Blanche Blotto

REVIEW: Blotto – Metalhead – Video 45 (VHS)

BLOTTO – Metalhead – Video 45 (1983 Sony)

This review is a slight cheat.  Because I pledged never to open my VHS copy of Blotto’s Metalhead Video 45 (Nigel Tufnel told me “It can’t be played, ever”), I’ve chosen to just review the videos from the Blotto YouTube channel.  I’m entrusting the band that the VHS experience would just be a little more VHS-y.

This videocassette was a gift from guitarist Bowtie Blotto, a truly good guy completely unlike his evil “Dr. Bow” character.  All the guys are great, so be forewarned, this review is also coming from the perspective of someone completely sold on the Blotto concept, music, humour, and band.  This is not an objective review.  For this site, that’s simply impossible.  We’ll try our best OK?  That’s all we can promise.

Let’s get you up to speed first, just so we’re all on the same page.

Blotto is a rock band from Albany NY who garnered early MTV video hits with “Metalhead” and “I Wanna Be A Lifeguard”.  They inject a dose of comedy into their songs and performances.  Not too much, not too little:  the Goldilocks zone, just right.  It’s a fine line, right?  A fine line between clever and stupid, as Nigel Tufnel also told me once.  It is a tightrope, and Blotto managed to balance it without tilting too hard to either side.  They rock, and they laugh.  Or perhaps they laugh, and they rock.  Either way, the music video format was ideally suited to the band.  It enabled them to really get the comedic side across.

We open with the legendary “Metalhead” (5:32), as featured on the Metal For Breakfast compilation LP, and Blotto’s Combo Akimbo album.  The scene is set:  Blotto, the band are in rehearsal, but missing a member!  Where is lead singer, Sarge?  Absent.  “Suddenly there’s an endless void where I used to keep my brain,” sings the headband and studs-wearing Sarge as he wanders the back alleys of Albany.  The band rock on, awaiting the arrival of their singer, each one sporting a unique look.  Guitarist Broadway has the rock star hair and stature.  Cheese on bass rocks the bald head, looking like he was recruited from a London punk band.  Bowtie, of course, rocks the bowtie and glasses.  In the 1980s, I can remember being offended that a “bald punk guy” and a “nerd guy” were playing a heavy metal song, but I was also 12.  Meanwhile, drummer Lee Harvey’s flowing locks give him that casual but seasoned pro drummer look.

Suddenly the garage door opens, and the tardy Sarge finally shows up to the shocked looks on Blotto’s faces, as Sarge bangs his head against a beam.

“Ah, ah, ah, I’m turning into a heavy metalhead!”

Sarge has a serious case of it, hanging with bikers and getting skull tattoos.  “Some home-grown for the ride back home, Van Halen on the 8-track!” declares Sarge.

Blotto break into an instrumental solo section, while Buck Dharma from Blue Oyster Cult wails on the solo (while watching the video from his home, it seems)!

Will Sarge survive his transition into a heavy metalhead?  This legendary video still works today, because that “metal head” persona is now like a cultural icon of the 80s.  With a well produced and perfectly edited video, Blotto encapsulated so much of that “metal head” stereotype in one hilarious video.  Stay tuned for the extended ending, and a one-in-a-million shot with a motorcycle helmet.

Also from Combo Akimbo is the more upbeat “I Quit” (2:13).  Lead vocals this time are handled by Broadway.  Blotto are now stuck working in an office, still rocking, but also drowning in paperwork.

“You can’t fire me!  I QUIT!” shouts Broadway at his boss, while the rest of the band echo his sentiments.  It does seem like a pretty seedy office and not a fun place to work.  It also appears that Lee Harvey has taken a second job on a paper route, but he’s not enjoying that either.  Eventually everyone quits leaving just Bowtie alone in the office!  Meanwhile, drummer for hire Lee Harvey finds another job, holding a ladder.  Is he playing drums with four sticks?

The third and final video is from the 1979 EP, Hello, My Name Is Blotto, What’s Yours?  “I Wanna Be A Lifeguard” (3:55) was one of the first videos aired on Day One of MTV, so it’s important for that reason.  This fun surf rock song was begging for a music video.  Featuring Chevrolet Blotto on keyboards, and a pre-bald Cheese, Blotto are now working in a shopping mall.  It doesn’t appear to be a fun job.  “I just want an ocean and some sunscreen lotion,” sings Sarge.

Blotto get their wish, and appear on a beach in swimming gear.  What the viewer doesn’t know is that the video was filmed in late winter (look at the bare trees) and the band were absolutely freezing on the beach!

This song is loaded with clever surf rock hooks and a killer drum part by Lee Harvey.  Not just that “wipeout” beat that opens it, but the drums through the whole song are relentless and well composed.

That’s the thing about Blotto that, perhaps, some people missed.  These guys could play, every one of them.  Listen to Cheese’s bassline on “Lifeguard”.  It literally swims along with the song.  And his tone!  Bassists would kill for his sound:  clear and loud with depth and attack, but not dominating.  Lyrically and musically, “Lifeguard” is quite canny beneath the wavy surface.  You have to understand music to pull off songs like this, because jokes alone can’t carry a song.  Blotto had a rare combination of instrumental savvy, and witty nudge-nudge lyrics.  How many songs can you name that specifically reference listening to Van Halen on an 8-track deck in the car?  Perhaps some can relate.  And who can’t relate to wanting to be a lifeguard?  “Hardly any clothes, sand between my toes!”  Sounds alright to me.

