Guy montage.  Fortunately the song picks up at the end, but until that point, it is the most cliche song on the entire album.  “Let me change my direction, I won’t take their rejection!”  But Emerson…you did change your direction.  You use to have some serious emotion; now you’re punching a clock.  It’s no wonder this was Tonic’s last album before a break up.

The shame of it is, I like these guys.  I adore the first two albums, and I followed Jeff Russo through to his career in TV soundtracks.  The last minute guitar burning on “Let Me Go” is far too little, too late to save this album.

2/5 stars

 

 

#1119: The Olde Toys R Us Store Sure Has Changed…

RECORD STORE TALES #1119: The Olde Toys R Us Store Sure Has Changed…

Where Toys R Us stands today in Kitchener Ontario, there once was a drive-in movie theater.  That was torn down in the early 1980s, and the mighty Toys R Us was raised.  There it has loomed heavy over Fairview Mall across the street, for four decades, beckoning children with aisles and aisles of Star Wars toys, then replaced by GI Joe figures and Transformers.  It was impossible to enter Toys R Us without finding something you wanted.  It has ebbed and waned since then, now stuffed with unwanted and overpriced 6″ figures and Super 7 cards.

“At least we still have a Toys R Us,” we say.  “Mastermind Toys is closing, and Walmart sucks.  Now let’s go check out the vinyl at the Toys R Us store.”

Full stop.  What?  Vinyl at Toys R Us?

In another attempt to stay relevant as Hasbro drives their prices up and quality down, creating shelfwarming superheroes and Sith lords, Toys R Us is now stocking vinyl at their Kitchener location.

Last time I visited there, about a month ago, they were in the process of re-organizing.  Where the Lego and Hasbro products were, was becoming a book section.  Interesting!  Book stores haven’t done well in the area, with the short-lived Booksmarts closing a decade ago, across Wilson Ave from TRU.  Still, we must applaud any attempts to get kids reading books.  I didn’t have a look at the book section myself; nothing caught my eye.  What did catch my view was the familiar shape of white bins containing shrink-wrapped packages, 12″ by 12″.  Each one was different, boasting vibrant artwork.

They were not calendars.  They were records.  Vinyl had come to Toys R Us.

The first one I noticed was Prequelle by Ghost.  $25.  Not bad.  I picked it up in my eager hands.

I considered buying Ghost on vinyl at that price.  Oh, sure, I already own a CD copy with a lenticular cover and bonus tracks, but…vinyl, right?

I put it back.  Ghost are more of a car band for me.  I wouldn’t play the vinyl more than twice.  Decent price though.

Thinking of the bands aching to be collected on vinyl back at home, I looked for Kiss and Iron Maiden.  No Kiss; lots of The Killers though.  The albums were loosely organized.  Toys R Us doesn’t have a dedicated person for this section to keep things organized, and…ouch!!  What’s that?  A record was clumsily wedged between two rows, pulling the cover in two directions and creating an ugly crease.  I put the records back in rows, but this is why you need a dedicated person when you put a record store inside a toy store.

There were some interesting finds there.  Purple Rain on vinyl would be cool to have.  I chuckled when I saw a Linkin Park Meteora 2.0 box set.  Jen used to love Linkin Park.  I bought her the Linkin Park/Jay-Z album for Christmas when we were dating.

Over to Iron Maiden.  They had a decent selection – better than a lot of the local chain stores.  Several albums I needed on vinyl, and even the three-LP En Vivo set.  A-ha!  Number of the Beast.  I just got ripped off at The Beat Goes On with an overpriced copy a few weeks prior.  How does Toys R Us pricing compare?

Cheaper!  Four bucks cheaper!  Toys R Us had The Number of the Beast four bucks cheaper than the $40 copy I bought at The Beat Goes On across the street.  How can Toys R Us be beating The Beat Goes On, a dedicated music store, in prices?  According to friend Kevin, the record sections are actually little HMVs.  They also have one in St. Catharines.

“They really need to work on their merchandising,” said Chris Preston, who had copious notes on how to improve this situation.  “No genres whatsoever,” he added.  Chris also felt it was a big miss to not sell turntables or accessories with the records.

There was no signage, and the records were as much in order as you’d find at the local mall stores.  There were no letter groups – A, B, C, etc.  Many additional records were not displayed at all, and just shoved into a lower shelf.  That’s where I found Purple Rain.  They did have coloured vinyl and limited editions.  It wasn’t a bad little corporate record section, if it was properly cared for.

I questioned the wisdom of placing a record section in a store primarily occupied by running and screaming pairs of hands, right around record shelf height.  I dealt with this at a CD store, remember.  I think they’re gambling on the nerd factor.  Those people who are coming in for the newest Lego releases or collectible figures.  They’re hoping those people will also stop and buy a record.

“Nerds like records too now, right?”  You can imagine an executive asking that question in a boardroom, somewhere in a downtown metropolis where decisions such as these are made.

Considering three, briefly, I ended up not buying any.  I considered but dismissed Prequelle, and also Somewhere In Time and Powerslave by Iron Maiden.  The prices were a little high for Maiden albums that I remember being stocked at $10 or less at the downtown Sam the Record Man in 1989.  Incidentally, Toys R Us had Powerslave cheaper than Amazon at the exact same time, also by about four bucks.

What does it mean when Toys R Us stores are stocking vinyl in a makeshift music section, but no other formats like CD or cassette?

I think this means we have hit peak vinyl.  HMV is dumping their stock in these micro-locations, because they have too much.  I’ve seen it before.  We did similar things when we had too many CDs in our warehouse.  The Boss Man tried moving them in bulk to a micro-location.  That was one of many schemes that I remember.

I do look forward to buying at least one record at Toys R Us in the future.  I’ll keep the price tag on forever, just to prove it happened.

My overpriced Beast vinyl from The Beat Goes On.  I wonder how the old Boss Man feels about another chain inching in on his territory, with cheaper prices?