At roughly 12 minutes’ length, the Video 45 format never really caught on.  When you think back to the 1980s, with extended play features, you could record up to 8 hours onto a videotape, though not in the best quality.  I think people expected more content when buying a VHS tape in the 80s, and the “video EP” concept went under.  That’s just speculation, but videos this short were very rare at retail.

To be objective and look from a more critical angle, I think “Metalhead” and “Lifeguard” work best as videos.  “I Quit” is less fun because it’s set in an office.  “Metalhead” and “Lifeguard” have more band performance shots as well.  “Metalhead” is clearly the most polished of the videos, and probably the most gag-loaded.  All three are fine examples of the kinds of things a creative band could do with a modest budget in the early days of video.  “Lifeguard” existed before MTV did, so you really have to give Blotto credit for being on the cutting edge of music video.

4/5 stars

REVIEW: Hello! My Name Is Blotto – The Movie!

HELLO!  MY NAME IS BLOTTO – THE MOVIE! (2025 – 1 hour 44 minutes)

Directed by Rob Lichter

I am a firm believer in documenting music history.  There are many groups throughout rock history that have had hits, fans, and stories to tell, but with scarce documentation.  One such band was Blotto – until now.

In 2025, director Rob Lichter (also known as Bert Blotto) finally released the long-gestating Blotto documentary film, Hello! My Name Is Blotto – The Movie!  This film has been a labour of love, and that love comes across in every frame.  Meticulous attention to detail, comprehensive live and TV clips, and extensive interview footage with all the band members make up the bulk of this loving look at Albany’s greatest…comedy rock band?  Rock comedy ensemble?  What are Blotto anyway?  This is a question that comes up during the movie several times.  Why didn’t the record labels get what Blotto were selling?

“We were not musical enough to be a musical band, and not funny enough to be a comedy act!” sums up guitarist and singer Broadway Blotto.  “We wanted fame with a living wage.”

“We weren’t rich and famous; we were solvent and well known,” responds guitarist and singer Bowtie Blotto.

Starting out in the early 1970s as the Star Spangled Washboard Band, three of the founding members of Blotto first began playing comedic bluegrass music.  They used costumes and aliases:  “Broadway Harris” for example (no relation to Bill & Emily).   The roots of Blotto were forming, though in a genre far removed from rock.  You’ll see early TV appearances, featuring Bowtie’s much bigger hair, and some music that was later rocked up into Blotto songs, such as “High School Honey”.  The Star Spangled Washboard Band earned great reviews and plenty of laughs.  Their knack for quick comedy was evident, as the chemistry between Sarge, Broadway and Bowtie blossomed.  It’s possible that I saw the Star Spangled Washboard Band on television back when I was a child, as they appeared on programs like the Mike Douglas Show, which was a TV staple in our house.

From the bass-playing hotspot of Ballston Spa, New York, came Cheese Blotto, a gifted musician who had a knack for groove.  The Washboard Band never launched into super-stardom though, as misfortune derailed a big New York City gig.  The band broke up in 1978, but of course, they couldn’t stay apart forever.  Working as a bartender, Cheese was eager to be on stage instead of serving drinks, so he called his old buddies for a jam.  They didn’t even have a name, but washboard was out and rock was in.

The band acquired singer Blanche Blotto, who started as a fan (a “Blottette”), and became a key member, singing lead on “Stop (In The Name of Love)”.  Finally, they found drummer Lee Harvey Blotto, who fit in like a glove from day one.  “You’ll know the songs better than they do,” he was assured.

Blotto wisely decided to record some demos.  “I Wanna Be A Lifeguard” became a hit, earning radio play in New York City, and crucial airtime on the fledgling MTV.  “Lifeguard” was in fact the 36th song ever played on MTV, on day one.  Did you know the video was filmed on a freezing cold April day?

Shortly after “Lifeguard”, Blotto secured a recording with legendary producer Bob Clearmountain, which yielded two songs in one overnight session.  Unsurprisingly, they sounded great.  Sadly, it never led to a major label deal as they hoped.  “I think Atlantic Records is going in a different direction than Blotto,” went one heartbreaking rejection.

The film is divided into six sections, each one covering an era of the band.   It is augmented by interviews with the people who were there at the time, including MTV VJ Martha Quinn to talk about “Lifeguard” burning up TV screens nationwide.  Buck Dharma, who shared their sense of humour, appears to discuss the hit “Metal Head”.  We even get to see outtakes from the innovative music video.   This movie is packed full of facts, fans, and perspectives from Albany New York, where they became local heroes.  Sadly, the talented Cheese Blotto passed away in 1999, and only TV footage remains of him.  Though we lost Sarge in 2019, plenty of interviews with him remain.  Past members Chevrolet, Hammerhead and Clyde Blotto also appear, fleshing out the documentation of the different lineup changes.

“Chevrolet Blotto, our newest Blotto, was auditioned mainly on the strength of his last name,” jokes Broadway in a vintage interview clip.

There are clips of unreleased songs such as “I Love You Calvin Klein”.  There are so many stories; hilarious stories.  Detailed stories about the creation of the songs and the album covers.  There are tragic stories of loss, and bizarre tales of Blotto haters.  Who could hate Blotto?

This is the only unanswered question that the film leaves open.  Who could hate Blotto?  Though the labels had no idea what to do with them, the fans kept coming back through theme nights, Blottoweens, reunion gigs and new members.  The band never really packed it in.  They moved on; got other work.  Lee Harvey even did double duty as a lawyer and a lifeguard.  But they never really stopped being Blotto.  As Blanche says, it’s always a part of them.

Though I laughed throughout the film, there are tears to be shed as well.  Both Cheese and Sarge went too soon, and it is clear that they are missed.  Each member of the band brought something to the table.  Sarge was not just a singer, but also an artist.  Cheese’s disco grooves were magically delicious, and his decision to go bald brought a new visual dimension to the band.  Their quick wits are on sharp display in the vintage footage.

I have always felt like the world needed more Blotto.  Their small treasure chest of tunes is easy to devour in a sitting or two.  Now, we finally have more Blotto, and a serious addition to the catalogue it is.  Hello! My Name is Blotto – The Movie! is a constantly entertaining deep dive on a band that we needed more of.  A band that the world needs to hear.  Anyone who likes music would enjoy this film, and maybe become a new fan, just a few decades late.

5/5 stars

 

REVIEW: Blotto – Collected Works (1994)

BLOTTO – Collected Works (1994 Blotto Records)

Blotto’s discography was dominated by singles and four track EPs.  They had one album, the supremely entertaining Combo Akimbo (1982), and that was that!  So, when the CD age rolled around, the suits over at Blottones publishing must have decided to get in on that!  Almost all Blotto’s output was reissued in a single CD collection, including the complete album Combo Akimbo.

Blotto’s Collected Works is probably the most logical pit-stop to check out the band on your musical journey.  We begun with their hit “I Wanna Be a Lifeguard”, from their debut EP Hello, My Name Is Blotto, What’s Yours?.  “Lifeguard” represents the hopes and dreams of a shoe salesman who really just wants to get paid to hang out on a beach all day.  Done in the surf-rock style of course.  Then “(We Are The) Nowtones” is a musical advertisement for the band you should hire for your next event.  “We are the Nowtones!  We do Top 40!  We wear matching outfits!  We look real sporty!  Like a living juekbox, we play the hits.  Appear in nightclubs that are the pits.”

At this point the compilation presents the Combo Akimbo album in sequence.  For my money, I prefer the vinyl.  Not only is it a self-contained work, but it’s got way more beef to it.  Comparing LP to CD, there is no question which sounds better.  Combo Akimbo is blast of an album, but we’ve already reviewed it, so check that out for more detail.  The key takeaway for most people will be the song “Metal Head” featuring Buck Dharma of Blue Oyster Cult, which received some MTV and MuchMusic play in the early 80s.  For a certain generation, this is the only Blotto song they know due to its presence on the legendary compilation LP Metal For Breakfast.

Blotto’s second EP Across and Down (1980) is also presented in sequence.  “She’s Got a Big Boyfriend” has a riff similar to the Beatles’ “Paperback Writer”, but the song goes in another direction — 80s pop rock.  Then “Gimme the Girl” is tropical reggae vibes via Albany NY.  It’s supremely fun for parties.  Run for cover if you’re overly sensitive when “My Baby’s the Star of a Driver’s Ed Movie” begins!  The classic ballad stylings contrast with the words.  The final Across and Down song is the punk rock scorcher “H.S.H.” — “High School Honey”, a clear winner in any race.

“Lightning Strikes” is a real rarity, from a 1982 indy compilation called Hudson Rock: Fifteen Bands From Albany. It’s an also-ran with nice harmonies but is otherwise largely forgettable.  A live version of “I Wanna Be a Lifeguard” is better than the studio original, and it’s another rarity.  It was originally released on a low quality flexi-disc that came with a 1987 compilation LP also called I Wanna Be a Lifeguard.  Then there’s an amusing song called “The B-side”, from the single for “When the Second Feature Starts”.  “The A-side gets all the glory, the B-side, that’s another story…and you’re probably not even listening to this right now!”

The only serious skipper is the cover of “Stop! In the Name of Love” with lead vocals by former singer Blanche Blotto.  This B-side from the first EP is campy but not particularly good.  The overwrought vocals ruin what might have been a cool disco arrangement.  Another dicey inclusion is a “karaoke” mix of “Lifeguard” (eww).  A better song to include would have been “Bud…Is After Us” from the first EP which otherwise would have made the CD too long.

Yes, it’s the Collected Works, but there’s still a bit more out there to collect.  There’s even another compilation CD called Then More Than Ever from 2000, all unreleased material.  Still more to explore; but in the meantime consider Collected Works as a great way to get really, really Blotto.

4/5 stars